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10/10
A Lesson For Kids And Adults
22 March 2022
The beauty about Willy Wonka is how it teaches kids not to be gluttonous, slothful, arrogant, or narcissistic, but also how it teaches parents not to cave to the demands of their children, and not to let television or food become the babysitter. It also teaches children how even if you do make mistakes, you can be redeemed through selflessness in the future.

Timeless morals for a timeless movie.
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10/10
Nearly Unparalleled
22 March 2022
Animated just before Walt Disney's death, his last great project, 'Sleeping Beauty' is his magnus opum. Featuring highly detailed and stylized backgrounds that have a fairy-tale quality captured far more accurately than Snow White, with animation that is more effortlessly driven by its own fluidity and adherence to staying on-model. Sleeping Beauty may be one of, if not THE most luxurious, beautiful, and finely crafted animated films of all time, and has yet to be conquered by even the most dedicated artists. A must-watch for anyone even remotely interested in animation.
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1/10
Funniest Batman Since Adam West
22 March 2022
From the "HERE COMES MUNGO" interpretation of Bane to the homo-erotic batsuits, this molotov cocktail of film is hilarious from beginning to end, even as it torches Schumacher's career and Batman's legacy, you can not help but shed a tear whilst you jeer at the mockery of flamboyancy and intellectual bankruptcy this "film" tries to pawn off as genuine entertainment.
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5/10
Trying To Make Nerds Look Cool
22 March 2022
There's something to be said about the muted palette of the film, the subdued anger the actors try to play off slyly throughout, and the intense slow-zooms used and abused from the first scene, but no amount of sleek and stylish film-making will ever make Zuckerberg's story about blatant IP theft any more compelling than it already was not. And no amount of hard-edged attempts at covering for his character while doubling back to pretend to question his ethics will make him look like a genius.
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8/10
The One Who Got Away
22 March 2022
You ever think about how you life would be different if things worked out between you and your early teenage crush? This movie explores that concept, but with the added twist that EVERYONE wants a piece of her too. It goes from dogs jumping out of windows to accidentally mistaking semen for hair gel, and the actors all somehow manage to keep a straight face.
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Liar Liar (1997)
7/10
A Story About The Times We Live In
22 March 2022
This movie is a hate-letter to modern society. Baked beneath the fake kindness and excuses we give when blowing something or someone off when we want to indulge in our own selfish desires, we don't quite realize how built up these fantasy realities of our lives have become until we would be forced for a single day to say nothing but the absolute honest truth and nothing less. And that is what is on display here, as Carrey plays a lawyer who, thanks to his son's birthday wish, can not lie for a single day. It would be funnier if it was not also so simultaneously saddening.
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The Mask (1994)
7/10
Inventive Production Design Saves An Otherwise Plain-Jane Script
22 March 2022
The animation behind all of the Mask's comedy is the main draw and every time he takes the mask off we are left bored if not anxiously awaiting his return. Mixing cartoon character physics in the real world but played straight, The Mask is an experiment in surreal comedic expression and the sardonic mocking of noir tropes with reckless abandon. It's a shame half the movie is unbearably stilted when the Mask is gone.
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6/10
Jim Carrey Carries This Film On His Back
22 March 2022
There is a lot you could do about a Pet Detective who takes his job and his love of animals to the 'nth degree, but here we have a film that seems to be more focused on parodying the noir genre and football to really grasp its premise and truly exploit it for all it is worth. We're left with a mostly fun, though boring ride through a Carrey film vehicle that is only made enjoyable when he is on screen, preferably also the only one talking.
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8/10
The First One With A Nose Full of Cocaine
22 March 2022
Take the first film, a movie about an eccentric private eye with a soft spot for animals, throw in farcical international intrigue over a stolen bat, pop culture references galore, and hard-hitting unexpected laughs, with some borderline inappropriate jabs and you have When Nature Calls. This movie rides the line between Zucker gag-fest and traditional comedy, but does so with a blunt wit that could only be from the mind of either a psychopath or a genius.
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The Birds (1963)
4/10
Alfred Hitchcock Uses His Talent To Mock The Audience
22 March 2022
"I'm such a skilled director with such clever wit, I could make them afraid of birds if I wanted to," - Said Alfred Hitchcock, probably. This movie tries its hardest to make you terrified of the tiny winged things, but watching people running with rear-screen projection behind them as they swat away at birds is just pure hilarity. The only thing worth seeing here is the strategies Hitchcock tries to maximize in order to achieve his desired outcome.

Sorry Hitchcock, but no, you can not make pigeons frightening.
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28 Days Later (2002)
7/10
Zombie Movie That Offers A Cure
22 March 2022
At the end of the world, what else is there when you have nothing else? Love. That seems to be the central tenet of this film, as relationships grow and blossom despite the chaotic and brutal nature of what is happening. The movie carries you along with as much energy as there seems to be in the rage-induced infected, with plenty of hard-edged violence to compliment the more sentimental moments.
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7/10
Seductively Misleading
22 March 2022
This film is based on the wildly popular Anne Rice novels which were what started the huge boom of "sexy vampires" in the 80's and 90's and reinvigorated the genre with a gothic American twist. The movie does the job for the most part of translating the first book to the big screen and captures a lot of the drama that unfolds, but in the end it feels more like a summary rather than a complete story.
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Grindhouse (2007)
8/10
This Should Really Be Called "Planet Terror"
21 March 2022
Robert Rodriguez does all the heavy lifting in this duology, where Quentin Tarantino seems to force out as much as he can into Death Proof, which is boring and slow. Planet Terror is the polar opposite, offering nods and winks at the camera with meta-jokes filtered in as well that anyone familiar with the inspiration for this double-screening are accustomed to, such as missing real footage, accidental film breakages, and lots of over-exposed footage. That is not to say that there is no over-arching story or action, of which there is excess, and exaggerated to the extreme.
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7/10
A Critique Of Liberals
21 March 2022
What is the usual horror movie? A bunch of college-aged city kids head out into the rural United States and proceed to be chased and mutilated by the inbred, backwoods, murderous, psychopaths living in rundown areas that (GASP) don't even have a Ralph Lauren nearby! Now inverse that formula and you have Tucker and Dale vs Evil.

We see the well-meaning but awkward rural inhabitants and their attempt at turning their cabin out by the lake into a dream home, only everything goes wrong which makes the situation seem worse than it actually is, filled with accidental deaths and misinterpretations galore. Eventually it turns out that everything was going along fine until these kids entered the picture and turned their quiet outing by their property into a nightmare.
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8/10
Works Less As A "Deconstruction" And More As A Satire
21 March 2022
Having originally seen this movie around a year or so after it hit theaters, I was expecting it to be a mediocre horror movie but it turned into a surprisingly entertaining horror-comedy. I knew from the second I saw the intro what I was in for.

The reason I prefer not to refer to this as a "deconstruction" is because deconstructions by their very nature are stupid and annoying, and hidden behind a wall of pseudo-intellectual pretension. This movie uses the basics of satire to its advantage to both be entertaining, while offering a poignant criticism of the genre and the audiences that indulge in this genre, while still paying homage to the many horror icons that have created it. If you're a fan of horror you will enjoy this, and if you are a fan of comedy you will also enjoy this.
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Sinister (I) (2012)
7/10
Not As Sinister As You Thought
21 March 2022
While the details of the plot are extremely dark and a number of scares are handled with relative subtlety, the film can't help but get over-excited at its own build-up and jump out to go "BOO" at you every now and then. Still, this story of a pagan demon taunting a modern family is reminiscent of the most moody horror films of the 70's and has a quality of terror about it that handles well.
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3/10
A Ghost Train That Fell Off Its Tracks
21 March 2022
This movie started out promising but the longer it goes on, the more confused you get, the opposite of proper story-telling. Is this a horror movie? A supernatural thriller? A period-piece drama with supernatural elements? What the hell is going on? We get some occasional spooks but mostly just the director toying with ambience for most of the film while we feel like there's a mystery that is supposed to be uncovered, but falls off by the end where we are left wondering how any of it connects in the first place.

Perhaps being familiar with the source material fleshes out the rest of the movie, since it definitely feels like the audience is missing key information.
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Silent Hill (2006)
7/10
When Imagery Defeats Substance
21 March 2022
This movie is a perfect example of a film without a message or story, but still has something to give. From the eerie fog-filled town, to the cuts between the real world with the husband and the world of Silent Hill that the wife/mother is stuck in, to the scene of Pyramid Head tearing the skin off some unlucky individual. The imagery feels as if it comes straight from gothic-styled oil paintings and portrays a town ravaged by sickness of the mind, which we find out is actually the case, as a cult was in control of it, burning supposed witches.

The ending makes no sense, some of the acting from the child is hokey, and the atmosphere of the town is not built up enough, despite its 2 hour run time. The movie does well to give you enough visual treats to entice you but doesn't do much of anything to make the characters, story, or setting really feel alive, and what you are left with is a gauntlet of twisted visuals.
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1408 (2007)
7/10
Expectations Subverted
21 March 2022
This movie is an experiment in toying with your expectations. It has multiple endings so when you watch it on streaming services or on TV, you'll be left wondering which direction it will be going, similar to the manifestations of the movie which toy with the main character, making him think he's doing one thing when he actually is not. Overall a fairly well executed psychological horror, though in some ways it builds a bit too fast and could have used an extra 5 to 10 minutes to build suspense, which I hear is exactly what the Unrated edition does.
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The Descent (2005)
5/10
I AM GORE, HEAR ME ROAR
21 March 2022
This movie starts out very good, building with a sudden shocking fate of one of the main character's loved ones, then fast forwards into the future where it builds using slow-burning psychological horror and plays with perceptions of space. From there it decides to devolve into a gratuitous bloodbath when we were previously told through the film making to be frightened of these creatures when a simple old rock to the jaw takes care of them with ease.

This movie could have been a Lovecraftian delight of an underground world alien to our own being discovered, but ends up just being "slaughter-fest galore". The ending also is deliberately set up to be vague and without direct meaning or purpose and is made to make you think it is deeper than it actually is.
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8/10
Wes Craven's Classic Gets A Makeover
21 March 2022
While Wes Craven is often called a "master of horror" (whatever that means), the film here is driven by the intensity of the situation and the speed of the film making. Violence is fast and filled with various camera angles, the tense moments flare up with lots of lockdown shots and slow pans. There is a good deal of work that has gone into matching the character's emotion to the camera work as they survive the mutant results of government nuclear experiments.
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8/10
An Intense Zombie Film
21 March 2022
This film decides to take a more direct horror approach than the original which was more of a social commentary and creates an intense thrill-ride. Zombies are fast and animalistic while the filter over everything is high contrast, creating a raw atmosphere. Snyder creates a few memorable shots, such as the intro when everything is just beginning to fall apart and the title sequence filled with the news clips, and delivers a mostly efficient and entertaining zombie feature that makes itself into its own apart from the original.
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7/10
28 Days Later, But With A Bigger Budget
21 March 2022
This film is essentially a retread of the lower budget first film, but with a different tone. While the first one had a theme of love inspiring hope to starve out rage, this one aims to appeal more towards entertainment, leaving the lofty ambitions of its predecessor alone and instead seeking to treat you to a chaotic thrill-ride through London. Its imagery is more lingering than the first one, which felt more visceral and raw, while the sequel feels more subdued in its grit but expanded in its scope.
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7/10
Violent, Bleak, And Fun
21 March 2022
These vampires are more like wild savages than the charming and seductive Dracula or the stylish and clever Lestat. Instead we get rampant bloodshed across the Alaskan winter landscape with our protagonists trapped in a hopeless situation, turning it into a hopeful one as they just barely survive, being hunted by the seemingly-invincible vampire menace, until the tables gradually turn.
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Cloverfield (2008)
7/10
Fun Romp Through New York
21 March 2022
A neat found-footage film that explores an alien invasion from the ground floor. You go from the dizzying skyscrapers to the underground metro tunnels, to central park, all while they try to stay alive which, as a found footage film, you already know is never going to work out.
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