5 Kittens (1973) User Reviews

blatant false advertising

[darrylb500 · 4/10 · 2 December 2003]

I rented this goofy clunker in 1990, when a couple of friends of mine made the mistake of suddenly wanting to do something on a weekend night without having anything planned beforehand; sometimes that can result into something cool, at others it can result into just watching a movie.

I had also rented Sibling Rivalry, starring Kirstie Alley, who has an afternoon fling on her husband Scott Bakula, but her fling ends up dying of a heart attack, and all kinds of problems ensue from there. It was mildly amusing, and Alley would be better off (in my opinion) on future endeavors like her short-lived tv sitcom Veronica's Closet and is cuter on her current Pier 1 commercials (is that the name of the chain?).

There was also an Adult section at the video store where I rented Rivalry, but I was a bit self-conscious going into it, so I just snagged Erotic Escape, which was sitting just outside of the section, having a decently-built blonde on the cover in some lingerie, which I hid from my friends so I could enjoy (cough) it by myself later.

Unfortunately that evening turned into a bust (big surprise, eh?), as I think we decided to try to go bowling, but the alley had almost no bowling shoes available to rent, one of my friends had to leave early (he was probably better off), and my remaining friend fell asleep during Rivalry (which he didn't miss too much).

And it turned out that hiding Erotic Escape from my friends was the right idea, but not in the way that you might think (which I had the displeasure of finding that out when I put it in my vcr the next day).

I have over 3 1/2 years legal experience, none of which covers any kind of retail law, but I doubt there's any kind of legal guidelines saying that whatever is on the cover has to come anywhere close to matching the content of the actual video: you could tell the photo of the woman on the cover was taken recently -- sometime during the 80s -- due to the quality of the photo, the hairstyle and all, but once you started up the video, you could tell by the grainy look and the hairstyles it was foreign-made in the 70s and then dubbed into English, as the woman on the cover was (very!) doubtfully not in the movie, unless there was a baby girl somewhere in the film that actually WAS her (snirk snirk).

Five women inherit a mansion or something, but they have no way to get there (which is common in a lot of foreign lands, unlike the United States, which currently has more vehicles than registered drivers), so they have to bumble around the country in order to claim the inheritance (I think)...so this film can be chalked up as to being an earlier version of Planes, Trains and Automobiles, minus the babes (since the latter starred Steve Martin and John Candy) and most of the humor.

About the only really funny part was when, at one time, a guy passes all of the women stranded on the side of the road without even slowing down, which the women yell "FAG!" at him, which makes him stop the car and yell back "b*tch! I've got a wife and ____ kids!" (I think the number was four).

Personally, it gets old when you listen to death metal and idiots ask if listening to it makes you want to kill people, not to mention this could also label you into doing drugs, drinking, having sex with goats, or whatever. Most of it can be laughed off, but at times it gets pretty irritating, as people saying things about me gets old...but one thing I DON'T like is being questioned if I'm gay (at least this doesn't happen very often), although I am in my 30s and have never been married, so it IS time to do that, since people are starting to wonder... ...but enough about me, as the humor in that scene was killed when the man got out of the car and proceeded to slap each and every woman in the face, which was unnecessary, especially since "jokes" about violence towards women aren't funny in the least.

Speaking of which, there's no background on any of the women at all, as they're just THERE to watch and all, although at one point they put on a play for someone in regards to women's lib and equality in the workplace and all, which this could have provided some interest as far as instilling some character development for the women, but there is none, pretty much, which is how the whole movie seemed to be: it was just kind of THERE, not really very funny, not really interesting, and definitely not erotic, kind of like tv's Love Boat remake of The Next Wave, which I could have sworn the original Love Boat was a comedy, yet whenever I turned on the remake repeatedly (I never even came close to watching an entire episode), I never saw anything funny in it, or dramatic, or anything...it was *also* kind of "there", and that was about it.

**WARNING supposedly a spoiler follows, but since this doesn't appear to be available on any kind of video or DVD format at the time of this writing, it shouldn't really matter**

Of course, the women make it to their "escape" near the end, and along the way they invite a nice guy into their place, where he proceeds to get no sleep that night as the women, one by one, have their turn with him sexually...which isn't even half as titillating as it might sound: there's only a couple of seconds of nudity here and there, and the only woman who comes anywhere close to resembling the woman on the cover (i. e. being somewhat built) doesn't take off her clothes.

I hate to sound like a pig in regards to that, but hey, those of us wanting something like this occasionally (it's been about 2 1/2 years since I've rented anything that resembles the cover of this movie, since, unless you're a porn addict, 90 to probably 99% of all porn isn't very good) should GET it...however, one good thing I will say is that, since this was made in the 70s when the Twiggy look was the rage, with most of the women starring in this being as skinny as they were, if they took good care of themselves, some of them might still be decent-looking today, as they are probably in their 50s by now. (END OF POSSIBLE SPOILER)

This is one movie that could be remade and actually be funny and sexy if done properly, and pretty much no one would groan about yet another crappy remake being done, since the original wasn't very funny or sexy, especially since pretty much no one in America would even be familiar with the original: probably the closest this comes to being remade, (somewhat) theme-wise, is this year's Chasing Papi, about several yummy-looking Latino (I think they're Latinos) babes chasing after a guy that two-timed them all, but I heard that movie wasn't really worth the time or ticket price either.

After all, the video order guide for Erotic Escape is currently blank at the time of this writing, so you can't get any regional version of any kind on video or DVD. Oh well, at least that makes it easy to avoid, and probably the only chance you have of seeing this would be an edited version on late-night foreign tv.

Until then, beware of false advertising. I would say it would be a mystery as to why this movie was ever released to the States over a decade after it was made, but putting a babe on the cover that probably had nothing to do with the movie was probably just to hopefully make some video company some money.

Girls Aloud

[Nodriesrespect · 8/10 · 11 July 2008]

Following disastrous box-office for his ambitious fantasy film LE SEUIL DU VIDE, Jean-François Davy returned to territory he had mined earlier with his commercially successful if critically frowned upon erotic drama LA DEBAUCHE. Lightening the mood considerably, he had five pretty young things roaming the French country side in search of a holiday they can't afford, due to an economic reality the perpetually penniless director knew all too well. He may very well have been alone in incorporating this aspect into a genre generally focused to an (appropriately) almost obscene degree on lavish luxuries out of reach to the vast majority of its intended audience. BANANES MECANIQUES – its title a reference to Kubrick's A CLOCKWORK ORANGE which was called ORANGE MECANIQUE in France – was the first and most financially viable installment in what was to become Davy's "trilogie paillarde" (which would translate as naughty or ribald trilogy) and remains one of the first seriously sexy movies to play regular theaters in France, outside of the "specialized circuit".

The story, hastily penned by Davy over the course of a weekend, may seem like a simple-minded mix of broad comedy routines (the girls distracting a man pushing a wheel-barrow, prompting him to bump into a wall and fall down), cute cinematic references (all five kissing their communal lover goodbye, shot like a western showdown, complete with Morricone type music) and severely dated politics (chairman Mao is paid considerable lip service), but is presented with such a hell bent for leather enthusiasm that it hits more than it misses. As a result, while clearly a product of its time, the movie retains an infectious charm lacking in many of its contemporaries.

Summer's here and five girlfriends who have trouble making ends meet at their dead end jobs decide to semi-squat at the villa of one of their fathers who's gone to the coast with his youthful mistress while leaving his daughter Pauline (the exquisite Pauline Larrieu) to her own devices. In tow are a temperamental wannabe starlet, portrayed by skin flick stalwart Anne Libert (who starred in Jess Franco's cut-rate horror trilogy LES EXPERIENCES EROTIQUES DE FRANKENSTEIN, Dracula CONTRA FRANKENSTEIN and LA FILLE DE Dracula), who was dumped by the roadside with her kid sister (sweet Marie-Georges Pascal from Jean Rollin's LES RAISINS DE LA MORT, who tragically took her own life in 1985) following a spectacular row with her manager (Davy regular Philippe Gasté), the sister's best friend (played by the director's sister Marie-Claire, stepping in for another actress at the last moment) and the sympathetic salesgirl who allows Pauline to nick stuff until this behavior gets her sacked, a nice turn from seldom seen Elizabeth Drancourt who had appeared in Julien Saint-Clair's LE DESIR ET LA VOLUPTE with equally alluring lookalike (and ex-Davy acolyte) Denyse Roland. Not an awful lot happens. The girls sit around, talk, dance, get naked (a lot, thankfully) and try to catch the eye of the local menfolk. Contrary to the director's subsequent endeavors (PRENEZ LA QUEUE COMME TOUT LE MONDE and Q), the sexual content isn't played for purely laughs here – a slapstick styled tale of a burglar satisfying neglected housewives notwithstanding – and, as its free-wheeling (largely improvised, as Davy readily admits in the accompanying DVD interview) approach leaves pacing all over the place anyway, nudity is lingered upon to enchanting erotic effect. Highlights include luscious Libert carnally contorting in front of a full length mirror and the ubiquitous fireplace love scene involving good-looking Gasté and lovely Larrieu, the latter a respected French thespian who graduated from "au naturel" appearances in Daniel Daërt's LE VOYAGEUR and LES FELINES to tons of TV work in some of the country's best-loved and longest running shows. As an actress, she's clearly head and shoulders above the others. Like most dedicated amateurs, Libert would either go full throttle, as this part allows her plenty of opportunity for, or remain strictly decorative with little room for nuance between both extremes. She possessed a zesty personality that translated well to the series of the undemanding yet lively sex comedies that called upon her services.

Watch for a cameo by the director as the fledgling communist who tries to bed the delectable Drancourt, whose tearful reaction to this character's self-inflicted death late in the proceedings plays more like an in-joke rather than honestly attempted drama. The soon to be Mrs. Davy, Dominique Vallée, appears at film's end as the mistress to middle-aged character actor Jacques Robiolles, playing Pauline's ill-tempered pops, throwing the lot of them out of his house after a drunken orgy. With colorful camera work by Roger Fellous, on the verge of gaining considerable if largely genre-related recognition, the movie holds up as a pleasant and completely unpretentious piece of fluff, presumably best viewed within context for the place it occupies both within Davy's body of work and erotic cinema history in general.