Nuntius-Caelestis Reviews

Rampage (2018)

As a popcorn action movie, this is GREAT

[8/10 · 12 April 2018]

This movie is spot on - awesome silly popcorn movie that's unashamed to be fun! Perfect balance of cartoonish action with just a drop of "action-movie" drama to keep it grounded in a make believe reality that makes you actually care for the characters, especially for George, the albino gorilla going on this rampage. This is what the failed Pacific Rim wanted to be but couldn't. Go watch it!

Happy Death Day (2017)

Watch "Salvage (2006)" instead.

[4/10 · 4 February 2018]

People keep comparing this movie with Groundhog Day, and yes, I'm not saying is not partly similar in concept, but there is another horror movie (well, I shouldn't imply that HDD is a horror movie, because it is not - unless you consider horror Glee Halloween specials and such) that also borrows the day-loop concept but that is immensely better: Salvage (a.k.a. Gruesome). If you wonder how HDD would be if it was treated seriously, that is the movie you want to watch. And don't worry, the ending is nothing like the lame "twist" of HDD. You are welcome.

The Open House (2018)

Like the first draft of a news article...

[4/10 · 29 January 2018]

... when they just tell you what happened but there are no more details yet. That's how this movie felt. I'm one of those that are unlucky enough to be, most of the time, in the wrong side of the common opinion. I don't do it just for spite or to be "original", not even to create controversy where there is none. It just happens that a lot of times, what most of the audience finds good and worth celebrating (e.g., Marvel/Disney) I find lacking and worthless; and what the masses find bad and disgusting, I end up liking and sometimes even defending if I find it worthy of being called art. So, after reading the comments referring to this movie as one of the worst ones ever made, I assumed that I may find a jewel in a pigsty. But I couldn't! The audience is right one this one: this movie sucks. Everything that's being said about it is true: lame plot, unnecessary characters, a senseless ending. They why a 4/10? Well, for one, the whole first half of the movie (when you're watching it and you think that this has potential) was pretty good - not amazing, but it kept on flirting with the kind of horror that is so difficult to execute but so gratifying if the movie pulls it off: depressing horror. The second half just forgot about the combination of depression and horror and became horror that is depressive, meaning, it watered down to a level of realism that it's just worthless in a movie. And I mean realism in just ONE fact out of all the implausible situations, the fact that (SPOLIER) strong killers do tend to kill everyone without leaving a hero" alive at the end (SPOILER END). If you REALLY need to watch this, just make sure that you are doing something else at the same time (ironing clothes, shampooing the dog, running the treadmill, etc.) so you don't feel that you've entirely wasted that hour and a half of your life. Oh, and do NOT expect any answers in the end, for there are none.

Justice League (2017)

The end of good DC movies

[6/10 · 15 November 2017]

Imagine history backwards. Imagine that you were lucky enough to watch the Edward J. Olmos' version of Battlestar Galactica first, and then, after a while, they came back with the Lorne Green's version of it. That's exactly what happened with this Marvel-infected version of the Justice League.

Gone is the brooding menace of what people with these special skills would harbor in real life. Gone is the sense of peril when you have the whole world at risk of being destroyed by god-like forces. Gone is the beauty of imagination beyond what Marvel would ever deliver.

This is a parody of what the DCEU gave us before.

We were THAT close to have a Justice League movie worthy of being called art; instead, we got another forgettable Marvel movie.

Thanks for what you gave us, Mr. Snyder.

Shame on you, Weldon, for ruining the art of bringing comic books to life.

Suicide Squad (2016)

Infected by the Marvel virus :(

[8/10 · 10 August 2016]

I hope this is just a hiccup in the DC universe and not a symptom of it becoming the empty, entertainment-for-the-sake-of-entertainment, MCU.

The movie was entertaining, but I can't believe how far from the quality of BvS it was!

Silly jokes out of nowhere (including bozo-prison-guards and big bad guys acting dumb), plot contrivances, lazy writing.. even a useless, effin mid-credit scene!

Please, DC! Do NOT disappoint us with Justice League! We do NOT want another Marvel!

P.S. I like Marvel as well, but I like to keep my main course and my dessert separate.

He Never Died (2015)

Wingless movie

[4/10 · 14 July 2016]

The idea was pretty good - *SPOILERS* a story on Cain walking the earth on present time. The acting was good for the most part. The pacing was awful (I love slow burning movies, but you have to keep me interested while you build up the plot). A lot of gimmicks were amateurish (like the "memory noises" he would randomly have). The writing was very unimaginative (other than the basic premise, they didn't seem to know what to do with the character: playing bingo? an immortal having a one month relationship with a mortal, then becoming a seemingly deadbeat parent? The whole movie was not sure if it wanted to be a comedy, a drama, a mystery, or horror, so it failed in all of those genres. Like somebody else around here said, this would have been more successful as a TV series, but we already have Preacher, so I would recommend watching it as a curiosity only.