Flash Gordon (1980)
2/10
"He'll annoy every one of us!"
21 October 2005
I cannot really fathom the relatively good ratings and comments about this film. Utterly dreadful and among the worst I have seen, it seems to me designed simply to annoy intelligent people. This despite the presence of several good actors and direction by Mike Hodges. Hodges directed the 1971 masterpiece Get Carter, a fact that alone is enough to ensure him a high place in my regard. I therefore find it kind of unsettling to see that he actually worked on this irritating waste of film.

In part, the dreadfulness of this film is a result of the source material itself. Horribly dated and oozing with old-fashioned prejudice and racism, the characters have little place in the modern world. Probably the most glaring example is the fact that the deceitful, conniving baddies are the obviously Asian Ming and his "Mongo people" while the good guys are all Caucasian types and Flash is every inch the jock Nordic/Anglo-Saxon golden boy. Such obvious use of stereotyping and prejudice turns me off, to say the least. Such prejudice, while never admirable, is one thing in the context of the 1930s, but utterly inexcusable in 1980. I fault the makers of this film because this should have been obvious. This factor alone, in my opinion, ruins the film.

Moreover, although the basic story (sans the racism, etc.) could have been reworked to make something that, while corny and campy, is at least imaginative and fun, no-one appears to have bothered to do that. The story is mundane, clichéd and tired, with no attempt even to take advantage of these traits. Those who made this film at least could have shown that they knew the material was goofy and clichéd and used this to advantage. They do not and instead give every impression of playing it straight. One might argue that this itself is supposed to be part of the fun, since playing comedy or clichés straight can be utterly brilliant and hilarious. Here, though, the movie simply seems so truly bad, so genuinely straightforward, that I find it impossible to believe this is intentional. A goofy, clichéd movie that knows it is goofy and clichéd can be wonderful. One that does not know it is goofy and clichéd is not fun; it is simply goofy and clichéd.

To add to this film's woes, the "special effects", so called, are utterly ridiculous. Again, elsewhere someone might have taken advantage of cheap special effects, but not here.

Finally, the "soundtrack", if one calls it that, is beyond dreadful. It is incredibly cretinous, annoying and, most unfortunately, unforgettable. I don't know if I shall ever rid my memory of "Flash, aaaaaahhhh!" or "He'll save every one of us!" Those horrid lines were repeated ad nauseum, it seemed, and, despite the passage of years, occasionally resurface in my mind. I have to say that, as with the glaring racism, this defect alone renders the film unwatchable.

This is one example of a phenomenon, rather amazing to me, whereby a film with talented people in the end bears no discernible trace of their talents. Had it not been for the truly awful "soundtrack" and the failure to avoid the old racism of the original, this would have been at least bearable, but still no better than a low-mediocre film. As it is, though, this film stands out in my mind as a highly irritating and unpleasant bit of drivel.
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