7/10
What Really Killed Off the Vampires
26 November 2014
Warning: Spoilers
There is usually a sexual element in vampire movies, but in this one, Count Dracula must have the blood of a virgin. Although set in the early twentieth century, times have changed so much that there just aren't many virgins anymore, and the Count is dying of malnutrition. He and his henchman leave Romania and go to Italy, where they think the strong religious traditions of that country will provide him with plenty of virgins to pick from. Boy, has he got a lot to learn.

One family in particular is aristocratic but hard up for money, and they are more than willing to let Dracula, who is quite wealthy, have his pick from their four daughters. Unfortunately for him, Mario, the budding proletarian communist who works for the family has already has his way with a couple of the sisters, who are quite slutty. They present themselves to Dracula as virgins, and he believes them. Oh well, even men who are not vampires have fallen for that line. But in each case, when he plunges his fangs into their necks and drinks their blood, he becomes violently ill and starts throwing it all up.

When Mario realizes what is going on, he nobly saves the fourteen-year-old sister, who is still a virgin, by busting her hymen, thereby spoiling her for the Count as well. And in a really gross scene, Dracula licks the blood from the floor where the deflowering took place. Unfortunately, the remaining sister, who was also a virgin, gets fanged by Dracula and becomes a vampire herself, and so she tries to save him from being hacked to pieces by an ax-wielding Mario. When the ax breaks, he drives the handle/stake into Dracula's heart, and then the newly minted vampire sister impales herself on the stake as well. Mario has been dreaming of the coming revolution when all the aristocrats will be wiped out and the workers will take over, and thus he gets to act that out in his own small way.

Original, funny, and entertaining, this is one of the better vampire movies.
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