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actsrhughes
Reviews
Beautiful People (2014)
Boring dumb sadism
If I ate nothing but script pages from schlock horror vanity projects and wrote only sentences I could assemble from the remains of my own diarrhea, I still believe I could assemble a more interesting film from the results.
The Open House (2018)
watch literally anything else
I had this playing while I cleaned my bedroom (a tedious activity requiring little mental or physical engagement) and I believe, post-credits, that the activity would've been more entertaining WITHOUT this movie.
A cast of talented actors do their best to deal with a half-cocked, tepid script as they fumble through stilted, blunted dialogue from one muddled scene to the next. The plot is unnecessarily convoluted, especially considering how little of it actually matters...which is to say, virtually none of the character building, worldbuilding, setting, or even the actual linear events catalogued by the film ever come to fruition. Literally none of the plot matters. Instead, the film ends up being somewhat similar to "The Strangers," but only if "The Strangers" had absolutely no payoff at all and left the audience wondering why they'd bothered to spend 90 minutes of their life staring at a screen. 90 minutes that could've been spent doing absolutely anything else.
If I could give this flick 0 stars, I very much would. I feel bad for the poor cast, being made to jerry-rig such a terrible script into something resembling reality. And what of the ending? Well, if you're interested in films that vaguely trail off, and if you like to see shallow metaphor delivered by lingering camera shots, then maybe you'll appreciate it. If you want something that feels like effort, or like anyone on the creative team actually cared about the project, then maybe pick something else. Anything else.
Rarely do I loathe a film so much as to post a negative review, but this lukewarm retread of horror's most overdone tropes did its absolute best to make good on none of its promises, and my rage at being so misled drives me to heap as much abuse as possible on this godawful movie.
My advice would be, of course, to watch *literally anything else.*