I was going to watching 'Ninja 3: Domination' tonight but the DVD was faulty.
So, in its place is this PG-13 children's movie, which has no appeal.
Check out this Dahmer looking kid in the size 16 clown shoes. Him and some other dork get picked on but some hero from 'Pocket Ninjas' jumps out of the shadows and uses his Z-grade acting skills - like the white belt he is - and takes down the three bullies with arthritic stick figure moves.
A Kreese wannabe recalls his time in Nam and blurts out machine gun noises like a five-year-old then calls his students "piss ants." One of them looks like young Kreese from 'Cobra Kai.' This chick ain't 'Lady Dragon,' she looks more like Bob Iger's wife - Willow Bay. She's easy on the eye.
Two opposing dojos compete for students and one uses blackmail and intimidation to oust the other. A challenge is posed but a 24 pack of toilet paper is better than 12 in my opinion.
These actors must have graduated at the academy for special ed students in Slowsville on the outer rim of Nutsville to be in the biz.
It's like a Nickelodeon April Fool's joke on the viewer. Minus the slime.
The son of Dahmer - who's well ripped for his age - looks like Rusty from Walley World now.
Don't become a victim of this movie. That's some pre-advanced warning for any unsuspecting twit daring to venture.
There's not much to report in this gnarly movie as it's still shaking off the rigor mortis from its release in '97. One can dust off cobwebs in seconds but this things rigor mortis sticks like Elvis' glue. (Do you believe that crap about cobwebs being stronger than Kevlar? Is that true?)
This is horrible. But it's rad horrible.
It's like a Life Time movie meets a Hallmark one and was filmed in the hip parts of Malibu for rich kids. They're probably the same kids who were hired for those beach-type Nintendo commercials back in the day. Or Coca-Cola. To think that all these actors would be grown up today and they'd probably be like, "You wanna say that to my face?"
This is an official DVD release I'm watching and it's just a VHS rip.
I'm curious - if one were to find some roadkill on the highway and took it home and baked it, I wonder what it'd smell like? I guess it'd depend on the freshness, eh? I mean, if it was old and outdated, like this movie, then you'd be in trouble, right? But, would you even take the carcass home in the first place? I would if it came with free toilet paper.
This pool fight scene with the snooker balls has to be seen to be believed. (Talk about hard impact.) This is like 'Fred: The Movie' meets 'Super Baby Geniuses 2.' They could have made this movie interesting and be like 'Fred: The Movie' and had musical segments here and there to add to the stupidity.
One kid gets beat up in the poolhall, by snooker balls, then crashes a car while running from embarrassment and he looks like Kevin from 'Fred: The Movie' speak of the devil.
He must have excelled in the top half of his drama class with flying colors to land this role.
54-minutes in and I haven't enjoyed one minute of this movie! Everything's corny.
Remember that kid from 'Parenthood' who used to haul around a brown paper bag full of VHS pornography? I think he just bobbed up at the end here. Looks like him. Adds nothing to the storyline.
This movie's like a compression bandage wrapped around your head that just gets tighter and tighter that it cuts off the blood. No oxygen to the brain equates to 'Kickboxing Academy.' It's like the brainchild of Laurel & Hardy meets The 3 Stooges and crossbred with West Virginian oddballs from the town of Odd.
'Kickboxing Academy' is the abortion that managed to survive and will haunt us till end days. It's man's downfall. This movie could crash the stock market.
Humanity must be held accountable and be made to answer for errors from the past. It's like Ulli Lommel, Tommy Wiseau and Neil Breen had a hand in the blueprints of this project.
This maniac at the end, with his machine gun, is a look into the disturbed mind of the writers of Hollywood. It's not actually comedy but the writing of a psychotic sociopath who finds this hilarious. It's disturbing.
I'll give this movie 1/10 and the whole point goes to 'Lady Dragon' for being pretty to look at with a calm demeanour in the acting department.
But 99% of the actors in this ran on drained heavy duty 6V batteries, not 9V's, but 6V's.
Trust me, you'd wanna graduate from 'Class of Nuke 'Em High' than 'Kickboxing Academy.' And if there's someone you hate this Christmas then give them this movie as a gift and punish them.
My God.
So, in its place is this PG-13 children's movie, which has no appeal.
Check out this Dahmer looking kid in the size 16 clown shoes. Him and some other dork get picked on but some hero from 'Pocket Ninjas' jumps out of the shadows and uses his Z-grade acting skills - like the white belt he is - and takes down the three bullies with arthritic stick figure moves.
A Kreese wannabe recalls his time in Nam and blurts out machine gun noises like a five-year-old then calls his students "piss ants." One of them looks like young Kreese from 'Cobra Kai.' This chick ain't 'Lady Dragon,' she looks more like Bob Iger's wife - Willow Bay. She's easy on the eye.
Two opposing dojos compete for students and one uses blackmail and intimidation to oust the other. A challenge is posed but a 24 pack of toilet paper is better than 12 in my opinion.
These actors must have graduated at the academy for special ed students in Slowsville on the outer rim of Nutsville to be in the biz.
It's like a Nickelodeon April Fool's joke on the viewer. Minus the slime.
The son of Dahmer - who's well ripped for his age - looks like Rusty from Walley World now.
Don't become a victim of this movie. That's some pre-advanced warning for any unsuspecting twit daring to venture.
There's not much to report in this gnarly movie as it's still shaking off the rigor mortis from its release in '97. One can dust off cobwebs in seconds but this things rigor mortis sticks like Elvis' glue. (Do you believe that crap about cobwebs being stronger than Kevlar? Is that true?)
This is horrible. But it's rad horrible.
It's like a Life Time movie meets a Hallmark one and was filmed in the hip parts of Malibu for rich kids. They're probably the same kids who were hired for those beach-type Nintendo commercials back in the day. Or Coca-Cola. To think that all these actors would be grown up today and they'd probably be like, "You wanna say that to my face?"
This is an official DVD release I'm watching and it's just a VHS rip.
I'm curious - if one were to find some roadkill on the highway and took it home and baked it, I wonder what it'd smell like? I guess it'd depend on the freshness, eh? I mean, if it was old and outdated, like this movie, then you'd be in trouble, right? But, would you even take the carcass home in the first place? I would if it came with free toilet paper.
This pool fight scene with the snooker balls has to be seen to be believed. (Talk about hard impact.) This is like 'Fred: The Movie' meets 'Super Baby Geniuses 2.' They could have made this movie interesting and be like 'Fred: The Movie' and had musical segments here and there to add to the stupidity.
One kid gets beat up in the poolhall, by snooker balls, then crashes a car while running from embarrassment and he looks like Kevin from 'Fred: The Movie' speak of the devil.
He must have excelled in the top half of his drama class with flying colors to land this role.
54-minutes in and I haven't enjoyed one minute of this movie! Everything's corny.
Remember that kid from 'Parenthood' who used to haul around a brown paper bag full of VHS pornography? I think he just bobbed up at the end here. Looks like him. Adds nothing to the storyline.
This movie's like a compression bandage wrapped around your head that just gets tighter and tighter that it cuts off the blood. No oxygen to the brain equates to 'Kickboxing Academy.' It's like the brainchild of Laurel & Hardy meets The 3 Stooges and crossbred with West Virginian oddballs from the town of Odd.
'Kickboxing Academy' is the abortion that managed to survive and will haunt us till end days. It's man's downfall. This movie could crash the stock market.
Humanity must be held accountable and be made to answer for errors from the past. It's like Ulli Lommel, Tommy Wiseau and Neil Breen had a hand in the blueprints of this project.
This maniac at the end, with his machine gun, is a look into the disturbed mind of the writers of Hollywood. It's not actually comedy but the writing of a psychotic sociopath who finds this hilarious. It's disturbing.
I'll give this movie 1/10 and the whole point goes to 'Lady Dragon' for being pretty to look at with a calm demeanour in the acting department.
But 99% of the actors in this ran on drained heavy duty 6V batteries, not 9V's, but 6V's.
Trust me, you'd wanna graduate from 'Class of Nuke 'Em High' than 'Kickboxing Academy.' And if there's someone you hate this Christmas then give them this movie as a gift and punish them.
My God.