The Alchemist (1983)
3/10
Band is unable to turn this garbage into gold.
2 July 2018
A wicked magician, a curse, reincarnation, a doorway to hell, demons with glowing eyes: The Alchemist is a hokey hodge-podge of supernatural horror clichés that might have been fun if it hadn't been for the terrible performances and torpid direction from Charles Band (hiding behind the pseudonym James Amante). The action trundles along at a sluggish pace: scenes go on far too long and repetitive shots pad out the runtime (the same shot of four bulrushes is shown three times).

The film opens in 1871 with Aaron McCallum (Robert Ginty) trying to rescue his wife from the clutches of evil magician DelGatto (Robert Glaudini). During a struggle, Aaron accidentally stabs his wife, and is cursed by an angry DelGatto to forever live forever as an animal.

The action then cuts to 1955, with waitress Lenora (Lucinda Dooling) driving cross country, picking up hitch-hiker Cameron (John Sanderford) along the way. While at the wheel, Lenora suffers from visions that force her to crash her car. Travelling on foot, followed by a concerned Cam, Lenora arrives at a graveyard where she meets Aaron, still young, who recognises her as the reincarnation of his dead wife. What follows is a hoary mess, told with zero verve, with weak special effects and total lack of scares.
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