Con Express (2002 Video)
4/10
A Potboiler That Simmers
18 March 2010
Warning: Spoilers
This familiar, far-fetched, formulaic actioneer about an indestructible Alaskan Customs agent, Alex Brooks (Sean Patrick Flanery of "The Boondock Saints"), and a renegade Russian general, Anton Simeonov (Arnold Vosloo of "The Mummy"), who tangle over three barrels of highly toxic Sarin gas boasts few surprises. Odorless, colorless and 26 times more deadly than cyanide, this lethal biochemical stuff has been stolen from a Russian facility, and Simeonov and his trigger-happy band of terrorists not only wipe out armed Defense Department troops assigned to guard the deadly cargo on the Yukon Express but also take over the train. Of course, one of the DD troops survives the massacre, but he doesn't last much longer. Simeonov discovers that the plans of mice and men rarely work out.

Director Terry Cunningham and "Escape Velocity" scenarist Paul A. Birkett sabotage what little suspense that they try to drum up early into this 94-minute made-for-television melodrama with a garrulous question and answer dialogue scene between Brooks and two senior bureaucrats. Mind you, these two buttoned-down, suit-and-tie executives, Agent Rowe (J. Patrick McCormack of "Zodiac") and Commissioner Dunn (Michael Kagan of "The Chaos Factor"), are grilling our hero after the fact. Rowe wants to establish beyond a shadow of a doubt the moral and ethical values by which our hero conducts his life. Consequently, suspense gets the short shrift because it is clear that our hero has survived the obstacle course-laden adventure. Eventually, Cunningham and Birkett shift from this long-winded expository scene to the bullet-riddled action.

A sexy Russian agent, Natalya (German actress Ursula Karven), who displays deadly accuracy with a pair of automatic pistols in her fists, teams up reluctantly with Brooks to apprehend Simeonov. She has a persoal vendetta to settle with the rogue Russian ruffian. Brooks and his team are inspecting suspected barrels of contraband material when all hell breaks loose about 15 minutes into the story and everybody starting blasting away at each other. Brooks learns that he has interfered with an FBI undercover operation. They capture Simeonov, but the evil Russian escapes when they put him in handcuffs on a flight to Washington, D.C. Naturally, Brooks and Natalya accompany Simeonov but survive a plane crash in the middle of the rugged, snow-swept Alaska countryside. Simeonov bailed out with the other bad guys. Meantime, Natalya manages to halt the plane on a mountain cliff with the nose protruding over the edge of the mountain. They trudge through the wilderness and warm up at a convenient cabin with all the amenities. This gives Cunningham an excuse to let both Brooks and Natalya strip off their sodden clothing. The hero and heroine parade around each other naked and inspect each for hidden weapons.

Predictably, Natalya doesn't trust Brooks and they have a tough time bonding. Meanwhile, Simeonov sends a squad of his henchmen armed with assault rifles to check the plane crash to assure him that Natalya is kaput. When they cannot locate her body or Brooks, they cruise off to the cabin. A noisy gunfight erupts and our hero and heroine triumph over twice their number and take an SUV to catch up with Simeonov. By how, Simeonov has commandeered the train and everything is looking good, until he realizes that the throttle on the locomotive is jammed and there is no way to halt the runaway train.

Before it is all over, including the train careening out of control and an avalanche roaring down on top of him, Brooks has to contend with another villain who has pulled a fast one on everybody. He arrives at a nearby airport as the villains are trying to get away on a twin-engine plane and uses to a semi-truck to stop the plane from taking off. Veteran actor Tim Thomerson of "Dollman vs. Demonic Toys" has a small role as Brooks' superior.

Cunningham seamlessly integrates stock footage from three theatrical releases, including "Runaway Train," "Cliffhanger," and—believe it or not—"Stop or My Mom Will Shoot" into the action. Dependable heavy Arnold Vosloo delivers the best performance, while Flanery maintains his unflappable cool throughout the mayhem and takes a bullet in the shoulder. Altogether, this forgettable potboiler may take your mind off your problems, but don't expect much more than a minor distraction.
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