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1/10
Horrible
24 February 2013
Warning: Spoilers
This could have been a very good feel good movie if it had been shown that Nat and Josh had gone through a series of trials, tribulations and temptations but then remembered their love for each other and emerged with their marriage and love stronger than ever.

Instead they indulge in what can only literally be called, wife swapping with Chloe and Guy, with Chloe going to Josh and Nat going to Guy.

Marriage vows are trampled upon.

A movie that leaves the viewer feeling bad and depressed that marital love does not triumph.

Horrible.

Avoid.
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4/10
Set on Self-Destruct
8 November 2008
How on earth does this film have an IMDb rating of 7.1 ?????

I'm beginning to wonder if the current directors and producers at EON Productions have been infiltrated and subverted by SPECTRE, on orders from Blofeld, with the aim of destroying James Bond from within.

This just does not look or feel like a Bond film. Where's Q ? Where's the gadgets ? Where's the car with the cool armour and trick gadgets ? Where's Moneypenny ? Where's Bond catchphrase ? "The name's Bond. James Bond" Where's Bond's martini ? "Shaken not stirred" Where are the girls ? - the simply gorgeous girls that make a Bond film. What has happened to the stirring music ? What has happened to the dramatic opening title song that needs to be sung by a booming diva so as to let the audience know that we are in the presence of an epic Bond ? What has happened to the thrilling, dramatic and breathtaking opening sequences that made a James Bond film so fantastic ? What has happened to Bond making love to the Bond girl ?

They have abandoned everything that made James Bond so unique and so loved.

But even worse is what they have done to the character of James Bond himself. Bond, as played by Sean Connery was oozing with sexuality and sophistication, Bond, as played by Roger Moore, was a gentleman who could dispatch villains with a wry joke. But Bond, as played by Daniel Craig, is just a cold hearted, unfeeling thug.

What both Sean Connery and Roger Moore realised was that Bond's job is to be Her Majesty's killer and that, therefore, he needs humour, sensitivity, class and sophistication in order to make him human and likable. Killing people dulls and deadens the soul, so Bond needs to have redeemable qualities in order to retain and save his own soul. Daniel Craig's Bond has none of those attributes. He is a killer, brute and thug. It's as if he kills by numbers. The viewer is not drawn to Daniel Craig's Bond in the same way as he was to Sean Connery's Bond or Roger Moore's Bond.

As for the action sequences, they were far too fast and furious. They simply didn't register on the eye or the brain. There were far too many close ups and a complete loss of perspective. The viewer sees Bond in one fight scene and then, just a little later, sees him in another fight scene without any rhyme or reason or story development.

Violence for the sake of Violence does not a James Bond film make.

EON Productions have devalued and debased James Bond. They have discarded everything that made Bond great. This Bond runs the risk of being labelled and viewed as being nothing more than a Jason Bourne rip off.

Why did they do it ? Why ?

Even the directors and producers of this film seem to acknowledge that they have lost their way with this current Bond. How else can anyone explain the scene where a girl is found naked and dead, dipped black in oil, (a wry reference to Goldfinger, where a naked girl dies after being dipped in gold).

EON Productions needs to get back to a traditional Bond, if they carry on like this, all they will achieve is to alienate the Bond fan base. They are on a licence to self-destruction. They will ruin James Bond, they absolutely will.

The World needs a James Bond who is more than just a thug.
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100 Million BC (2008 Video)
1/10
Horrible
9 October 2008
This is truly a horrible, horrible film.

The director apparently believes that it's part of his job to annoy the audience.

Half of the film seems to have been shot at night without any kind of lighting. It's very hard to see the action of what is happening.

There are no characters with whom the audience can empathise with. Instead the film focuses on one main character after another.

It is very, very weak and disjointed.

The greatest absurdity is having the old Frank Reno come back as a young man.

The film only serves to irritate and annoy with that results that the viewer is simply likely to give up on it. I know I did.
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5/10
Sex and Death
17 October 2007
When Teresa screams "Do it !", Gary hasn't stabbed her yet. She's still trying to save her own life, hoping that he'll get on with raping her and then leave. It's a desperate attempt to save her own life. Unfortunatey, however, saying "Do it !" just inflames him to more rage and he stabs her.

What is disturbing is how each jabbing is synchronised in the film with each penetration, every time he penetrates her, he stabs her.

It is obvious that this is a pre-Aids film. No modern film would show Teresa laughing as James tried to put on a condom or shrieking "I've never seen one of these before !" or show men having random, casual sex with strangers in a gay bar. Another disturbing aspect of the film is that it is acceptable for a man to hit a woman if she mocks him for his sexual performance - Teresa even says it would be OK for James to hit her after she laughed at him for the condom.

We live now in an Aids aware society where "Safe Sex" is constantly preached.

James, himself, is another disturbing character, outwardly he seems nice but he seems afflicted as well, as he leaves, he tells Teresa that the story he had told her about his dad hitting his mom was made up. It leave the viewer wondering what kind of man would make up a story like that ?.

It is hard to decide on a rating for this film since it leaves you depressed and pensive.

It is not a joyful film to watch and I, for one. reject the idea that sex must always be "dirty" and linked to death. Without Sex there would be no Life - no babies. It is significant that the film underscores its nihilism by showing how Teresa has an operation to make herself infertile, although in a scene with her father, we learn she did it to prevent any baby inheriting her disease that had caused a curvature of the spine and for which she needed a painful operation in order to correct it.

The film makes a very disturbing link between Sex and Death.
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The Dreamers (2003)
2/10
Insipid
12 January 2007
An unfortunate by consequence of the film is that Eva Green's nude photos are available everywhere on the Internet. Like other actresses, Eva Green will find with the passing of time, as her looks fade, that her decision to appear nude will come back to haunt her, as any new theatrical or film triumph will lead to renewed interest in her nude photos.

She will learn the bitter lesson that there is more to being an actress than getting your clothes off and boobs out.

The sexual relations of three main characters serve to expose their thoughts. For instance, when Theo is shown to masturbate it is in the context that the one he loves the most, his sister, seems to be growing away from him and he can see the development of a relationship between the newcomer and his sister that excludes him.The film is disturbing for the hinted unnatural relationship between brother and sister, a relationship that borders on Incest. The chaos in ordered family relationships mirrors the chaos on the streets outsides as France experiences the turbulent May 1968 days of the student revolt.

As for Bertolucci, the phrase that comes to mind, in regard to him, is "dirty old man". What exactly is the artistic merit in close ups of the male sex organ ? Gratuitous nudity does not signify a great film.

Sex is only interesting as an active pastime, watching other people have sex is boring.

The more artistic a movie is, the greater the separation from common sense.
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8 ½ Women (1999)
3/10
Surreal Nonsense of Oddballs and Misfits
8 January 2007
This is a baffling film.

The beauty in sexual relations between men and women is shown degraded by a set of men and women who can only be described as a collection of oddballs and misfits.

Greenaway acknowledges his inspiration to Fellini's film "8 1/2" but whereas Fellini is a titan of world cinema, Greenaway is not.

He has none of the maestro's lightness of touch nor his ability to convey feelings and emotions with a deftness of clarity.

He is pretentious, the film being divided into chapters with a written introduction to each, as if the viewer has to be guided into the film except that the written notices only stay on screen for a few seconds, not long enough to be read by the audience with the result that they are mostly ignored.

As for the women, only two can be described as lookers, Palmira, played by Polly Walker and Giaconda played by Natacha Amal. The rest ooze with ordinariness. Both the women and the men retreat from the harsh light of reality into the dim shades of fantasy.

Greenaway obviously wants to make the point that sexual fantasy does not lead to happiness. The women themselves are depressing since they render their services in exchange for money. Relations between men and women are debased into a commercial transaction.

There is no sense of joy or happiness or love in the film, indeed there are several scenes that are deeply unpleasant :

The suggestion of an incestuous relationship between father and son, Philip and Storey Emmental played respectively by John Standing and Matthew Delamere. The callous disregard of both men that Giaconda is carrying their child, she in fact, gets pregnant twice, the first foetus being aborted and the second time, she is sent away to a destination chosen by the men from a flight book. Both men having sex with a woman who has no legs, (the half woman in the title). The beastiality that exists between Beryl, played by Amanda Plummer, with a pig named Hortense. Father and son sharing women between them. Women enjoying being beaten sexually. The father sleeping with the corpse of his dead wife.

Mercifully, none of these scenes are shown sexually, only hinted at.

The hinted degradation of women is such that there cannot be any wonder that the film was booed at when it was first premiered at Cannes. What is more extraordinary is that the actresses in the film lined up to defend it, showing yet again that there is no limit to the naivety of women and that women will fool themselves into being exploited by men.

Greenaway's directorial style is pretentious, it is a triumph of style over substance, a depiction of Film as Art accompanied by the abandonment of common sense.

Greenaway tries to attain the sublimity of surrealism but only succeeds in showing the banality of human relationships.
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1/10
Utterly Useless
20 October 2006
Words fail me in how to describe the sheer charabanc banality of this movie.

For the historically minded, Marie Antoinette played a pivotal role in stirring up anti-monarchical sentiment in France mainly because of her frivolity, arrogance, disregard for court etiquette and protocol. Her inability to produce an heir was caused by the non-consummation of the marriage for the first seven years of her wedded life. These points are brought out in the film, in such an anodyne way, that the viewer is not aware of their importance other than that of Marie Antoinette's failure to produce a baby turned the French people against her.

Coppola obviously views Marie Antoinette as a feminist icon and wants to make the statement that women should not be regarded as baby producing machines.

The real life Marie Antoinette sought solace and comfort from her unconsummated and loveless marriage by taking both male and female lovers. There is not a hint of her sexual frustration in the film. These scenes should have been shot and included in the film so as not to titillate the audience but to illustrate how Marie Antoinette's crass behaviour succeeded in scandalising and alienating, not just the French Court, but also the French people. All that is shown in the film is just one adulterous affair with a Swedish nobleman. Coppola misses the opportunity to show that Marie Antoinette grew to love her husband during the course of their marriage and that she matured considerably, as a woman, after she became a mother.

Coppola entirely neglects to show the emotional and psychological development of Marie Antoinette. In the film, Coppola's Marie Antoinette is as much a teen brat at the end of the film as she was at the beginning though Coppola does give Marie Antoinette, at the end of the film, the pathos to predict that she is saying goodbye to her home and the sad, foreboding realisation that she will never return.

Coppola has whitewashed the life of Marie Antoinette to suit her own prejudices. Nothing is allowed to detract from the image of Marie Antoinette as the troubled teen set upon by an unsympathetic Court. The more one watches the film, the more one realises that Coppola had projected the character of Princess Diana into the script when she set about writing her character of Marie Antoinette. No one should ever be surprised if Coppola does, indeed, make a film on the life of Princess Diana, in the future.

What is not brought out is the historical context, Marie Antoinette playing at being a shepherdess with scented sheep while French peasants toiled and endured under the worst droughts of the 18th Century. There is no scene to show that the luxury of French Court life was paid for by millions of poverty stricken French peasants.

This film could best be entitled - "Scenes from a Life of Indolence" since what is shown, is so inconsequential and trite, such as Marie Antoinette in the bath, in bed with her clock loving husband, enduring the embarrassment of court gossip at not being pregnant.

Yet Marie Antoinette, played by the punkish Kirsten Dunst, remains a remote, cold figure. The viewer does not warm to her. She is simply not likable. The viewer simply does have anything to care enough about her. Sofia Coppola, the writer and director of this execrable piece, lists as her credits, or rather, to her shame, that she wrote the script. Kirsten Dunst scarcely, says sentences of more than a dozen words. The film is notable for its lack of conversation, instead, the viewer is supposed to be satisfied with scene after scene of pretty settings.

Coppola has committed the cardinal Hollywood sin of believing that special effects will make up for plot, or indeed, dialogue. Coppola, being a Hollywood princess, undoubtedly, felt an affinity for the doomed French Queen and sought to make her "relevant" to a modern teen audience. She attempts to do this by playing modern American pop songs in 18th Century French settings. Never mind the lapses in historical veracity, viewers find, for instance, that Marie Antoinette spoke with an American accent, or even good taste,the aim is to show Marie Antoinette as a misunderstood teen who rebelled against the constrictions of court life.

The film is structurally weak, being episodic, in character, of scenes from the life of Marie Antoinette with no connection to contemporary French events. There is no attempt to explore why the French people hated her so much. How on Earth did Coppola ever think that she could make a film about Marie Antoinette and ignore critical events such as the Affair of the Necklace ? - an event that destroyed Marie Antoinette's credibility with the French people - and yet, Coppola achieves it. It is like making a film about President Nixon and not mentioning Watergate.

Having filled the film with pap, Coppola suddenly finds that she has no time left to show the crucial events of Marie Antoinette's life - the Revolution, the flight to Varennes, the deposition of the monarchy, the execution of her husband and her own trial and execution.

The film is utterly useless to anyone who wishes to learn anything about Marie Antoinette's life.

No wonder Coppola fled when the audience at the Cannes Film Festival booed at the premiere of the film.

This film is a disgrace.

The viewer is urged to watch instead Van Dyke's superb 1938 production of "Marie Antoinette", starring the incomparable Norma Shearer, for a thrilling account of Marie Antoinette's life and Shyer's 2001 production of "The Affair of the Necklace", starring Hilary Swank, for a dramatic account of the event that was to lead to the downfall of Marie Antoinette, as well as Scola's 1982 production of "La Nuit de Varennes", starring Harvey Keitel, for an absorbing account of the flight to Varennes.

Avoid Coppola's "Marie Antoinette" like the plague.
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Ever Decreasing Circles (1984–1989)
10/10
Simply Charming with Effortless Ease
28 August 2006
What makes Ever Decreasing Circles so charming and fascinating ? Basically, it's the old world values of love and fidelity.

Martin, fastidiously played by Richard Briars, is a man struggling against his own mediocrity. We can all recognise his situation and the men whose lives mirror his, he tries so hard at everything but his best is never quite good enough, while the charmer Paul, oily played by Peter Egan, achieves everything with effortless ease.

It's a play and a counter-play of a man who struggles through life compared to a man who is gifted by nature.

What redeems Martin from a lifetime of ennui is that he is married to Anne, played by the simply gorgeous Penelope Wilton. Would be Hollywood actresses should note that Penelope Wilton manages to convey as much sex appeal through a smile as do many talentless actresses through heaving bosoms.

Anne is the rose in Martin's life and we are left with the feeling that Martin wakes up everyday thanking God for giving him such a wife.

What gives the show its appeal is that although Anne is undoubtedly attracted by Paul and his charm , she remains loyal to Martin.

Ever Decreasing Circles tells us that there is still a place for Fidelity in married life and the World.
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Sex, Lies & Obsession (2001 TV Movie)
1/10
Unbearable to watch
20 June 2006
Lisa Rianna is simply unbearable to watch. Her collagen filled trout lips simply dominate the screen. It is hard to take her seriously plus her acting is wooden, she has a very limited range of emotions that she can express with her trout lips.

It's a wonder she's on the screen at all. The answer, of course, is that her husband Harry Hamlin acts as the male lead plus also produced the movie.

Nepotism is alive and well in Tinsel Town.

There is no depth of acting or emotional ability, no sense of trauma or affliction rather sex addiction is viewed as being a "problem" that can be cured, with the emphasis on being a "survivor".

Movies that can present the extremes as mundane are dull indeed and this is one of them.
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1/10
Farrago of nonsense
11 February 2006
The film is a farrago of nonsense.

Characters are unsympathetic.

Too much detail.

No unifying thread.

Gwyneth Paltrow is the feisty, Jewish girl with the "can-do" attitude.

The relationship between her and Sky Captain lacks spark and "heat".

There is no one to engage our interest.

The director and producers seem to think that the visual effects would somehow make up for the deficiencies in character and plot.

The plot, such as it is, is a convoluted one concerning a long dead and mad German scientist, played in a feat of technical wizardry by Lawrence Olivier.

The focus on visual effects means that there is a concentration of detail which is too much for the eye to take in per movie shot.
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