2/10
Dated Schmaltz
20 May 2014
Warning: Spoilers
I hadn't seen this film since it was in theaters, almost 20 years ago, but it is currently in heavy rotation on a cable movie channel. It has not aged well, influenced by popular 80s films like Thelma and Louise, Fried Green Tomatoes or Steel Magnolias -- female pal movies that were much better than this one.

In fact, Mary-Louise Parker is pretty much reprising the same exact role from Fried Green Tomatoes only in contemporary dress. There is even an identical lesbian angle (Parker is the pretty straight girl who has a lesbian who adores her, futilely). My guess is that for most women, being adored by a mannish lesbian is not very flattering, but creepy and you wouldn't go on to hang around with that person as your "bestie" -- you'd avoid them.

Drew Barrymore is about 20 years old here and just adorable with a mop of curly hair. There is also Matthew McConnaughey in his first role, as a straight arrow cop who loves Drew. And of course Whoopie Goldberg, basically playing herself -- she simply has no range at all. Her character is not very convincing as a lesbian, it seems like a plot device. She too is reprising her role from Sister Act -- the flamboyant lounge singer.

So though the actresses are all quite attractive, and there is some cute, snappy dialog amongst them, the plot structure is ridiculous. Whoopie is driving from NYC to LA, and needs someone to share gas expenses (in a minivan?), and Mary-Louise joins her. They pick up Drew, who is running away from an abusive boyfriend (whom she accidentally murders). On the way, Mary-Louise's AIDS flares up, so they stop and STAY FOREVER in Tucson -- where none of them have roots or family or any reason to be there.

Amazingly they are able to rent a huge adobe MANSION in the remote desert (???) though none of them has money or a job, and one is pregnant and one is dying of AIDS. How do they pay for this? It's like a $3 million dollar palazzo. BTW, I've been to Tucson and it is staggering hot desert country, something you'd never glean from the film -- it's like they picked Tucson by throwing a dart at map blindfolded -- for starters, it is NOT on the way from NYC to LA, but hundreds of miles out of the way.

Let me repeat: none of them have real jobs, or health insurance, yet it's no problem to rent a huge house (constantly filled with hundreds of friends -- in a strange city -- and lavish parties). It's all about "bonding" between these 3 very different women who honestly have nothing in common, and one is dying and another has a deeply creepy crush on her.

There is a time-line here set by Drew's character's pregnancy -- she is visibly pregnant as soon as they are in Tucson and has her baby near the end, so the whole film must be happened in under 7 months and more likely 3-4 months. Yet it is very clear in the plot that over a year goes by -- the longest pregnancy in history. Furthermore, it ends up that Drew's baby is fathered by some black guy who is never mentioned in the plot at all. Matthew recovers from this shock in a nanosecond, and presumably marries her anyways.

In short, this is less about female friendship than pure science fiction. These are not dear friends but casual acquaintances from a road trip, and their stay-over in Tucson makes zero sense plot-wise or common-sense wise. Most treasured friendships evolve over a lifetime of shared experience -- not forced through contrived short-term events. It's beyond obvious this was written and directed by men.
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