Dog Day (1984)
1/10
Idiotic
13 March 2009
"Canicule" leaves so many questions unanswered. Was the relationship between Lee Marvin's character and the retarded farm boy supposed to be touching, comical or teeth-grindingly stupid? Was the reason Tina Louise disappeared entirely from the film because the editor was a drunken ham-fisted film school reject? What is Tina Louise's character even doing in this film? Did the director just fly around in a helicopter shouting "Wheeeeee!" the entire shoot while the rest of the crew sat around snorting coke and going 'Zut Alors! Zis New Wave film making - it is fantastique!' or something? So many questions...

Okay, long story short. Lee Marvin, dressed as a 1930's gangster, robs an armored car and shoots a bunch of cops and a pre-schooler, then lams it to the French countryside where he's captured by a repulsive bunch of inbred French rednecks. Sound interesting? It isn't. The cops overfly the farm about a ga-zillion times looking for Lee, each shot lovingly filmed from another helicopter (the one where the director was yelling "Wheeeeee!") (or "Le Wheeeeee!" since he's French) but can't find him because he's always in the barn setting fires or strangling nymphomaniacs or whatever.

But here's the depressing part. Ready? Despite being a film built solely around the image of Lee Marvin standing around in a wheat field, "Canicule" would be considered a cinematic masterpiece today if it were made by Quentin Tarantino and starred Bruce Willis and Angelina Jolie. It wants to be parody but rarely rises to the level of stick-figure cartoon, in other words the perfect film for a society of porn obsessed violence addicts like the US.

"Wheeeee!"
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