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joesmomberg
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57 Seconds (2023)
Did Morgan Freeman lose a bet or something?
So incredibly and irredeemably bad. Every aspect of the movie is unbearable. The main character, the side characters, the dialogue, the music, the lighting, the wardrobe, the supporting cast, the special effects, the camerawork, and even the props are lame and uninspired. This is one of the blandest and most boring movies that involves time travel that I have ever seen, and I've seen most of them. I can't imagine how they got Morgan Freeman to agree to be in this. He must have either lost a best or else someone had some dirt on him and used that as leverage to get him to be a part of this awful movie.
Wifelike (2022)
Movielike
It's almost like a real movie. It has actors, sets, props, and even something that looks like a story, at first. But the actors refuse to act. The sets are not futuristic even though it's supposed to be the future. The plot is like the plastic banana version of a fruit. It looks real but when you try to take a bite, all you get is a mouthful of Styrofoam. There's no substance to this movie. I think it is actually the worst thing I've ever seen, and I do really watch a lot of nonsense on Netflix. It is nothing more than softcore porn that went a little overboard with the plot. Nothing more than a waste of time.
Unicorn Store (2017)
Unfunny comedy. Unenchanting magic. Artless art.
I really tried to love this movie. Then, I really tried to like it.
It feels original and that is something I crave for more than anything else. But, it's just nothing. The characters are empty. The conversations are bland. The single big set piece scene seems like improve using what they had lying around the kindergarten. In the opening scene of the movie, we see a professor grading Kit's work, and I feel really just like that professor at the end of this movie. It fails in absolutely every regard, and no amount of wishing that it was great is going to change that. It is utter cringe, trying to pass itself off as whacky and original when it is in fact nothing at all.
Danjon meshi (2024)
2 cups of cringe and a spoonful of stupid
The show's humor depends on the majority of the characters being extremely stupid. They can't do anything right. Even their special skills are lame and useless.
For no apparent reason, they are aided in their quest by some random older guy who has a fetish for cooking monsters. He has no goal or purpose and just kind of goes along with them.
Every character is entirely one dimensional. One guy has a thing for eating monsters and that's his entire personality. The girl is disgusted by eating monsters and that is her entire personality. The other character is just kind of there and seems to have no personality.
It is an awful chore to watch and I felt myself getting constantly annoyed by how stupid these characters are supposed to be.
What We Do in the Shadows (2019)
You had 3 great seasons.... please stop now
The first 3 seasons were hilarious, but this has been stale for a long time now. It's really sad to see a great show become so boring over time. Please, stop making this. Move on to new characters and fresh ideas. The transition from the movie to the TV show was so much fun because we got to meet new vampires with an interesting life and backstory. You've long since milked these characters dry and now these episodes are starting to feel deeply uninspired. Please, stop making these lifeless seasons and give us a fresh new mockumentary. Maybe you could do something about vampires in another city.
Man vs Bee (2022)
Bean and Jerry
This didn't work for me. I found it to be too much of a cartoon but also not entirely committed to the cartoon genre. As an example, in the first episode, when he burns the manual by accident, there should have been a bigger distraction that made it believable for him to let it burn. Instead, he just stands there, inches away from the burning book, without noticing it. He doesn't notice that the soup isn't heating up. He doesn't notice the smell of the burning book. Catching the bee right there at the stove isn't enough of a distraction for an actual human not to notice fire, literally right under their nose. Then, the bee pushes the cup off the table by itself. Now, if he had maybe activated one of the automatic drawers and caused the cup to fall over, that would've been fine. But, a bee? Pushing a cup off a table? What is this? Tom and Jerry? If so, then by all means animate it and play awesome classical music over it. Cut out any attempt to make it grounded in reality. If you're gonna make a cartoon, then make a cartoon. Don't apologize for it.
The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse (2022)
It's a wonderful movie if you watch it in a language you don't understand
Every single line of "dialogue" is a tired cliche.
The characters go from beautifully drawn scene to scene, delivering the most tired, dry, repetitve quotes. All the characters have basically the same personality. They are all undergraduate psychology majors who actually wanted to study astrology.
Although the artwork is truly gorgeous, it's a very boring little story that makes you wish you were watching something else.
The most interesting part happens in the first few minutes, and from there you're basically just waiting for it to end.
Reading the 10 star reviews, I was amazed at how easily some people are entertained. All you have to do to make people happy is open your favorite aunt's facebook page, take the last 50 inspirational posts, and slap it together.
That '90s Show (2023)
I wish this was better / I wish this had never been made
You know sometimes you really want to like a show? You forgive all the annoying bits and you try your best to just get stuck in the story.
This was my experience with that 90s show.
It wasn't funny. The story wasn't compelling. The characters weren't fleshed out. The casting wasn't good. The 90's setting didn't feel authentic. And, to quote Kitty and Donna from the pilot episode - "It feels forced". There's just nothing to like about this show, even if you try your best to fall in love with it.
Watching this felt like work. I went from being optimistic about the show, to hoping it would get better, to not liking it and finally hating it completely.
The School for Good and Evil (2022)
A waste of talent, money and time
I really wanted to enjoy this movie. The cast is so good and they clearly spent a lot of money in it. But the dialogue is painful and the characters are utterly irritating. I've seen terrible movies and I've seen stupid movies, but it's been a long time since I've seen such a terrible stupid movie. The characters don't develop at all. The story is pointless. And it's so long. There were a few moments which were kind of interesting, and the CGI was really not bad at all. A few of the sets were passable. Overall though, it really feels like you're watching a people green screen. About halfway through the movie it kinda feels like the story is about to take off, but then it slows back down again. Such a waste of talent, money and time.
Us (2020)
the best show ever
The fact that so many people gave this 10 stars makes me want to die. i get that we all like different things, but what is there to like about this? terrible characters, beyond-boring dialogue, and the only funny thing is that it is described as 'hilarious' on the description.
My Name Is Sam (2020)
strange
If I were only looking at acting and production quality, this movie would be a 1/10.
Most scenes feel like a film student's first year project. They try to make it more authentic by sprinkling German here and there, but it ended up sounding very robotic, especially when the children read out their german lines expressionlessly. All of that stuff is 1/10. BUT...
The movie was strangely interesting to watch. I enjoyed seeing the actors (not the characters) become more confident in their roles as the story progressed. It was kind of fascinating to see the actors develop their skills from beginning to end. The story itself was all over the place. There was so much story in this story that there wasn't much room left for anything else. Trying to follow the little-bit-of-this-little-bit-of-that plot structure was slightly painful. Even so, I gave the movie a 6/10 because I watched it all the way through and that has to be good for something.
Lost in Space (2018)
Why? How? What? When? Who?
Why would a family this dysfunctional be sent into space?
How is anyone supposed to like these characters?
What is the point of a sci-fi show that lacks basic scientific principles?
When did the writers stop caring about plotholes?
Who likes this show so much that it got such a high score?
Órbita 9 (2017)
This movie deserves more than 5.5
This was a fairly good little sci thriller with a little bit of everything. There was a dash of suspense, some romance, and even a little Tom Cruise style action where people were running around. The ending wasn't perfect, but I liked how it wasn't dumbed down for the audience. That's a rare thing in today's cinema, and this "you either get it or you don't" attitude has endeared this director to me. The acting was good enough for a movie of this nature, and Clara Lago's performance was memorably good. Overall, I'd say this film deserves a solid 7, but I'm giving it a 10 because it deserves to have a higher average. At the time of writing this review, Orbiter 9 has a 5,5 and suicide squad has a 6.2 on IMDb. That's not right people. That's not right at all.