It's certain my friends are sadistic and laughing their asses off every time I admit to watching one of these lame movies they so "thoughtfully" provide to me. Where do they find this crap anyway. Well, I've found a few on my own too so I won't dis em too bad. Anyhow, my coaster collection is growing.
This movie takes boredom to new depths---the depths of Mars. At least there were some of the usual hokey effects to laugh at. Spaceships you can see stars through, Stupid looking lightning storms on Mars, Volcanos & lava that don't remotely resemble the real thing, Lame water snakes that pose no threat other than putting the viewer to sleep. The only decent effect was the Martian in the crystal tube---looked almost cool.
This is a spoiler although there isn't much to spoil: What little story there is goes something like this: 4 total morons crash land on mars and go in search of their main stage (which they dumped earlier) so they can return to Earth. Along their incredibly boring and mostly silent trek they encounter such things as water snakes (really dumb), lightning storms (no rain involved), spelunking via inflatable life raft (somehow they never move but just seem to be sitting there in their little rafts gabbing about nothing), they encounter what is supposed to be volcanic action (not), sand dunes (at least these are real), and of course the ancient Martian city (this looks like something I might have made in the 2nd grade on the beach out of sand).
When they do encounter the Martians, it is via the little gnome-like guy in the tube (this is the high point of the movie---if you can consider this movie as having such a thing as a high point). Then all the Martians' minds get together to form a floating head which lectures the 4 idiots for way way too long (man I thought I was back in English class or something it was so boring). Now supposedly these Martians have their city frozen in time and want to get time going again so they tell the dumb earthlings how to start it up again. They proceed to do this and the city crumbles as they flee for their lives. Of course they stand around the time chamber looking dumb (really easy for these actors) for several minutes while the city is crumbling before actually running.
When they are at last back on the spaceship I guess heading back to Earth (how they got there is a mystery---one instant they were running from the destructing city, the next they're on board their ship), one of the crew says, "it's only been 2 minutes." Now that's exactly how long this movie should have lasted! Oh, yeah. There are 3 references to the Wizard of Oz: The girl's name is Dorothy, There is a yellow brick road (mostly covered in sand), and the disembodied head appears (much less effectively than the Wizard of Oz's). I'm wondering what the actors and producers of this idiotic piece of crap were smoking while working on this.
It's sorta funny to note that these reject butt nuggets start off with full spacesuits, then offer a really lame excuse to use the Martian air, then when in the ancient city, lose the helmets completely. And at the end when they're fleeing the city, they don't even have their suits on. What total bunk.
If you are in search of a painfully dumb plot, moronic actors, hokey effects---and a cure for insomnia, you found it.
This movie takes boredom to new depths---the depths of Mars. At least there were some of the usual hokey effects to laugh at. Spaceships you can see stars through, Stupid looking lightning storms on Mars, Volcanos & lava that don't remotely resemble the real thing, Lame water snakes that pose no threat other than putting the viewer to sleep. The only decent effect was the Martian in the crystal tube---looked almost cool.
This is a spoiler although there isn't much to spoil: What little story there is goes something like this: 4 total morons crash land on mars and go in search of their main stage (which they dumped earlier) so they can return to Earth. Along their incredibly boring and mostly silent trek they encounter such things as water snakes (really dumb), lightning storms (no rain involved), spelunking via inflatable life raft (somehow they never move but just seem to be sitting there in their little rafts gabbing about nothing), they encounter what is supposed to be volcanic action (not), sand dunes (at least these are real), and of course the ancient Martian city (this looks like something I might have made in the 2nd grade on the beach out of sand).
When they do encounter the Martians, it is via the little gnome-like guy in the tube (this is the high point of the movie---if you can consider this movie as having such a thing as a high point). Then all the Martians' minds get together to form a floating head which lectures the 4 idiots for way way too long (man I thought I was back in English class or something it was so boring). Now supposedly these Martians have their city frozen in time and want to get time going again so they tell the dumb earthlings how to start it up again. They proceed to do this and the city crumbles as they flee for their lives. Of course they stand around the time chamber looking dumb (really easy for these actors) for several minutes while the city is crumbling before actually running.
When they are at last back on the spaceship I guess heading back to Earth (how they got there is a mystery---one instant they were running from the destructing city, the next they're on board their ship), one of the crew says, "it's only been 2 minutes." Now that's exactly how long this movie should have lasted! Oh, yeah. There are 3 references to the Wizard of Oz: The girl's name is Dorothy, There is a yellow brick road (mostly covered in sand), and the disembodied head appears (much less effectively than the Wizard of Oz's). I'm wondering what the actors and producers of this idiotic piece of crap were smoking while working on this.
It's sorta funny to note that these reject butt nuggets start off with full spacesuits, then offer a really lame excuse to use the Martian air, then when in the ancient city, lose the helmets completely. And at the end when they're fleeing the city, they don't even have their suits on. What total bunk.
If you are in search of a painfully dumb plot, moronic actors, hokey effects---and a cure for insomnia, you found it.