5/10
Spaghetti"O"s (with extra cheese...)
11 December 2014
Warning: Spoilers
Suave and easy-going, Richard Mailer would crank out dozens of one and two day wonders before hitting the big time with 1981's CENTERFOLD FEVER. Most of these were good unclean fun and Mailer would occasionally be able to transform a sow's ear into a silk purse, such as with the weepy ONE LAST FLING or his soap opera send-up MARY FLEGUS, MARY FLEGUS. Unfortunately, such is not the case with DOOGAN'S WOMAN, an either improvised or severely under-rehearsed bit o' business solely remembered for one outrageous sex scene with stalwart Eric Edwards and a still very much on the rise Sharon Mitchell screwing in a bathtub full of spaghetti ! If any proof were needed that not every old porno movie qualifies as a "classic", then look no further...

Signing as he did most of these quickies with "Grey Poupon" (the alternative "Mr. Mustard" serving as his producer credit), Mailer eschews his usual lightness of touch as he lumbers from one sorry sexual encounter to the next. The storyline seems to have had some potential but appears cut short to fit the one hour supporting slot. Thus we are given precious little in the way of motivation for main character Annette's thirst for revenge on fashion photographer Rick Trencher (played by Bree Anthony's husband, Tony Richards). An obvious gold-digger with a characteristically shady past, she has sunk her greedy claws into wealthy magazine publisher Doogan, pumping him for a fancy apartment as well as the position of chief editor. Poor Sue McBain really earns her paycheck putting out for paunchy middle-aged Philip Marlowe with whom she was also partnered on Larry Windsor's superior SWEETHEART. This unsavory coupling is cross-cut with Trencher plugging his Spanish squeeze (a Hispanic one shot with the unlikely moniker of "Alice Norwood") in a Catholic chapel complete with candles and crucifix. Both scenes end with Doogan announcing to the flabbergasted Annette that he has hired the shutterbug for an upcoming fashion shoot.

Rolling out the welcome wagon, Annette waits for Trencher in his hotel room, clad in nothing but a towel. Allowing him to profusely tongue her box, she suddenly changes her mind mid-lick as she tearfully screams rape ! Naturally, this leads to Doogan's promise that he'll "never work in this town again", reducing him to shooting the aforementioned spaghetti scene, easily the most spirited number in the entire movie, right down to Mitch's casually delivered parting punchline. Too bad Mailer anew couldn't resist inter-cutting this entertaining sequence with an unappealing encounter as desperate model Brenda Filbrick (a/k/a "Edna Bardo", a hard-looking performer featured in Shaun Costello's DAUGHTERS OF DISCIPLINE) forcing herself on the clearly less than eager Richards. For the record, this sad spectacle does incorporate some brightly lit if statically shot back-door action. If you're really ravenous for rear entry penetration however, it's a far better prospect to move on to the next and final fling. Informed by Edwards that Annette was a former porno model herself (an indiscretion she has managed to keep from her new paramour), Rick shows up while the hussy's going at it hot 'n heavy with Eric, blackmailing her into a somewhat passionately performed if rather clinically covered double penetration.

A treasured supporting actress on "A-list" adult features such as Gerard Damiano's ODYSSEY or Radley Metzger's BARBARA BROADCAST, the well-bred Susan McBain frequently suggested untapped thespian possibilities, as evidenced by her hauntingly crestfallen facial expression by film's fade-out. Apart from the ever professional Eric and Mitch, she's the only one who bothers to put in an actual acting performance, making it all the more regrettable that Mailer for whatever reason ended up discarding any acceptable explanation for her character's now apparently unfounded meanness vis à vis the clueless Trencher.
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