This movie is bad. Really really bad. Here's a brief walkthrough of this 'movie'. SPOILER WARNING SPOILER WARNING! If you don't like spoilers then you don't like this comment, so don't read it.
First off, we open with this gypsy lady who is talking with a spirit through her ouija board. She asks what the spirit's name is, and it replies: "Augusta". What the hell? Anyways, Augusta destroys the gypsy's home and life. We also see the evil monkey with cymbals who appears later in the film. He smashes his symbals together, and gypsy's house explodes! Whoa! But then a few seconds later, it's shown more or less in one piece, just burning down. Weird huh? That must be the gypsy's gypsy powers. But then surprise! It's not real, it's just a little kid watching this on TV. The power goes out, and poor lad can't finish the rest of his bad movie, so uncle Borgnine decides to tell him a story. Weirdly, he tells the lad that the movie was scary anyway, even though in a moment he tells the poor kid a story that's a million times scarier. Eeek.
And so the story begins. There we are at Merlin's Shop of Mystical Wonders. There are a bunch of stupid little troll things running around. They kind of look like the stupid troll things from that other bad movie, Labyrinth. Anyways, Merlin's there with his multi-chinned wife. He soon has a customer, a husband and wife who aren't doing so well because they can't have any kids. The husband is a store critic for a newspaper, and is very veyr mean. He seems intent on shutting Merlin down, and so Merlin gives him a book of spells to look through and see if he starts to believe in him then. Yeah, we all know what happens. The guy quickly discovers that Merlin is indeed real, and starts turning charcoal into diamonds. Thirsting for more, he then transforms his cat into a ravenous monster. He nearly dies, but thanks to his fire breath from an earlier spell, he manages to torch the kitty to death. Nice! However, his magic using is making him really old, and so he decides to do a reverse-old spell. He needs blood for it to work though, and so he gets his wife's. How sweet of him. The spell was too powerful or something though, because he turns into a little baby. Now the happy wife has a little kid, just as she always wanted. Merlin works in mysterious ways, I suppose.
Then the second half of this movie begins. This criminal guy breaks into Merlin's Mystical Wonder Shop of Wonderful Mysterious Wonder and steals a little toy monkey. Personally, I'd think that one of little Labyrinth goblins would sell better, but that's just me. He sells the monkey to a thrift store, where it in turn is sold to a guy who gives it to his kid. But as you can guess, this is no ordinary monkey. This is a magical SATAN monkey, who wants to eat your soul. Whenever he claps his cymbals together, things die. Soon, the guy notices that all the plants in the house are dead, as well as the goldfish. When the monkey starts a fire that kills the family's dog, he gets suspicious of the monkey and calls in a psychic. She tells him that the monkey is evil, and that he must stop it without it knowing he's trying to. And so, one of the funniest moments in any horror movie occurs. The guy is sitting there and nonchalantly trying t throw the monkey away. It is hysterically lame how he goes about doing this: puting the monkey on the coffee table and trying to bump him into a garbage bag. He tries again and again and again before he gets it right, and throws the monkey away. Mission successful! Rockin'! But the stupid kid bumps into the garbage can and the monkey falls out. Wow, that was close! Dad almost threw my monkey away! He brings it back inside, then proceeds to drive around on his tricycle in the middle of the road. Cool. The monkey tries to make the kid get hit by a car, but the dad stops the monkey's cymbals from coming together with his hands. He then tosses the monkey into his car and drives out into the middle of nowhere to bury the monkey. The monkey starts a rainstorm that nearly kills the guy, but the monkey seems to be gone forever. Meanwhile, Merling is wandering around the city asking if they've seen his monkey. Also quite funny. He gets a tip from a junk salesman who sold to a lady. She is the grandma of the same little kid. When the kid opens it, he's like: OMG OMG! MONKEY! But the monkey makes the house rumble and tries to kill everyone, but Merlin shows up just in time to save the day. Go Merlin!
And so, Grampa Borgnine finishes his story, and the little kid goes to sleep with a head probably filled with nightmares. If you're a fan of bad bad movies (like me), a fan of really campy horror movies (like me), or are just really dumb and need something dumb to watch with all your dumb friends (like me), you'll definitely get something out of this film.
First off, we open with this gypsy lady who is talking with a spirit through her ouija board. She asks what the spirit's name is, and it replies: "Augusta". What the hell? Anyways, Augusta destroys the gypsy's home and life. We also see the evil monkey with cymbals who appears later in the film. He smashes his symbals together, and gypsy's house explodes! Whoa! But then a few seconds later, it's shown more or less in one piece, just burning down. Weird huh? That must be the gypsy's gypsy powers. But then surprise! It's not real, it's just a little kid watching this on TV. The power goes out, and poor lad can't finish the rest of his bad movie, so uncle Borgnine decides to tell him a story. Weirdly, he tells the lad that the movie was scary anyway, even though in a moment he tells the poor kid a story that's a million times scarier. Eeek.
And so the story begins. There we are at Merlin's Shop of Mystical Wonders. There are a bunch of stupid little troll things running around. They kind of look like the stupid troll things from that other bad movie, Labyrinth. Anyways, Merlin's there with his multi-chinned wife. He soon has a customer, a husband and wife who aren't doing so well because they can't have any kids. The husband is a store critic for a newspaper, and is very veyr mean. He seems intent on shutting Merlin down, and so Merlin gives him a book of spells to look through and see if he starts to believe in him then. Yeah, we all know what happens. The guy quickly discovers that Merlin is indeed real, and starts turning charcoal into diamonds. Thirsting for more, he then transforms his cat into a ravenous monster. He nearly dies, but thanks to his fire breath from an earlier spell, he manages to torch the kitty to death. Nice! However, his magic using is making him really old, and so he decides to do a reverse-old spell. He needs blood for it to work though, and so he gets his wife's. How sweet of him. The spell was too powerful or something though, because he turns into a little baby. Now the happy wife has a little kid, just as she always wanted. Merlin works in mysterious ways, I suppose.
Then the second half of this movie begins. This criminal guy breaks into Merlin's Mystical Wonder Shop of Wonderful Mysterious Wonder and steals a little toy monkey. Personally, I'd think that one of little Labyrinth goblins would sell better, but that's just me. He sells the monkey to a thrift store, where it in turn is sold to a guy who gives it to his kid. But as you can guess, this is no ordinary monkey. This is a magical SATAN monkey, who wants to eat your soul. Whenever he claps his cymbals together, things die. Soon, the guy notices that all the plants in the house are dead, as well as the goldfish. When the monkey starts a fire that kills the family's dog, he gets suspicious of the monkey and calls in a psychic. She tells him that the monkey is evil, and that he must stop it without it knowing he's trying to. And so, one of the funniest moments in any horror movie occurs. The guy is sitting there and nonchalantly trying t throw the monkey away. It is hysterically lame how he goes about doing this: puting the monkey on the coffee table and trying to bump him into a garbage bag. He tries again and again and again before he gets it right, and throws the monkey away. Mission successful! Rockin'! But the stupid kid bumps into the garbage can and the monkey falls out. Wow, that was close! Dad almost threw my monkey away! He brings it back inside, then proceeds to drive around on his tricycle in the middle of the road. Cool. The monkey tries to make the kid get hit by a car, but the dad stops the monkey's cymbals from coming together with his hands. He then tosses the monkey into his car and drives out into the middle of nowhere to bury the monkey. The monkey starts a rainstorm that nearly kills the guy, but the monkey seems to be gone forever. Meanwhile, Merling is wandering around the city asking if they've seen his monkey. Also quite funny. He gets a tip from a junk salesman who sold to a lady. She is the grandma of the same little kid. When the kid opens it, he's like: OMG OMG! MONKEY! But the monkey makes the house rumble and tries to kill everyone, but Merlin shows up just in time to save the day. Go Merlin!
And so, Grampa Borgnine finishes his story, and the little kid goes to sleep with a head probably filled with nightmares. If you're a fan of bad bad movies (like me), a fan of really campy horror movies (like me), or are just really dumb and need something dumb to watch with all your dumb friends (like me), you'll definitely get something out of this film.