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allenelswick1979
Reviews
Exorcist Chronicles (2013)
Should be labeled "NOT FOR PUBLIC RELEASE"
The movie is nothing but a bunch of "found footage, eyes only" scenes of people being possessed or something. There is a sorta story about a priest and a woman that are investigating a raise in possessions but mostly they hang out in an RV. Oh, and there is crazy guy that runs around the woods, and a lot of ugly women showing their breasts. The sound is awful, it drifts in and out. There are times when you can not hear what a person is saying. The lack of an audible voice track is so bad that the closed captioning says "unknown" or "(inaudible)". I'm pretty sure this movie was made by a few 10-years one weekend, if no then anyone who worked on the film should be ashamed of them selves. The movie was so bad, I'm not even going to proof read this review.
Allen Elswick.
The Dark Knight Rises (2012)
The Dark Knight implodes.
I hate this movie, the only reason I am writing this review is because I recovering from knee replacement surgery. I hate this movie and I have more comic credit than most anyone on here. I am the guy who hits the comic shop every Wednesday and gets his new books. I have 3 dozen long boxes, but enough of that. This movie sucked. After how incredible the Dark Knight was I almost cried at how bad this movie was. The story was a hodgepodge of Knightfall, No Man's Land, and what I believe were "suggestions" from the WB execs. The acting was good, I will say that. Tom Hardy, Ann Hathaway, Gordan-Levitt are great but their performances are lost in the awful direction and muddled story. The pacing was just awful, the ending held no meaning to me. Bane's venom steroid was removed because it was too comic-booky but Gotham being held hostage for months by an atomic bomb isn't? Bruce Wayne was retired for 8 years, comes back for a week, recreates the chase from Batman Begins, fights Bane gets injuried, he's taken to a pit, saves Gotham by carrying the atomic bomb out to the bay, and boom fakes his death passes the torch to the "not" Robin and moves away with a chick he just met. The only highlight for me was the all too brief return of Cillian Murphy as the Scarecrow.
I would give it a zero if I could.
Girls Against Boys (2012)
Boring.
This movie is just plain boring. Filled with wooden characters that do not come across as humans. The film is poorly written, and lacks in the violence and gore department. This movie is not good, avoid it. If you really wanna know what happens, read below.
The first third of the movie is following a love lorn college girl that has just been dumped by her older married boyfriend. To get her mind off of her recent change in facebook status she goes out with a co-worker to a few bars. The two girls venture to a nearby loft with three hipsters. Our broken heart girl decides to head home, and is accompanied by one of the three hipsters. After the hipster's advances are rejected, he rapes the broken heart girl. This rape takes place in the hallway near the front door of her apartment. I guess her neighbors are deep sleepers, as she cried and screamed several times. The next day she tries to call her mother at work but is unable to reach her. So she decides to go to the home of the man who dumped her. He tells her she can't just show up and takes her home. Then he tries to rape her, breaking her coffee table. So she calls the co-worker and they go to the police. The police do not take her report very seriously. So the co-worker lures a cop to a hotel room. She blindfolds him, handcuffs him to the bed and goes Phil Spector on him with own gun. Since the police are unable to help, the girls head over to the hipsters loft to find the rapist hipster. They kill hipster 2 & 3 using the cop's gun. They confront the hipster rapist, cut off his feet, and shoot him in the head. They then kidnap the ex-boyfriend take him out to the woods, broken heart girl says he doesn't deserve to die but co-worker shoots him as he flees. Broken heart girl tries to move, starts hanging out with a dude from school and discovers co-worker girl has become a bit stalky. Co-worker girl flips out, kills dude with a sword. Broken heart girl finds his body, heads home to find co-worker girl naked in her apartment and the sword on display. Broken heart girl kills co- worker girl with the sword. Then we get a look back at the places where they killed hipsters, the rapist, and the ex-boyfriend followed by broken heart girl getting ready to go work. The film ends with broken heart girl becoming the co-worker friend of a new broken heart girl.
Rubber (2010)
a review of Rubber
Rubber is a collection of scenes on film, held together by duct tape and bubble gum. The idea may have seemed great on paper but falls flat. From the start it tries to be clever and fails. However, stupid people will find the film clever and they will take pride in discovering the "cleverness" of it. When I say stupid people I'm not talking about high school drop outs or the guy working at the Shell station that has to count out forty cents to make change. I mean college educated adults that think they are cinema rebels. The kind of guy who screams about Michael Bay on a forum but stills pays to go see Transformers 2 three times. I will not call the movie stupid or horrible because its not. This movie is nothing, I mean it N-O-T-H-I-N-G. Could it be something, maybe, it could be a waste of time, it could be a "cult-hit" but in three years no one will even give it a second thought. Why I am writing this review, I can't really say other than I don't have a reason...