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Reviews
The Lost World: Jurassic Park (1997)
Great movie, annoying kid
I'm not sure why it was so necessary to include yet-another-screeching sub -teen, but it really has gotten old. Other than the pointlessness of that, the rest of the film is pretty well done.
Capone (2020)
A 2+ hour visit to the memory care unit
This is, and no exaggeration here, THE worst movie I've seen all year. All actors have that 'one film' that they wish would magically disappear from all history. This is Hardy's.
He plays Capone in the last year or so of his life, the portrayal of which includes slack-jawed catatonia the majority of the time. This isnt really about 'Capone'... and could be about any older man suffering with dementia.
The question I had throughout this film? Why bother? It adds nothing to the legacy of Capone (which is still significant 100 years later.) It added nothing to the evening I spent watching this travesty either. Damn shame that so many people will walk away thinking "I should have checked IMDB first!"
Star Trek: Picard (2020)
I'd prefer a lobotomy
This series is depressing trainwreck that will appeal only to those with nothing else better to do with their time. Hours and hours of characters that are no different than any other of the myriad lame characters from previous ST series. The Borg subplot is interesting, and the special effects are well done. The most dislikeable character (so far) is Raffi, who seems to be channeling drama school with highly-emotive melodramatic 'acting'. She constantly refers to Picard as JL... which is constantly annoying.
The Picard character, what to say? I'd opt for a lobotomy rather than watch 'Picard in his last years'. His scenes are consistently depressing slogs, and it's a shame that this will be one of Stewart's lesser pieces of work. It's clear that some executive must have held quite the bone in front of him to have him return as Picard. He should have left the bone where it was.
Penny Dreadful: City of Angels (2020)
Dreadful... but 'Woke'
I suspect that Showtime decided to push this as part of the Penny Dreadful -type of series because, if they hadn't, no one would have given it the time of day.
The most irritating part of series is actually the lead actress herself. Dorner takes on the role of four major characters and fails miserably with each. The accents used for her German and her Latina character are laughable. One really has to to wonder what motivated her hiring in the first place... particularly given the effort to place qualified Latinx actors and actresses into good roles. There seemed to be an effort to leverage her 'sex appeal', particularly with the 'scary' leather dress used when she's in her otherworldly persona. It struck me as just ridiculous. Why couldn't these roles be portrayed by a Latina? Especially when that's the culture this character is supposed to be from? This was a huge fail, IMO.
The secretly gay loud-mouth town councilman was unnecessary and is an example of throwing a bone to LGBT activists. Totally pointless virtue-signalling.
The hyper-focus on various ethnic racism in the groups was heavy-handed as well. Yes, there is racism wherever Hispanic and black minorities go. And it's unfortunate. But this kind of ethnic hostility has existed since forever and is not unique to European culture. This is yet another example of the Wokeness that permeates current narratives in tv shows as well as movies. We get it.
The biggest problem with this series, however, is it's incoherent narrative. WHAT is the point of having Santa Muerta randomly popping into scenes when she does nothing but look sad? The actress who plays this sacred saint should have been given the lead role. Doing THAT would have been a good step towards righting some of the wrongs detailed in the story. Instead, John Logan as producer and writer, undermines one of the big 'messages' of the show by hiring an inadequate white English actress.
I kept watching episode after episode, hoping there would be a point where it was worth it. Great effort was obviously placed in the set design and creating an atmosphere that convincingly portrayed what LA at the time might have looked like. If only they had spent more effort in the writing and hiring.
Logan created an entirely convincing world in the real Penny Dreadful. Perhaps it only succeeded so well because the creatures had already had a hold on the psyche of the broader culture. There were political messages, but they weren't usually ham-handed, with the exception of the shrill ravings of the Bride of Frankenstein character about the oppression of the patriarchy. But that character could have been ignored without impacting the rest of the series. THIS attempt by Logan is a just a miserable failure. It is my hope that Showtime has the sense to mot renew it for a second season.
Mega Shark vs. Mecha Shark (2014)
Embarrassingly bad
You know your career has tanked when you're the lead actor and actress in a mega shark movie. I don't know what Worf was thinking, but he's even worse here than in New Generation.
The Elizabeth Rohm character is the tired old bad @as super woman character who tries to save the day by jumping into the mecha's mouth. Have these people EVER taken acting lessons? The part that killed me was her driving at high speed, while talking to Worf, with her eyes not even on the road. Good example for young drivers there lady! Maybe the fans of these travesties of film making watch them dueling bong parties or something. Please... just stop.
Angel Has Fallen (2019)
Bored of the Kerry Washington clones
There are no real surprises here. Same unrealistic nonsense that was in the other two. Not a complaint because it doesn't aspire to be much more than what it is: a standard action flick. Some of the scenes are way over the top and utter nonsense. (A random run in with militia members waiting at a gas station? Please.)
Really, the only tiresome bit is the 'tough as nails and ultra-empowered' kerry washington clone heading the FBI investigation. Why are these characters always the same? 4 feet tall, clueless, but always angry... and soldiers are supposed to take orders from her? Tiresome. This kind of embedded Woke-ness does a disservice to women who actually DO command. And it's totally unnecessary.
THAT annoyance aside, the film does what it's supposed to do: entertain.
War of the Worlds (2019)
So much possibility... so plodding
I don't mind when a story takes a bit of time to develop, both from a plot and character perspective. But this is filled with too many trivial subplots that it becomes a real effort to sit patiently for the writer to 'get to it'.
The time spent on grief scenes is really excessive. Particularly when the streets are littered with decomposing bodies of millions of dead. Is there not an inescapable stench in the air that someone should notice?
The relationships seem to be straight out of a social justice playbook too. A white teen woman falls madly in love with an African migrant who magically escaped from the island where he was being held? Come on.
A number of these characters are so reprehensible that I found myself hoping that they'd be the next to be taken out by the alien robots. Why did Gabriel Byrne bother to play such a crap part?
The biggest problem with this show, though, is its pacing. Maybe that's a French thing that doesn't translate well to American audiences. But it's really, REALLY plodding. It left me feeling like had taken downers during each episode. Jeezus.
Henry V (1989)
Branagh should stick to directing
While Branagh appears to be beloved by the masses, his attempt at this role (as in all of his Shakespeare roles, actually) is simply insipid.
Branagh aside, the rest of the film is extremely well done.
Warrior (2019)
Bruce Lee would be horrified
This series is supposedly 'based on the writings of Bruce Lee'. That might be the case, but he would undoubtedly be disgusted with the 'interpretation'.
While the fight scenes are well-done, the actual writing is absolutely horrible. I'm not a prude by any means, but the constant swearing is unnecessary and pointless. I dont think I've seen another series where swearing is in almost every line of dialog. It is totally distracting and kills any effort to place the characters in post-Civil War San Francisco. It's also undignified and a sign of a weak mind... something the lead character would not have. It makes the entire series come across like it could just as easily be taking place in modern day Compton.
The really disappointing thing is that it had SO much potential.
V-Wars (2019)
A first episode with potential...
But really lost it after episode two. The plot struck me as echoing The Strain, complete with an annoying son-of-a-lead character. Who is almost as annoying. The dialog between the father and son seems like it was written by a millennial who didnt have kids.
The actor who plays Fayne (Adrian Holmes) is the ONLY one who has real presence in his scenes. Jackie Lai, the ambulance-chasing National Enquirer 'reporter's doesnt have one scene where she's not annoying and irrelevant to the plot. Just filler.
The following episodes make for a greater sense of boredom because the first episode had so much promise (and was a full hour, rather than hovering between 35 and 45 minutes).
Overall, it's really not that great.
The Meg (2018)
Don't waste your time
As has been noted ad nauseum in the other reviews, it's a pretty horrible movie. The Chinese actors were pointless, other than to fulfill the propaganda goal of the mainland Communists ('We're nice and friendly... nevermind what we're doing in the East China Sea')
Another unnecessary addition is the latest 'it' boy, Ruby Rose. Amazingly, s/he 'designed the high tech platform and everything in it.' Why do studios insist on pretending that memorizing intelligent-sounding lines is convincing when uttered from someone who's sole skill is changing their 'edgy' hair style from job to job.
Stratham isn't bad in this. Clearly he's trying to branch out from the characters he's typically played, and this is a good start. It's just a shame that the writing and directing were sub-standard.
Special effects: Not bad. The platform lab was a bit too Aqua Man and overdone. The shark was believable. And the underwater scenes were good.
One big annoyance is the number of people falling into the water just as the Meg charges. Totally useless and unnecessary.
The ONLY plus to wasting two hours is that it cost me $3 through Redbox.
Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (2013)
Once was good... now, not so much
The first few seasons had good writing and well-developed plots that were interesting and coherent. These last couple of seasons, particularly those with this whole Fitz/Jemma nonsence of a subplot, have just become stupid and intellectually insulting.
The characters who have been with the series from the beginning are also becoming tedious. Same lame chop sockey cartoonish fight scenes, same doting over Daisy as 'the pretty one' who is trying so so hard to act, yet failing every time.
The special effects are really well done, particularly for a network tv show, but they're not enough to save the show from the inanity of the multiple/alternate universes that Marvel and DC writers turn to when they've run out of creativity.
Finally, if they're going to kill off Coulson, let him stay dead. Otherwise, they should use their imagination to write some better stories.
Revolt (2017)
Skyline, part 2?
Interesting film. I particularly liked the African actors and location. I'm surprised, though, that most people miss a number of the references to the 2010 film Skyline: people hypnotized by a bluish light, large numbers being sucked up into a giant spaceship, etc
Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus (2010)
One of the worst, in a series of the worst
It's really sad when former 'stars' like Jaleel White and Robert Picardo can only find work in garbage movies like this. Most annoying, though, was the faux-"tough chick" barking orders like she had ANY clue. And then there's the inevitable attempt at GI Jane-style weapons usage. Puh-leaze. The CGI was as mediocre as usual, but is the norm for this production company.
Ladronas de Almas (2015)
Surprisingly good!
Thoroughly enjoyed this very atmospheric creature feature. The sisters definitely protected their father's estate admirably. The one thing that really stood out were the sets and the excellent use of lighting and color.
This isn't a Friday the 13th horror film for the inexperienced... it slowly builds in intensity, almost to the point where you start feeling bad for the interlopers. Well done!