Greetings And Salutations, and welcome to my review of The Alchemist; before launching into my critique, here's a breakdown of my ratings:
Story - 0.50 Direction - 0.50 Pace - 0.50 Acting - 0.75 Enjoyment - 0.50
TOTAL - 2.75 out of 10
Okay, so I'm going to feel terrible about this review. Charles Band, on the whole, is a good director with a decent eye. But everybody makes mistakes, and The Alchemist is Bands.
I don't understand the title as there is very little magic in this Dark Fantasy. With such an auspicious title, one would be mistaken for thinking this love story would be a special effects bonanza. Regrettably, the special effects on view are well below-par, even for the 1980s. And they're not the only element that appears to have no money spent on them because the writer must have been a monkey working for peanuts. The story he pounded out is bland and uninteresting. The characters are barely there, so you never believe in them or their situations, let alone that anyone loved anybody. The entire thing is so ugh!
I believe that Band may have known this and, therefore, didn't put his best foot forward on the project. There are too many poorly filmed dream sequences where Lenora drives like a lunatic. These only rehash the opening segments and provide the audience with nothing new. The swerving car is supposed to be exciting, what with the male passenger constantly yelling, "You're going to kill us." and "You're gonna drive us off the cliff", even when they were on a flat desert section of road. But exciting isn't the correct term. Boring and annoying are. I am so sorry to say that there's little good in this picture. Even the tempo stays at an apathetic pace. The Alchemist is Band at his worst.
And, there's no good news coming with the cast. These guys and gals are as enthusiastic as the rest. At least nobody stands out above the rest - they are all shocking.
That said, I recommend casting a spell to keep this film out of your reach. You don't need to waste your time on this dross - I did it for you.
Please feel free to visit my Absolute Horror and Obsidian Dream lists to see where I ranked The Alchemist or to find a better movie to watch.
Take Care & Stay Well.
Story - 0.50 Direction - 0.50 Pace - 0.50 Acting - 0.75 Enjoyment - 0.50
TOTAL - 2.75 out of 10
Okay, so I'm going to feel terrible about this review. Charles Band, on the whole, is a good director with a decent eye. But everybody makes mistakes, and The Alchemist is Bands.
I don't understand the title as there is very little magic in this Dark Fantasy. With such an auspicious title, one would be mistaken for thinking this love story would be a special effects bonanza. Regrettably, the special effects on view are well below-par, even for the 1980s. And they're not the only element that appears to have no money spent on them because the writer must have been a monkey working for peanuts. The story he pounded out is bland and uninteresting. The characters are barely there, so you never believe in them or their situations, let alone that anyone loved anybody. The entire thing is so ugh!
I believe that Band may have known this and, therefore, didn't put his best foot forward on the project. There are too many poorly filmed dream sequences where Lenora drives like a lunatic. These only rehash the opening segments and provide the audience with nothing new. The swerving car is supposed to be exciting, what with the male passenger constantly yelling, "You're going to kill us." and "You're gonna drive us off the cliff", even when they were on a flat desert section of road. But exciting isn't the correct term. Boring and annoying are. I am so sorry to say that there's little good in this picture. Even the tempo stays at an apathetic pace. The Alchemist is Band at his worst.
And, there's no good news coming with the cast. These guys and gals are as enthusiastic as the rest. At least nobody stands out above the rest - they are all shocking.
That said, I recommend casting a spell to keep this film out of your reach. You don't need to waste your time on this dross - I did it for you.
Please feel free to visit my Absolute Horror and Obsidian Dream lists to see where I ranked The Alchemist or to find a better movie to watch.
Take Care & Stay Well.