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Dashcam (2021)
Still Life of a Nation Divided, Abroad
Dash Cam is a movie about a woman who plays a fictionalized version of her show where she drives around and freestyles about random things her fans shoutout in the chat in the corner of the screen.
She visits an old friend in England who she quickly realizes he's grown in a direction she hates. She's a child in a world of grown ups and her tantrum is immediate.
The characters intersect with a strange, silent woman and others connected in sometimes sinister ways with the woman.
The movie is a strange blend of Cash Cab and The Blair Witch Project.
That out of the way, let's address the low rating and the elephant and donkehy in the room.
For every fan that scrolls by in the corner of the screen, there are probably a hundred watching the movie who will hate her immediately based on her self-absorbed attitude and views on very pointed and raw political issues.
Her character is immediately signaled to be in opposition to approximately half of the audience. Is this a misstep on the directors part? Perhaps it's a signal that Blumhouse is a MAGA shil in disguise.
More likely, I'd say the film is as much about mending time worn, politically torn relationships-not fences-in the face of shared experiences of suffocation, alienation, loneliness, fear, loss, and helplessness.
Eternals (2021)
Worst MCU movid...also the worst movie I've seen in the past 5-10 yeard
The Eternals starts with a synopsis of why the Eternals are on Earth, what they are fighting,
and who will end up betraying them.
Almost the entire first hour is a serious of flashbacks. The characters themselves seem generic, and there are far too many to feel any actual connections to any of them, or to the
team itself.
Coming in at 3 hours, it's entirely unwatchable. I can't believe there is a sequel in the works.
I'm so glad I did pay to see this in theaters,
because I hate asking for my money back.
We Are Still Here (2015)
A movie out of time and space...
We Are Still Here is paradoxically earnest and witty. There are a lot of reasons why you might enjoy the movie.
It's a blend of intertextual reference and homage, love letter to the genre, and desire to live in the past. If it weren't quite so earnest, it would almost be a parody. It's Lovecraftian in that sense-being a work not of its time.
The points where it departs from the reasons above are the points where it loses itself. The deep emersion in decades past are subverted a few times, and that does detract from the enjoyment.
The pacing of the movie is...awkward in good ways. It's like watching a newborn giraffe stand up for the first time, and then suddenly blow up.
Most of the movies effects are physical, but this makes the ones that aren't stand out enough to pull me out of the experience and land me in bad CGI land.
Despite it's flaws, if your a fan of the horror genre and have any frame of reference for horror movies of decades past, its likely to be an enjoyable experience.
Thriller (2018)
Resurgence of Blaxploitation
If Blaxploitation took a step into a time machine and went back 30 years in horror. I'd be surprised if the writer/director has seen a horror movie in the last decade.
I can't believe Blumhouse put their stamp on this.
The Mandalorian (2019)
The Mandalorian with No Name...
The show misses the mark on a number of levels, the Baby Yoda may have kept viewers thirsting for more, but poor dialog, threadbare plot, and lack of a real enemy throughout makes the show feel more like grinding for some eventual payoff.
The last episode may pay off, this is arguably due to the direction of Taika Watiti, director of Thor: Ragnarok. The season finale did pay off, but not enough to have made the show really connect on any level beyond the basic desire for Star Wars TV.
The Mandalorian code being so explicit and preachy really takes away from what seemed to be the intent of the show, and definitely what the driving musical score promises, the man with no name, in space.
Despite being a man a few words, the man with no name was rougish, with some level of self-interest always close at hand. He is a bounty hunter at heart. But he's not just any bounty hunter.
But the missing piece wasn't necessarily in the actions of the Mandalorian, they were in the lack of any dynamic antagonistic presence. There was no enemy turned ally turned enemy turned begrudging partner again. This failure is present in all but one episode.
The Mandalorian absolutely needs a Tuco and Angel Eyes. We get the strong silent type. His dialog is stilted instead of compelling, and no antagonistic relationship leads to no character dynamics necessary to make the character work.
Indeed, every enemy we come across who might be a constant thorn and driving force to the Mandalorian's roguishness has been neatly wrapped up by the end of the "chapter."
Imagine reading a book in which no chapter leaves you on the edge of your seat. That was my experience with the Mandalorian.
Sinister 2 (2015)
If it had any real feeling to it
I really enjoyed the movie. That being said, there was too much wrong with it not to point out that those involved didn't have a tight narrative before starting.
There is the romance between the single mother and the deputy, which is endearing and totally unexplored. There is this new scientist showing up with a radio signal that is a potential for further methods of spreading boogie or buughul, but that too is totally unexplored.
Instead the focus is on the child, who must watch all the films. The films that were watched by the child in the first film. A child who is not part of the timeline of children in this iteration because this film was meant to explore a different vein. It gives us a record player, unexplained and unnecessary.
Mass communication is so much scarier. CB radio is nearly as antiquated as Super 8. If the radio avenue had been explored, maybe the children could've been into ham radio or it could've been an old CB that there dad had, a dad who is dead or ends up finding them right before the child decides to kill his family, give him room for pause and then room to realize that his father was an abuser.
Instead the audience has to root for the death of a cheesy archetype to die, and we're given what they told us we asked for. Instead of an homage to the Shining, we have the vague connection of a single mother who is a creative, but there is little recognizable intertextuality at play here.
Don't misunderstand, I found the movie was entertaining, but it wasn't as compelling or as fun as the first. I still really want to see a third movie in the franchise, as I find the potential for more refined lore from the universe exciting.
The Conspiracy (2012)
Just short of Focualt's Pendulum for a digital age.
To compare The Conspiracy to Umberto Eco's masterwork of literature is high praise, and I really felt invested in how everything came together as I watched. The movie interweaves the character's daily lives with something at once unbelievable and utterly possible. It is a force that leaves the characters straddling a line between paranoia and knowledge.
That tension and the conspiracy theory at the heart of The Conspiracy makes the movie worth watching.
The movie is let down in the third act where it needed solid performances, direction, and editing. And the final minutes miss the mark. The real filmmakers chose the path of least resistance, and I don't mean within the world of the movie.
The Conspiracy left me with nothing left to question. It forgets the message that resounds from the beginning, the central theme. It leaves me with a sense that there is nothing left that can't be disproved. This is ultimately what keeps this from being a truly great mockumentary.
Puppet Master: The Legacy (2003)
15 minutes of cash-in
Literally 15 minutes of passive exposition and the rest is a bunch of cut scenes from older movies. This was directed by the company owner or something like that. Basically it was an easy money.
I seriously couldn't give this movie anything more than a one. It tries as doing absolutely nothing.
The Maus (2017)
Personal narrative of the aftermath of genocide.
This is an arthouse film. If you don't like the subgenre, you won't like this.
Non-European Viewers and Younger Viewers: Look for context in the WIkipedia article on Bosnian genocide.
The Maus is a deeply unsettling, personal narrative of a Bosnian Muslim woman and her German boyfriend who come across a couple of Bosnian Serbs in the woods. The woman is injured and the boyfriend guides her into a surreal, living hell.
The metaphor isn't terribly difficult to grasp. NATO efforts were stifled by bureaucracy, half-hearted, and prone to believing in the good will of Bosnian Serb warlords.
The Maus is as close as I can possibly imagine to experience the severe emotional trauma of the aftermath of a period of war and genocide. The movie is shot through the lens of those who survived and tells the stories of those who didn't.
The performance of actor Alma Terzic and the direction of Yayo Herrero were exceptional.
The film was visceral and haunting. The film was unexpected. The tone, the narrative, the nightmarish horror, the violence, and the surrealism weren't contrived devices of a poor narrative, they were crucial to the telling of it.
The Lobster (2015)
Wow lot of polarized opinions.
In my mind just the fact that so many of the ratings are either really high or really low, and the contempt so many have for it, made it worth seeing. Personally, I found the movies black humor funny. It reminded me in many ways of A Clock Work Orange, only less rapey.
I think many people are going to be turned off the deadpan delivery throughout the movie, but I found it both strikingly odd and refreshing to see something so different.
The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001)
Feels Like the Book and yet...
Ultimately the movie feels incomplete. While I understand that it is part of a trilogy, and we all go in expecting it to be part of a trilogy, the movie feels incomplete in and of itself. It doesn't leave us in a place of resolution, nor does it lead us to question. The undeniable truth is that the movie only leaves us with a sense that the movie cannot stand on it's own.
It's production value can't be ignored. The movie's stunning visuals and score are the majority of the movies appeal. The actors do make their characters come alive, but acting isn't what makes this movie. The direction is, as with nearly all Peter Jackson movies, well executed. But none of this changes the fact that in the end, the movie is lacking in the ways that are most important.
A comparison with the original Star Wars easily demonstrates what a director can do when he knows that a movie must stand on its own merits and not merely as the introduction to something more complete.
I give this movie a 7 because of the stunning cinematography, visual appeal, and score. But a high budget movie like this that can't stand alone, couldn't earn a higher rating than this.
Cheap Thrills (2013)
Does exactly what it sets out to do.
This is one of those rare movies that gives you exactly what it says it will, and does exactly what it sets outs to do. It's almost flawless in its execution of that goal.
Two friends meet at a bar after one who is just trying to provide for his wife and daughter has just lost his job. His friend hasn't changed a bit, but it's clear that he has. The dynamic between the two lets the viewer know that this wasn't exactly a healthy friendship.
They meet a wealthy couple in the bar, the embodiment of the older wealthy man and younger, sensual woman trope, but this couple is out for more than just a night on the town. As rich people often do, they want something...exotic. And that's where the movie really takes off.
It's a truly dark tale, but it's something I could imagine having been told ever since one man gained power over many. It could be told over centuries in different ways, and to one degree or another, it likely has.
This one is a pass for those without a dark sense of humor. If you don't find sadistic behavior funny, you should definitely take a pass on this one.
Gehenna: Where Death Lives (2016)
Here's the nose...now put everything on it.
It's like the writer/director/editor thought the audience would be too stupid to think back and say, "oh." It was entirely possible for this to have been done well, but they were too attached to an ending that couldn't deliver.
The portrayal of Pepe was awful. I'm not sure that I can blame the actor, though, the writing and direction were awful. He's some kind of caricature of a "native islander," and once again it's insulting the audience.
There's a really heavy handed message about colonialism/empirialism in here, but I'm too wrapped up in how bad this thing to care. And I do care about those issues. If I didn't, I would point to this as an example of why liberals are awful.
I give very few movies a 2 rating, as they generally have some redeeming qualities in them. The paper thin characters, the poor use of a great set, and the
Death Race 2050 (2017)
The lower the better...
For most movies the opposite is true, but for most Corman productions, I keep my expectations low so I'm never disappointed. I give this one a 3 instead of a 2 because it's a bit too classy. "Too much class ruins sex"* and Corman.
* Wise words from the non-Cormanese, yet still prophetic Videodrome.
Suspiria (2018)
I don't understand...
What people didn't understand about this movie. The plot was not convoluted. The historical period is inline with the narrative. The characters have depth, and the story behind the dance school becomes clear in the telling.
While the original starts off running, like someone jumping into a taxi in the middle of a storm, arriving both unwelcome and menaced. The re-imagining arrives unwelcome, screaming, and incoherent. And yet we know immediately that behind this insanity lies the truth.
Suspiria 2018 is bleak. The colors are muted, and I can understand a level of disappointment here. But, their is purpose in this. There is context in the time and place in which the movie is set (for more you can read below). The flourishes of color play only in darkness, and more importantly in the dance.
For me, the biggest disappointment in the original movie was the absence of dance. Ironically, the style of the original Suspiria was an inspiration for the choreographer of Suspira 2018, who took the expressionist and interpretive dance that was current in the 70s and made it the central to the new film.
Dance becomes and goes beyond a metaphorical abstract and a visceral reality of ritual and persecution, method and passion, life and death, maiden and mother. The movie is a dance. But "there are two things that dance can never be again: beautiful and cheerful."
The movie isn't beautiful, but it isn't ugly either. It doesn't share the sense of luxury that the original does. It breaks the nose of what is beautiful. It doesn't bring joy, but neither does it bring sorrow. It brings characters in a dance, tugged upon like marionettes. The central theme is abuse of power, and characters often compelled or coerced by events beyond their control are hallmarks of the genre, but theu aren't always obvious, and could be confused with lack of direction.
The original Suspiria was an excellent horror film. Note, I said horror and not giallo, because it isn't a giallo. It shares some stylistic elements with the gialli because it's directed by Argento, and is a product of it's place and time, but Suspiria is a supernatural horror film.
The re-imagining was exceptionally well-crafted, but it doesn't pretend the throne of the original. It doesn't try to be something it isn't, can't, or shouldn't. It's clearly to be taken as a work in its own right.
Notes on Post-War Germany in the 70s and Why Susie is Mennonite
Historical context might help going into the movie, but it isn't necessary. You can check out some small amount of the historical perspective at the bottom if you care to know. This is a movie with a rich history, much like the dance academy in which the movie takes place.
Some people may feel that the environment outside the walls, a city divided for 30 years, detract from the main plot, for my part it provides perspectives. Some people may feel the Susie's back story is uncompelling or out of place. I felt that it was the driving force of the movie, and the characters motivation for being where she is.
Knowing somethng about post-war Berlin,and the historical events that drove the decision to place the movie at the exact moment may confuse some American audiences. That's understandable.
Very few Americans under the age of fifty are going to remember this part of the history of the Cold War. This is German history-a major audience for which this movie was intended.
The historical event that drives what's going on outside the walls is the hijacking of a plane by the RAF (Red Army Faction), a radical communist group centered in West Berlin, though they often retreated back into East Berlin. Both the division of city by the Berlin Wall and the revolutionary actions of the RAF taking place mirror the narrative of the film in ways better understood after watching iy.
Similarly, most people outside the mid-west of the US or, to a certain degree, German speaking countries will know little about the history of the Amish and Mennonite churches, in particular those in the US. Note that Pennsylvania Dutch is a misnomer, as it is a dialect of German. This may confuse people not aware of the fact.
Amish and conservative Mennonites communities, just like many other "foreigners" in the US became insular. To this day, Amish and most Mennonites speak German as their first language. This marks them as alien when surrounded by people who neither speak German, nor share any common community grounds.
Few know of the Amish flight from religious persecution, which runs parallels the history of the early English colonists. Or the fact that everyone outside these community in the US are referred to as the English. They have never given up being German.
The connection to Germany is strong, Susie's character isn't incidentally and incomprehensibly Mennonite. She might feel more at home in Germany than anywhere except in the confines of the community in which she grew up.
The desires of the character are more easily understood when you have a better understanding of how difficult it would be to leave this type of community and any sense of belonging along with it-or the shame and guilt which it places on the shoulders of those who leave the church-or just a chance at doing what you love.
Susie is a woman of passion who is stifled in a strict, insular, religious community. Themes of religious persecution-whether it be the Jews, the Amish, or the Hexen-work heavily behind the scenes in this movie.
If all of this leads to confusion or disorientation on the part of some viewers, I understand. Personally, I feel that confusion and disorientation may have been intentional.
Avengers: Endgame (2019)
Skip the first 2 hours
There's absolutely no pay off to be had plot wise here. Nothing to see here people. Fast forward through to the last hour and you're good. You will have missed nothing.
This movie was either way too long or just nowhere near long enough. This was supposed to be a part II of conclusion that wraps up an entire universe of characters spanning 20 movies and they couldn't be arsed to give us a third act?
Unfortunately, they titled the movie Avengers: Endgame, and making a sequel to that would be nearly as bad as having a movie titled Rambo: First Blood Part II. What would they have called a third movie? Avengers: The Really Real End Time, Place, Realm. (No, we honestly mean it this time.)
Sadly, the first hour or so of the movie is Ant Man trying to save a tacked on, marketing driven first act that pays off in no way. Meanwhile, also tied to marketing, some major plot holes and omissions were completely egregious.
A large portion of the principle photography for this movie was done alongside side Infinity Wars itself, which would've made sense if they'd had a coherent story line by then.
Leave it to the screenwriters, they'll make something of it. Leave it to the editors, they'll fix it in post. Well, somebody forgot to fix it. And it wasn't me. Fortunately, marketing fixes everything.
Let's face it, there are two kinds of people in this world: those who for a final movie who are just going to love it no matter what, those who view the movie with the same critical eye they would the others, and those who decide that there can only be two types of people.
Why are there always two kinds of people? Look at Loki! Now that's an interesting character. He can be good; he can be bad. He's fiendish and lovable. He's a hero and a villain and an anti-hero and-still, somehow-human, god, and ice thing.
Honestly, Infinity Wars couldn't have come at a worse time. It was originally a much larger unification of Marvel heroes and villains, and now that Disney owns all of the other Marvel Universe crap, that movie could've been the Infinity Wars, with a plot that started to wrap up before the last movie.
Ah well, maybe in 20 years they'll redo the whole thing again with the X-Men and Silver Surfer in it (take or leave the Fan-4. This is super likely.
I heard Spider Man: Far From Home was really really good, but I have no desire to see it. Why? Because it sounds to me like Spider Man visits France for Holiday and Meets some Good Guys and some Bad Guys and forces you to watch the credits so you can see 30 seconds that tease you into watching the next movie that's just going to do the same thing.
Death House (2017)
Interesting conceptually, horrendously executed.
This is the type of DTV that annoys me to death. It's the same video quality you'd find 15 years ago, with the same result. Schlocky digital effects, cinematography that takes you out of the experience of the movie, and a budget that has been compromised to do things that it should've never attempted.
Singular focus is what most great horror movies have and what they so often require. The horror genre, as a whole, has been plagued by low budgets. This restriction allows us to tell human stories, monstruous stories, but not high-concept, big budget, blockbuster action, sci-fi stories. This movie forgets that at the expense of the cast, crew, financiers, and viewers.
Production quality could've improved drastically had the movie been less at conflict with itself and more inline with its budget. Because the real interesting part of the movie was really only one question.
What would a prison be like if it were literally based on the 9 circles of hell. That question requires no gimmicky special effects, no Deus-Ex, no anti-climax, no Resident Evil moment of glory, or pseudo-philosophical nonsense. It only requires horror and suspense.
It's a real shame, because the two scenes worthy of note are both underdeveloped and unrealized. I'm speaking of the three satans and the visual effects extravaganza. These hinted at moments were the real movie, everything surrounding it was so much gold dust.
What I did get for my netlfix subscription and my time, was pretty much every cameo I could possibly want. This would've been the horror equivalent of a wet dream, except nearly every cameo was marred by lackluster scene, bad digital effects, and awful dialog.
I won't go any further into the dialog here, it's just not worth mentioning. The script is hardly worth mentioning, except that there was a kernel there that no one involved could realize.
Text (2008)
You won't guess who the killer is...
And you won't care either. This is like a self-published book: it's free on Amazon and you shouldn't waste your time. No camp...no fun...and I'm pretty sure they got their money from a Mormon.
This movie was made in that gap between the death of home video and ascent of movie streaming. It was when Blockbuster, Netflix, and Red Box all existed and were all selling unknown commodities in packages that didn't allow you to preview anything.
It was when a digital video company could get away with some vaguely suggestive cover art selling a phoned-in movie. It should be a texted-in movie, but the movie wasn't even about texting.
That's the big plot point. It's not even a spoiler, because there's nothing to spoil. This thing was already rotten.
I Had a Bloody Good Time at House Harker (2016)
The Title Is Not Wrong
I did have a bloody good time, in both senses of the word. This gorefest is a horror fan's delight. Its references will keep you entertained, but you'll stay for the witty one-liners and endless fountains of blood.
The movie begins in the early 20th century where Dracula leaves off. The Harkers move to America to escape their past. Of course, as with any past, it follows and we end up in the present day with three siblings, descendants of Mina and Jonathan, about to lose the family homestead.
I was actually pleasantly surprised by this movie. From the first 15 minutes or so I thought I might be sitting through yet another adolescent boy fantasy. But as with any decent adolescent, the movie soon stars to grow up. That doesn't mean it's not still funny and disgusting. But the movies central theme-the bonds of family and friends-begins to shine through, creating a Cairo-blood, red filter of kinship.
If you are the type of horror fan that gets their comedy straight from your horror movies, or the type that enjoys the odd horror comedy, you're going to love this movie.
And if anyone involved is reading, I'd love to see a sequel.
Bubba the Redneck Werewolf (2014)
I couldn't get past the opening credits...
I'll likely try this one again some day, but I couldn't get past the opening credits. The "Bubba the Redneck Werewolf" song annoyed the hell out of me. I couldn't stomach it.
I'll rate the movie when I actually watch it.
XX (2017)
Fatal Fems
This is one of the few horror movies I've found that has a lower imdb rating than critical score-the opposite is almost universally true. The critical score on Rotten Tomatoes is 72 precent. That's a huge difference. This anthology has gotten a lot of hate for the fact that it was directed by women from people who claim they "don't care that it was directed by women."
For the record, I do care that it was directed by women. I'm not saying everyone who says they don't care is lying. Oh wait...Yes, that's exactly what I'm claiming. If this had been released with male leads by male directors it would have a 6 rating for the stop motion animation between segments alone.
The anthology is told from a female perspective so if you're part of the he-man woman hater's club you can write this one off now. If you're willing to accept that woman have stories to telll and that female characters should have flaws that don't involve their looks, self-esteem, or period, I think you'll find this a fresh take on the horror anthology.
As the parent of a child with an eating disorder, I found The Box terrifying. It starts out as if it could be pulled out of the pages of Romero's Creepshow, then it takes a turn for the less formulaic. Ultimately, there maybe two types of people in this world: people who love ambiguous endings and people who...
The Cake, is the second entry in the anthology, and it's a story that many reviewers obviously didn't get. Whether that's because we don't value the time and effort put into rearing children or because it is a bit schizophrenic, I'll leave up to you to decide. For me, this anxiety-fueled entry was both funny and cringe-inducing. I loved it, and-if your capable of putting yourself into the shoes of a mother whose child's special day it is-you'll likely enjoy it too.
Her Only Living Son is likely another source of contention in this anthology. It unapologetically follows the narrative of a mother who has spent her whole life trying to protect her son. It sees the mother of this bad seed trying to keep her son from being lost entirely to the dark side. I found it to be emotionally satisfying and a great nod to genre classics, Rosemary's Baby and The Omen.
The Fall is the weakest entry for me. The narrative stalls in this one. I felt it was the most formulaic of the four, and it ended without making much of an impact.
I'd love to tell you this is objectively the worst of the four, but it may just be that I was incapable of viewing the women in final segment apart from the role of mother taken on in the other stories. Though, arguably, the antagonist in this story coiuld be said to be a mother of sorts. Maybe the fact that I'm not sure about my point of view that I like so much here: I'm forced to reevaluate assumptions of female moviemakers, female driven stories, gender roles in film, and myself as a viewer.