It's artsy and atmospheric and the actors do a stand-up job, it's even craftily filmed, but about halfway through I realized nothing was really happening, and wondered if it could be condensed into a much shorter version. By the end, my mind hadn't changed and I wondered if it should have just been a short. Then I discovered that the director had, in fact, based it on a 12 minute short, which I am now eager to watch to confirm that this thing would have made an absolutely brilliant short film.
Reviews
12 Reviews
What Just Happened??!
(2019– )
Not much for first impressions, but turned out much better than expected
25 May 2021
This one was a slow starter, but by the 3rd episode they hit a really fun stride. The idea (parody of aftershows) isn't the most compelling, and I don't fault anyone for being turned off by the first episode, but they made it work. Plenty of repeat gags a la Zucker/Abrams/Proft films. I wish this one had caught on, I could have gladly watched another season.
Undercover Cheerleader
(2019 TV Movie)
Yawn
25 March 2020
Yawn through the character development scenes. Yawn through the build-up. Yawn during the climax.
The premise was decent, but the script didn't deliver on it. Reminds me a lot of my first girlfriend: talked a good game, but never really got around to banging.
The Gate
(1987)
Essentially Goosebumps
20 January 2020
It's a nice watch, should provide some genuine scares for younger audiences. Aside from a few frightening images, it's pretty kid-friendly has a very Goosebumps/The Haunting Hour feel . I'm not entirely sure how it got stuck with a PG-13 rating in the 1980s aside from hearing the word "fag" twice. I've heard heard much more coarse language in '80s PG films.
Homekilling Queen
(2019 TV Movie)
Slightly above average Lifetime fare
28 June 2019
The storyline on one plays out like a side-plot from a serial soap opera, complete with an aging matriarch character who has her spoon in the stew the whole time ... but it worked better than I expected. Fairly easy watch, would recommend it to fans of the "Lifetime stalker" genre.
Stalked by a Reality Star
(2018 TV Movie)
Really bad ... but I would watch this again
31 May 2019
Let's make it adequately clear that I enjoy a movie with a line or scene so stupid that I have to backtrack to watch it over in utter amazement that I had just witnessed something so shockingly and hilariously dumb, and I was able to do that a few times with this one.
Robert Scott Wilson does a very effective job in his reality star/stalker character but the good news stops there. The mother's character comes across as more bipolar than the stalker ... that crazy kind of bi-polar where was genuinely concerned for everyone around her because I was certain she'd change into an axe murderess or a werewolf at any moment, even though her character isn't bi-polar, nor written to be all that intimidating, or a werewolf. The daughter mostly repeats the same line over and over again --- "I'm not lying! Everyone else is lying!" --- giving Emily Bader a chance to really show off her range (seriously, she seemed to be a competent TV actress, this role was just horridly written). Angela Lieb as the stalker's mother really stole the show by playing her role like she was fresh out of a 1940s mobster serial.
The story arcs around the notion that a girl who has been seeing --- and calling and texting --- with a man has no way to prove she's ever had contact with the man even though he still answers calls and texts super-creepily.
I am not actually spoiling anything here. That simple, adequate evidence of their phone contact is never sought. Amazingly, the daughter, the mother, and an entire team of investigators just never seem to think of it. This movie could have been over in 30 minutes.
The whole thing lands with a resounding collective thud ... but, you know, it's the kind of trainwreck I'd sit through another time.
I should probably seek counseling.
Party Mom
(2018 TV Movie)
Plotholes big enough to drive a 30-minute episode of "ALF" through
19 September 2018
Krista Allen is fantastic as the "party mom", but it's not enough to save this one. The story idea was really good, but the presentation was not. The whole thing seems too hastily put together, and there are a few plotholes big enough to drive a 30 minute episode of ALF through. Some key parts of the cast seemed pretty much asleep. My standards for made-for-TV fare aren't that high, and this one still doesn't make the cut. 2/10
Frenzy
(2018 TV Movie)
Unnecessarily schlocky but still quite enjoyable
25 August 2018
This movie was so close to being great.
Aubrey Reynolds did a bang-up job in the lead role.
The psychological elements are effective.
The story itself was decent and the idea itself is genuinely frightening.
This one needed a little more thought invested because, done well, this didn't need to be schlocky Sy-Fy Shark Week fare. But they took a few liberties that left the viewer's belief suspended when it just wasn't necessary. I can overlook the large land mass in the background of the secluded island scenes, but I can't overlook sharks who remain suspended for more than 5 seconds when they crest the surface of the water. I could go on, but I don't want to spoil the movie; watch it and find your own "mistakes".
Thankfully, Sy Fy Shark Week movies are low-expectation movies, and this one does manage to be better than many of them. It was suspenseful and emotionally charged. It's not great but I don't feel like my time was wasted with this, a least.
This one needed a little more thought invested because, done well, this didn't need to be schlocky Sy-Fy Shark Week fare. But they took a few liberties that left the viewer's belief suspended when it just wasn't necessary. I can overlook the large land mass in the background of the secluded island scenes, but I can't overlook sharks who remain suspended for more than 5 seconds when they crest the surface of the water. I could go on, but I don't want to spoil the movie; watch it and find your own "mistakes".
Thankfully, Sy Fy Shark Week movies are low-expectation movies, and this one does manage to be better than many of them. It was suspenseful and emotionally charged. It's not great but I don't feel like my time was wasted with this, a least.
Nightmare Shark
(2018 TV Movie)
Best B-Shark movie idea since "Sharknado"
25 August 2018
SyFy Shark Week meets Nightmare On Elm Street? Yep! Characters from past SyFy shark movie efforts? Yep!
The idea here is great, and to anyone who thinks "preposterous" ... really, it's not any goofier having a shape-shifting burnt man invading dreams than it is to have a shark doing it, when you really think about it.
"Nightmare Shark" clears the low-expectation, high-reward hurdles easily and is one of the more memorable Sy-Fyish shark films. While it falls flat in a few spots, it recovers very well, and even manages a few genuinely suspenseful and unsettling scenes. While this one could have run on the idea alone, there seems to have been some effort and thought invested into it anyway. Really, it's almost a vulgar display of clever for the Sy Fy Network, who were able to make low-brow considerably less low-brow than ... well, everyone kind of expects.
I gave this 6.5/10, and I sincerely hope that this one gets franchised by the network. Also, I hope they throw a "Nightmare Shark" franchise down the same silly holes as the original "Nightmare" series eventually went through.
Overall, "Nightmare Shark" exceeded expectations, with the B-shark idea since "Sharknado".
The idea here is great, and to anyone who thinks "preposterous" ... really, it's not any goofier having a shape-shifting burnt man invading dreams than it is to have a shark doing it, when you really think about it.
"Nightmare Shark" clears the low-expectation, high-reward hurdles easily and is one of the more memorable Sy-Fyish shark films. While it falls flat in a few spots, it recovers very well, and even manages a few genuinely suspenseful and unsettling scenes. While this one could have run on the idea alone, there seems to have been some effort and thought invested into it anyway. Really, it's almost a vulgar display of clever for the Sy Fy Network, who were able to make low-brow considerably less low-brow than ... well, everyone kind of expects.
I gave this 6.5/10, and I sincerely hope that this one gets franchised by the network. Also, I hope they throw a "Nightmare Shark" franchise down the same silly holes as the original "Nightmare" series eventually went through.
Overall, "Nightmare Shark" exceeded expectations, with the B-shark idea since "Sharknado".
6-Headed Shark Attack
(2018 TV Movie)
Really fun CGI monster, but falls short of potential
23 August 2018
The real prize in this one IS the six-headed shark, which is a fun CGI that's much better than its 5-headed predecessor, although disappointingly used at times. The movie, the 4th in a multi-headed shark horror series, is also a step-up from last year's "5-Headed Shark Attack". But even as far as bad movies go, the storyline built around the characters here was pretty scattered, and attempts to build the characters fell pretty flat, leaving the watcher to really root for the (apparently amphibious?) 6-headed monster. While some of the acting is expectedly bad, I do want to offer some credit to Megan Oberholzer and Thandi Sebe for holding up their respective characters very well, all things considered.
It's fun enough and worth a watch, but it really falls short of it's potential. I'd love to see the 6-headed shark again (as opposed to just adding another head) because the CGI for this fella was really fun, but I've already assumed he'll reappear with a scorpion-like sharkhead tail (7th head) for a 5th installment in the series. 4.5/10
It's fun enough and worth a watch, but it really falls short of it's potential. I'd love to see the 6-headed shark again (as opposed to just adding another head) because the CGI for this fella was really fun, but I've already assumed he'll reappear with a scorpion-like sharkhead tail (7th head) for a 5th installment in the series. 4.5/10
Unspeakable
(2000 Video)
Deliciously sleazy
16 August 2018
I think I can sum this up perfectly:
This is one of only two movies I have seen that I can watch and need to take a shower afterwards because of the way it makes me feel.
This is a great genre film, absolutely sleazy. There are unforgettable thematic elements, the cheap effects that never fail to be completely effective, and the last 20 seconds put this right over the top. Director Chad Ferrin has something to be very proud of here.
This is one of only two movies I have seen that I can watch and need to take a shower afterwards because of the way it makes me feel.
This is a great genre film, absolutely sleazy. There are unforgettable thematic elements, the cheap effects that never fail to be completely effective, and the last 20 seconds put this right over the top. Director Chad Ferrin has something to be very proud of here.
Santa Jaws
(2018)
The new gold standard in Christmas Shark movies
16 August 2018
"Santa Jaws" sounds preposterous, and it is.
But it's also exactly what it needs to be.
The director (Misty Talley) was able to keep this together pretty well instead of sending it straight off the rails, and managed to include the appropriate camp-to-family ratio that makes Christmas movies work. The script was creative. Some of the casting was excellent (Ritchie Montgomery, Haviland Stillwell, Hawn Tran all did great character work here). The result was a movie that is every bit as family-friendly as "The Meg" aspired to be without losing any of the qualities that make the best of the Sy-Fy shark movies work.
Yes, it's still a "bad shark movie". It's as ludicrous as the title suggests, but it still managed to be a really good, really fun "bad shark movie".
7.5/10. Bravo!
But it's also exactly what it needs to be.
The director (Misty Talley) was able to keep this together pretty well instead of sending it straight off the rails, and managed to include the appropriate camp-to-family ratio that makes Christmas movies work. The script was creative. Some of the casting was excellent (Ritchie Montgomery, Haviland Stillwell, Hawn Tran all did great character work here). The result was a movie that is every bit as family-friendly as "The Meg" aspired to be without losing any of the qualities that make the best of the Sy-Fy shark movies work.
Yes, it's still a "bad shark movie". It's as ludicrous as the title suggests, but it still managed to be a really good, really fun "bad shark movie".
7.5/10. Bravo!
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