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Reviews
The Dark Backward (1991)
Which just goes to show you... Nobody can get a cup of coffee in this town.
This movie is the greatest movie about a three armed stand-up comic you will ever see. Yes even better than the The Dark Backward remake that's coming in 2019 starring Maddox Jolie-Pitt. Actually it's being considered a re-imagining because this time the third arm grows out of Marty's front instead of his back. Argh! Why can't Hollywood leave great movies alone? Internet, hear my impotent fury and take my complaints to the studio system that totally cares about what I have to say about how they conduct business. Wow, complaining about remakes like that felt really good. Everyone on the internet should do that. What? What do you mean they already do? Huh.
Anyways, this movie is one of the funniest movies ever made. If you can watch and not laugh then you are dead inside. And if you are dead inside then you probably have to spend a lot of money deodorant. Unless you are some kind of jerk who lets the stink of their rotting organs invade other people's personal space. Boy people like that sure gotta lot of nerve.
So watch this movie and laugh and laugh again. Or, watch it stone faced in between applications of deodorant. So sayeth Mello Yello Biafra.
Dream No Evil (1970)
Your duck is bleeding really badly.
The DVD of this movie that was released as part of the Psychotronica collection encourages you to mock this movie. And heck you can mock it if you want to, I'm not here to judge how you view movies. I am here however, to tell you whether or not I liked it and why.
So yeah, I liked this movie. Why? Well, Brooke Mills is worth watching no matter what she is doing for one. What she's doing here is giving it her all to play a seriously screwed up woman in search of her father. Good stuff indeed.
Another reason I enjoyed this flick is that it is one of those low budget wonders where everything seems to take place in some weird uncharted part of America where everything is just a little off. Some people call that schlock, I call it home.
So watch Dream No Evil or don't, it makes no difference to me. If you do watch it I think you'll like it.
Windcroft (2007)
The Farm That Hell Built
The Farm That Hell Built is the name of the making of documentary on this DVD. I wish it was the title of the actual movie. I make this wish because this movie is like one of those early 70's horror movies that builds slowly to a weird, all hell breaks loose climax. And you know that if this movie was in fact released in the early 70's it would most certainly be called The Farm That Hell Built. At least that's what they are calling it at the drive-in in my head where it's playing on double bill with Dream No Evil.
You know what I'm talking about right? No? Well watch more early 70's horror movie for corn's sake. While you're at it check out Windcroft too, or The Farm That Hell Built as I like to call it.
What was the point of all this? Oh yes, Windcroft, I dug it, I think you will too.
The Specials (2000)
Greatest American Heroes
This seems to be one of those movies that people either love or hate. I fall into the first category. This movie was way ahead of it's time, even though it was released around the same time as the similar Mystery Men. Why was it was ahead of it's time is that everything that Mystery Men did wrong The Specials did right.
My only complaint is that the DVD doesn't come with the TV cut on it. See, when watching The Specials you tend to not realize just how much profanity is coming out of the mouths of The Specials (with the exception of Amok). This is due to the natural sounding dialogue. Imagine that, people using profanity they way they would in real life what a novel concept. Anyway, the TV cut bleeps Amok, but runs everyone else's swearing in reverse. It is hilarious.
Yeah, so this is a good movie. Whee!
Pink Angels (1971)
I'm not easily shocked but...
I'm not going to spoil this for you per se, but this review contains pieces that when combined may give you a good idea what happens at the end of the movie.
The ending for this flick is a real doozy. Even if I told you what it was, you would probably forget about it while watching the movie since there seems to be no way the movie would end the way it does.
But it does, the ending of this movie comes out of nowhere and sucker punches you. Which is not what you would normally expect from a movie that is a fairly harmless and enjoyable comedy.
Someone here has posted claiming to be a producer and has said that the director didn't shoot an ending to the movie. I'm not totally sure about that since the movie begins with a flash forward to an ending that is the sort of ending you'd expect from a comedy like this. In that the Pink Angels crash a fancy party, freak out high society and rumble with their macho rivals. Whatever the case may be, one should've told whomever was tasked with shooting the new ending that Pink Angels was not Easy Rider.
Whatever, see Pink Angels have some laughs then be shocked by a totally misguided ending.
Idiots and Angels (2008)
Plympton's Best Feature By A Mile
While I have long enjoyed Bill Plympton's short films, I have been left cold by his features. That is until Idiots and Angels came along.
The movie is completely free of dialogue and this combined with Bill Plympton's trademark surreal images gives the movie hypnotic quality. I have to say, after all the fuss that was made about the first 30 minutes of the mediocre Wall-E, you would think an animated movie that is without any dialogue at would be declared the greatest thing since sliced bread by the movie going public. Who knows? That may happen, but I doubt it.
I'm pretty sure this movie is only playing festivals right now, but, if you have a chance to check it out I highly recommend that you do so.
Cemetery High (1988)
I wonder if the real version of this still exists?
According to the director this movie was taken from him and butchered into the incomprehensible mess that is Cemetery High. He apparently has washed his hands of both this and Galactic Gigolo.
Now Galactic Gigolo isn't great, but it has its moments and can be enjoyed when you are desperate for more from the people who brought you Psychos in Love. Cemetery High on the other hand is a nearly joyless affair.
Perhaps one day this movie will be reassembled by the director and a result all the children of the Earth will live in peace and harmony. Holding one's breath while waiting for this day to come is not advisable. It is double plus inadvisable that one watch this movie under any circumstances.
It's a gosh darn shame that things turned out the way they did between Gorman Bechard and Wizard, Cult Epics, Full Moon or whatever Charles Band is calling his company these days. We'll never know what the Psychos in Love gang might have given us had they not been so thoroughly screwed.
Die You Zombie Bastards! (2005)
What about the blue smoke?
I saw this movie during a screening in Providence and have been unable to get it out of my head. This leads to unpleasant situations in public places, where I will think of something from the movie and start laughing like a maniac much to the distress of those around me.
This movie starts off by introducing us to the unusual world of a serial killer with a heart gold named Red Toole. He enjoys killing hippies, wearing costumes made of human flesh and spending quality time at home with his wife Violet.
When Violet is kidnapped by a deformed Mad Scientist named Baron Nefarious, Red sets out on a thoroughly bizarre journey in hopes of getting her back.
That is more or less the plot, but how Red gets from point A to point B is so funny and ridiculous that it wouldn't do it justice to try and explain it here. This is one you have to see for yourself.
If I were an unoriginal S.O.B. I'd say this movie was like Airplane meets The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. But I'm not and besides that would probably make you think of the Scary Movie series and this is nothing like those lame flicks. Sadly, I am not as clever as the makers of this film so I will have to say this movie is kind of like a cross between Top Secret and Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer, except with more fish monsters and naked zombie girls.
When I grow up I want to be Red Toole or president, maybe both. I love this movie, you will too. If you don't then there is obviously something wrong with you.
Melvin Goes to Dinner (2003)
Abysmal.
I have never walked out of a movie in my life. Had I seen this in the theater I would have.
The characters in this movie are very true to life, unfortunately they are all pseudo-intellectual hipsters who think every mundane thing in their lives is absolutely fascinating. Perhaps for his next movie Bob Odenkirk can make a feature about a group of alarm clocks. The buzzing of the alarm clocks would be no less annoying than the characters in "Melvin Goes to Dinner" and the film would be just as entertaining.
"Melvin Goes to Dinner" may be the worst movie ever made avoid it at all costs.
Ernest Goes to Jail (1990)
All Hail Varney!
If I had to decide which was the best Ernest movie, and don't act like that sort of thing doesn't happen all time, it would be this one.
All of the Ernest movies are entertaining, but the best ones are the ones that have Jim Varney doing a number of different characters. Additionally, I am known to enjoy the comedy stylings of Bill Byrge and Gailard Sartain as brothers Chuck and Bobby Tulip. "Ernest Goes to Jail" contains all of those elements as well as a funny script and a supporting cast that features several beloved character actors.
And that is why I have chosen "Ernest Goes to Jail" as the king of all Ernest movies. Disagree with me if you must, but deep down you know I am right.
Psychos in Love (1987)
Do I look like the kind of person who would eat a grape?
I don't know how many times I have watched this movie. If I had to guess I'd say I have seen it somewhere between 50 and 75,000 times and it has never stopped being funny. Well, there was that summer where I was held captive by Adolf Smucker and brainwashed into loving grapes. During that time I could find nothing funny about Joe and Kate's anti-grape hate speech. Fortunately, I have shaken off the effects of that terrible ordeal and am free to enjoy this excellent movie once again.
Now Go and get your grubby paws on this masterpiece. You will not be disappointed.