Sir Billi (2012)
1/10
This will leave you physically nauseated
16 January 2017
I cannot believe the too high rating of this movie now. My only guess is, all the people who worked on it, and all their families are up-voting it daily. I only learned of it existing now, because it has been rightfully forgotten otherwise since its 2012 release. I had to check the company's website twice to actually confirm that Sir Sean Connery not only acted in this, but was the producer! My only guess is, this being the first Scottish animated movie, he wanted to support his homeland. He should have checked whom he gave his money...

In short,the animation is so ugly with such horrifying character models that I actually felt sick just by watching these... "humans" walk around and talk. The men all have weird pear-shaped heads, while what goes for women look like chimpanzee-faced trolls with exaggerated butts and boobs, and you don't want to see them do a sexy dance... yet that's what they do right in the horrible James Bond ripoff opening. Animals don't look any better, most of them have the exact same model, so a beaver looks the same as a rabbit, just without the ears and with a beaver tail.

The story, if you can call it that, is that two policemen steal a truckload of beavers... for some reason. In a world where animals can talk with humans and wear clothes... is that slavery and kidnapping? And as one beaver kid escapes and is raised by rabbits, the corrupt London cop for some reason makes it his life's mission to hunt him down. Then we cut to our "hero", Scottish noble Sir Billi who is a skateboard-riding grandpa vet and has a pet talking goat called Gordy hanging around with him, who constantly dresses like Uma Thurman from Kill Bill. Confused yet? Good! It does not get any better, with stupid rabbit games of sliding down hills tied to giant logs that naturally cause the beaver and some rabbits to almost die in the river, some American goons and a local Scottish corrupt noble showing up, a Russian sub emerging from the sea, and the most "important plot" of Sir Billi wanting to get into the pants of the "sexy" American sister of the local chimpanzee-woman.

This was expanded from a 2006 short into a full 1 hour 40 minutes movie, and it shows, because barely anything happens in it. It has a surprising amount of VA and singer talent attached to it, I can only guess out of love for their homeland or pity, but this should have never been made. It looks like "A Car's Life" or "What's Up" or any of the other terrible Disney-ripoff dime a dozen cash-ins, and Sean Connery should have considered what he agreed to fund and star in. I don't recommend watching this, except maybe to riff it.
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