OK, I know I'm going to either get a lot of hate for this and a lot of confused emails, but Red Sonja to me is an ultimate guilty pleasure. My sister and I used to watch this movie all the time when we were kids, we both wanted to so badly fight with Red Sonja and be apart of the group. So oddly, after years of not watching this since I was a kid, my sister and I found the DVD for 5 dollars and decided to watch it. Oh, the things that are so wrong with this film that makes it so right again. Looking to be a spin off of Conan, we were introduced to Red Sonja played by Flava-Flav's ultimate true love, Bridgitte Nielson. The 6 foot tall drink of glass shows us that this was her acting class as she rehearses her lines as if she had just read them the night before and screams "Gedren, where are you?!" while moving her mouth in the strangest way. She teams up with world's other tall drink of
beef(?) Arnold Schwarzenegger as they battle it out on who can act the worst? Well, who knows who will win with this silly story.
A large temple full of white-robed priestesses are getting ready to destroy a large, glowing green orb called the Talisman. This dangerous artifact's destructive power increases from exposure to light and the priestesses intend to destroy it before it gets out of control. However, the evil Queen Gedren and Ikol attack with their army. The warrior-priestesses resist, but are ultimately subdued by Gedren's forces. Gedren gets her hands on the Talisman, but not before proving the myth that only women can touch it and survive. Gedren orders the remaining priestesses to be imprisoned in the vault which held the Talisman. One of those priestesses, Varna, manages to escape. She doesn't get far before she's mortally wounded by an arrow in the back. As luck would have it, she literally falls into the arms of the mighty Lord Kalidor. She begs him to help find her sister, Red Sonja. Sonja has been training with a Chinese sword master when Kalidor informs Sonja about her sister. Sonja arrives just in time for Varna to tell her about what happened at the temple. Before dying, Sonja's sister urges her to find the Talisman and destroy it, or else the world will be destroyed.
Everything about this movie is bad, but that's what I love about it. You know how sometimes you just need a bad movie that you can make fun of and have a good time with? Supposedly, Arnold Schwarzenegger jokes that he uses this movie as punishment for his kids when they act up. Is it that bad? It is bad, but it's a ton of fun. I loved the action, Arnold fighting Bridgitte for her love as no man may have her unless he's trying to kill her, lol. I loved the last fight scene between Red Sonja and Queen Gedren, Gedren loves pulling a ton of jump cuts on her as well as one of Gedren's wizards who is using vodoo to cut Sonja to weaken her, then when she discovers the wizard, instead of him cutting her again, he just stands there, lol. Also the little Prince Tarn with Falkon was classic and they worked so well together. I think the scene that made me laugh the most was when Red Sonja, Prince Tarn and Falkon are stuck in the cave with the machine dragon and Arnold is just riding around with it making it look more like a roller coaster ride rather than a fight for his life, lol! My opinion, if a movie entertains you even if it is bad, why fight it? This is a good bad movie and I know I will always enjoy it. My recommendation being if you have an open mind and decide to just let go and enjoy the ride Red Sonja takes you on, take it or leave it.
7/10
A large temple full of white-robed priestesses are getting ready to destroy a large, glowing green orb called the Talisman. This dangerous artifact's destructive power increases from exposure to light and the priestesses intend to destroy it before it gets out of control. However, the evil Queen Gedren and Ikol attack with their army. The warrior-priestesses resist, but are ultimately subdued by Gedren's forces. Gedren gets her hands on the Talisman, but not before proving the myth that only women can touch it and survive. Gedren orders the remaining priestesses to be imprisoned in the vault which held the Talisman. One of those priestesses, Varna, manages to escape. She doesn't get far before she's mortally wounded by an arrow in the back. As luck would have it, she literally falls into the arms of the mighty Lord Kalidor. She begs him to help find her sister, Red Sonja. Sonja has been training with a Chinese sword master when Kalidor informs Sonja about her sister. Sonja arrives just in time for Varna to tell her about what happened at the temple. Before dying, Sonja's sister urges her to find the Talisman and destroy it, or else the world will be destroyed.
Everything about this movie is bad, but that's what I love about it. You know how sometimes you just need a bad movie that you can make fun of and have a good time with? Supposedly, Arnold Schwarzenegger jokes that he uses this movie as punishment for his kids when they act up. Is it that bad? It is bad, but it's a ton of fun. I loved the action, Arnold fighting Bridgitte for her love as no man may have her unless he's trying to kill her, lol. I loved the last fight scene between Red Sonja and Queen Gedren, Gedren loves pulling a ton of jump cuts on her as well as one of Gedren's wizards who is using vodoo to cut Sonja to weaken her, then when she discovers the wizard, instead of him cutting her again, he just stands there, lol. Also the little Prince Tarn with Falkon was classic and they worked so well together. I think the scene that made me laugh the most was when Red Sonja, Prince Tarn and Falkon are stuck in the cave with the machine dragon and Arnold is just riding around with it making it look more like a roller coaster ride rather than a fight for his life, lol! My opinion, if a movie entertains you even if it is bad, why fight it? This is a good bad movie and I know I will always enjoy it. My recommendation being if you have an open mind and decide to just let go and enjoy the ride Red Sonja takes you on, take it or leave it.
7/10