chiantang_tw Reviews

Andre the Butcher (2005)

Frustrating

[3/10 · 6 October 2006]

This is a bad movie, but is it so bad it is good? For me, it wasn't.

This is an indie-style horror flick. But it's one of the 2005-era "horror comedies". So if you're looking for chills, you will be disappointed - there really were no scary moments.

There's a lot that fails. Some of the acting is brutal. The story is full of holes. Some of the dialogue (a lot of it) is extremely poor. All of the scare moments and many of the funny moments fall flat.

Despite that, I feel a little guilty to pan this film. There are some nice ideas, some of the actors turn in a good performance, the atmosphere in places is even well-done: at times it is dark, dreary and confined which is why it's a shame the scare moments fail.

** spoilers ** Ron Jeremy is largely wasted as the killer. There are no in-jokes about him except the one deleted scene in the DVD.

The idea of broadcasting the sins of the victims through the TV really worked for me. But Ron kills pretty much indiscriminately when he's not watching the TV, so that pearl of an idea was really wasted.

Sigh. I could go on complaining, but I'm too disappointed. This was almost a camp classic, but I can't even recommend it as a cult movie. Frustrating!

Slave Girls from Beyond Infinity (1987)

Highly Entertaining

[8/10 · 5 March 2006]

This is a b-budget film for sure, but it still succeeds in entertaining. The two slave girls from beyond infinity get stranded on a planet. They encounter a wealthy land-owner, and then the adventures begin.

This movie has scantily-clad women, robotic sidekicks, a hammy villain, campy dialogue, cheesy sets, everything you need for the genre.

The script and the editing work better than most b-budget films. The directing and acting fit the mood. Even the sets and the robots, cheap as they are, stand well compared to other films made at this economic level.

It's not Shakespeare, but it's enjoyable.

Bio-Dome (1996)

The least funny comedy I have ever seen

[1/10 · 13 February 2006]

It's a Pauly Shore comedy - so I'm not asking for high art, but come on! Shouldn't a comedy have humour in it?

Okay, the good things about this film... ... ... Well about 10 minutes in, Pauly's girlfriend makes a joke about men that made me chuckle... A couple of the actresses are cute... Actually, credit goes to a couple actors for trying to salvage this film. But nothing can save it.

These types of movies rely 99% on the comedy duo. The guys from "Dude, Where's My Car" were watchable. The guys in "Harold and Kumar..." were watchable.

Shore and Baldwin are unwatchable - and so is this movie.

Black Christmas (1974)

A little known horror classic

[9/10 · 13 February 2006]

It's Christmas at a sorority house and there's a killer on the loose. If you think that you've seen it all before, forget it. This is a film on par with "Hallowe'en".

The atmosphere is super intense - this is one of the most frightening horror flicks out there. The acting is top-notch, a rarity in the genre. The direction is very well done; Clark keeps you on the edge of the seat from start to finish.

And what a finish! There's not a lot of violence here, the body count is lower than any Stallone movie. But each act of violence is chilling, brutal and did I use the word intense? This movie is 30 years old, but it has aged well. If you like Hallowe'en, give Black Christmas a chance.

Night of the Demons III (1997 Video)

A letdown

[4/10 · 28 November 2005]

The first in the trilogy was good. The second was very good. This is just bad.

The plot has to do with Angela looking for more victims. A group of desperate teenagers obliges. However, they are truly unlikable. We need to have someone to cheer for, but we don't care if any of the characters survive.

The effects are good enough as is the direction. But the characters and the plot are lacking. How could they have screwed up such a good thing? Best to watch the first two and skip this one.

The only redeeming part of this movie was recognizing one of the actresses and trying to figure out who she was. A fun game, but not worth an hour and a half of your time. (If you're curious, Tara Slone is a Canadian singer.) There! I gave it away. Now go watch Part 1, then Part 2, then Part 2 again and call that the trilogy.

Night of the Demons 2 (1994)

As good as bad gets

[9/10 · 28 November 2005]

This one is the best of the trilogy. Angela is back from the first installment. She is looking for more teenage victims on Hallowe'en. Students from a catholic school oblige, including Angela's young sister.

Most of the action takes place at Hull House - a great-looking set for these types of films. This time the evil escapes its prison and the action spills into the school as teens and faculty battle the possessed.

The effects and cinematography are heightened a notch from the first movie. The comedy here is quite funny and the acting is surprisingly good.

It's also fun to see Christine Tayler of Zoolander and Dodgeball fame in an early role.

Night of the Demons (1988)

Kicks off a decent b-movie trilogy

[7/10 · 28 November 2005]

It's Hallowe'en! You know what that means. It's time to gather some teenagers together for some drinking and partying. There's no better place than a "haunted house" for these shenanigans. And this movie offers shenanigans a-plenty.

The teens in this film go to Hull House. This is a haunted funeral home in the middle of nowhere. Demons attack and several teens are possessed and/or killed. The end.

What matters in these movies is how we get from the teens' bad idea to finale. This movie gets us there with some flair. For a b-movie, the effects are good, the setting is cool-looking and the story is decent.

It's not as good as number 2, but much better than number 3. Worth a go.

Old Yeller (1957)

Dated but enjoyable

[10/10 · 19 September 2005]

I saw this movie when I was a boy and again recently in my 30s. I have to admit that the movie, in many ways, does not stand the test of time. It looks very dated - there is no flashy cgi here. The script is old-fashioned and teaches morals that are not considered cool any more.

A stray dog wanders onto a farm. The boy who lives there adopts him and they have several adventures together. A tight knit bond is formed and the boy matures into manhood at the end of the film.

There isn't much here for parents, the story offers no adult sub-plot. For a young boy however, this movie remains a classic. This is the best of the Disney live-action films of its era.

Roller Blade (1986)

Yea verily, this movie stinketh

[1/10 · 18 September 2005]

In the future, there will be an apocalypse. This will make useless any vehicle more motorized than a bicycle. So roller blades will rule the world.

Enter the roller blading nuns. They help law enforcement defeat evil in the near-lawless future of the film. Like all post-apocalyptic nuns, these naturally are martial arts experts and speak in a quasi-Shakespearean way. Of course, the writer can't do even this correctly, so "verily we geteth a lot of painful dialogue-eth".

This movie is very bad - story, dialogue, acting, effects and direction all fail miserably. When my buddies and I rented it, we realized our mistake when the film ended - and scenes on the back of the VHS tape box were not actually in the movie. I can not stress this strongly enough. If your marketing dept thinks your finished product is so awful that they must use shots from the editing room floor to market your film, then you should retire from film-making.

Bad Taste (1987)

Best of the Bad

[10/10 · 18 September 2005]

Peter Jackson's cult hit, this is to b-budget movies what Lord of the Rings was to Hollywood blockbusters. Jackson made this film with his friends and family when he was a "nobody" in the business. The acting is bad, the effects are low-budget, the story is nonsensical - but everything works! The basic plot is that an elite squad investigates the disappearance of a village's population. Aliens have landed on Earth and our heroes must combat them.

This is when the shenanigans start. Derek (played by Jackson) and his team go through some of the grossest and most hilarious experiences in sci-fi movie history. Almost every scene is funny and the film is filled with classic one-liners.

If you like movies that cost $5 to make and not $50 million, this is the one for you. A classic!