emcneill Reviews

Sidekicks (1992)

Unintentional Hilarity

[7/10 · 2 March 2006]

This movie is the most hysterical proof of Chuck Norris' ability to make men engage in homosexual fantasies. This movie would've had a less, for lack of a better word, gay feel to it had the character not been obviously in high school. If he had been say ten years old, this movie would not have been half as achingly hilarious as it was. For those too lazy to read the plot synopsis (but obviously love me enough to read my review <3), the movie centers around a young asthmatic who "daydreams" that he is the almighty Chuck's sidekick (HENCE THE TITLE). He suffers from the typical high school loner woes: bullies, girl troubles, reconciling his homo-erotic fantasies with himself, et. al. There is a particularly laughable scene when our intrepid lad meets The Chuck, I swear I nearly heard him say "I think I wet my pants, but I didn't have to pee." SEE THIS MOVIE.

Fantastic Four (I) (2005)

Wow, and I thought "Catwoman" was terrible.

[1/10 · 10 July 2005]

Comic book movies are notoriously hit-or-miss, if you want proof look at some of the Batman movies. This movie is without a doubt a miss. Not that I was expecting this to be contender to begin with; it's my opinion that the Fantastic Four was a sub par comic book series. This movie is a classic case of "crap in, crap out."

With lines like "'You're hot!' 'Thanks so are you.'" in the trailer, we all could predict this to be a horrendously stupid movie. As such, I had my standards set to "low." Even when I was expecting nothing, this movie disappointed me. Now one might say "Ed, at least the special effects were cool," which they were, but a turd is still a turd polished or not.

With a climax so anti-climactic and acting that wouldn't convince a toddler, I deem this movie unfit for human consumption. And I am going on record as saying I want to kick Chris Evans' ass.