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An error has ocurred. Please try againNo comedies, because a bad comedy is just plain boring.
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Reviews
You're Invited to Mary-Kate & Ashley's School Dance Party (2000)
Hypocrites
Nobody is happy enough to sing a song about Monday mornings. And there is no way Mary Kate and Ashley "waited" on anything in their love life, if you follow my drift. My favorite part was when it ended, and we got to see all the bloopers, and it really wasn't that much different from the rest of the movie. Did anybody notice the token black kid who had no lines? Mary Kate and Ashley are racists. Oh and by the way, This was borderline kiddie porn, because it showed underage girls in a bathroom. Gross. And metal mouth (the "villain") kept forgetting her lines, not that you could pay attention to what she was saying when you were blinded by the glare coming off her JAWS like teeth. This movie would have been better with drugs.
Deadly Prey (1987)
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!
You'll never say die after viewing this movie! In Vietnam, Mike Danton was the best, and he still is (provided the bad guys line up to fight him one at a time). Want to see a man beaten to death with his own arm? You're a liar if you say no! Watch it now or risk some bad timing. Watching this movie is like being on the winning side, it's a lot healthier. I'm a little man who's spent 27 years of his life as a film enthusiast searching for a great movie. 27 years in the filth and dirt of the streets and there ain't no music down there. Finally, I found a movie so manly it just could not be denied. So summon up some spit cleaned earthworms and flame cooked rats, hunker down and watch Deadly Prey today! End of Story.
Verbatim (2011)
Mind bender for 15 seconds
I caught a recent screening of verbatim at a local film festival. The makers proclaimed this to be a "mind bender," which while unusual, I can deal with. What I can't deal with is a plot twist that you can figure out within the FIRST MINUTE of the film. While this was an attempt at making some sort of time travel movie, it fails pretty epically because it contains nothing that you haven't already seen in a far better movie. This story is dull and uninspired, and offers nothing new to a viewer. It's plot twist is so easily figured out, it becomes an M. Night Shyamalan movie for 5 year olds. Don't waste your time, unless your looking for a lesson in how to not write a script.
The Transformers: The Movie (1986)
Relic of the 80s
How does it feel to jump back 25 years, into a remnant of your childhood? Does the past hold up with the memories you once associated with it, or will it seem silly and outdated? I recently relived a portion of my childhood in watching the original Transformers cartoon movie from 1986. It is appropriately titled "Transformers: The Movie." I never did see this movie as a child, although I watched the show on and off in some of my early years. I recently decided to watch the movie, partially out of interest to see the movie for the first time, but mainly to relive something out of my childhood. I wanted to see how it would hold up after 15 years of no transformers cartoons.
To keep things straight, Transformers is not a "good" movie. The story is heavily episodic and jumpy, as if several TV episodes were crammed together. The quality of animation was alright for its time, but hasn't aged well. The soundtrack is heavy on the 1980s power rock/ pop (think Top Gun), also not having aged well. The movie is cheesy and silly, and in all honesty, somewhat ridiculous.
However, the movie, while definitely not good, works as a guilty pleasure fun movie. As dumb as it was viewing it, I highly enjoyed it. With each cheesy line, I was more drawn into it. Viewing it wasn't like the phrase about "you can't turn away from watching a car crash." It was highly nostalgic. A part of me did wonder how we enjoyed such things as kids. While the movie is silly, it is highly exploitive in a sense of how much of it is focused on robot-on- robot action. Movies aren't made like this anymore. Transformers gets in, has no story but a ton of robot fighting, some cheesy 80s tunes to boost the mood, and gets out after 80 minutes. It's almost as if the movie knows exactly what it is, and does exactly what it can do.
Transformers doesn't jump out as a must see movie. For people in their 20s and older, it can be charming, as a relic to a different age of TV. For people too young to remember it originally, it will jump out as an example of the questioning "Is this REALLY what you used to watch?" It is pretty much a toy commercial in disguise. However, it is worth viewing, both because it is a pure relic from the 1980s, but also because it comes from a time of more pure filmmaking. Transformers does exactly what it is sent out to do. While it wasn't aiming very high, it works. You could certainly do much worse than checking this out. 6/10. Go download the soundtrack if you need a new workout mix.
Raven's Hollow (2011)
No story filmmaking at its best!
I caught a recent screening of Raven's Hollow at a local film fest. It headlined, and seemed to have a decent audience reaction. For an amateur film, it's not bad. It is CGI, which wasn't poorly done, but not exactly done well either. It was very reminiscent of playstation 2 graphics, or '90s CGI. Not great, but again, not a bad place to start. SPOILERS My main problem with Raven's Hollow is the complete lack of story. Essentially, it becomes a portfolio piece for animation due to the lack of attention to the script. It is about a kid who is told a ghost story, and then gets chased. Simple yes, and in most cases it would work. However, this film has the single most lazy ending I have ever seen. It appears that the filmmakers ran out of time, money, ideas, creativity, and sense when they thought "hey, let's just kill of the kid in splatter fashion." It brings no resolution whatsoever, and kills (pun intended) off any momentum it had.
Again, it was not a terrible first time effort, but it does become a lesson to filmmakers. Film is a storytelling medium. You can do cool tricks and make everything look pretty, but in the end, if you don't have a story to tell, your film will be trash.
The Rockford Pro-Life Community (2011)
Overblown Propaganda
As a documentary, it is alright considering that it is probably the work of a first time documentarian. I do happen to be pro life, so my disagreement wasn't with the message of the film, but rather the means it went to get it.
It starts off fairly strong, introducing the subjects and their goal well. However, then it begins to fall apart. We are subjected to interview after interview of words being cut together in order to push the agenda of the film, potentially NOT what the subjects were saying. This kind of thing does happen in most docs, but in this case, we are seeing answers scrapped together with 6-7 cuts. Makes you seriously second question the message!
The other major beef I had was with the extremely long sequence about the mean signs that the owner would post. It's fine to mention it and post some examples, but a good quarter of the total film was devoted to how mean the signs that the owner would post are. It drags the movie to an absolute halt, and made me feel in a way that is most similar to being stuck in traffic.
Overall, it tackles a tough subject somewhat well, although it basic flaws that push it from being a doc into propaganda. With a re-edit, this film could be much stronger.
Wal-Mart: The High Cost of Low Price (2005)
Most Biased thing I've ever seen
I'm not going to defend Walmart at all in this article, but instead attack the complete biased nature of this movie. It's one thing to take the opposition's points and twist them around like Moore, but to completely ignore them is ridiculous. This movie is a joke, because it presents no real proof of any of the "shocking" facts it presents. Yes, it's message may be a valuable one, but it has no credibility whatsoever. It loves to wave information and opinions around for audience shock factor, but provides not even a hint of solid fact to back itself. This is a forgettable attempt at film making, which should really only be shown for a "what not to do" section in a film course.
The Departed (2006)
Best movie in a long time
This is quite possibly the best movie I've seen in theaters in recent years, if not the best ever. So far, this is my best picture of the year. Scorese is at the top of his game, as is the acting. The story is tough to follow at first, but it comes together well, reminding me of Mann's Heat. The acting is superb as well, with talents like Damon, Nicholson, Walberg standing out. The plot is set up neatly, and keeps gaining steam, up to the shocking ending. The departed is interesting, funny, dramatic, and much more. Again, this is a solid movie that is sure to pick up something come awards season. I highly recommend that you go see it.