Of course you can make a movie out of The Nibelung Saga, no problem. It is an exciting story, which has all the elements of a proper movie: love, war, jealousy, action, heroes and villains, mystery like dragons, dwarfs, a magic ring... (sounds a wee bit like Lord of the Rings, doesn't it?) Anyway, and then you have all the capacity to start with: a great landscape, fairly decent actors, average budget, CGI that sucks only to a point where it's still bearable, but then... *drum roll* ULI EDEL rears his ugly head, to top it all! And the horror begins with THE MAN who has so far managed to ruin! every! single! movie! he has been involved in! I mean, seriously, WHAT THE HECK!!!!!!!
!!!!!!! SPOILERS!!!!!!!!!! SPOILERS!!!!!!!!!!
Brunhild, the queen of Iceland, played by former terminator chick Kristanna Loken, who said herself that she knew jack-squat about her character -and you can tell in the movie-, I repeat, she surely DID NOT DID NOT DID NOT simply sail past Siegfried's smithy. Oh, and Siegfried DID NOT grow up as a schizophrenic retard who calls himself Erik, the "Master over the fire AND (!!!) the elements" (like Brom, Aluminum, Copper, Magnesium... you name it)His name was Siegfried, Mime, the smith, gave him that name and he found out about his parents in a different way. King Siegmund actually outlived his son and Queen Sieglind did not die in a Xena-amazone-warrior-princess kind of way. Hagen was not such a bad guy, but he CERTAINLY WASN'T THE ILLEGAL BASTARD SON OF ALBERICH WHO!!!!!!!!!!! WASN'T !!!!!!!!!!!!! A!!!!!!!!! NIBELUNG!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I mean, his name is ALBERICH, as in King of the ALBS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!! Oh, this is getting painful! And of course, there had to be a strange foreign language-thingy to get it just this much closer to Lord of the Rings... again! Then, Gunter of Burgund had two brothers, both of whom were quite intelligent young men who ruled Burgund together, not just one lad barely out of puberty, who just happens to *sneak* onto the ship they sail to Iceland with, just so he can get some more screen time, because he had to be introduced to the public for the next Harry Potter movie, in which he will be starring as Cedric Diggory. Siegfried actually loved Kriemhild, no need for sneaky Hagen, the half-Nibelung with Daddy-issues *bangs head against keyboard* to pull the secret "lurve"-potion out of the bag! What else... Brunhild was not karate-Barbie on crack FROM HELL, she did not beat Siegfried in ice skating with axes, but in a fairly structured combat which involved spear-hurling, archery and a sword fight. The Nibelungs were not spooky ghouls out of a cave, they were a proud people who were not extinct, but later ruled by Siegfried as their king, as indicated by his title: Siegfried, KING of the NIBELUNGS!!! One final piece of advice: If you ever come across anything that has the words Uli and Edel in combination: RUN!!! RUN FOR YOUR SANITY!!! RUN AS IF A BIG UGLY CGI-DRAGON WAS CHEWING ON YOUR BOTTOM!! This is all for now. Writing this review made me reach a decision: Excuse me while I go drown myself in a bucket! Toodles!
!!!!!!! SPOILERS!!!!!!!!!! SPOILERS!!!!!!!!!!
Brunhild, the queen of Iceland, played by former terminator chick Kristanna Loken, who said herself that she knew jack-squat about her character -and you can tell in the movie-, I repeat, she surely DID NOT DID NOT DID NOT simply sail past Siegfried's smithy. Oh, and Siegfried DID NOT grow up as a schizophrenic retard who calls himself Erik, the "Master over the fire AND (!!!) the elements" (like Brom, Aluminum, Copper, Magnesium... you name it)His name was Siegfried, Mime, the smith, gave him that name and he found out about his parents in a different way. King Siegmund actually outlived his son and Queen Sieglind did not die in a Xena-amazone-warrior-princess kind of way. Hagen was not such a bad guy, but he CERTAINLY WASN'T THE ILLEGAL BASTARD SON OF ALBERICH WHO!!!!!!!!!!! WASN'T !!!!!!!!!!!!! A!!!!!!!!! NIBELUNG!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I mean, his name is ALBERICH, as in King of the ALBS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!! Oh, this is getting painful! And of course, there had to be a strange foreign language-thingy to get it just this much closer to Lord of the Rings... again! Then, Gunter of Burgund had two brothers, both of whom were quite intelligent young men who ruled Burgund together, not just one lad barely out of puberty, who just happens to *sneak* onto the ship they sail to Iceland with, just so he can get some more screen time, because he had to be introduced to the public for the next Harry Potter movie, in which he will be starring as Cedric Diggory. Siegfried actually loved Kriemhild, no need for sneaky Hagen, the half-Nibelung with Daddy-issues *bangs head against keyboard* to pull the secret "lurve"-potion out of the bag! What else... Brunhild was not karate-Barbie on crack FROM HELL, she did not beat Siegfried in ice skating with axes, but in a fairly structured combat which involved spear-hurling, archery and a sword fight. The Nibelungs were not spooky ghouls out of a cave, they were a proud people who were not extinct, but later ruled by Siegfried as their king, as indicated by his title: Siegfried, KING of the NIBELUNGS!!! One final piece of advice: If you ever come across anything that has the words Uli and Edel in combination: RUN!!! RUN FOR YOUR SANITY!!! RUN AS IF A BIG UGLY CGI-DRAGON WAS CHEWING ON YOUR BOTTOM!! This is all for now. Writing this review made me reach a decision: Excuse me while I go drown myself in a bucket! Toodles!