Secret Things (2002)
2/10
Laughably bad
25 February 2004
I saw this movie last night; my date and I couldn't help but laughing throughout as it was so entertainingly bad. First, the softcore male-fantasy component was utterly cliche; constant female masturbation, lesbianism for the benefit of male eyes, "the one masterful man who can give her an orgasm", etc., etc. Second, the main male character's lines were some insanely sophomoric De Sade pastiche; my favorite line: "Am I crueler than God, or Creation?" Third, what was with the woman shrouded in black and her death bird? I thought I was watching an early-90s goth-punk video. Every time I saw her I thought they should have flashed "FORESHADOWING" in big letters on the screen.

Definitely see it for its unintentionally humorous badness.
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