akramer Reviews

Night of the Day of the Dawn of the Son of the Bride of the Return of the Terror (1991)

Some movies are so bad, they're good. This movie is the worst of these.

[10/10 · 2 August 2003]

A re-dub of Night of the Living Dead, the people who actually

produced this probably had a whole lot of free time, and a whole

lot of inside jokes which made them talk about doing this for like

six or seven minutes before they actually went and DID it, probably

in a week.

The jokes are really dumb, to the point of being hilarious, if you

see this movie in a group of people who can heckle it, or just sit

there and stare at the screen, incredulous. It definitely makes for

some excellent after-quoting (when you and someone else quote

the movie at each other randomly in an irrelevant context), and in

every social group I've heard of this movie being shown in, it's

become a cult classic. The only surprise is that there isn't a

national cult dedicated to it.

That said, some hard-core bad movie fan friends of mine really

just think this movie is dumb. Even ones with senses of

humor...but they're the minority. While it may not be worth buying a

$50 copy of it on eBay just to see it in the first place, you are less of

a human being if you pass up the chance to watch it for the first

time.

The Idiots (1998)

Thought-provoking, interesting, non-excellent, but it'll do.

[8/10 · 21 November 2002]

Idioterne, by the much celebrated Lars von Trier, was a pretty good

movie. Unlike Dancer in the Dark, where issues such as the death

penalty were raised and the audience was really transported into

the mind of a blinded lovable immigrant, Idioterne only really treats

the issue of human base-desire and transports the audience into

a sea of middle-class angst amongst more "real" characters.

Some have accused von Trier of abusing his actors: In this movie,

as in all Dogme 95 films, actors neither appear beautiful nor slick.

They are very real-seeming, and while I do not know the

personalities of the actual actors, the characters seem very

sincere and played from the heart. There isn't so much a plot as

there is suggestion of a plot. In reality, this movie is shot like a

documentary without much of a conclusion. However, it doesn't

seem to purport to be more, and given that, I don't think it should

be faulted for not successfully doing more than it does. What it

does, it does well, and believably. If there was some sort of

conclusion, or explanation for the more documentarian style, I

would have rated the movie higher, but there were some loose

ends in terms of screenwriting. The film suffers for it, but not

greatly.

All in all, this movie has supported my appreciation of von Trier by

showing that he can direct a huge variety. Between Idioterne,

Dancer in the Dark, and the two Kingdom miniserieses, he's a guy

who knows what he's doing in the director's chair, and doesn't

think too highly of himself. This is a movie it'd be nice if everyone

saw, but not quite a "movie everyone should see."

Crash (1996)

Slightly dumb, tries too hard, basically boring.

[2/10 · 21 November 2002]

The movie sucked. It was boring, and the reason I didn't walk out is that it had a lot of sex and violence. Neither of which was exceedingly good, despite relative hotness of the actresses. The sex was boring. The lesbian scenes, also boring. The gay sex, yet more boring. If this movie were Jell-O, it would be the unflavored kind. It was just jiggly, no sweetness or flavor. And yes, I'm fully aware that I didn't say anything about the plot. There's really nothing to say; plot in this movie is strictly an illusion. If you think you see some, I'm afraid you're wrong. But hey - if you like it, you like it. Personal preference is your right. It's just not a good film. Three word plot summary: "Sex, crashes, ennh."

Humanity (1999)

For three years, I have used this movie as the definition of worst ever.

[1/10 · 17 November 2002]

L'Humanité is a murder mystery. These movies tend to be popular,

and the 6.9 rating it currently has suggests that it has been, too.

Unfortunately, this movie has no redeeming qualities whatsoever.

A few non-spoilers, for instance, include a 5-minute scene

wherein the main character eats an apple. And another 3 minutes

where he breathes.

In case you were wondering, this is not, in fact, art. Neither is it a

commentary on humanity, which from the title it seems it is trying

to be. It is, in fact, boring. There are numerous attempts in this

movie to say something about humanity. One might think to

onesself, "How would I comment on humanity?" And the most

obvious and boring answers will of course be sex, love, and death.

Not that these options are uninteresting when done well - just that

they are the canonical options. For sex, this movie does its best to

make it unattractive and disgusting. In your first five minutes -

hence this is not a spoiler - you will see the bloodied vagina of a

murdered 11-year-old girl; it's a murder mystery, remember? Later

on, a few people throw themselves at each other and have what

the director would like us to believe is "raw" sex, but in reality it's

contrived and overly symbolic - but worse yet, uninterestingly so.

I enjoy being disturbed by movies. This movie showed me why:

Disturbing movies usually show something inside of someone,

their humanity, which they did not know existed and are a bit

scared of. L'Humanité tried to do just this and failed, and I walked

out of the theatre not disturbed, but disgusted, thinking that I had

wasted my time in the theater, despite having seen the movie for

free.

The Princess and the Warrior (2000)

Nice camera work, amusing story, worth the rental.

[6 December 2001]

Lola Rennt, the film of which folks have been raving ever since it came out a few years back, seems to be the main motivation for watching this one, for they share the same director. However, these movies are not similar in any discernable way, save two: Lead actress, and some of the background music.

Lola Rennt is an adrenaline rush, mixing scenes of running, cartoons of running, and music which seems to exemplify running. This movie is a cute story about a half-crazed child-of-an-insane-asylum-turned-nurse, and the severely disturbed ex-soldier she falls in love with after he saves her life with an emergency tracheotomy underneath a truck. Some have likened this story to a fairy tale, and indeed it seems to follow a general narrative scheme of hero-seeks-treasure, hero-is-thwarted, hero-finds-sidekick, hero-braves-battles, hero-gets-treasure, similar to almost any other fairy tale one might come to hear. However, though the camera work was done exceedingly well, with many interesting angles and the like, and though the acting was indeed very realistic, I was unable to suspend disbelief. This might not be fully generalizable, as the friend next to me was not delighted at the few jokes I made during meaningful parts, but after the movie the friend mentioned that she was more annoyed that I interrupted her already-difficult task of suspending her disbelief than she was annoyed that I "ruined the moment." The was no moment to ruin in the film, though there might have been in the script.

However, as mentioned before, this movie is indeed worth the rental. It's a good time, and it does not drag on. It's not overly meaningful, and it's not overly action-packed, and it didn't achieve everything it set out to, but it was definitely an amusing watch. I recommend it, but this is not a must-see.

The Celebration (1998)

Dogme a plus, beautiful acting, some loose ends

[9/10 · 26 October 2001]

Though I know little else of it, the Dogme agreement between several Danish filmmakers requires that movies be shot in natural light, and with handheld cameras. The lighting requirement, only noticeably disappointing once or twice during the movie, seems to mesh will with Vinterberg's general idea of how lighting should set mood. The presence of candles in the movie is not only made more noticeable by this requirement, but the extra attention payed to them is definitely a positive addition regardless of the reason for the attention being paid it. The handheld filming was also beautifully done. The effect of not having a totally steady hand, composed with the odd angles not easily achievable with a full rig and the ever-so-slight hint of the cameraman being slightly affected by the actors' performances combine to place the audience more inside of the movie than one might expect with curious lighting and grainy-seeming film. This is a boon, as the acting was exceptional. Ulrich Thomsen, who plays the protagonist, endured with admirable skill numerous close-ups in which every twitch of every facial muscle was meant to portray the weight of stress and emotion being endured by his character. Thomas Bo Larsen, who played a bit part in "The Kingdom II," another excellent Danish production, really shines out in this movie as well. As full and exciting as it must be to portray a character with serious notable psychological issues, Larsen does not seem to notice that this is a movie. The other actors also did jobs ranging from unnoticeable to excellent, though these two really do stand out as having done a good job. Some loose ends existed in the movie in such a way as to _impose_ disbelief on those already wilfully suspending it, though only in a few select cases. Despite my two subsequent viewings, (The last two 35mm showings to occur, as ours, the last reel in existence) is to be destroyed as soon as Carnegie Mellon returns it to the distributor, I remain unclear on some technical points which do not seem to be intentional. All in all, I would give this movie an 8.5 to 9 out of 10. Not quite perfection, but very well done in almost every possible way.

Water Drops on Burning Rocks (2000)

Interesting premise, keeps your attention, inconsistent plot, poorly written

[2/10 · 4 October 2001]

Water Drops on Burning Rocks, which I saw in French, subtitled in English, was not an excellent film. The premise, namely that of a curious young adult boy being taken home by an older businessman, eventually leading to them living together as lovers, and fighting heartbreak is an excellent concept for a film. Exploring situations contrary to gender stereotypes, and seeing significant emotions portrayed by characters one would normally expect not to play them makes not only for good cinema but definitely keeps your interest.

There are several old and overused clichés in this picture which are given a new light when set in the nonstandard context this film is. The great pity is that the exceptional context is all that is used to make the clichés remain entertaining.

When a stereotype is broken in reality, no bounds need be imposed on how exactly the breaking of the stereotype occurs. In a fictional work, however, one must take care to make the breaking of the stereotype believable. The fourth scene (of four) in this movie leaves the realm of possibility, and becomes strictly surreal.

Surreality in movies can be portrayed to great effect as reality, but this movie takes the opposite road, and attempts to portray actual reality as surreal. It sadly fails, and the fourth act, instead of being thoughtful and provocative, manages to leave the viewer wondering "what the hell was that for?" In the final scene, of Vera (one of only four characters in the movie) attempting and failing to open a window in Leopold's apartment (where the entire movie is set), makes it blatantly obvious to the viewer that the scene was created to symbolize the whole movie. Don't get me wrong - the scene does symbolize the whole movie, but only because you know the director was attempting to do so with the scene. Just before the credits roll, at what should be the apex of emotion or closure, the viewer is left disappointed, and with the full belief that yes, this was only a movie.

8 ½ Women (1999)

A clever film, with understandable characters in a very surreal situation

[7/10 · 4 October 2001]

Frederico Fellini's "8 1/2" is a movie this one is theoretically inspired by. There are consistent references to it in this film, some subtle, and some glaringly obvious. One should take this into account so that it will not hamper one's voluntary suspension of disbelief, though this movie definitely stands on its own if the viewer has never seen "8 1/2".

Voluntary is, perhaps, an inappropriate word. This movie takes disbelief, which should certainly be present, and suspends it for you, in a most amusing way. The film may well attempt to say something deep about human nature, and the interaction between a fickle heart which has lots of love to give and a bored brain with so many thoughts - but it doesn't say it so loud that you can't just sit back and enjoy the picture. Some scenes are funny to all; some scenes may cause you to be the only hysterical person in the theater. In any case, it's well worth the ticket or rental cost. Some male nudity is present, though no more than the average British movie containing male nudity. No sex scenes are overly graphic, though one should definitely have an open mind going into the movie in order to enjoy it. If you didn't feel a significant need to leave the theater during "Gouttes d'eau sur pierres brûlantes," which I was last week, you should be able to thoroughly enjoy this film.

(Lighting designers watch for the Kabuki scene; it won awards in Europe and definitely looks very cool.)