Change Your Image
jes842904
Reviews
The Ray Bradbury Theater: The Screaming Woman (1986)
Satire?
Is this supposed to be satirical or what? I know this series is somewhat campy as it is. But this episode seems to take the cake.
The conversation the young girl has with her parents at the breakfast table says it all.
Girl: "I heard a woman screaming for help all night in the woods"
Parents to Girl: "Preposterous."
Also Parents (to each other): "Did you hear the Nesbitts screaming and fighting and threatening each other last night and then all of a sudden Mrs Nesbitt disappeared and no one knows what happened to her!?"
"So crazy! There's no way the thing our kid just told us about the woman screaming for help in the woods pertains to this situation with the Nesbitts whatsoever! What a dumb kid!"
Hahaha.
Abandoned (2010)
What. Was. This??
Look. I haven't even finished the movie yet so this review has nothing to do with film as a whole.
The production quality of this atrocity is worse than 90% of lifetime originals.
I hate to speak ill of the dead here but what was going with with B Murphy?? It's heartbreaking to see her essentially physically breaking down in real time here.
She's gaunt and frail. I don't know who hired the makeup team for this joke but I'm fairly certain it must have been the studio heads middle school daughter and her friends.
Her hair is matted and greasy and almost glued to her head with an over abundance of either hairspray or gel. Her face makeup looks akin to that of a circus clown.
Then there's the totally out of place/miscasted Dean Cain. He looks awful as well. And just does not fit in this role.
And lastly. This clown of a detective. Who is this dude? I'm 100% certain he had pink eye in his right eye throughout the entire film. It was bloodshot and red and swollen and leaking (especially when compared to his other eye). Not to mention the constant forced blinking and facial/eye tick he had going on.
Just. What a mess all in all.
Such a shame for this lovely young ingenue's final role. At least we have Clueless; Girl, Interrupted; 8 Mile; and Uptown Girls to hold in our memories and hearts.
Banged Up Abroad: Mexican Prison Escape (2013)
Who's in charge of props??
This is a great episode. Super suspenseful, edge of your seat, reels you in, very charismatic cast of characters- incredibly likable gents. Escape episodes are intense nail-biters every time. This one is no exception. This would honestly make a great movie. Someone should look into that.
This is truly one of my all time favorite docu-series out there. Nat Geo never disappoints.
However. Despite my love for the show and episode in general, the entire reason I came to write a review on this one in particular is because of the complete and utter FAILURE in the props department. From the moment they introduce the marijuana on camera, whatever they decided to use for product is absolutely LAUGHABLE. Especially when The boys have procured their initial haul and are waltzing thru town with grocery bags full of what can only be described as garden & lawn clippings (it's no wonder they were able to so easily stroll by the cop in town whilst carrying these). I'm pretty sure when the set designers told props to collect "weed-like greenery," the gofer got confused and instead returned with bags full of landscaping "weed-like greenery" and not marijuana "weed-like greenery." And instead of fixing this completely obvious overlooked (major) detail, production decided it's audience is either oblivious to the non-consequential snafu or they themselves are clueless as to what weed (cultivated or not) actually is and looks like. Even though this err can tend to remove a true (Mary Jane) connoisseur from the realness of the story, it does not detach anyone so much so that it spoils the episode entirely
It's actually quite amusing what they are trying to pass off as weed here and honestly, in my opinion, makes it all the more enjoyable!
Girl in the Shed: The Kidnapping of Abby Hernandez (2022)
Come on Lifetime...
I've seen better acting in dramatic re-enactment shows on ID Channel. It's laughable.
Corey Matthews, what the hell man. Dumbfounded.
Are we seriously supposed to believe this 30 year old woman with bags the size of Texas under her eyes is actually a 14 year old child??
I'm sure there is a stellar dateline episode on this story that would blow this dumpster fire of a "movie" right outta the solar system.
Anyone associated with this train wreck should be blacklisted and lose their SAG card immediately.
Let's see... how many other ways can I insult this deplorable production until I meet the character limi...
Beauty's Revenge (1995)
If you've seen one lifetime movie...
...you've seen em all.
And this is no different.
Just came to say that the whole turning point of the movie supposedly comes when Kevin finds Cheryl's unique cow earring in the field where he found his friend Larry dead (of what, they never do say lol) earlier in the movie; leaving him to conclude that she must be responsible for Larry's death and of course why not, Beth's death as well.
However. The scene immediately following the one wherein Kevin finds Larry dead in said field, Cheryl is shown wearing BOTH of her signature cow earrings. So either we're supposed to assume she has multiple pairs of these "one of a kind" earrings or they totally botched their ending by this weak, easily avoidable continuity error.
Godzilla vs. Kong (2021)
Usually 100% here for these monster movies...
Have always loved them and always will; even when they're pointless piles of garbage.
However. Can someone please for the love of god explain to me how this prehistoric sea monster continues to rise from the depths every 5-10 years for the last 70 years, literally vomiting pure radioactive material from its belly all over the world and yet somehow no one or nothing is ever even remotely affected- let alone still standing- from the supposed pure radioactive digestive matter?? Please. If it has been explained away in some sidebar in one of the last 25 movies over the last few decades and I somehow missed it, I really really do want to know. Otherwise. Wtf. The entire world would have been one big Chernobyl disaster after his first appearance in 1954. *Devils advocate/over critical rant over*
Anyway.
Love the alpha titan bare knuckle boxing.
Love Brian Tyree Henry.
Love Coach Taylor- wish he was in this more.
Other than afore mentioned "loves" this entire movie is a clusterfowl of a time waste. Really not even sure what the point of it was other than another chapter in the ongoing saga that is the Lendary's MonsterVerse CGI you-know-what measuring contest.
But I guess we take what we can get during the tail end of a pandemic.
Search Party: The Whistleblower (2020)
Dark comedy perfect; Procedurally flawed
This show is fantastic. Is dark comedy gold.
However. When it comes to the criminality aspect it's frustratingly inaccurate.
Portia asking for and asking when her lawyer's arriving MANY times throughout the interrogation- anything the detectives got out of her the minute after she invoked her right to counsel would be immediately thrown out in court/inadmissible and the entire case would be in jeopardy (for the prosecution).
Granted this might be addressed in later episodes but I'm gonna guess not.
Either way. Love the show entirely despite!