I have what I call "The Adrienne Barbeau Theorem," which is as
follows: Big breasts, in and of themselves, are not enough reason to
watch a terrible movie. Ironically, there are two movies that strongly
test my theorem, and one of them is Adrienne Barbeau's Swamp Thing (see
my Epinions review). The other is an abysmal '80s slasher flick titled
They're Playing with Fire.
Sybil Danning plays an English professor (so much for realism) who
seduces one of her young students (Eric Brown) in order to make him a
patsy in a murder plot in which she's involved. Despite its familiar
ring, this plotline is several generations (not to mention quality
points) removed from Double Indemnity and its ilk. In fact, the movie's
slasher motif is so sordid, even for this genre, that it's painful to
watch. The movie would be deservedly forgotten, were it not for
Danning's astounding sex scenes.
These scenes, particularly the first one, are as jaw-dropping as
anything you're likely to see in a mainstream, R-rated movie. While not
as anatomically graphic as your average porn video, Danning in the
altogether amply displays enough, er, enthusiasm to get her point
across. In fact, she's so enthusiastic, you lose any sympathy for the
kid she's seducing. Here's this gorgeous, buxom blonde twisting the
night away on top of him, and he can't think of anything better to do
than *make conversation* with her! Obviously, the kid needs an education
in more than English.
Other than the all-too-brief scenes in which Danning demonstrates why a
date with her would fetch a small fortune on an auction block, the
movie's only element of interest is in seeing Alvy Moore, who played
Hooterville county agent Hank Kimball on TV's "Green Acres,"
hitting a career low as a gas-station manager who's dumb enough to hire
and re-hire the kid as an attendant even after he's dumped the job on
the promise of some loot from Danning's English professor. The only
thing that could have made this movie more bad-memorable would be to
pair Danning with fluttery Hank Kimball: "Welcome to Hootersville,
I mean Hooterville! Sorry, I was blinded by your headlights, I mean my
car headlights. The car is strangely stacked, I mean built, I
mean..."
follows: Big breasts, in and of themselves, are not enough reason to
watch a terrible movie. Ironically, there are two movies that strongly
test my theorem, and one of them is Adrienne Barbeau's Swamp Thing (see
my Epinions review). The other is an abysmal '80s slasher flick titled
They're Playing with Fire.
Sybil Danning plays an English professor (so much for realism) who
seduces one of her young students (Eric Brown) in order to make him a
patsy in a murder plot in which she's involved. Despite its familiar
ring, this plotline is several generations (not to mention quality
points) removed from Double Indemnity and its ilk. In fact, the movie's
slasher motif is so sordid, even for this genre, that it's painful to
watch. The movie would be deservedly forgotten, were it not for
Danning's astounding sex scenes.
These scenes, particularly the first one, are as jaw-dropping as
anything you're likely to see in a mainstream, R-rated movie. While not
as anatomically graphic as your average porn video, Danning in the
altogether amply displays enough, er, enthusiasm to get her point
across. In fact, she's so enthusiastic, you lose any sympathy for the
kid she's seducing. Here's this gorgeous, buxom blonde twisting the
night away on top of him, and he can't think of anything better to do
than *make conversation* with her! Obviously, the kid needs an education
in more than English.
Other than the all-too-brief scenes in which Danning demonstrates why a
date with her would fetch a small fortune on an auction block, the
movie's only element of interest is in seeing Alvy Moore, who played
Hooterville county agent Hank Kimball on TV's "Green Acres,"
hitting a career low as a gas-station manager who's dumb enough to hire
and re-hire the kid as an attendant even after he's dumped the job on
the promise of some loot from Danning's English professor. The only
thing that could have made this movie more bad-memorable would be to
pair Danning with fluttery Hank Kimball: "Welcome to Hootersville,
I mean Hooterville! Sorry, I was blinded by your headlights, I mean my
car headlights. The car is strangely stacked, I mean built, I
mean..."