What is it about famous directors and pirate movies? Spielberg famously completed "Hook" while he took a break from directing "Schindler's List" and the great Roman Polanski gives us "Pirates". I'd love to know what was on his mind at the time - what was he thinking about because clearly something was occupying his thoughts. This is muddled, poorly cast and way too dull to be a proper pirate movie.
Walter Matthau is roped in to play Captain Red, a scurvy sea-dog with an occasional East London accent (it changes from time to time, for some reason) and a French companion called Frog (Cris Campion). Together, they drift on the high seas starving and thirsty until they are fortunate enough to come across a Spanish galleon, led by the villainous Don Alfonso de la Torré (Damien Thomas). After leading the crew on a mutiny, Captain Red believes his luck may be about to change for the better. But the Spanish have other ideas...
Before I start to list the things I don't like about "Pirates" (and it is a list, sadly), I have to say that the costumes look fantastic. Couldn't fault those at all. Captain Red looks like a real pirate (pegleg and all) while the Spanish are all decked out like the foppish dandies that they are, curled wigs and thin moustaches. Top notch. The ship that forms the basis of the power struggle, the Neptune, also looks incredible. Having spent a fair amount of time on a replica ship of a similar nature, I feel that the Neptune is a fine vessel and looks perfectly at home on screen. Sadly, the same amount of effort was not given to the story or direction. Polanski seems to have had an off-day here, for whatever reason, as the film takes ages to hit its stride and when it does, you are far too bored to care. This is also a major problem with the casting. All the Spanish characters speak in perfect Queen's English, a mismatch not exactly helped when they look like courtiers in the court of Charles I.
Only Matthau seems to have any interest in the thing, growling and hobbling his way through the picture while almost everyone else looks as blank as a sheet of printer paper. Campion's French accent is barely noticeable and the strange black guy in the brig (I think he was a chef but I can't remember his name or the actor who played him) had the word "quota" stamped all over him. This wouldn't be so bad if he served any purpose but he doesn't. As the film progresses, it turns into a sort of "Carry On Walking Up The Plank" with terrible cross-dressing, farcical fight scenes and yo-ho-hoeing for all they are worth. Pirates of the Caribbean was more realistic than this and I'm talking about the Disney ride! In short, it does nothing to further anyone's career and is probably ideal if you're having trouble sleeping. Unless you must watch every Polanski film ever made or you fancy the frankly bizarre sight of Michael Elphick trying to sound Spanish, there isn't much to recommend here.
Walter Matthau is roped in to play Captain Red, a scurvy sea-dog with an occasional East London accent (it changes from time to time, for some reason) and a French companion called Frog (Cris Campion). Together, they drift on the high seas starving and thirsty until they are fortunate enough to come across a Spanish galleon, led by the villainous Don Alfonso de la Torré (Damien Thomas). After leading the crew on a mutiny, Captain Red believes his luck may be about to change for the better. But the Spanish have other ideas...
Before I start to list the things I don't like about "Pirates" (and it is a list, sadly), I have to say that the costumes look fantastic. Couldn't fault those at all. Captain Red looks like a real pirate (pegleg and all) while the Spanish are all decked out like the foppish dandies that they are, curled wigs and thin moustaches. Top notch. The ship that forms the basis of the power struggle, the Neptune, also looks incredible. Having spent a fair amount of time on a replica ship of a similar nature, I feel that the Neptune is a fine vessel and looks perfectly at home on screen. Sadly, the same amount of effort was not given to the story or direction. Polanski seems to have had an off-day here, for whatever reason, as the film takes ages to hit its stride and when it does, you are far too bored to care. This is also a major problem with the casting. All the Spanish characters speak in perfect Queen's English, a mismatch not exactly helped when they look like courtiers in the court of Charles I.
Only Matthau seems to have any interest in the thing, growling and hobbling his way through the picture while almost everyone else looks as blank as a sheet of printer paper. Campion's French accent is barely noticeable and the strange black guy in the brig (I think he was a chef but I can't remember his name or the actor who played him) had the word "quota" stamped all over him. This wouldn't be so bad if he served any purpose but he doesn't. As the film progresses, it turns into a sort of "Carry On Walking Up The Plank" with terrible cross-dressing, farcical fight scenes and yo-ho-hoeing for all they are worth. Pirates of the Caribbean was more realistic than this and I'm talking about the Disney ride! In short, it does nothing to further anyone's career and is probably ideal if you're having trouble sleeping. Unless you must watch every Polanski film ever made or you fancy the frankly bizarre sight of Michael Elphick trying to sound Spanish, there isn't much to recommend here.