Review of Splice

Splice (2009)
5/10
whiskey tango foxtrot
13 June 2010
Warning: Spoilers
This film gets props for pioneering a new genre: the romantic-comedy-scifi-horror-thriller-drama. Production values are too solid for it to be called 'camp' but the lack of realism makes the movie hard to take seriously. The film opens with two lovebird scientists delivering a genetically engineered creature that is sufficiently amazing (and unrealistic) to drive the plot of several movies. In the Parallel Earth of Splice, however, the scientific community is none too impressed by the birthing of a radical new species: "Yeah, those sentient penises you've grown are neat but we'd like to see synthesis of some random protein or we're shutting you down." The H-40 chimeras are quickly forgotten and our heroes move on to the first of several fantastically stupid ideas. For the lulz, they opt to secretly grow a human/animal hybrid. Counter-intuitive as it may be, these two dolts are able to create a freakish humanoid monster with trivial effort and without anyone noticing. The director constantly reminds us that they're are all torn up inside over the attendant ethical dilemmas. As we all know, the characters will do whatever the plot requires and there's no real dramatic tension there. Never mind the outrageous intellectual, temporal and financial resources needed to achieve such a task: Dren, the lovable monster, is born.

The bulk of the movie is occupied by the scientists (Adrien Brody and Sarah Polley) secretly raising CGI monstrosity Delphine Chanéac (Dren) to adulthood. A recurring problem with the story is the inconsistent scientific acumen exhibited by the two leads. They're able to effect implausibly awesome scientific breakthroughs on a whim. On the other hand, they fail to notice things that should be obvious to an undergrad biology major. Is the specimen male or female? Does it have wings? Gills? Maybe they should've given the bitch an X-Ray or something. At one point the dynamic duo fails to even recognize whether Dren is dead or alive. Some of these oversights would be excusable if they were integral to the plot. Too bad they're mostly thrown in for the sake of cheap thrills. As Dren's biology is revealed to be increasingly far-fetched, I sense a truly compelling premise being squandered upon a mediocre movie.

Yet another unforgivable oversight is the needlessly limited communication with Dren. Brody and Polley are constantly wondering what Dren is thinking. Does she understand her origins? What are her hopes and dreams? What does she know of the outside world? Dren communicates via body language and incomprehensible chirps yet it's established early on that she knows English. Did nobody think to bring a pad and paper? The scientific achievement of the millennium is handled pretty casually by all parties.

The director tries to use the scientists' emotional involvement as an excuse for their poor judgment but that only goes so far. The film jumps the shark when Brody elects to have sex with their creation. At this point, I decided that the whole exercise was "tongue in cheek" and that the joke was on me. It seemed like a subtler reenactment of the scene from Spike Jonze's 'Adaptation' where the plot starts to unravel with a nod and a wink. From this point on, clichés per minute goes off the chart as the film descends into B-Grade horror.

I can't decide if this movie is genuinely ridiculous or if it just went over my head. 5-stars for making me think.
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