happybrand Reviews

All Dogs Go to Heaven 2 (1996)

Absolutely Fantastic Sequel and Superior Film

[10/10 · 10 February 2017]

First off, I have to say, I get very irritated when people bad mouth a movie just because it happens to be a sequel. As in it's doomed to fail from the start. This couldn't be more wrong. Fievel 2 and 3 were better than 1, Terminator 2 was better than the first, and in this case, All Dogs 2 is far superior to All Dogs 1.

The first thing I love about this movie is the music. "I will always be with you" And "It's too heavenly" are some of my favorite songs from any musical ever. The songs are there just enough to be a great accompaniment without being too intrusive. And on top of that, they're good.

When it comes to Don Bluth films, he always has this incredibly dark, gritty tone for the film, and with ADGTH 1, it really made it unenjoyable. It was dark, depressing, and it wasn't for me. I could see why other people might enjoy it, but I was not on board with the feeling or the style. The sequel has far brighter colors and leaves you feeling with more of a happy feeling, which I enjoy far more than being depressed.

I loved the voice cast with them bringing back Dom and introducing Charlie Sheen as Charlie Barkin. I think this casting was great for Charlie. I think the addition of Bebe Neuwirth and Sheena Easton for Annabelle and Sasha were spot on, and I didn't even mind the kid actor as David. I think he was a realistic fun character and I normally don't say that about children characters.

People criticize this film for being peppier and losing the "idea" behind the original. In my humble opinion, it was improved with this film. I loved the comedy, the message, the music, and everything about it. It is my favorite sequel ever and in my mind far superior than the original. There are some animation goofs here and there, but it doesn't detract from the overall enjoyment of the film.

When it is all said and done, it is in my top five favorite movies. And i've seen a LOT of movies so that's an accomplishment. If you enjoy happy movies that leave you with a good feeling, regardless of whether it's a sequel or not, I would say give it a watch. It deserves a lot more accolades than it gets.

9.5/10. Since I can't give it a 1/2, i'll round it up to a 10. It deserves it.

Surf's Up 2: WaveMania (2016 Video)

Terrible Moral

[4/10 · 30 January 2017]

The first time I heard this movie existed I thought to myself somebody had to have sat around a company boardroom and went, 'Know what needs a sequel? That surfing penguin movie that came out 10 years ago.' And then for some reason everyone at that table agreed. Then they felt that not only should they do it, but they should also get high profile wrestlers to be in it. Why? Once again I don't know, but you know that there had to have been several meetings to discuss it. I myself am a big fan of animated sequels. I'm not one of those people that believe that they shouldn't exist. Some of my favorite movies are 'All Dogs Go to Heaven 2' and 'Fievel 3'. However, I have to say, this movie has no business existing.

First off, if you're expecting Big Z, you know, that guy who was kind of important to the previous movie, he's not there. Like, at all. And they don't even really mention him ever. So that whole part of the main penguin's backstory about Big Z being his inspiration? Yeah. They kind of just...ignore that and replace it with this group called The Hang 5. Who are all voiced by famous wrestlers. Because....some reason.

Since the previous movie we learned that since the main guy gave up winning to help his buddy, instead of being showered with praise and gotten the good ending regardless like they did in Cars, instead, Chicken Joe has all the fame and the main character gets jack and squat. So, first note this movie is trying to tell you. If you do the right thing, you will feel better inside, but you will lose your dream. Nice. Good job movie. So basically we're five minutes in and its telling us that if you do the right thing you're going to miss out on being famous and loved for what you're good at. Nice.

Then this movie turns into one of those 'It's okay to shoot for your dreams but when your dream is in front of you, don't take it because your dream is really to not fulfill your dream' morals. I hate this moral. I really, really do. Some movies tell you to go after your dream. This movie tells you that even if you're really good and passionate about what you do, ignore all that and don't follow your dream.

I could see the resolution of this movie coming a mile away and it wasn't even entertaining. There was a joke here and there that was mildly amusing but it wasn't worth the 90 minutes you were watching it knowing what was going to happen. If they were going to bother giving this a sequel they probably should have ended it with Cody actually GETTING his dream of being a famous surfer since he apparently gave it up after the first movie to help a friend who then stole his dream because he was a nice guy. I just..I got really mad at this movie. The voice acting and animation was fine for DVD fare and everything. It was just the moral that irritated me. If they had changed the ending I would have been a lot happier. All in all, not worth it, but if you're forced to watch it, there ARE worse things. This is just below average.

Sausage Party (2016)

Adult comedy at its worst.

[2/10 · 18 December 2016]

Now, don't get me wrong. I love adult cartoons. I love shows like the Critic because of their wit and class, and I like shows like Drawn Together because of their sheer self awareness. However, I feel bad even putting them in the same paragraph as discussing Sausage Party.

Right off the bat, I will say what will make the rest of this review make sense. This movie wasn't funny. At all. I actually did not laugh once the entire time. And that's something considering that I laugh at Drawn Together. Not a single joke hit home. That is by far the biggest sin a comedy can make. Not being funny. It doesn't matter what your theme is, or even what terrible message you're trying to get across. If you are a comedy and you are not funny, you have completely failed. And this movie completely failed.

Something that I shouldn't even have to say, but unfortunately apparently I do, is that it helps if some of your characters are likable. None of them are. They are all idiots. I was not rooting for a single one of them. That's another problem you can have with your movie. Complete audience disconnect. If you don't care about the characters you don't care about their plight.

It's at this point I feel I should talk about the elephant in the room. The moral\theme of the movie. Look. I am not the most religious guy in the world, but even I felt incredibly disgusted by this film. It was like they were channeling Seth McFarlane at his worst and using it to give the middle finger to the majority of America. The atheistic message was so blatantly in your face that it really felt like they were insulting people for being religious and honestly, even 'I' was offended. And when it comes to religion, that's hard to do.

They were obviously trying to push some boundaries and limits they were allowed, especially with that....last scene (anyone who has seen it knows what I'm talking about) and it just caused me to facepalm and feel uncomfortable throughout the entire scene. I could forgive this movie a little if it was even the slightest bit funny. But it wasn't. There was no charm, no wit. No chemistry. No nothing. So why does this movie get a 2 instead of a 1? Because, while it was stupid and terrible, at least i can look back on it and not be angry. I just feel sad that so much talent, time, and money was wasted on a useless piece of garbage.

From what I heard, this film was made in an attempt to make adult movies that rival Pixar or Disney. And honestly, if THIS is what you come out with, please leave the adult animation to the adults. Not the large children that think they're being funny by throwing in sex, atheism, and bathroom humor.

Hopefully this will be this company's last film. Normally I am all for companies having not so good first movies and getting better, but I have never seen a first movie that was THIS terrible and then them going on to make decent level quality. I think it's time to close up shop. I would say you had a good run, but I would be lying.

2 out of 10.

Jin-Roh: The Wolf Brigade (1999)

Stupid Meets Painfully Boring

[1/10 · 18 December 2016]

I hardly ever give movies 1 out of 10. a 1 to me indicates that NOTHING was done correctly. To get a one every single thing in the movie has to fail and for me to get actually angry at the film's existence. Unfortunately the planets aligned when they released Jin-roh the Wolf brigade.

I saw this movie YEARS ago and every single stupid thing about this film still irritates me. The plot is one of the most stupid boring things I have ever had the misfortune to come across.

Some girl blows herself up and the guy who saw her do it talks to her sister. That's really all this movie is. And even THAT makes it sound more interesting than it actually is.

The characters are bland, the story is stupid, and the ending (while i won't give it away because i want to avoid clicking the spoiler tag) is one of the most insulting things I have ever seen in my life.

They were trying way too hard to make their movie dramatic and have some sort of drama and connection to little red riding hood but it just came off pretentious and annoying.

I will say this. basically, if you're a fancy pants art student and you want to sniff other people's pretentious piles of garbage, then you will be right at home watching this. However if you are someone who just wants to watch a fun anime movie maybe with some good action with some military police flair, do NOT watch this movie. It is NOT fun, it is NOT interesting, and all it does is leave you with a sense of 'Why in god's name did I watch this?'

The fact that the people who made this thought they were making 'art' is probably what drives me the most insane about this movie. Making your movie sad and depressing does not make it art. It only helps make it schlock. If you want a movie that's artsy and also really good, go watch Millennium Actress. This. God, just thinking about this movie pisses me off. That's probably why it gets a 1. The art is fine, the voice acting is okay. It's not that. It's the fact that this movie's plot is so so awful and they treat it like it's some tragic classic tale when in actuality it's art school garbage.

1 out of 10.

Zootopia (2016)

Expected nothing. Got Everything.

[10/10 · 18 December 2016]

When I first saw the teaser trailer to this movie I thought to myself that this looked like the most generic Ice age looking stupid pandering garbage ever. However, seeing as it was a Disney movie, I decided to give it a chance. I was never so glad to be so wrong in my life. This has rocketed itself to my favorite Disney movie ever unseating Princess and the Frog. It is rare for me to say that this is a near perfect film. In fact, it is far easier for me to state the things I didn't like. So here they are.

1. Mr. Big. I don't like the godfather, therefore, i did not like this character. 2. The ambiguity of Nick and Judy's relationship at the end.

Those are literally the only two issues i have with this movie. I loved this movie from start to finish. And people who know me, know how rare that is.

Nick and Judy are some of the most wonderfully voiced and written main characters I have come across in a long time. They aren't over-loved Mary Sues or destined/chosen ones, they are real breathing characters that earn everything they get. (not to mention the gorgeous animation)

The parallels in this movie for stereotypes and racism are also something to lauded. It is done in such a way that it seems natural and teaches you a lesson without shoving it in your face.

Everything in this movie works. It is so extremely rare for me to gush over a movie, but this is one of the few that actually deserves it. I am 100% on the 'This movie is great' train. Absolutely fantastic. Go and buy it. 10/10

Ah! My Goddess: The Movie (2000)

THIS is how you do a romance movie

[10/10 · 19 July 2016]

I have never in my life seen a better story about a couple already in love than this movie. Usually a film is spent with the couple trying to get together for the entire thing, but it is rare to see a film that focuses on a couple already in love (without children) and the premise isn't about them having marital troubles.

I absolutely ADORE this movie. This has been my favorite anime movie for years. The animation is gorgeous, the music is wonderful, the voice acting (japanese anyway as Kikuo Inoue's voice is like butter) is fantastic and the story is calm, yet epic.

I won't give away what the plot is as I want you to see it for yourself, but needless to say, it is more than worth the watch. It leaves you with a feeling that everything will be okay and it set the standard for me when I was younger about what being in a relationship should be like. Yeah it set the bar pretty high, but that's the feeling you get from this film.

This is one of those few movies that is less a film, and more a life changing experience. If I could give this film an 11 I would. It is rare that I give a movie such unfiltered praise, but it really is one of the very few that actually deserve it. It is just a shame that the new series couldn't follow in the original OVA and film's footsteps.

The Triplets of Belleville (2003)

Quite possibly the most boring thing since watching paint dry

[2/10 · 19 July 2016]

I have two problems with this movie. First, as my title indicates, it is boring. It is ungodly, irredeemably boring. There were times in the movie where I had to fast forward as I couldn't take the nothing that was going on.

They seem to not like speaking too much in this film so a lot of the film is bathed in awkward silence with barely any music, which only punctuates how flat and boring it is. I mean, yeah the finale was...okay, but that doesn't excuse over an hour of nothing.

The second biggest thing is the animation. Dear god is this film ugly. Yeah, I know it's stylized, but that does not excuse the fact that the style is UGLY. Just because you MEANT it to be ugly, doesn't make it any less ugly.

The characters are bland, and as they hardly talk they are made even MORE bland, and the backgrounds don't help with their surreal blandness.

This is one of those movies where when you are watching you go 'man...I could be doing something else right now' and that is the number one sin a movie can possibly make. Questioning why you are watching it.

Is it the most painful and horrible animated movie ever? ...no, it's just ungodly boring. I don't care how different it is, or how it took a chance, or how surreal it is. If it is boring, it's still boring no matter what kind of bow you put on it.

Not for kids, not for teens, not for adults...I would say the only time you should watch this movie is if you are an art student and need a film to write a report on. Other than that...give this one a skip.

Animation Runner Kuromi (2001 Video)

The most underrated anime ever.

[10/10 · 18 July 2016]

I remember first seeing this at my first anime con back in 2003, and after watching it, I immediately went out and bought it. I absolutely adore this OVA and have watched it so many times I basically have it memorized.

But what makes it so good? That's kind of hard to explain.

First off, it only has about a 40 minute runtime so it doesn't overstay its welcome. It has a very wacky, comedic pace, but also has some tender moments in it. The story it is telling lends just enough for 40 minutes to be perfect. Another series Shirobako tried to do the same thing, but it was 20 plus episodes and couldn't capture the magic that this OVA did.

There are just enough characters to be likable and memorable, but it doesn't overwhelm you with 30 plus characters (coughshirobakocough)

Next, the zany humor works perfectly with the plot of the story. They never go too overboard and know when to real it in. I have heard both the Japanese and the English dub, and while I can say I prefer the English dub more (Lisa Ortiz ftw) the Japanese isn't bad either. Both bring different performances and both work.

One of the reasons this is such an underrated OVA is because it was released by Central Park Media which, unfortunately is no longer in business, but even when they were, only a handful of their shows ever became popular (example, Slayers, Utena)

But this really deserves more love than it gets. I hardly ever give animes straight 10 out of 10s, but I still love this to this day and watch it whenever I am feeling down. This was a spoiler free review because I am telling you to GO WATCH IT!

Kenji Miyazawa's Night on the Galactic Railroad (1985)

Ow. My head.

[2/10 · 18 July 2016]

There have only ever been 2 movies that I had trouble sleeping that night due to the complete mind screw the movie gave me. And those movies were AI and this one.

This movie is very surreal, but at the same time is AMAZINGLY boring. That is the biggest issue with this movie. I vaguely even remember the plot. The only thing I really remember from this film was being bored off my butt and then not being able to sleep afterwards. The music was unsettling, the animation was creepy, and I didn't like the sense of isolation the movie gave me. It kind of made me unnerved.

Also it had space trains. I have come to hate space trains.

This isn't a film to show your kids I will tell you that much. Then again, I wouldn't show this to my friends either. I honestly don't know WHO this movie is for, but I will tell you, it is not for me.

They Were Eleven (1986)

A forgotten classic

[8/10 · 18 July 2016]

This anime movie is completely unknown and never talked about. And this is very sad. I stumbled across this when I received a bunch of free anime movies from my job and after watching it, I was blown away at how much I loved it. The concept is so simple, yet it is done in such a way that is actually very compelling and well done. It's a mystery with an answer you didn't see coming.

It is not a very fast paced move by any stretch of the imagination so if you are expecting a high octane thrill ride then you should probably go somewhere else. There are 11 characters but you get to learn what makes each of them tick and it is actually sad when you have to see them leave as by the end of the film they feel like friends or even family. You feel that you are isolated with them and you are part of the crew. It is almost like VR in a way which is very cool.

Definitely underrated and more people need to see this

FernGully: The Last Rainforest (1992)

A musical cautionary tale

[7/10 · 18 July 2016]

So is this movie incredibly beat you over the head level of heavy handed with the environmental message? Yes. Of course it is. But that's the idea. And honestly, I feel it was very well done.

I remember watching this movie as a kid and really enjoying it. I recently watched it again, and liked it just as much as when I was little. The characters are fun, the songs are memorable, and the animation is still beautiful even now. I remember that this was one of the movies that really got me into the idea of conservation and recycling. So hey, at least its message didn't go to waste.

Tim Curry of course is excellent as the villain, because..let's face it, Tim Curry plays a villain as often as Sean Bean's characters die.

This movie is totally a product of the 90's though as when you go back and watch it now the lingo and technology is a little painful.

It's a movie of patience, understanding, and taking care of our environment with some bittersweet romance thrown in. To me it's like if the Little Mermaid was good.

This film isn't the best thing ever, but it is still a solid watch and I recommend it.

Gallavants (1984)

An animated movie that shows anything is possible

[8/10 · 18 July 2016]

This is one of those films that before the advent of the internet it was so hard to find anything about this film or talk to anyone else who had actually seen it. I had trouble convincing people it existed as I could never remember the name. I finally found a VHS copy on ebay and watched it again a few years ago, and I have to say, it was as good as I remembered. (the unedited version)

First off, I love the moral of this story. It is the usual 'Anything is possible if you put your mind to it', and yes it can be a bit heavy handed, but it never feels overbearing. The lesson is an integral part of the plot and it never feels forced.

The characters are fantastic too. I still remember their names. Shando, Teetor, Ant-onym (yeah....puns hurt sometimes. honestly I would have named the villain Ant-agonist, but that's just me) and Shando has quite possibly one of the best low point songs ever in a movie. (low point song being the song the main character sings when all seems lost) memories of a brighter day is so hauntingly melodic I will remember that song for as long as I live.

I believe one of the reasons no one discusses this film now is because it only got one relatively small DVD release and it was the edited version. Yes. They edited an animated movie and made it 'family friendly'. i'm sorry, it wasn't family friendly to begin with? What that means, is that they cut out nearly 30 minutes of footage including memories of a brighter day. If you're going to watch this film you HAVE to watch the original. Not the family friendly version.

This movie also has a strange correlation with puberty. The ants have to gain their 'kabumps' in order to be considered adults in their colony. what kabumps are, is an additional bump on their butt. But they can only achieve it through effort and showing they're ready to become an adult. The main character just goofs off all the time and doesn't take anything seriously so because of this, he has to suffer the consequences of not being able to grow up. It's actually a very good lesson.

Gallavants is one of the best movies about growing up I have ever seen and I still adore it to this day. The only reason I gave this an 8 is because I felt like the ending was a BIT abrupt and I would have liked a little more resolution with the main girl and guy. But, other than that, this movie is fantastic. I HIGHLY recommend it to anyone young or old.

The Hunchback of Notre Dame II (2002 Video)

A guilty pleasure

[8/10 · 18 July 2016]

I know...I know. Compared to the original, this one is far less dark, the music isn't as good, and it has a less epic scope but.... I can't help it. I like this movie.

If you couldn't guess from the title, this is definitely one of my guilty pleasure movies. I can't defend it from a technical aspect, but I actually really do enjoy this movie.

The main reason I suppose is I got really mad in the first movie seeing as how the moral was 'look at the beauty inside' and then Esmeralda marries the cute guy. (Shrug) i don't know, that just always really bothered me. I actually did want Quasimodo to get a romantic interest, and I do actually like Madelin's character as well as Jennifer Love Hewitt voicing her.

The villain was cheesy, the stakes weren't as high, but, I liked the romantic character development. I wasn't too huge of a fan of the child character Zephyr, but, then again I am sure not too many people were.

The animation is nothing to write home about and like I said everything technical about it is not very good. But...it still left me with a happy feeling and I enjoyed it and have watched it multiple times. I can understand people who don't like it solely based on how different the tone is from the first, but you gotta give em credit, they got back pretty much all the voice actors. That's gotta count for something.

Still though, I know a lot of people didn't..but I really liked it. Chalk it up to a guilty pleasure.

Wolf Children (2012)

He could have just ordered pizza.......

[4/10 · 15 July 2016]

(sigh) this movie. oh boy. this movie. I really don't want to go on a giant rant so I'm going to keep this as simple and short as I can.

Okay so a woman falls in love with a wolf...man...shafeshifting...thing. yeah I didn't really understand the lore with this one. Okay fine. Whatever. She gets knocked up twice with wolf pup human hybrids and then he goes out in his wolf form to get food and gets hit by a truck and dies. Awesome.

Everyone I was watching this with found this really sad. I just thought it was really stupid as I was thinking 'she's a human. The hell are you going to bring her back as a wolf? Like... a dead rabbit? oh that's nice.' He had a human job. How about he just...ordered a pizza or something? Nope gotta go out as a wolf, die and leave a widow with 2 kids. Awesome.

So the next hour and a half is just the kids growing up. The girl wanting to be more human and the boy wanting to be more like wolves. That's really about it. It is exactly as boring as it sounds. Everyone acts like it's this big sad story when in actuality the boy is just being a rebellious 'you don't understand mom. I'm a wolf! No one gets me!' and the girl's all 'I have boy troubles!' and the wife is sad and doesn't want to lose her son to....the forest?

I am rarely so bored during a movie as I was during this one. This movie had the amazing ability to make almost 2 hours be filled with absolutely nothing.

Watching this movie is like somebody making a very pretty castle out of white bread and then after it is done telling you to eat it and then crying when you do. I know that's a strange analogy but....that pretty much sums up this film. It is pretty, sad, white bread. It's not bad...it's not good. It's just....there. I didn't hate it, I didn't love it, I was just straight up bored. 4/10

The Secret of NIMH 2: Timmy to the Rescue (1998 Video)

Not as Terrible as Everyone Says....but not great.

[6/10 · 15 July 2016]

It seems to be very popular to hate on this movie solely because it is nothing like the original. And honestly, if you really really can't separate the two and just enjoy this film for what it is, then fine. You don't have to like it. But if you just want to enjoy a film on its own, then yes. This movie is far from perfect, but it is a lot more enjoyable. I liked the first NIMH all right but I found it like almost all of Bluth's films to be very dark and disturbing. The second one didn't have that feeling and instead went for bright an colorful. (shrug) i don't know. it didn't bother me as it seems to bother everyone else.

One of the things that I really like about this film is the song 'I will show the world'. This is a personal bias but, having lost my father at a young age, I can really feel what that song is saying and I can relate to it a lot.

I'm not going to spoil it here but, everyone bashes the twist at the end but...honestly...I kind of liked the twist. I thought it was neat and turned the movie on its head.

Yes I still gave this movie a 6 because it really isn't a GREAT movie, but it isn't really BAD. I have seen a lot worse. I have watched this a few times and have never wanted to rip my hair out or punch the TV so that's a plus. I did wish that mrs brisby would have a bigger part in the film but...what are you gonna do?

Overall, not great, but...not terrible. 6/10

The Incredibles (2004)

The Ignorables

[3/10 · 14 July 2016]

This is without a doubt the worst movie Pixar has ever released. Normally a Pixar movie leaves you with a feeling of hope, warmth, SOMETHING other than frustration and disgust. Unfortunately, The 'Incredibles' didn't give us that luxury. Why? Let me explain.

First of all, the whole family dynamic is just annoying to me. You have a family of super heroes with two REALLY annoying children. And since they have super powers they can use those to be even MORE annoying. When I was a kid, I never said to myself 'man, I want to see kids in my movies' because even then I knew that kids were annoying in movies and shows a lot of the time. I have never seen the addition of kids to an idea EVER making it better (ala friends, ghostbusters, ninja turtles, how i met your mother) and all it did was put some children in precarious situations where you know they won't die because of a combination of it being Pixar and them being children. Also, did I mention they were annoying?

I was not a fan of what they did with the villain as well. So you're telling me that the family of superheroes that were born with their superpowers are the good guys, while the person who was born with none and had to work hard and invent things to become super is the bad guy. Nice job movie. Hard work is for chumps. Just be born special. That always irritated me. (also we have Mr. Incredible to thank for his creation in the first place)

Another stupid thing in this film is the watchmen like ban on superheroes. I never got how anybody enforces that. So you're basically saying that since the superheroes are forced to stop using their powers that all of a sudden the super villains are going to be like 'oh, well, i guess we have to stop now too.' no. of course they're not. They're going to go 'wow there's no more super heroes! Let's take over EVERYTHING' But of course this movie is too stupid to thank of that.

And of course, instead of having to rehabilitate the villain at the end with Mr Incredible having to take responsibility for his recuperation, nope, let's just kill him because that's easier and ties everything together in a nice little package.

With the exception of SLJ's character and the villain, nearly everyone annoyed me, especially with the 'noble' don't hurt my family mentality that we're supposed to feel sorry for him because we feel he's a 'good father' despite the fact that he couldn't control his anger nearly killing his boss and went off being a superhero behind his wife's back and nearly got them all killed. What a prince.

I will probably get minuses for this review but I don't care. If you like this movie, fine. But I cannot understand the love of this film and it frustrates every time someone says it is good. It's not. I wouldn't even put it on the low side of mediocre. All that being said, it's a 3 out of 10.

Maya the Bee Movie (2014)

A True Surprise!

[9/10 · 14 July 2016]

Honestly, I had absolutely NO idea what to expect when coming into this movie. I had never seen the original anime series nor the revamp so I didn't know what it was about or what to expect. The only reason I saw it is because it was on Netflix and I was bored.

What I received was actually a really cute, well thought out, adorable film.

It's nice to see a movie that teaches the lesson that all you need is a positive outlook and you can do anything as well as there being no need for any sort of violence or death of the villain. (i am actually getting very sick of killing off villains as I have come to accept that as taking the lazy way out)

Can the protagonist get a tad annoying with her rhetoric? Yeah, a little, but she later realizes what has been going on in her absence and she actually does have some character growth.

I feel overall that this movie is incredibly underrated and needs more attention than it got. I enjoyed this far more than I thought I would and it's a film that people really need to see if they need a pick me up. Great job guys. 9/10.

When Marnie Was There (2014)

Ugh. Ghibli, really?

[3/10 · 14 July 2016]

I don't know what it is about Ghibli recently, but I have been so amazingly bored with their recent movies. The Wind Rises, From Up on Poppy Hill, and now When Marnie was there.

Now don't get me wrong. I LOVE Ghibli movies. Kiki's delivery service, the Cat Returns, and Castle in the Sky are some of my favorite movies of all time. However, this one, I sadly have to say, it is the ONLY ghibli movie I have ever shut off halfway through due to boredom.

I don't know what it is about recent Ghibli movie and their aversion to using magic, but it doesn't help their cause.

Ghibli unfortunately is like every other studio. They are not infallible. They make mistakes.

The biggest issue I found with this movie is that the main character is an annoying little whiner. Every problem she has in the movie is due to her being a whiner. (except for the asthma) She goes to the new place, and she's mopey. People try to make friends with her, and she's a jerk and mopey again. Then when the kids in town get annoyed at her for being a jerk, I think the movie is trying to get you to feel bad for her? But I can't. Every single time something bad happens it is entirely her fault.

The first half of this movie was just a test of patience to see if you didn't punch this girl in the face. Then Marnie shows up but the problem is, you hate the other girl so much by that point you don't even care if she makes a friend. I sure didn't.

Ghibli's music and animation are never brought into question. No matter how terrible their movie is the art and music are always breathtaking. That doesn't change. But the main character was so unlikable, there was a lack of overt use of magic or wonder, and I did not give a single care about the story this girl went through as every single problem created was of her own doing.

I actually read the ending of the movie on wiki because I just felt like knowing how it ended but I didn't want to invest more than 30 seconds doing so. And I still don't care.

I do not like some Ghibli movies. I know this may sound blasphemous, but I just can't get into some. However, on the flip side, some of them are breathtakingly amazing. But I have NEVER shut one off halfway through before. That is something amazing all in itself. Tales from Earthsea and from Up on Poppy Hill are BAD but I didn't shut them off halfway through. Because as bad as they were, at least they weren't BORING. And that is the greatest sin a ghibli movie could have. So it with a heavy heart that I have to give When Marnie was there, a 3, out of 10.

Song of the Sea (2014)

Expects you to know a lot about Selkies going in

[5/10 · 13 July 2016]

First off, I myself found this movie pretty boring. It's a story about a boy whose sister is a Selkie (a mythological seal person which I knew absolutely nothing about this myth going in and that hampered the movie immensely)

Yes, I understand that this is an Irish movie, and I am sure that every kid in Ireland knows the mythology of Selkies, but as an American....I never learned about Selkies and this story does a TERRIBLE job explaining what they are. They tell you some facts, but leave a lot to 'you should have done your research before you started watching this'.

This type of story is when a 'fish out of water' protagonist would have worked. But because everyone in the story knows what Selkies are, they don't feel the need to explain it. The main character finally gets the revelation and goes 'you're a selkie!' and i am there going 'that's fantastic.....what's a selkie?'

The only reason I had any idea what was going on with the lore of this was because I watched this with my sister and she informed me the rules of Selkies that she learned from A different movie entirely.

That is one of the places where the movie falls incredibly flat. You can't introduce such a foreign concept and just assumes everyone will know it because it is premiered in that country. If you wish to have a worldwide audience, you have to explain your lore thoroughly so no one gets left behind.

Other than that, I really didn't care for any of the characters. The girl was quiet and annoying, the boy was uninteresting, and the mother was a terrible terrible person.

I know everyone is heralding this movie as wonderful and beautiful, but I have to say that I didn't really enjoy it. I was too confused about the mythology and the characters weren't interesting enough to draw me in. The father was a jerk and the kids were boring. It wasn't a TERRIBLE movie I just....didn't care. And that's almost worse than being bad. I'm probably going to get a negative response as I didn't give this movie an amazing score, but, I can't help how I feel. I didn't enjoy it and a 5 is exactly what I feel it deserves.

The Trumpet of the Swan (2001)

The Flat Note of the Swan

[4/10 · 13 July 2016]

Firstly, I will say that I have never read the book so I will not have the bias that a lot of people who read the book first do. So I will be reviewing this straight as a movie.

One of the biggest issues I had with this film is the romance though. It was incredibly forced.

So, in a movie that did this better, Pebble and the Penguin (yes, I am using that movie as a positive comparison. god help me) The main girl KNEW the main guy for a long time. They had known each other since they were little and fell in love over time Trumpet and the swan on the other hand doesn't feel things like getting to know each other is very important.

Louie meets the girl one time as a kid, and then runs away. He meets her again and they go diving for a short while.

Then he literally runs away for MONTHS as he goes to learn how to read and write. Yes. This trumpeter swan goes off to a school to learn to read and write. And...for some reason this doesn't qualify as international news with the entire world staring in awe.

This is something that REALLY bothered me in this film. This SWAN learns how to read and write English and it is greeted with a 'oh, that's neat' by the humans. DOES NO ONE CARE that this swan is literate? Nobody? Not scientists, doctors....nobody? Really? Why the hell isn't he THE MOST FAMOUS ANIMAL IN THE WORLD? this is a world run by humans that supposedly grounded in reality.

Anyway, back on topic. He goes off for those months, is basically a young adult, shows he can read and write for five minutes, realizes no one can understand him, and then flies off to Boston to play the trumpet for ANOTHER few months. Yep, a trumpet playing literate swan and the world is like 'meh, he needs to go back into the wild and do...swan stuff'

You see, suspension of disbelief is that a swan can learn to read and write. It is also that a swan can play the trumpet with no lips. What is NOT is that the entire human race is going to greet this with a shrug and an 'oh that is neat,' mentality. That really just takes me out of it. Even if your premise is ridiculous it has to be grounded in some form of sanity or it makes the whole thing boring.

So when Louie comes back to his female friend Serena she's about to marry this other swan. Yeah he's a kind of self obsessed jerk but...he was actually THERE. He didn't abandon everyone for over a YEAR (which is apparently like their entire childhood of like 15 years in swan years) and then show up and go 'lol i want to marry her!'

The movie, despite it having over an hour run-time to develop only a few characters, the time wasn't utilized very well as we had scenes of a creepy bum guy taking advantage of Louie and nearly clipping his wings. For a story about a swan finding his voice, this whole 15 minute sequence really seemed unnecessary. I don't know why the writer thought it was necessary to write in a 'the father feels bad he stole a trumpet and now the son wants to pay it back' subplot and it was even more ridiculous when the owner was still butt-hurt over this a year later. If I were to tell my friends 'man, a year ago, a swan broke into my shop so i threw a trumpet at it, so it took it and flew away.' first my friends would laugh at me, then they would ask me why i would throw a trumpet at an endangered species bird in the first place and then get mad when it took the item I threw at it and flew away.

I honestly don't even know the moral this movie is trying to portray. Is the moral that If you can't communicate properly just keep trying until you can?

Even the 'villain' seemed very thrown in at the last minute. Seth green shows up in one scene when they're kids to say the mute kid can't play Marco polo, which.....yeah makes him look like a jerk but for all intents and purposes...a mute person really CAN'T play Marco polo. The swan shows up like 2 more times to go 'hey we should get married' and to be honest, the female swan never flat out tells him no. She hem and haws and finally accepts the proposal for no other reason than her father going 'hey you should totally accept his proposal' there is no threat, there is nothing at stake, she just accepts to marry someone she doesn't love after someone asks her a third time. It's like 'well...he DID care enough to ask three times. I guess that means I have to marry him now.'

This whole script was a complete mess. The pacing was terrible, the voices, while recognizable good voice actors, did not fit with the characters for the most part (which is a shame because I love me some Kath Soucie) and the ending was just crazy abrupt. I didn't feel like I learned anything in this movie or felt anything. It was just a kind of mess of....there.

I gave this movie a 4 because it isn't offensively bad or painful. The main issue is that it doesn't know what it wants and that it really is just boring. It's not a very interesting watch and very by the numbers. They tried to shoehorn in a romance that had no business being there in a story that didn't have any direction to begin with.