ciclohexatrieno Reviews

Megamind vs. The Doom Syndicate (2024)

This is so bad I made a list of its mayor incoherences so you can clearly see how terrible is the plot.

[2/10 · 5 March 2024]

From someone who gave DB Evolution, Battlefield Earth and The Emoji Movie a 3, yes, this is THAT bad, this movie really fails in almost every single level it can.

Here's a list of incoherences I found from watching the movie just once, I haven't been told any of this:

1. First of all they did the samething as Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2: telling you that the protagonist had a crucial bond to something that wasn't even slightly hinted in the first part, in CwCM2 it was that guy Chester V, who suppostedly was the mayor inspiration for Flint to become inventor, now it's a mini group of supervillians that Megamind suppostedly worked with, this undermines all of his escence if you think a bit, he had no friends at all, that's why he was so socially awkward, so basically doing this was a total character anihillation for him and destroys the bases of the first movie, and that's no minor issue because this is a sequel.

2. Megamind ALREADY CONTROLLED THE CITY IN THE FIRST MOVIE so why didn't the villians take that as the "sign".

3. Megamind underappreciates Minion (once again, so recycled arc) but this time feel suuuuper forced, and barely makes sence, is crystal clear that it happened just because the plot needed to not have him close to Megamind when the Syndicate first appeared, because what's the necesity of having him not ascending Minion and leaving him go?.

4. Instead of telling the people in the bank what was happening Keiko appeares, somehow enters the bank without the villians noticing, and help him just because the plot need her to be useful later on.

5. That fish crew starts going to the dancing plataform trying to capture Megamind and going for the mic instead of just shouting out loud or even telling one by one the truth because the plot need them to not reveal the true nature of Megamind yet.

6. Megamind gives up trying to enter the restaurant and recives once again the help of Keiko instead of doing something like dehydrating the guard or using the portal gun because the plot (again) needs the little girl to be useful.

7. Megamind surenders on trying to get Minion with him again despite a mayor emergency happening, that makes him look like a jerk.

8. The sofa that Megamind falls on has a rocket attached to it, is very conveniant and yet is the least grave thing on this list.

9. Somehow Megamind survives the fall after Lady Doppler destroy his chair and it's not explained how, did he dehydrated himself like in the first movie? We aren't told nor shown.

10. The Megamind's pin is located behind one of the part of his destroyed sofa so it's implied that it fell like that, then he proceeds to hide really close to it... oh the chances.

11. Keiko says that she stopped being a problematic girl because she learned from Megamind but only 4 days has passed since the whole city acknowladged him as its protector, so in 2 days she left the bad path and became an influencer with half a million followers from scratch?.

12. Minion appears out of nowhere to reunite with Megamind exactly when he mentioned that they needed him and then Keiko hit him because she didn't knew it was him, first: HOW THE HECK CAN'T YOU RECOGNIZE A ROBOTIC GORILLA SUIT WHEN HE'S THE ONLY OF HIS TYPE?, second: DID MINION USED THE SHUNKANIDO OR WHAT?

13. The most idiotic one by far: Megamind sends Minion to abort the fase 2 but when he gets in trouble and close to death because his suit was destroyed, Megamind sends a robot parrot that easily crosses the security and enters the room quickly... COME ON you had no time to spare, WHY DIDN'T YOU SEND THAT ROBOT INSTEAD OF MINION? WHY YOU RISKED HIS LIFE LIKE THAT?

14. Lord Nighty Night is vanished by Keiko and in the end he reapears as if nothing happened.

15. Machiavillian says that he teched Megamind "everything he knows" but that's not true, in the first movie we knew Megamind learned all by himself.

Another stuff I noticed after briefly watcing some random seconds of it: 16. Megamind uses a portal gun in the begining and the it never re-apears despite it being super useful.

And now the stuff I learned from others: 17. The villians have superpowers and somehow are in prision as normal prisoners while Megamind and Hal, despite not having superpowers, had a special maxium-security cell because he was too dangerous.

The only savable thing about it are the hispanic-american dubbing and the direction, the dubbing is good, even great, despite only Megamind keeping his voice (which is one more character than the original version who kept it) and the direction is not horrible, that's why I don't give it a 1, because out there are movies like Birdemic that are so bad they doesn't even fit the Megamind level of badness, nonetheless the plot is extremely bad, and I won't let that slip away.

Final note: I've consider the climax of Frozen II an anti-climatic disapointment, so now I publically appologise to Chris and Jennie, because this movies takes the concept of anti-climatic to the next level.

The Shawshank Redemption (1994)

I can really understand why it 's the highest rated here.

[10/10 · 9 January 2024]

The movie has a lot of themes, but I think the principal is: having something that makes you want to live, that the explanation of the "get bussy living or get bussy dying", which of course is also reflected with the "Brooks was here so was Red".

The movie also provides a different look at prisoners, showing us their human side and their attempts to live a good life after they lost the past one, entring prision is a reset, and that's showed to us, Andy manages to do make a library when the prisoners can get education, that remembers us something widely forgotten: a lot of prisoners manage to redeem theirselves and really deserve a second chance in life, but, sometimes that second chance doesn't go well, and that's protrayed in Brooks, with a scene incredibly well made, that manages to make feel really sad for him, of course the Newman's score help a lot in this, I really get in the edge of tears or more watching that, and I don't cry for a lot of movies.

"They send you here for life and that's exactly what they take off you", which also makes the theme for institutionalization, when you get so used to confinement that you can't live without it, prison is like a different world, and this movie makes you feel that, and shows the hard life and ex-con can have if he or she lived too much time in prison.

Institutionalization is dangerous and can make a person attempt suicide because they no longer have a reason to live, the thing that stopped Red from doing that is the promise he made to Andy, and is clear that in the scene when he mades it, he attempts to help Andy, but he ends up helpping him, that's more consistant when one remembers that Red said that Andy walked and talked in a strange way to be in prison, that's because he always had hope and that made him feel free, he always had a reason to live, his hobbie with the rocks, the library, Tommy's education, the Rita Heyworth thing...

Also the narration is excellent, the deep voice of Freeman is very immersive, dubbing can't really match it, it just too good, I now undertand why he is cast as a documental narrator, the score from Thomas Newman is glorious and immersive, it adds up a lot especially in the introduction to Shawshank, the first night of Andy, the roof scene with beer, the "Brooks was here", the climax, the ending.

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu No Yaiba - To the Swordsmith Village (2023)

Backwards movie

[6/10 · 12 March 2023]

So there's an epic fight when the protagonists and a pillar are trying to kill an upper moon, they put all their effort to kill them, and this epic battle, with a glorious animation, great emotion, glorious acting and great music is... in the begining?

The edit of this is done in a way when it comes from a lot to less, the climax is at the begining, after that, we see our heroes recovering, the upper moons gathering and Tanjiro going to the Swordsmith Village, the emotion and tension is all lost.

Since IMDb lists this as a movie, and it's sort of sold as one I can't forgive this kind of structure. Now, it matters a lot that the first 50 minutes are the last 2 episodes of the season 3 since it's a recent release and is all fresh in my memory, in the future, this piece of media will be seen as something apart, and for me, it would be unfair to punish it for being a copy-paste of the series, so I don't take that into consideration, but the backwards structure is unforgivable to me.

Green Street Hooligans (2005)

Way, way better than I expected

[8/10 · 17 November 2022]

I didn't thought it was going to be THIS good, first of all, all the plot about Harvard is very well done, showed to us visually with the tesis and the cuts that prevent over exposition, that demonstrates an effort to make the technical aspects as good as they could be, which, despite some shaky cam in the begining is done well, specially with the inserted songs, put exactly when required.

The introduction to the hooligan world is great, after being attacked by the Birmingham's "firm" we see our protagonist falling from being a golden boy from from the university that didn't even bothered to fight to preserve his career despite a great injustice suffered, to being a guy that physically fights against other "firms" just to preserve the reputation of the "GSE", to the ponit he even steals a truck just to fight the Manchester United firm, basically he became more tough just for defending something that really isn't important, and the final lesson of the movie is learning when we had to be tough and stand our ground and when we have to leave a fight because it will have no winners, it's not the best way to gain confidence and courage, but Matt learned it anyway, and so did we, all this with an extra lesson about revenge and the destruction spiral it creates.

Also I have to comment that the acting is surprisingly good, specially from Forlani, if you already watched this you know the scene I'm thinking about, it feels so real and is really unexpected from an independent movie.

But the moment I realized this movie deserved an 8 is when we learn about the old leader of the firm, THAT was really mind-blowing.

I strongly encourage you, esteemed reader of my review, to give this one a chance, is better than it appears at first.

The Gospel According to St. Matthew (1964)

Very faithful to the source material but could have been improved.

[7/10 · 6 August 2022]

As someone who recently read the gospel of Mattew I can say that yes, this is very faithful, even word for word depending on the translation.

However, when you cast amateur actors you can't expect a perforfance at the level of The Passion of the Christ, I won't call the overall acting bad, altrough it is inconsistent, sometimes is solid and sometimes stiff, important moments would have been improved if the actors showed the correct emotions naturally so the scene won't feel too artificial and rushed like it did, I will talk about this point later.

Another missed opportunity is the parables, we only get four: The Lamp under a Bushel, The Lost Sheep, The Two Sons and The Wicked Husbandmen, out of the 22 aviable the movie only tells 4, and they left out the best one in my opinion: The Unforgiving Servant, maybe Pasolini didn't wanted the movie to be preachy, but Jesus spent a lot of his time teaching and a lot of this wisedom comes from the parables, is an important aspect of his story, omitting a big portion of it wasn't a good choice, but still, the Sermon on the Mount is kept very accuratly and that a good point in a montage showing diferent backgrounds, weather and hour of the day, clearly showing us subtly that, as I said, Jesus spend time teaching.

This is actually a rule for this movie: some things hit the nail straight on the head and other are very bland and weak, examples:

The slaughter of the innocents, the Sermon on the Mount, The woes of the Pharisees, the two parables at the temple are really as they should be.

The bapstisms of John, the temptations of the desert, Peter crying and the Judas suicide are okey bout could've been better with proper acting (specially the temptations) and setting.

And the negation of Peter, the trial of Jesus and the crucifixion are badly done, and is there when you remember they are all amateurs, they must show fear, desperation and pain but they have the same indiferent face expression and talk the same way they did for almost all over the movie.

Also I have to say that the visuals and the music are good, and the movie overall, despite its weaknesses, is good.

Villainous: El Corazón Cruel (2021) Season 1, Episode 24

The cure for simping: A very needed episode for our times with a great lesson of self esteem.

[9/10 · 24 June 2022]

The episode seems to be a critique the attitude of the world we are now where some people think giving hours of attention and lots of compliment to an "influencer" is worthy, a very weird connection that these people have, they suppostedly love the person behind the social media and are willing to even give them money, most of, if not all of them do this in a hope that the influencer will love them or a least show them a sign of love, something showed when Ghoul believes Heed is going to kiss him only to recive a blown kiss that clearly wasn't what he wanted, of course, analysing this issue coldly is crystal clear that this will hardly work for two main reasons:

1. Most of the time literally hundreds or thousands of people are doing the same thing, so you'll need to be very lucky to actually stand out.

2. As is shown in the episode: the influencer has already a love interest, and of course isn't any of her simps.

In the best case scenario, the influencer wants all that attention only to boost her/his ego, in the worst is using the "fans" as means for an end that, in real life is usually just squeeze them all the money she/he can, in this fictitious cartoon she wants everyone to love her, a mixed bag of both things.

With that being said I may ask: What kind of heroism is that? Boosting your ego is now doing good? Also she admited to steal Flug's tesis, two actions that are pretty bad, and if wasn't because she has a background in official comics, I would almost consider her totally not a heroine and just having that title for being close to Goldheart.

This episode also has the most probable chance of being very important for the lore, a lot is revealed, the past of Flug is shown a bit, Goldheart makes his first appereance and seems to have an organization of heroes to combat the Black Hat one, something that probably will be a key element in the future.

One important detail is that Demencia is crearly affected with the fact that Flug was charmed to attack her, she seems desperate and angry, showing subtly that she, deep in her heart cares about Flug.

Another even more important detail is that after showing that a heartbreak cures the spell on everyone they apparently prepare a livestream of something and accidentally transmited Heed kissing Flug mouth to mouth, a lot of people in real life wonder, if she didn't kissed Ghoul even in the cheek, why he kissed Flug that way? The theory is that she kind of liked him or at least in the past, they seem to have been "friends" in school, this subplot is very interesting, and with the risk of it being cliche I will say I would really like to know more of it in a posterior episode.

Also the final message couldn't be better: Love yourself first instead of wanting love and attention from others, a simple lesson that the world seems to be forgetting since some time ago and for years to come.

Villainous: Secretos Satelitales (2021) Season 1, Episode 22

Clever jokes, funny ending and a very deficient heroine.

[7/10 · 24 June 2022]

Seriously Airlock got fed up of the team so quickly?, I can forgive a bit of it considering the episodes lasts 11 minutes and they don't have time to really show her desperation growing up, still a weird reason why the protagonists win.

The rushing of Flug wanting to view the final episode of his favorite show seem to only give us an excuse for time race, but it also adds the treatment of Flug by Black Hat as a mere serf, something that helps constructing BH as the most evil thing in existance, something reforced with some of the shorts.

The motivation of the entire episode is presented to us a really serious matter, but then we learn with a twist that the information stolen was actually that final episode of that show all along something that serves for the ending and apparently as an excuse to trow some anti-piracy message.

The references here are, again, very celver, one to the Teletubbies with the "Wee-weenies" and another to the soap operas from Mexico, specially "La Rosa the Guadalupe", I don't really hate the Teletubbies, but is good to see a character named "UWU" and other named "OWO" suffering, the "rose" is a clear reference to that soap opera that has become more of a meme than anything else in the mexican meme community.

The ending is interesting for the fact that V. I. R. U. S. Just spoils everything to Flug while he and Black Hat just laugh is clever way to end the episode and something not really predictable and funny.

Villainous: ¡Boo-Lldozer! (2021) Season 1, Episode 20

Yet another evil parking lot builder, but now he is a... hero?

[8/10 · 24 June 2022]

Innocent children ghosts and a living house are going to be taken down to build a parking lot, but the one in the demolition is a... hero? That's a twist on a cliche that refreshes it from being repetitive.

The episode then show us something we may have thought: 5.0.5. May be useless, he seems like a cute character that is there only to contrast with the other characters being evil, but it's proved he can be useful with certain enemies, being this one for losing his hand to a bear and 5.0.5. Bringing that horrible memories back to his mind.

The paintings in the house portray a sad story if you look closely when a lighting strikes, this hiden details make me wonder if there is going to be in the main plot some day in the future, and I wish they would.

The rest of the episode are interesting jokes to references to other media like the hallway scene when a very clever joke is done with a hallway when one character enters a door and cames from another one after some seconds that happens for example during some persecutions in Scooby Doo.

Then flug opening the doors show us references to Corurage the Cowardly Dog with the girl of the violin, The Shining with the two girls and a mexican horror movie called "La Puerta y la Mujer del Carnicero", a very obscure one I learned about in Alan's twitter.

The "hero" is also a bit funnier when he shows multiple personalities being also "Berry" his "wife" that's actually a demolition ball attached to his to which he apparently developed a sentimental connection.

And the ending of Bulldozer entering to the We Bare Bear's house is hilarious, hell on earth for him and a funny crossover moment for us.

Villainous: La Musculosa Malaventura de MBH (2021) Season 1, Episode 23

Apparently a Jojo's reference and a cactus that stoles the episode.

[8/10 · 20 June 2022]

I don't really know a thing of Jojo's Bizarre Adeventure, sorry, but for a meme I saw it seems that the frame visible in the episode is one referenceat least and apparently another from when "Dr. Flexx" shows up to bicep.

For the rest the episode is just about jacked doppelgangers, but maybe also a lesson about self steem and doing thing only for external approval, a recipe for disaster, and the apparent motivation of Black Hot working out, an attitude that I think is rare, but even if it isn't, clearly is bad reason why doing things in general.

Two other great jokes:

1. The "impostors" and his trial showing us characters from old cartoon network series that kind of resamble the protagonists.

2. The cactus 6.0.6. Is also a good addition, at first seems to be just a innanimate object put there just to fill the void of a 5.0.5. Double, but then is hurts Flug, pulls a lever and ends as a stowaway in the ship in the ending, we are probably going to see more of it in the future.

Also great detail in the ending Black Hot swimming in the beaches of Bolivia.

Villainous: LA VVV (2021) Season 1, Episode 21

Strange in a lot of issues but has a great chance of expanding the lore with the whole "Black Charro" thing.

[7/10 · 20 June 2022]

Is a very interesting episode in the first part, specially after is revealed that the Adelita just wanted to recover her husband, a twist of events that, again show that the "villians" aren't always exactly doing wrong.

Then it turns weird when we learn that Demencia could always just take off the mask, so... she spent minutes fighting Flug and other villians just because Black Hat wanted to see some pain? Well it sacrifices story in order to make Black Hat more evil, but it takes like 3 minutes, 23% of the episode is a fight that add almost nothing to the plot only to make a joke about Dia de Muertos and for make Black Hat more evil, maybe it could've been shorter.

Then why I still give it a 8? Because it has a great chance of expanding the lore in the future, why Black Hat is known as the Black Charro? Probably his backstory is interesting, and of course rooted in the mexican legends, something Alan Ituriel shoud know well for sure, and is probable that this episode is more relevant than what appears at first sight.

Villainous: El Atroz Amanecer (2019) Season 1, Episode 19

Great introduction that proposes important questions and makes two key points for the series.

[8/10 · 20 June 2022]

This episode introduces us to two important elements for the series:

1. Flug wants to impress his boss Black Hat but he doesn't get impress easly.

2. The "heroes" in the series often do bad things and it's clear sometimes they are only labeled as "heroes" because the protagonist are "villians".

Demencia's obsession with Black Hat was actually show since the very first short, seems to be important, but it was already clear.

Also the episode shows us an interesting lesson: sometimes taking action quickly is better than overthinking a situation, a duality shown clearly in Flug's meticulous planing and Demencia's impulsiveness.

Villainous (2017–2021)

Great show that gets better with every new episode.

[8/10 · 17 June 2022]

The premise of the show is very interesting, giving us the villian point of view is maybe not new, but since the begining is made clear that the "heroes" aren't always very heroic and the "villians" sometimes do well, something not new for a mature audience of series and movies that aren't exactly what people will call "cartoons", so the real improvement is using a new format to express this realistic idea.

By the date I'm writing the first parragraph of this review on June 17th 2022, there are only 6 episodes and it seems to be a lot going on behind the scenes, plenty of questions are in front of us like: What exactly is Demencia? Why does Flug use a bag in his head? Why Flug said he usually has nightmares? Why is Demencia connected with reptiles? Why is Flug connected with airplanes? What's all with the Black Charro thing? How would Goldheart try to attack Black Hat Organization?, the show really goes outside the tv/streaming screen having websites and even social media for some characters, but I like to stick to only the episodes to solve things, needless to say, to my knowledge, none of the questions are really answered there, the lore of the show seems and feels very rich, I hope it's the case, but only time will tell.

If you recently discovered this show please give it a chance, the pilot is in youtube both english and spanish, you have my word that the show is good, specially the 6th episode.

This review will probably be edited and improved when more episodes are realeased.

The Secret of Kells (2009)

The worst Tomm Moore movie by far.

[6/10 · 24 May 2022]

The set up is crystal clear: The protagonist wants to dedicate himself to knowledge but his tutor says no, and of course his tutor is wrong in the end.

The problem is that the book of kells doesn't really "light the world" because of its content rich in knowledge, its thought-provoking text or its new view of the world, but because... wait for it... its decorations... I mean... a book is great because of its content, not because of the STUPID DECORATIONS, that's simply too weird to me, I can't take seriously the fact that the protagonist risk his like only to decorate a book, it's a very dumb reason.

The initial conflict starts because the new guy wants ink for decorate the book, so the protagonist end up meeting a magic girl called Aisling, who serves almost no purpose for the movie, except help him escape later, a wasted oportunity for her, however she tells him that a creature called "Crom Cruach" destroy her family and her entire species.

Later is revealled that in order to decorate the book they need a crystal that the viking destroyed, and the crystal coincidentally is the eye of that "Crom Cruach" so the boy goes there and BEATS THAT SNAKE THING WITH A CHALK, couldn't that magic creatures do something similar? Are humans immune to it? The movie doesn't explain, and I don't believe that can be a metaphor, also that fight is very anticlimatic and disapointing.

And all that because a book requires decorations, later, I found in wikipedia that the book is real and is a Gospel Book, but, who cares about the message that the book has, the movie doesn't tell you that, the cool and incredible thing about the book is that its decorations a great, and they are, but IT'S A BOOK, the decorations are meaningless and certainly they can't "light the world".

But to make justice, it may be a metaphor for movie that try to be good by being visually beautiful but they overlook the story and plot, dude, you are making a movie, you HAVE TO develop a story, you want to only do good visual thing? Dedicate to photography or painting, cinema REQUIRES STORY AND PLOT and BOOKS REQUIERE CONTENT, this one has little of both, but yes, I acknowledge, has a beautiful animation, one the best I've seen, if it's enough for you, enjoy it, it's worth your time.

Dancer in the Dark (2000)

There's a line between being a pure-hearted innocent person a being a total moron, Selma crosses that lines and not exactly by a little.

[6/10 · 24 May 2022]

All living creatures have an instinct that tries to perserve their lives, if you resign to that and simple walk off a cliff (metaphorically) I can not feel empathy for you, you simply wanted to die, and in this movie the protagonist does this in order to appear and the poor victim that kept her word despite that other guy not doing so, but that was a deal (maybe an implicit one), he broked his word, you no longer have to keep yours, but Lars probably wanted to make "the system" the villian so...

I know that the judicial system of USA is a pile of trash (to say the least) but this movie doesn't make a critic on this, if she had said what realy happened and the court decided that she was guilty, then THAT is a critic to the system, but the judge and juror heard that she was lying and had no alibi, why would it be their fault?

You may say that she wanted to protect her son from the true, but he was going to know his disease anyways because of the surgery he was going to have (and his posterior recovery), in contrast with another movie that I'm not mentiong because it's a HUGE spoiler (if you know, you know).

Also the filming quality is obscenly poor, I know Lars has a philosophy on why doing that, I don't care, if you make a movement of cinema that requires the scrpit to have a lot of holes then your movies are bad, I'm not saying the ones from Lars are bad, I'm saying, you don't have an excuse on "it was a movement with rules to follow" when you make trash, and the filming quality here IS trash.

For the good points: I recall that "I've Seen it All" and the other songs were good, the acting is solid and if you don't care much about logic or actual human behavior you may find a good tragic element, sadly, I care about both, hence I don't like this film.

Ran (1985)

This movie could easly been called: "Humanity: The movie".

[10/10 · 20 May 2022]

It's must be hard to find a movie that talks about more themes than this one, maybe LOTR: The Return of the King, and that is a MOVIE with capital letters, of course, from a Shakespeare adaptation one could expect great themes, but the thing is that adaptations don't always live up to the original, I haven't read The King Lear, but for what I know, it's a great inspection of human nature, and this movie really does this well enough.

The thing is that this movie is very well done, the tecnical aspects couldn't be better, the cinematography is glorious, the acting is excellent and realistic, the music is there where and when it needs to be, the action scenes are well filmed, and of course, the themes of the movie are very rich and well exposed.

Of course the movie teaches us how power corrupts a person and can turn him or her against everyone, even his or her family, and that would be a good theme, but the movie goes far beyond that, because Lady Kaede, the arquitect of the Ichimonji's house disaster, does everything to avenge his family who was murdered by Hidetora himself, this is interesting because the protagonist is by no means a "hero" or a "good guy", he is a war lord, and his actions are the ones chasing him, this is more clear when Buda is directly mentioned, for what I understand, karma works, sort of, this way: when you do something, it has an impact in the world, and this impact would either be good or bad acording to your action, and this effect will eventually return at you, and this movie show us how that happens to him, also because of the trauma of the betreyal of his sons and the age, Hidetora became insane and the only son who loves him and can cure his madness is now exilled because he was being "rude", that's explained by Kyoami with the bird and snake metaphor.

In the end the family destroyed itself, the power and greed of two of the sons became enough to cause a great chaos, but the horrible actions Hidetora did in the past increased this tragedy, and the tragedy of humanity itself, we can't stop fighting with each other, that's why this movie is very human, it's a movie about our species, and one of the things that make us so special: using cruelty to achive power.

Also a great detail the branch scene in the begining, that clearly shows that Saburo was the only son that cared for his father, we learned that through cinematographic language, Lord Hidetora Ichimonji learned it the hard way...

Battlefield Earth (2000)

A terrible movie you should definitely watch.

[3/10 · 18 April 2022]

The movie starts somehow decent, then Travolta and Whitaker appear and since then is a quality downfall so big that is almost hard to believe at first.

A lot has been said about this movie, just go read the "plot holes" in the "goofs" section of the movie, all I can say is: belive me, you don't really get how incredibly illogical and stupid this movie is until you watch it, I know because that happened to me.

However the acting, music, and visual effects aren't THAT bad as in other movies like "The Room" (terrible acting) or "Birdemic" (terrble effects), so..., why I give it 1 star?, answer: the cinematography, the movie is UGLY, not only the camera is always tilted, the colors are horrendous and that is very annoying.

Also the villian Terl is very stupid, but I mean, FOR REAL, basically takes an illiterate caveman and wilinglly transforms him into a specialized pilot that knows everything about the psychlos, even their greatest weakness, only because he wants some gold that he can't personally collect.

Curious note I didn't recall reading here in IMDb (until I contributed myself): in order to know which food "man-animals" Terl installs cameras to watch them 24/7, but then, when they are going to extract the gold he wants so badly, he uses a device that takes a picture from the sky every once in a while, very high IQ from this spece folks, no doubt..., but of course it's a script convenience for justify twhy humans go away so easly..., very lazy writting, I don't need to be an expert to know that.

Despite all of that: I strongly recomend you this movie, is one of the "so bad it's good" group, the only one I have watched up to now, and I'm pleased with it.

The Sacrifice (1986)

Yet another empty pile of trash disguised as a marterprice.

[5/10 · 12 April 2022]

Again we see a great cinematography in a movie from Tarkovsky, this time from the hand of Sven Nykvist, but sadly, the content and story in the movie are very little, again, as I called it before: instead of saying a lot with a little, Tarkovsky says a little with a lot.

The movie doesn't actually explore anything, we only have a lot of landscapes and a lot of random dialogue, I don't fall for that, you can't just briefly talk about socializing and expect me to bealive that the movie is about that.

As in Nostalghia we have long shots of landscapes, this time I dind't count the time-loss cause it seemed that they weren't as usual and are more scenes with dialogue, but what is the dialogue about? In some cases about the war but then they just talk about random things is strange ways and a specially weird one is a supernatural thing about a photo of a woman and his long-ago dead son, that is there only to justify later dialogue later that, otherwise, will be really unbeliavable.

After the war started, the protagonist prays and says he would sacrifice anything in order to the world peace to be restored, after that the mailman says he has to sleep with Maria, his former worker, to do so, because she is a witch... that doesn't even sound symbolic in any way, is just wierdness and randomness to cover the lack of substance in the movie, but another bad aspect of the scene is that the mailman spents 6 minutes and 18 seconds to tell him that, was it so hard to just say: "she's a witch"? Of course not, but he movie would be 6:15 minutes shorter, and Tarkovsky surely loved filling.

Then the protagonist sets his house on fire, ok, but how the hell is that going to solve anything? Symbolically, he leaves behind everything, I get it, but what is he supouse to acomplish with this? The war clearly can't represent something internal, it affects the people arond him, so the explanation? Probably Andrei just wanted to make an awesome shot, congragulations! You did it!, you were a very talented director, but a mediocre or, at least, a lazy writter, this is more clear when you remember two of his best movies (Solaris and Stalker) are adapted from books and their worsts (Zerkalo, Nostalghia and Offret) aren't, I bealive that's the reason why they are so empty, Tarkovsky was just a director and a poet, not a fiction writter.

My opinion only watch it if you want to complete a list of Tarkovky films, great flims according Vatican or Cannes/BAFTA/something awarded, this film it's a waste of time.

However, despite all of that, I admire the effort Andrei Tarkovsky put in his movies, he clarely loves them, and that's something, may he Rest In Peace.

Nostalghia (1983)

From saying a lot with a little to saying a little with a lot.

[3/10 · 12 April 2022]

As always Tarkovsky provides us with beautiful cinematography but, again, little content, only this time I can't find a single theme on this pile of garbage.

One of the rule of cinema is saying a lot with a little, just one frame can tell you a lot, letting the unspoken say a lot, that's why films based on books don't have a narration on every aspect, because cinema must use its visuals to tell stories, Tarkovski however does the opposite: with a lot saying a little, or even nothing.

We have one 3 minutes and 48 secons scene of a man in a hotel room just walking around and brushing his teeth, a 4:06 scene of the same men turning off lights and laying down in his bed, a 3:53 scene of a woman asking sonething to man, twice, and her companion going to ask where the only thing we learn is that she is leaving him there and returning to rome, a 3:05 minutes of a man standing still while we hear a Beethoven song after which we just see a picture of a ugly doll, a 1:05 scene of a woman getting up from bed and opening the curtains and after that a 3:02 scene of landscape in black and white without dialogue or music, a 1:52 scene of colums with a guy saying nonsense about "being hear by god" and not wanting to and 9:18 of the protagonist walking with a candle, a total of 29:09 of pure fulling without any extra that could have been done in under 2 minutes.

The only interesting thing in this movie is Domenico, sadly the only thing he does is trowing some cool quotes, and nothing more.

The lack of a theme makes me conclude that the movie is very empty, even more than Zerkalo, I learned nothing, it explored nothing, and I know some people bealive there's some hidden meaning between the lines, but I really doubt it, for me, in order for a movie to talk about something, the story should spend some time exploring it, not just throwing one line of dialog at some point, by that rule "For a Few Dollars More" is about brotherly love, "CODA" about divorce and "Whiplash" about lack of memory.

Also this movie lacked of specially good acting like Zerkalo and Offret had despide their lack of content in the three.

My recomendation: don't watch it, is a complete waste of time.

Stalker (1979)

Good movie but could and should have been more.

[7/10 · 12 April 2022]

I don't like too much this idea of a movie not really telling much, then dropping a bunch of dialog and then claiming that the movie is a philosophical masterprice for its reach content.

Please take a look at Ran (1985) that movie has a hella lot of themes, and they're not thrown near the end of the movie with dialog, they are shown visually since the first scenes, with Stalker sadly is not the case, of course the desire is shown in the entire picture, but the hope that the room represents only is shown in the climax when the men talk about it, before you don't really get much about what the movie is about, however the zone can be interpreted as something metaphorical and that's why I give the edge to this movie, becuase it can be undertood as a mental travel, and makes more sense that way and is a cool metaphor, maybe simple, but definitely not explicit.

The poetry reading randomly is not something I like, fornutelly is not done much as in Zerkalo, the dialog is a bit unnatural but they sometimes say cool and interesting things, something lacking in Zerkalo, Ivan's Childhood and even in Andrei Rublev, leaving us with some good quotes, something very positive from the movie.

Also, I don't agree with the message of altruism, I agree with Ayn Rand about that topic, but from a movie coming from the USSR is expected.

Also the movie also stands very well in the visual and tense aspect, althrough I would argue that Andrei Rublev is better visually and Solaris has more tension, a equilibrium of the too is apreciable and definitely a good point for the movie.

Sadly this was the last good movie from Andrei Tarkovsky, the remaining two are really far from this one.

Mirror (1975)

Filler: The Movie

[3/10 · 12 April 2022]

Here it is: The most pretentious movie ever made, I don't think this can be topped, sadly there's always a way.

Man, seriously, what is this movie about? What does the war footage add? What's the purpose of that spanish guy? What happened in the printery room? What means the book pages passing? What the reading of the notebook add to the story? Why adding random poetry while we see scenes that have nothing to do with it?

If you think random scenes put togheter make a great film you probably think that a single stain of paint in a blank canvas is great painting.

If it was Michiel Bay the one that puts random scenes togheter everybody will be mocking him for making the worst movie ever and calling it for being pure filling, and yes, Tarkovsky maybe light-years away from Bay in terms of talent to direct, visuals and getting great acting from the cast, but he is sometimes so lazy, that he ends up making garbage like this.

And no, it's not art for its cinematography, he made a movie, he needs story, think about it this way: Georgi Rerberg (cinematographer) made art, Andrei Tarkovsky didn't.

If I can save something from this is the acting from Margarita Terekhova and the beautiful cinematography, in everything else, is a complete mess.

I certified this movie as a waste of time, if you still want to watch it, take advantage from the fact it only lasts 107 minutes, Nostalghia and Offret are way longer and equally empty.

Solaris (1972)

Great and beautiful movie, although a bit confusing.

[7/10 · 12 April 2022]

I believe the movies explores the grief and inner demons of the protagonist, that's very ambitious, and I think is done well.

The first part, when we really don't know anything about the space station is full of tension, almost like a thriller, that summed with the beautiful cinematography makes it my favorite scenes of the entire Tarkovsky's filmography.

The great performance of Natalya Bondarchuck also helps putting this movie higher, demonstraiting, that Tarkovsky can get great performances when we wishes.

The only mayor downside I see, is that it's hard to understand, but even with that, is perfectly reasonable to make a good idea about the themes of the movie, something good, specially for Tarkovsky, and the cryptic movies he made after this one.

So yeah, I recomend you watching it, is in youtube actually, Mosfilm uploaded it togheter with the rest of the movies he made inside the Soviet Union.

Andrei Rublev (1966)

Visually great but little substance.

[8/10 · 12 April 2022]

Probably visually the best movie Tarkovsky ever made, but sadly the story doesn't really have theme, there are little developed themes through the episodes, but they feel too short, after the pagans we don't see more religious persecution, something I really feel ashamed they left behind, the expiation is only showed in the last chapter, and the talent is only barely mention with that greek man and when Ciril scolds Andrei.

Also the begining and the end are bad, the begining is meaningless, "daring", what? Andrei never dares to do anything other than killing a tatar to protect that girl, that may be enough for some but the fact that he never struggles to make his icons and actually we never see him painting icons, makes me seriously question if the movie is about painting, the only daring I bealive is worthy was that young boy with the bell, interentings yeah, but the begining still feeling meaningless, especially with that horse rolling, I mean, why? It's super random, something bad for a serious movie, and the ending, almost 9 minutes straight of just paintings?, that not ok because I'm watching a movie, its ending must be meaningful and important to the plot, how would you feels if you go to see an opera and they only show you sculptures for 9 minutes straight as the ending?,

Despite the movie having not really a plot, it's an episode movie and I can forgive it for that, but the episodes don't really share a theme and that a shame because the faith, art and hope are never developed, we never learn something about the importance of faith, about the role of art, about the hope of the people for a better world, nothing, and that's trutly a shame.

As I remember, when a random scene without purpose is thrown, is called "filler", but aparently, if Tarkovsky does it is "art", examples of these: the begining, the juglar scene, Ciril acusing monks of being commerciants (we never saw clues of this), the snake in the mud, Andrei playing with a girl we never met before, the boy reading the bible, that other girl crying to some paint in the wall, thay guy searching for clay (maybe a hint that he doesn't actually know the secret for making bells, but too long, could've been done shorter), the ending with the paintings.

The quotes of the crucifixion and the 1Corinthians 13 are interesting, but they just pop out of nowhere, especially the second one, feel unnatural and seems that Tarkovsky wanted the scenes just to appear "deep", "meaningful" and "artistic" so he just throwed some random wisdom there, something we will witness again in his later movies.

Despite that, I enjoyed the movie, specially the second part, when the random filling is less abundant, overall a bit pretentious and full of missed oportunities but still good.

Ivan's Childhood (1962)

Great visuals, little story, but good enough.

[7/10 · 12 April 2022]

Visually stunning, really beautiful landscapes, but has an important amount filling with the Masha plot, is useless, some soldiers like her, and? She does nothing, and I don't think the subplot shows anything special about a theme or anything, she is just there to fill the scenes and reach the 90 minutes, but also to add a bit "artistic" thing to the moive because it's hard to understand its purpose, some people bealive it's because a very deep and hidden meaning is there between the lines, the issue is that, here, it isn't, is just filling to reach 90 minutes.

I think he movie could be improved by developing more the themes, specially the revenge, because it's not really reflected in the protagonist as it should be for a kid that his whole family was killed by german soldiers, but I think is almost well done in that bell scene with the flashing lights.

For me it's worth watching, we can still see a story with content, something Tarkovsky, slowly but surely, lost over time.

The Steamroller and the Violin (1961)

OK movie that is worth watching.

[7/10 · 12 April 2022]

There's nothing spectacular or great in this movie, just a simple story about friendship primarly, for its short 45 minutes run, however I think is good enough and worth a watching, specially if you plan to watch the Tarkovsky filmography, this is his most colorful movie and by a lot.

The acting is good, specially from a child actor and the message I got is good too, because I think this film shows that friendship trascends over a minor desception, so, again good for its duration, worth watching.

Royal Rumble (2020 TV Special)

Was an OK event until the end

[8/10 · 28 January 2020]

This is my first review about something that I actually liked.

I think that this event was between average, ok and good enough, until the end, when it started to get horrible, but ended up excellent.

The First match in the Kick-off, Sheamus vs Shorty G: nothing special, but nothing bad.

The Second Match in the Kick-off, Andrade (C) vs Humberto Carrillo for the US Championship: decent match that was entertaining.

The First Match, King Corbin vs Roman Reigns - Fall Count Anywhere: entertaining match that ended between the public (as it should be), the Usos also battled Dolph Ziggler and Robert Roode.

The Second Match, Women's Royal Rumble Match: Interesting and the NXT wrestlers were good, actually I lose a lot of the match because of the wifi, but I watched enough and also the end of this, Santina's return was a bit funny also, but the result was a bit predictable because it seem like a Charlotte vs Lynch in Wrestlemania, and would have been incredible if Shayna Baszler won it, but despite that I think this one was good.

The Third Match, Bayley (C) vs Lacey Evans for the SmackDown Women's Champinship: decent match but I don't like the result because Lacey seems to get this kind of matches only for lose them.

The Fourth Match, "The Fiend" Bray Wyatt vs Daniel Bryan - Strap Match for the Universal Championship: good match, a bit predictable, but it's too soon for "The Fiend" to lose the title so it was the best result.

The Fifth Match, Becky Lynch (C) vs Asuka for the Raw Women's Championship: decent match but again I don't like much the result and what it would probably mean in WrestleMania 36.

The Main Event, Men's Royal Rumble: It divides in two part the first one is one of the most disgusting and horrible things I have seen in a while (talking about fiction), the second is one of the best moments in Royal Rumble's modern history, the first 14 entrants (except of course #1) were taken off by the INVINCIBLE (and for entire months also INVISIBLE) Brock Lesnar in seconds, that will be no problem, except for #5 John Morrison (00:09), #9 Cesaro (00:18), #11 Shinsuke Nakamura (00:20) and #12 MVP (0:24), lasting only seconds, less than half a minute, less than Elias, less than Santina, that was a SHAME, I know that WWE never treates Cesaro better than this, but Morrison has recently return and was the 2nd worst time of the entire night, Nakamura is the Intercontinental Champion because he already had some push before, so WWE should give him some respect right?,..., and MVP was in his return only for jobbing like this..., when # 14 Braun Strowman entered I thought the he was going to eliminate Lesnar finally, but nope, he was eliminated with #13 Keith Lee, so Lesnar tied the elimination record of 13 (with Strowman curioulsly) I started to get worried because I belived that the only ones with the credibility to eliminate Lesnar were Strowman, Reigns or Rollins (fortunetly I was wrong), and then... #16 Drew McIntyre entered and with the help of #15 Ricochet (with a low blow) throw off Lesnar, and from here it was clear that is SHOULD be the moment of McIntyre, and evething was good until the #21 and the countdown from 10 and then... EDGE returned, honestly I only saw him in his last phase (being a face) in the end of 2010 and the begining of 2011, and I enjoyed that moment a lot, the arena had a great pop and everything went excellent since that, #25 Randy Orton entered and for a moment Rated-RKO was back for some time, then #26 Roman Reigns entered and I think that a lot of people thought that WWE was going to do it again, next was #27 Kevin Owen, #28 Aleister Black, #29 Samoa Joe and of course #30 Seth Rollins (with AOP and Buddy Murphy), I originally thought that, because Vince McMahon is the Troll of Trolls, there wasn't going to be a return before and in the #30 was going to be Santino Marella, but maybe that wasn't going to be good, because the public surely would have boo him, but that didn't happened anyways, after a lot of eliminations only Seth, Randy, Edge, Roman and Drew remained, Drew eliminated Seth, and before Randy betrayed Edge, he eliminated him, and after that there was a "Spear duel" between Roman and Edge, of course Roman eliminated Edge, that was understable because if Drew and Edge were the final two, maybe the audience would have booed Drew, and also for making everyone think that Roman was going to win it again, also an interesting fact: Roman Reigns ALWAYS is between the final 3 in Royal Rumble and he was the last eliminated 4 times, fortunately Drew eliminated Roman and won the Royal Rumble, he deserved that, and was a great push to him to also eliminate Lesnar and being the Iron Man here with 34:11 in the ring, that was a GREAT ending that makes the Royal Rumble match and the PPV better, really a great and satisfying ending.