5/10
Maculate Conceptions
12 November 2009
Eamon Manley (Marshall), a 24-year-old Irish Catholic virgin, works in a dating agency, while silently dreaming of melancholy funeral parlour worker Rosemary (Clarke). Following a night of (heavily protected) passion with a good-time gal, the geek discovers that, in these times of male infertility, his sperm could "impregnate a stone".

Now in demand from infertile couples the length and breadth of Ireland, and backed by a test tube-eschewing Catholic Church, he soon makes a packet with colleague Millicent (Gallagher) - until paramilitary headcase 'Mad Dog' Billy Wilson (Nesbitt) decides Catholics are outbreeding Protestants, and forcibly recruits him for a 'numbers war'.

"The Most Fertile Man in Ireland... is Coming!" chortled the teaser posters, belying a severe case of coitus interruptus. Originally due for release in September 2000 (the film was made back in 99), a number of ill-fated distribution deals put the kibosh on The Most Fertile Man In Ireland, until director Dudi Appleton's debut finally reached third base in Ireland in 2002 - a year later in the UK.

Based on late-night conversations between scriptwriter Keeble and pals about "what it is to be a man", this was originally intended as a dark satire about a messiah-cum-superhero in present day Belfast - morphing into a lightweight, if uneven farce about a man who's anything but. On the plus side, Marshall, star of Middle England's favourite sitcom 'My Family', does imbue his (admittedly one-note) role with a winning mix of gormless pathos and knockabout good-humour, ably supported by Nesbitt, in full-on panto villain mode.

Predictably, the complex issue of the Troubles is reduced to a mere comic backdrop (represented by alternating portraits of the Pope and HRH, indicating Eamon's visits to Catholic or Protestant households), jarring with the screwball romance. Also a sombre third act sits uneasily with previous hi-jinks, investing its cast with unexplored depths. Nevertheless, an interesting premise from a first time director, showing plenty of promise.
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