armystrongmd Reviews

Baby Reindeer (2024)

The second half is painfully dark

[5/10 · 25 April 2024]

This show started off really interesting. It was well written, directed, and shot. The trans girlfriend Teri played by Nava Mau is an excellent character.

Overall though I find it impossible to empathize with Donny, as he serially makes the worst decisions possible. When a clearly insane person is spending ALL DAY EVERY DAY stalking you at your job as a bartender, but never orders anything but Diet Coke, and doesn't tip you, why would you indulge them? Why wouldn't you just ignore them. Was he really that desperate for attention?

In most situations he does literally the opposite of what any sane person would do, which systematically ruins his entire life. He is such a masochistic cry baby we almost couldn't even bear to watch the last episode.

If you are a self hating person with a victim mentality you might love this show. It wasn't for me.

Step Brothers (2008)

The most re-watchable comedy of all time

[10/10 · 11 March 2024]

This type of comedy is either your thing or it isn't. It's stupid but clever, like The Office, but NOT like Dumb and Dumber (which is just enjoyably stupid).

For me there's something magical about the combination of Will Ferrell and John C Reilly that has made this movie my favorite comedy of all time. Talladega Nights is excellent as well, but Step Brothers is unparalleled in my opinion.

This is also my favorite comedy to quote with friends who have rewatched it nearly as much as I have:

"Did we just become best friends? Yup! Do you want to go do karate in the garage? Yup!"

"Last week we put liquid paper on a bee, and it died."

"Well, you reek of scotch and cheesecake."

I could go on...but like I said this movie is either for your or it isn't.

Spaceman (I) (2024)

Adam Sandler is bad in low budget, low IQ sci-fi

[3/10 · 11 March 2024]

I guess my synopsis is a giant imaginary space spider helps Adam Sandler realize he is a terrible husband.

If space movies that make zero sense are your thing because you don't actually understand anything about space (cough cough, Gravity), AND you love Adam Sandler trying serious roles, you might actually enjoy this film.

I am confident we will never spend billions of dollars to send a single astronaut farther than any man has gone to study the mysteries of the universe, but if for some reason we did, we would send some combination of brilliant scientist/engineer/philosopher, not some unstable average joe. I'm not sure if that's who this character was intended to be or if Adam Sandler is just incapable of being anything more than that in a serious role like this, but I didn't spend much time thinking about it because both he and his wife are boring and unlikable.

Slow, pretentious, boring, with literally ZERO redeeming qualities.

Brawl in Cell Block 99 (2017)

A new Vince Vaughn and a gory satisfying movie

[9/10 · 4 February 2024]

Out of the gate bald Vince Vaughn with a cross tattoo on the back of his head threw me off. I had no idea how he'd be in this type of role but I thought he was captivating. Yes he was stoic and unemotional for most of the film, that's clearly who his character was meant to be. We don't get any backstory on why he is this way, but the mystery doesn't detract from the story.

The details of HOW he ends up in prison is a little stupid, and really the only reason this is a 9 instead of a 10 for me.

Tons of Tarantino-esque gore. I didn't fight the fight scenes ridiculous at all. I winced every time someone had an arm broken or their face smashed in. Only the very beginning is slow and once he gets to prison it's pretty thrilling. The film builds to a very satisfying ending and overall I loved it. I'm looking forward to seeing Vince Vaughn in more roles like this.

Spy (2015)

Surprisingly funny, albeit a little ridiculous

[7/10 · 29 December 2023]

Wow, this definitely exceed expectations! The dialogue is mostly clever and stupid in the best of ways (not quite Step Brothers, but in the same league of humor). The main character is surprisingly good, and most of the other characters are quite enjoyable as well, especially the CIA boss and the main antagonist. This is basically a James Bond spoof, with the special gadgets guy, globetrotting, fast cars, and classy music. I actually laughed quite a bit and didn't entirely predict how every scene would unfold (which is all too often the case with action/comedy films like this).

However, the main theme is that the best clandestine agent is actually a middle aged morbidly obese woman but she was just held back by her mom's advice and the male agent she worked for. They reinforced this with some scenes that are a just bit too much to be remotely believable. For example, despite not having trained for field work in 10 years she has no issues chasing down real spies on foot, defeating multiple fit bodyguards in hand-to-hand combat, or hanging off a helicopter by her hands with a grown man holding onto her. The film isn't meant to be taken seriously but that stuff was so ridiculous I have to give it a 7 instead or an 8 or a 9.

Blockers (2018)

Like an American Pie remake with an ugly cast

[2/10 · 12 December 2023]

I had high hopes for this movie based on the trailer, but it was almost painful to watch. On the positive side John Cena is surprisingly good. Leslie Mann is a little annoying and whiny, and the brown/red hair looks odd.

The rest of the cast seems like they were deliberately chosen for being ugly. I never think much about the attractiveness of the cast but this is the first time I was struck by how hideous the cast is. I'm not trying to be rude but they chose such ugly people that it's distracting.

John Cena's wife is Sarayu Rao who I had never seen before but she is an incredibly masculine looking Indian woman with a nose that even Steve Carell could make fun of.

Ike Barinholtz plays one of the dads and he's even harder to look at. He looks like Mark Wahlberg if he had worse genes, his mom drank too much during pregnancy, and he somehow got some horse DNA, causing that huge front tooth gap.

Geraldine Viswanathan plays John Cenas daughter and she is also hard to watch. She's just a very unattractive Indian girl with giant thick eyebrows.

Like I said I've never had an issue with the looks of the characters in a movie but when you combine so many ugly people it seems like they actually set out to make a movie that's hard to watch. To add insult to injury they have painfully stupid scenes like a car chase where they attempt to ram the limo driving their teenage kids, and end up crashing and standing their car on its front. Fortunately the laws of physics are suspended and they are still sitting normally in their seats, but unfortunately the car spontaneously bursts into flames after they have a long idiotic roadside debate about the best course of action.

It's embarrassing that the best thing about this movie is John Cena's mediocre acting.

Fractured (I) (2019)

Horrible overacting, fairly predictable

[4/10 · 26 October 2023]

There are so many stupid irrational things in this movie, here are a few examples: -Dramatic scene where his daughter needs AA batteries and he buys liquor shooters instead because the gas station only takes cash, then he lies to his wife and said they have no batteries. Why not just tell her you didn't have cash, does she have any? Is there an ATM?

-The daughter backing up towards the pit where she falls was just stupid. He could have prevented that easily.

-Driving high speed on cold wet roads and swerving hard into oncoming traffic to get your daughter to the hospital 3 minutes faster because she might have a broken arm. If he swerved like that at 80mph he would have lost control and likely killed her as she wasn't buckled in. That would have made the movie much shorter, so I'd be grateful.

-Emergency room that requires a lengthy interrogation about your personal life before you can be seen by a doctor, then refuses to treat you because they don't accept your insurance. Emergency rooms can't refuse to treat you...

-Hospital security cameras that only record 30 seconds of every minute? Seriously?

-A 30 second choke hold is apparently fatal in this movie.

There's more, but all of that is less annoying than Sam Worthington's overacting. He's constantly acting irrational his strained voice and angry outbursts would have landed him in handcuffs early on. Nobody looking for their wife or daughter would act like that. Only someone experiencing a major mental health crisis acts like that. But hey that's the whole plot, which is pretty obvious from the beginning. There is a bit of a twist in the ending but we realized early on he's hallucinating most of the movie. I wish we had just fast forwarded to the last 15 mins, especially because they recap all the important little bits from earlier on in case the audience is as dumb as the director.

Thunder in Paradise (1993 Video)

Like Baywatch meets a Schwarzenegger parody movie

[6/10 · 1 September 2023]

If you like cheesy low budget 90s movies and like Hulk Hogan you'll like this movie. Hulk Hogan is a former Navy Seal who designs and builds a super high tech boat "Thunder" which was too advanced for the Navy to have any interest in. There are a lot of funny lines and some beautiful women. "Complex carbs, kick in like rocket fuel."

If you expect any of the plot to actually make sense, or detest overly fake fight scenes, you'll be disappointed. If you want to watch a fun silly 90s flick with Hulk Hogan saving the day on his boat and can laugh at the inconsistencies give it a shot.

The closest description I can provide is a Schwarzenegger parody meets Baywatch with perhaps a touch of Knight Rider.

Oppenheimer (I) (2023)

Great acting and directing attempt to make a boring story exciting

[6/10 · 22 July 2023]

I love Christopher Nolan and Cillian Murphy, plus I'm a physics nerd so I was looking forward to this movie more than any other in recent memory. Interstellar is my favorite movie of all time partially because the focus on science, namely quantum mechanics and general relativity (and our inability to rectify them).

Oppenheimer barely dips a toe in the water regarding quantum mechanics. There are a few moments when I thought they were about to talk about physics, but they turn into a single comment (light is both a wave and a particle) and then move on.

"Oppe" is portrayed as an emotionally fragile weakling with very limited ability in his profession, and his main talent is just managing people and the project. I don't feel this is an accurate portrayal because he truly was a prolific physics mind. The film meanders through his life with flashbacks and the opposing perspective of Strauss. It's mostly historically accurate with some annoying BS sprinkled in, such as when Oppe asks Einstein to check Teller's calculations on starting an unstoppable nuclear reaction.

The first half of the movie is quite good and then after they test the bomb it started to go downhill.

I had never heard of Benny Safdie (who plays Teller) before so I'm not sure if his face is always wet due to a medical condition or if something about his character necessitated this. Either way, it was weird.

Jason Clark seemed to be overacting a bit. He was so angry and loud during his interrogation of Oppenheimer and it didn't add anything to the film. If I was watching at home I would have cut the volume in half to endure it.

Overall Oppenheimer is portrayed as fairly unlikeable, and the amount of animosity Strauss has for him doesn't make sense. Strauss is unlikable too so I found myself thinking "who cares" throughout most of the second half of the movie. Who cares if his Oppenheimer's security clearance gets renewed or not? Who cares if Strauss gets confirmed in his new position? After enduring 3 hours of this I wouldn't have cared if they both got hit by a car.

Love, Death & Robots: Alternate Histories (2019) Season 1, Episode 17

Mostly just silly and mindless

[3/10 · 17 August 2022]

I'm Jewish so I really hoped this would be entertaining at the least. It's basically like if you asked a 13yr old boy spends too much time playing video games to come up with alternative ways Hitler could have died. It's not clever, it's not plausible, and it's not worth watching. Moving from 3/10 to 1/10 for claiming German nationalism was the problem. Nationalism didn't kill my people, and it isn't a bad thing.

Love, Death & Robots: Three Robots (2019) Season 1, Episode 2

Illogical and childish, panders to low IQ audience

[2/10 · 17 August 2022]

There are so many amazing LDR episodes but I'm embarrassed for humanity that this one is so highly rated. There are three robots with weird human-like mannerisms that make no sense, including a white robot that speaks stereotypically black. To add insult to injury in the post-apocalyptic world where humans have died where they sit due to climate change, cats are thriving somehow since they developed opposable thumbs. They also speak English. I really can't fathom an intelligent child finding this amusing or interesting by age 12, so there certainly aren't any adults I would associate with who would.