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bmdizzy
Reviews
Mare of Easttown (2021)
rips off silence of the lambs
I've seen a few reviewers mention that it "borrows a bit", it "dabbles", etc, i'm surprised everyone is being so nice, there is one episode late in the series that straight up RIPS OFF the end of silence of the lambs, in fact it's hard to imagine them ripping it off any more given the confines of the plot. So, if you want to see the end of silence of the lambs again, get ready for the "best" episode of this series. Even highly rated shows are so lazy now.
Ted Lasso (2020)
it's embarrassing how popular this show is
Every episode is buckshot with cringe on a vomit-inducing level, watching all the characters be way more positive than anyone is in real life. Ever seen Cocktail? You know the scene when Tom Cruise is working in the Friday's-like restaurant and even though he and his co-workers are at their crud job they're all having way more fun than you've ever had in your life, smiling and laughing to the point you think their jaws might detach? Ted lasso is like that scene in Cocktail stretched out to the length of many many hours. The second star i gave is for the glimmers of dialogue-humor from sudeikis, and every other part of the show will make you throw up in your mouth a little, it's not even worth listing examples because it's MOST of the show.
The cursing, and thus the MA rating, is almost like a trick to fool you into watching something that is otherwise soaked in Disney CareBear Bob's-Burgers vibes (except even Bob's Burgers knows to not SOAK you with it's sweet-to-the-point-of-sick cringe; Ted Lasso shamelessly doesn't reel it in at all). The soccer plot is secondary to just watching the characters be all Full House to each other, and the dark reveal in the middle of season two does nothing to counter-balance all the sap because there's far too much of it.
This would have been a much better show if sudeikis was the only one acting like an anti-depressant poster child, and everyone else acted normal. If the reason he acts like that is aforementioned dark reveal then what is everyone else's excuse??
Constantine: City of Demons (2018)
Skip it, it's a kids' show with blood
If it wasn't for the blood this would be for children. There is a lot of quipping and cheeky attempts at humor, emphasis on the word "attempts". This is basically a kids' show with gore, there is nothing remotely "mature" about the script, it's like watching the old animated Batman on FOX, or Gargoyles, except with the occasional blood splatter. Go watch HBO's Spawn or Netflix's Castlevania instead and don't waste your time on this.
Stranger Things (2016)
Good show but sick of unoriginal writing
Stranger Things advertises itself as paying homage to John Carpenter, and 80s horror in general, as a marketing tactic to distract you from the works it is actually plagiarizing, specifically Elfen Lied and Silent Hill. Young girl with out-of-control telekinesis uses her powers to escape from the lab which is the only world she's ever known, then taken in by local kids who hide and socialize her? That's the plot of Elfen Lied. Throw in the "Upside-Down" and you have Silent Hill, right down to the ash floating in the air.
I enjoy this show, for all the same reasons as everyone else, however I am sick to death of writers having no original thought. Season 2 was less unoriginal than season 1, but as with many other shameless ripoff shows (e.g. Mr Robot, aka Fight Club), they run out of steam to the point of failing to break new ground the minute their ripoff material is exhausted. "Figuring out what's going on in the story" has become "figuring out which story they're stealing from". I empathize with the writers, as those people don't get paid nearly enough, and as with all things you get what you pay for, but the fact is that Stranger Things is about as shameless a storytelling ripoff as I've ever seen.
Jessica Jones (2015)
Seriously why do people like this show?
IMO this is by far the worst of the Marvel shows, and I barely made it through Iron Fist. I watched the first half of JJ, stopped watching because of how Twilight-ey it was, and then later I find out, lo and behold, the main writer/producer of the show is the person who wrote all 4 Twilight movies. It just goes to show who the target audience is here.
My main complaint with JJ is that NOTHING HAPPENS. that's it. the show is genuinely boring. The vast amount of time Jones spends on screen, she is doing things that make you wonder "why the heck is this on film". other people would argue that watching JJ do things like run out of toilet paper, or have filler sex scenes filmed in a rom-com style, are examples of "character development" but the level of banality is just painful. I want to see the director's cut of the dialysis episode, maybe we'll get to see her be put on hold by the dialysis company IN REAL TIME, and get to watch her tap her feet, look at her watch, maybe even poop in front of us again.
some people say this is what gives the show a down-to-earth feeling, I would argue that a) it's too much and just adds up to filler and you could easily tell the story with less than half the episodes were it not for all this "realism", and b) it's a show about super heroes, there's plenty of TV that doesn't involve mutants if "real" is what you're looking for. the show claims to be noir, but i would argue that "noir" has a more expansive definition than if your show is simply about a detective who also narrates.
i leave you simply with this: if you liked Twilight, you'll LOVE Jessica Jones. and that statement alone says more about this show than any review ever could.
Resident Evil: Vendetta (2017)
it's really not that great
chances are, if you are like me (a fan of R.E. who hates the live-action atrocities but embrace the animated films), no review will change whether or not you see this movie. i'm writing this so people aren't let down the way i was.
visually, the movie is stunning. they did an incredible job on things like facial micro-expressions and other great little touches. i consider it nothing short of a triumph of animation. unfortunately though, the pros end there. our heroes have apparently utilized a Doom-like invincibility cheat; i have no problem suspending disbelief for zombies and monsters, but i draw the line at things like a plane's wing blowing up, except, it's our heroes' plane, so, it's just arbitrarily alright. it's interesting how often you can use the word "arbitrary" to describe what goes on in this movie. a lot of the action makes you wonder why our heroes aren't wearing tights and capes; they regularly take hits that don't maim or kill only them, and every now and then do things that make you wonder whether or not they are from the Matrix. there is a core character who is so oddly under-utilized you wonder why she's even in the movie (until you consider the need for filler, of course). apparently the zombies can move like cheetahs if they wish, but most of the time choose not to do so. there are red herrings which ultimately only serve to anger the viewer, such as the zombies being able to target specific people, a plot device used quite shamelessly for just one situation in the whole movie.
overall this is a movie you should watch on mute, because you won't be missing anything; it looks good, but the filmmakers are obviously quite aware that anyone into R.E. is going to see it, and consequentially there is a lazy, almost cash-grab feeling to the story. for a movie whose plot is a Raccoon City fiasco in NYC, honestly it's quite boring, and almost all of the action scenes are pretty much just lifted from other, better movies. if you're an R.E. fan, i'm sure you'll see this no matter what; just don't say you weren't warned!