The Beverly Hillbillies (TV Series)

The Boarder Stays (1964)

Raymond Bailey: Milburn Drysdale

Quotes 

• Jane Hathaway : You were only with the Clampetts a day and a night.

  Milburn Drysdale : Yes, they gave you a lovely room and fed you.

  Mr. Pinckney : Fed Me? Sir, have you ever partaken of the curious substances which Granny so quaintly calls "vittles"?

• Mr. Pinckney : This is outrageous, placing me at the mercy of a kangaroo court.

  Milburn Drysdale : Relax, here's a tranquilizer for you.

  [hands Mr. Pinckney a check for $1000] 

• Milburn Drysdale : I would like to say that I know Mr. Arthur Pinckney to be a man of good character. And I will vouch for him.

  Jane Hathaway : I, too, know Arthur Pinckney, and he is a man of unimpeachable integrity, impeccable demeanor, and irrefutable probity. Thank you.

  Jed Clampett : Well that's one fer and one against.

• Milburn Drysdale : Your honor, Judge Clampett.

  Jed Clampett : Ah Mr. Drysdale, strictly speakin', I ain't a judge. I'm just here to see this trial is kept fair and square and to keep Granny from shootin' that rent-skippin, sign-stealin, chicken thief.

• Milburn Drysdale : How are things at the Clampetts?

  Mr. Pinckney : Mr. Drysdale, sir, in my 40 years as a butler, I have served in some unique households and run athwart some bizarre families, but the Clampetts, sir, if I may use one of their own curious expressions, take the rag off the bush.

  Milburn Drysdale : Well now, I warned you it wouldn't exactly be smooth sailing.

  Mr. Pinckney : To be precise, sir, you said you could only promise me blood, sweat, tears, and money.

  Milburn Drysdale : Right.

  Mr. Pinckney : I've had the blood, sweat, and tears, now I should like the money.

  Jane Hathaway : You're leaving the Clampetts?

  Mr. Pinckney : I'm leaving the country.

  Milburn Drysdale : But you've got to stay with them, you're our cultural beachhead!

  Mr. Pinckney : Consider me another Dunkirk.

• Milburn Drysdale : They gave you a lovely room. And fed you.

  Mr. Pinckney : Fed me? Sir, have you ever partaken of the curious substances which Granny so quaintly calls "vittles?"

  Jane Hathaway : She does cook up some rather strange dishes.

  Mr. Pinckney : I have eaten in the jungles of Africa. I have shared the peculiar bill of fare of the Australian bushman, Berber tribesmen, and Tibetan goatherds. But for pure, culinary improbability, none approaches the loathsome cuisine proffered me by those hillbillies.