chrissch Reviews

Peter (2011)

An incoherent mess

[1/10 · 29 November 2014]

"Peter" moves from one scene to the next with no narrative thread and few guideposts as to what each scene is. Is it a real event from Sutcliffe's life? Is it a story he's fabricated for others? For himself? Is it something from his dreams? From his disturbed mind? Aside from actual news footage and what to appear to be reenactments of interviews, the film gives almost no guidance.

"Peter" tells the story of Sutcliffe only in scattered pieces too small to form a whole. The rest, presumably meant to be a window into his psyche, also fails because we are given no cues to what is real, what is imagination, what is fantasy. I'm baffled as to how anyone approved "Peter" for broadcast. It was certainly a waste of my time.

Firestarter (1984)

Tragically bad

[3/10 · 3 December 2011]

The script for Firestarter is a tolerable adaptation of the novel. It keeps intact the major plot elements, story sequence, settings, characters, and much of the key dialogue. A few minor changes don't affect the story, though untidied remnants of excised plot and characters muddle it a bit. Few novel adaptations are as faithful, at least as to structure.

That tepid compliment is the only one I can pay Firestarter. The script adaptation is faithful to what it includes, but what it omits leaves the story leaden. The movie has no use for the novel's depth and finesse. Character depth is absent. Relationships among the characters are cartoonish. The true terror of black-ops government is reduced to "People from The Shop are bad." The science of pyrokinesis, telepathic mental dominance, and pharmaceutical brain alteration -- key elements of the novel's power -- remain only in bits of dialogue.

There's no finesse from the cast either. Their performances, even George C. Scott's, are uniformly dead. Martin Sheen hadn't yet come into his own. Drew Barrymore wasn't up to her role; the cuteness she brought to "E.T." was inadequate for Firestarter. Brian Keith hasn't the talent for a lead role; he should never have been cast. The acting is painful to watch, and the movie drags from start to finish.

It's always tough to judge how effective a movie's score will be, but Tangerine Dream was a terrible artistic choice. Their music is suitable for a mood movie like Blade Runner, but painfully dissonant for a thriller -- as painful to hear as the acting is to watch.

You'd think that a thriller about pyrokinesis would at least have some good fire and explosion effects, yes? Especially when it's made in the same year as Return of the Jedi, with the same special-effects technology available, yes? Sorry, no luck there either. Visual effects are primitive to pathetic, sweeping away whatever suspension of disbelief the viewer has left.

My only real pleasure in Firestarter was, as a reader familiar with the novel, seeing the story and characters that I knew brought to life, however imperfectly. The nine year-old Drew Barrymore's cuteness was still appealing, though inadequate, and she showed a quality of intensity that got my attention. For those two things, I rate the movie 3/10.

The Blues Brothers (1980)

Worth getting the DVD for restored footage and documentary

[9/10 · 24 December 2010]

This review is only about the content of the DVD version vs. the VHS. Editors seem unable to resist tinkering when a movie originally on VHS is reissued on DVD. Even excluding Directors' Cuts, etc., half the DVD reissues I see have noticeable changes. Many are minor, but much too often they're substantial and ruin the movie for me.

The Blues Brothers DVD has substantial edits, but they make the movie better. Cuts made to shorten total run time -- four or five complete scenes, many small snippets, and some longer snippets -- are restored. Nothing was cut from the VHS version. The soundtrack is remixed in a few places; to my ear the original was better. Some restorations add little to the movie, but none make it worse. Most of the restorations enhance the movie, adding humor or rounding out the story. Best of all are the restorations, small but noticeable and pleasing, to performances: more James Brown, John Lee Hooker, Good Ole Boys, and the Brothers. Alas, no more of Aretha, Ray, or Cab. We can't have everything.

To top it off, the "Making Of" documentary alone, with the back story of the Blues Brothers (the characters and in real life), and the birth and making of the movie, makes the DVD worth getting

Supervolcano (2005 TV Movie)

Gripping drama, solid science

[8/10 · 19 December 2008]

By my armchair scientific knowledge, Supervolcano is well based on the geology of Yellowstone (which *is* a supervolcano). This docu-drama's strength is the telling of the prelude, occurrence, and consequences of the super-eruption which has already happened three times at Yellowstone and will again someday. Geologists wrestle over what they know and what they don't. Scientists, reporters, and government wrestle with the politics and ethics of what to tell the public. FEMA wrestles with how to prepare for the eruption, how to aid the millions affected by it, and realizing how little they can do. The world slowly realizes that they, not just the U.S., are affected.

The acting, by largely unknown actors, is solid. Nothing special, but this isn't a character development movie. The story is solid. Plot holes are few, and the only one that affects the science is minor. Production values are BBC-solid. Story, dialogue, and videography are restrained; the movie is blessedly free of Hollywood's gratuitous romance and melodrama, mindless heroism, and closeups of beautiful bodies. Good musical score. Special effects are low-budget but mostly effective, with one glaring exception: frequent intercut images, a fraction of a second each, accompanied by a loud electrical sizzle-snap. Most are negative (color-reversed) versions of what we just saw or are about to see. The intercuts are meant to heighten the tension, and they do, but only a handful of the hundreds of them aid the story. The rest are cheap yanks on our startle response.

I have two other small beefs. First, the movie uses news clips of recovery from actual volcanic eruptions, showing places and people that clearly aren't in North America. Those briefly, jarringly broke my suspension of disbelief. Second, an aerial view of what was supposed to be post-eruption Yellowstone was an ordinary scene of mountain country. What could have been a potent visual was unconvincing and disappointing.

Supervolcano focuses on the human consequences of the super-eruption, on how helpless we are against the power of nature, and does so grippingly. I would have liked more of the perspective -- which is mentioned only in passing -- that we are a minuscule part of the drama of creation, and that there is grandeur even in our own extinction. Still, Supervolcano is a powerful reminder to be humble about our place in the universe, a reminder we need regularly.

Highly recommended.

Scrooged (1988)

One of my holiday and year-round favorites

[8/10 · 28 December 2006]

Scrooged is a Bill Murray vehicle, so if you don't like Murray, you won't like Scrooged. Since I do like Murray and his style, I loved Scrooged. It's full of slapstick, sight gags, and Murray's caustic one-liners, and delightful performances by familiar character actors. All of that helps Scrooged avoid the Victorian heaviness of most orthodox productions of A Christmas Carol. And Scrooged delivers the same promise of redemption for the jaded and cynical: Frank Cross (Bill Murray)'s transformation moves me more than do most straight versions of A Christmas Carol, and I watch Scrooged year-round, not just at Christmas.

Some of the reviews here unjustly say that Scrooged departs from the Dickens story. It's adapted to the modern day and to Murray's biting comic style, but otherwise Scrooged is true to the heart of A Christmas Carol. A man who was kind and loving in his youth turns cynical, greedy, and mean, and is redeemed through the intervention of the four ghosts (three of whom are played, in Scrooged, by the talented John Forsythe, David Johansen, and Carol Kane). Bob Cratchit, Tiny Tim, and the woman Scrooge loved in his youth have their counterparts too.

Scrooged isn't exactly a family movie. It has a fair bit of profanity, and several scenes that are gruesome even though the effects are obviously and intentionally fake. And its Ghost of Christmas Future is more grisly than most. If you're planning to show Scrooged to kids under about age 10, or especially sensitive kids, preview it yourself first.

A good guide to whether you'll like Scrooged is Groundhog Day. Scrooged has the main character's same egotism and cynicism (times two!), and the transformation of the character into a human being you'd actually like to know. Groundhog Day was a gentler movie. But if you liked it, and you're OK with some profanity, dead-people special effects, and the Tim-Burtonesque tone, you'll probably like Scrooged.

Mystic River (2003)

Scum in haute couture is still scum

[3/10 · 4 July 2004]

Mystic River has two large pluses. One, it is beautifully produced. I've rarely seen such wonderful camera work, lighting, and music. Mystic River is lovely to watch. Two, it is beautifully acted. Sean Penn (who looks more like DeNiro all the time) rules the screen. I don't follow Penn particularly, but this is the finest performance I've ever seen from him. Laura Linney's supporting performance is excellent, as are several others. Tim Robbins, Kevin Bacon, Laurence Fishburne, and Marcia Gay Harden were adequate, though all have done better work, and their considerable talents appear to have been limited by Eastwood's direction.

But Mystic River's two large pluses don't come close to outweighing its one gaping minus: the ending shows its characters to be utterly amoral. The fate of Dave Boyle -- who, it turns out, is the most moral person in this bunch -- is tragic and completely unnecessary. Yet Sean the cop lets it go, Jimmy's wife talks Jimmy out of his brief qualms over what he did, and Jimmy lets himself be persuaded. All three of them seem to believe that The Horrible Incident From The Boys' Childhood somehow entitles Jimmy to do what he did to Dave, entitles Jimmy's wife and Sean to abet it, and entitles all three of them to leave Dave's wife and son in agonized limbo over his fate. Jimmy is the only one with any remorse at all ... but a good night's sleep seems to get him comfortably over it.

There isn't anything to be learned from Mystic River. There's no moral, there's no useful lesson, there's no insight into the human condition. My tolerance for artistic expression and the portrayal of human depravity is wider than that of nearly anyone I know, but this film is repugnant. Why did I spend my time and money to watch characters who inspire me only to protect civilization by locking them up and throwing away the key? Why did any of the people involved in this movie spend THEIR time making it?

Mystic River is scum, and dressing it up with good acting and production values doesn't make it beautiful. It just makes it scum in haute couture.

Bad Santa (2003)

Pathetic

[1/10 · 30 June 2004]

Never mind the profanity in Bad Santa. (And there's lots of it. I'm pretty case-hardened, but even I thought the profanity was a bit over the top.) Bad Santa just isn't funny. The story itself is decent enough, but the execution of this movie is simply awful. Thornton's Willie/Santa is such a shallow character that when he does, at long last, start to have some empathy for his young host, the change comes out of nowhere. His dialogue is tired and lame. The other characters are just as bad, and considering that they're played by the normally excellent Bernie Mac, Ajay Naidu, John Ritter, and Tony Cox, the fault could only lie with the director. There's no other way a movie could suck the life out of so much great talent.

If Bad Santa worked on its own merits, then Santa's intense profanity would fit his character. But it doesn't work, and the profanity seems to be just a lame attempt to pump some sales appeal into a box office dog. Bad Santa is slow, dull, and witless. How on earth has it received a 7.2 rating from IMDb users?

Elf (2003)

Strictly for the teeny tots

[4/10 · 10 December 2003]

I don't see how anyone over the age of about 8 could find this film enjoyable. The story is cute enough, but the performances are flat and the dialogue is dead. I got maybe 3 small laughs out of the whole movie, and spent the rest of the time wondering Is this *ever* going to get funny? Your kindergarten class will probably love this, but otherwise do yourself a favor and skip it.

The O.C. (2003–2007)

Want a digest of the B-movies of the past 50 years?

[27 August 2003]

Then watch "The O.C." Its writers must have stayed up nights in the film library, scouring B-movies for dialogue to steal. I've never seen such an awful assemblage of dead cliches, recycled plot, and Novocained faces. I'll cut Peter Gallagher some slack for his role in this piece of taxidermy because he's already proved his talent. The rest of the cast really should retreat to daytime drama or clerking at the 7-11.

Conspiracy Theory (1997)

A sweet nugget

[8/10 · 17 February 2002]

The very title of "Conspiracy Theory" suggests a Big Movie about Big Conspiracy Theories, à la "JFK." And CT surely includes enough elements of popular conspiracy theories -- CIA mind control, black helicopters, U.S. government plots to assassinate its own President, and Manchurian Candidates -- to do Oliver Stone proud.

But Conspiracy Theory isn't a Big Movie -- it's a small, sweet, and more than slightly quirky nugget of a movie. Mel Gibson and Julia Roberts are just right as the half-psychotic conspiracy theorist and the skeptical-but-compassionate U.S. attorney. Their enmeshment in the conspiracies and with each other make for great tension and drama. The supporting cast is great too, particularly Patrick Stewart's Dr. Jonas, who's as evil as any character ever on celluloid yet just as charming as Capt. Jean-Luc Picard ever was. The story strikes a happy balance between action and the deepening relationship between Gibson's Fletcher and Roberts' Sutton. And Carter Burwell's music, rich and spiced with just enough camp, makes this nugget delicious indeed.

In the end, the conspiracies are only the fabric of Conspiracy Theory, and not its heart at all. In the context of the film the conspiracies are real, but it doesn't really matter whether they're real. Jerry *thinks* they're real, and that makes his battle -- against the conspiracies and his own flashbacked confusion -- heroic. Ultimately CT is about courage, and about love emerging from the strangest of beginnings. And even those aren't to be taken too seriously. Conspiracy Theory has moved to my short shelf of perennial favorites, a movie that leaves me heartened, hopeful, and grinning.

Battlefield Earth (2000)

This movie has everything, really ...

[1/10 · 2 February 2002]

... a B-movie premise (brutal aliens exploit the Earth), silly characters (every chief of security needs a moronic sidekick), cheesy dialogue ("Tell the Senator that if I'd had even an inkling that that was his daughter--"), ridiculous aliens (dreadlocks, beestung hands, stilts, and moon boots) who play at amateur anthropology ("Don't you know? The leader of the pack always eats first"), alien sex (men dream of tongues like that), Harrier jump jets that still fly after sitting idle for a thousand years, and a barely hidden agenda (L. Ron Hubbard is the Prophet of Scientology, and the evil Psychlos=psychiatrists, whom Scientologists hate). Yes, Battlefield Earth has everything ... everything you need for a classically bad sci-fi movie. BE's one redeeming feature is a decent performance by Barry Pepper as revolt leader Jonnie Goodboy Tyler.

The real tragedy of BE is that MST3K is gone now ... not that Scientology would ever have allowed them to license it anyway. And that means that BE will never be seen in its rightful home.

Flashdance (1983)

Doesn't wear well

[4/10 · 2 February 2002]

Having just watched Flashdance for the first time, I can't appreciate the effect that it obviously had at the time on so many of those who've commented here. But looking at Flashdance from almost 20 years later, it doesn't seem to have worn well. The story seems utterly predictable and rather contrived, and the characters are weak. The music (which I *do* remember well from that time) is still excellent, and some of the dance routines are inventive. Others were pretty bad. The closing dance routine is indeed fabulous, but much too short -- for a dance movie, Flashdance doesn't show that much dancing. Even the gorgeous Jennifer Beals (and her dance doubles) couldn't hold my interest. As short as Flashdance was, I was looking at my watch about halfway through. One viewing is plenty for me. 4/10

The Deadly Mantis (1957)

Too cheesy not to love

[5/10 · 19 October 2001]

***** SPOILER WARNING *****

I have a special fondness for this film because (a) it and I are of the same vintage, and (b) it's still as scary and silly as it was when I first saw it at about age 10. Marvel at the motherlode of movie cliches! Thrill to the pseudo-newsreel coverage of brave new radars! See Eskimos madly paddling their canoes! See macho stock footage of the brave U.S. Air Force! See the beautiful woman turn "grown" men into drooling fools! See the beautiful women shriek their pretty heads off! See bewildered brass battle the bodacious bug! See styrofoam insect body parts! Hear the scary music and the scary insect drone! Watch the big bug defy the silly humans and their futile weapons! Watch the obligatory shallow romance materialize out of nowhere! Watch the flat acting that, yes, you *could* have done better!

Despite its pervasive cheesiness, previous reviewers are right: The Deadly Mantis is really too good for MST3K. Uninvite Joel and the bots when you watch this one. The story holds together, and shows 1950s American fears and bravado as well as most productions of the day. The mantis is big enough -- and yes, deadly enough -- to scare ya real good. (They scare me plenty when they're normal size.) But in the end, when it's trapped and dying, you can still muster some pity for a creature that, after all, was only trying to survive.

This is no classic. It *is* a piece of cheese. But by God, it's lovable cheese.

A Dog's Life (1962)

Not worth all the fuss

[6/10 · 16 July 2001]

Parents, Mondo Cane deserves its United States 'R' rating for animal cruelty and killing (and some fierce payback), encounters with human deformity, death, human remains, and nudity and fisticuffs. It's easy to see why the film caused such a fuss when it was first released to a more innocent U.S. almost 40 years ago. I'm just a few years older than Mondo Cane, and as a child, I remember my parents describing it as a degenerate cross between Playboy and the local cockfights.

But we're all more worldly now. And for adults familiar with National Geographic-style documentaries, Mondo Cane is an amusing, charming, and rather quaint potpourri of a travelogue, spiced with some touches of Ripley's Believe It Or Not, and with only a few difficult moments. In fact, except for bull decapitations, there's little here that I haven't seen elsewhere in some form. Mondo Cane is about odd cultures, odd customs, and human foibles. I was especially awed by a sequence of the most amazing drunkenness I've ever seen. But in an era of environmental awareness, what shocked me the most was the film's visually tame sequence on how wildlife has adapted (and failed to adapt) to the radioactive legacy of Bikini Atoll.

Mondo Cane was worth the price of a rental and the 90 minutes I spent watching it. It was light entertainment with a few moments of learning and a few moments of nausea. But seeing what all the fuss was about was really more interesting than the film itself, and that makes Mondo Cane unworthy of a second viewing or a place in my video library.

Stuart Saves His Family (1995)

Dear God in heaven

[3/10 · 12 July 2001]

First, full disclosure. I don't like Al Franken. I've never liked Al Franken. I don't think Al Franken is funny. So it's unlikely that I'd ever like an Al Franken movie.

But even setting that aside, "Stuart Saves His Family" is another in a line of Saturday Night Live acts that tried to translate into a movie and didn't make it. ("The Blues Brothers" is the only one that did.) "Stuart" stands in good company with "It's Pat," "Wayne's World," and "The Coneheads." Why didn't these four acts make good movies? Lots of reasons, I'm sure, but the biggest is that -- except for the Coneheads -- the basic premise just wasn't that funny to start with. And stretching a mildly funny 5-minute SNL skit into a feature-length movie doesn't make a mildly funny movie. It makes a pathetic, tedious movie, and that's just what "Stuart" is.

Even though that's what I expected, I watched "Stuart" with a fellow 12-Step friend because we both thought we'd at least get some good 12-Step insider jokes. But "Stuart" doesn't even have that. And after about 45 minutes, we turned to each other and without speaking a word, nodded agreement and turned it off.

If you *really like* Al Franken, you *might* like "Stuart." If not, run away. Run like the wind.

The Explosive Generation (1961)

A small gem

[7/10 · 13 June 2001]

Unlike its lurid publicity posters -- which show wanton, defiant delinquents -- The Explosive Generation is a realistic portrayal of the inter-generational tensions that were starting to change American society in the 1960s. The movie is about teens experiencing adult feelings and fears, looking for guidance in a world that still treats them as children, and beginning to demand respect -- and fight for it. The issues are real, the characters are realistic, and William Shatner's sensitive performance is a treat. (He really was a good actor before Star Trek turned him into a blowhard.)

Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country (1991)

True to the milieu, but ...

[6/10 · 22 April 2001]

Star Trek VI is as faithful to the world of the original Star Trek as anything done since then. And its visual effects are good. For that, I rated it a 6.

But the story is recycled and stale. Federation vs. Klingons vs. Romulans... you only get so many possible combinations before you *have* to recycle. And the two-dimensional characters that played so well in the late 60s -- Kirk's swagger and defiance of regulations, McCoy's crusty wisecracking past the graveyard, Sulu's cheerful and unquestioning loyalty, and the Klingons' I-double-dare-you truculence -- don't play in a world that's learned that characters have three dimensions. Only Spock ("Logic is the beginning of wisdom, not the ending") and one of the Klingons ("Kirk ... don't let it end like this") seem to have evolved at all.

In its original incarnation, Star Trek's drama fit the times. It was the Cold War era, and American culture -- especially its political culture -- saw good and evil as white and black. In that context, Star Trek not only fit, it was progressive. And Star Trek VI is a great chapter in that world which, for many, lives on. But the real world has evolved while the future world of Kirk and the crew has stayed, paradoxically, in the past. To a world that's learned to see shades of gray, and even pieces of the rainbow, Star Trek VI is just a comic book brought to life.

The Piano (1993)

Dark, dark, dark

[3/10 · 24 October 2000]

Visually dark, emotionally dark, and relentlessly violent from the word go. This is one of only two movies that I've ever walked out of in my life. I can remotely understand how other people found something of value in the film, but its nomination for Best Picture leaves me freshly convinced of the collective madness of AMPAS.

Looking for Mr. Goodbar (1977)

Beware the ending

[3/10 · 24 October 2000]

No, this isn't a spoiler. Maybe it should be.

I faintly recall that Looking for Mr. Goodbar has some social relevance. But I really don't remember, because all I retained of this film was the last 5 minutes or so. That ending is the most horrifying fictional sequence that I've ever seen on film. Was it a triumph of visual composition? Perhaps. Did it serve some useful social purpose? I doubt it. Mercifully, the 23 years since I saw that scene have dimmed it in my memory.

If you choose to watch this movie, just remember that you can't wipe your memory like you can your hard drive. And take a lesson: strobe lights are a core element of some of the most effective mind-control techniques.

Edward Scissorhands (1990)

A meal you'll remember

[9/10 · 23 July 2000]

"Edward Scissorhands" reminds me of nothing so much as one of those fantastic Caribbean meals that blends flavors, colors, and textures you'd never think of putting together -- but, composed by an artful chef, becomes a food experience to be retold for years. The characters provide the pungent flavors: Depp's innocent Edward, Ryder's ethereal Kim, Arkin's crusty Bill Boggs, Wiest's sweet Peg Boggs, Hall's brutal Jim, Baker's man-hungry Joyce, and Price's cadaverously paternal Inventor. Edward's environs give color, from the black and white of his castle, to the eerie green of his gardens, to the pastel-mint kitsch of his neighbors' houses. And the story puts the meal together with softness, chew, and crunch, and the romance between Edward and Kim finishes the meal sweetly.

Of course, when your chef is Tim Burton and your server is Vincent Price (in one of his last performances), the lights are dim, the tablecloth is black, and the candlesticks are cobwebbed. Though presented as a children's fable (which, like Rocky and Bullwinkle, also satisfies the adults who "get" what the children don't), this might not be for kids who still fear the darkness under the bed. But for anyone older, reserve an evening. Start with jerk chicken, roll "Edward Scissorhands," and finish with coconut pudding.

Double Obsession (1992)

A caricature of suspense

[1/10 · 12 July 2000]

Midway through, "Double Obsession" begins to reek of "Misery," when Heather cripples one of her objects of adoration, holds her hostage, and then commits assorted nasties against assorted interlopers. But there's no comparing the sad "Double Obsession" with the masterful "Misery." There are no characters here, only caricatures -- everyone is either psycho or insists on hanging out with psychos, but we have no idea why. Even "Misery"'s truly psychotic Annie Wilkes was more believable. (And more sympathetic.) The soundtrack, by turns, steals suspense and turns suspense into goofiness. And Heather's "psycho laugh" is from Hitchcock by way of Bugs Bunny. If this weren't a feature-length film with professional sets and actors, I'd think it came from a high-school film class.

Not Without My Daughter (1991)

Bland but still somehow gripping

[3/10 · 23 April 2000]

Such a disappointing movie. I watched it because I like Sally Field so much that I was willing to look past the many negative reviews here. But "Not Without My Daughter" looks and feels like a sub-par TV movie: it's simplistic and predictable, and gives us self-righteous Americans an uncluttered opportunity to hate the brutal Iranians. Character development is almost non-existent. Plot is totally predictable. And as seen through the eyes of this movie, Iranians are black-and-white: either totally bad or totally good. Most disappointing is that this movie barely let Field's talent show through. That's the fault of the script and the director, not the actress.

And yet I was sufficiently engaged to watch "Not Without My Daughter" through to the end. It gripped me in much the same way as "Apollo 13" (although there's no comparison between the two; "Apollo 13" is an infinitely better movie): even though I knew how it would end, I was still caught up in the drama, and my gut was pulling for the mother and daughter. But that's more a comment about drama and its power to engage the viewer than the value of this movie.

I admit that this story was told coherently and strongly. Many movies can't even claim that. But unless your adoration for Sally Field compels you to see everything she's done, your money and time are better spent elsewhere.

Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me (1999)

Don't waste your time

[2/10 · 5 March 2000]

Mike Myers again demonstrates the style he perfected in Wayne's World: cramming 10 minutes of humor into a feature-length movie. The tent-silhouette routine is creative, and the rapid-fire comments on Dr. Evil's rocket are hilarious. Aside from that, this is 95 minutes of tedious jokes, sendups aimed at 10-year-olds, and pointless characters -- the worst of whom is Mini-Me, whose only apparent function is to look small.