chrsstout Reviews

Rebel Moon - Part Two: The Scargiver (2024)

I'm going to hold my judgement for the Snyder cut

[5/10 · 21 April 2024]

If it still suck when the Snyder cut comes out, then I'll definitively know there is something fundamentally flawed with Zack Snyders storytelling.

Every aspect of this movie is just lame tropes with "space" in front of it. You have space nazis. Space Julius Caesar. Idk a bunch of real...not important stuff. But everyone is very serious about it.

The bad guy is like...cartoonishly over the top bad guy. Like there is no dimension to that guy at all. He's just crew cut zealous white guy. Like that person doesn't exist. And if he does, he's in the basement of his parents house hating the world shoving a remote places they don't belong in a fit of rage. Not...leading an army to do anything of significance.

Anyway. It's bad. I'm going to watch it. But just know, I'm not really happy about it.

Road House (2024)

I liked it

[7/10 · 22 March 2024]

I don't know what it is, but it's hard to give Jake Gyllenhaal a good role. He's such a calm likable guy, that any deviation from that is just not believable. Well this movie definitely plays to his strengths. They made the new Dalton a really enjoyable character to watch.

It's not the same as the old roadhouse. But, the old roadhouse is a relic of a time in Hollywood that doesn't exist anymore. Where you could have a monster truck just wreak havoc on a community...as a believable upset. There was a suspension of disbelief you could get away with back then that is just not reasonable by today's standards. Also, nobody is believing that you can just rip a guys throat out with one signature move anymore.

It's not like *the best movie* but It's a great revisit to the classic drifter action movie trope that we're popular in the past. I think of movies like Rambo, Walking Tall, Desert Heat fit the bill when describing this type of movie.

I don't want much from this type of movie, I want to watch badass dudes fight and blow stuff up. And hopefully do so in a way that's fun to watch. And this movie checked the boxes. Don't expect an Oscar worthy movie. But if you want to watch an entertaining dude movie, then this is a good one.

Saltburn (2023)

More or less predictable

[6/10 · 5 January 2024]

It was a decent flick. First act did a pretty good job of foreshadowing the events throughout the movie though. The rest of it seems like it was superfluous. I think there needed to be a little more development of the protagonist. There was much to be desired about the guys past.

What was most disappointing about this whole thing, was that I don't find this actor Barry Keoghan to be very good or even super talented. Okay enough I guess. It was really the writing/directing and cinematography that carried this movie. It's just frustrating because I feel like Barry isnt a believable bad guy, that's why he plays a timid loner throughout most of the movie. And I feel like Hollywood just gave him this super messed up role so that we associate it with the joker character he's going to play in the next B@man movie. Because otherwise I don't think anyone would take him seriously.

Idk kind of lame that he needs a movie to supplement another movie. So everyone will be watching B@man with saltburn in the back of their mind.

Beau Is Afraid (2023)

It's the generational divide

[8/10 · 27 December 2023]

The whole movie is a giant metaphor for boomers vs. Millennials/generation x/gen z. I think it's great because the metaphors are so strong. Everything from the giant monster to getting lost in some random fantasy with hints of rip van winkle.

I think a lot of people saw this as random or confusing, but I think it's very straight forward. You got everything from the younger generation just being angry and confused all the time...literally choking to death on gender colored paint. It's just a metaphor for nonsensical fads that they're tied up in.

I'm still in awe of how awesome it all is. Ari's saying if you make it past the dumb confusing gen z fads and gender confusion (literally choking to death on it...something something ad nauseam), you make past the nearly indestructible military complex that gen z-ers cry foul to, you make it past the random faceless fantasy pretending to be your life's story, you make it past the big scary peen monster literally meant to scare you into not having sex (sex education wasn't a thing for the boomers). If you get past ALL that...and you think you're ready to start doing things...then you're too late. Too old. You get chastised for trying. And then your little boat capsizes in the court of public opinion (social media)- another thing that wasn't around when boomers were young.

The movie even goes on to critique how his mother's skyrocketing profits have worked to create the current social situation of ultra violent streets and even his living situation...as it's her building.

Pretty wild metaphors. I liked it a lot.

Rebel Moon - Part One: A Child of Fire (2023)

I stopped watching

[5/10 · 24 December 2023]

It's a hodgepodge of ideas just thrown in there. A lot of those ideas were pretty neat if they were given any kind of pacing. There was so many ideas that the movie just kind of hummed along without really spending any time with any of it. Which kind of sucks because I feel like the only time Zack Snyder makes a good movie is when he's following a graphic novel frame for frame. Which makes sense why those graphic novel movies are the only ones with solid world building and character development.

The space farmer/viking aspect of the move: cool idea. The space reich: a little tired, but maybe something there. It's just...man, they tried to recreate one of the most iconic scenes from Inglorious Basterds...but in space at a different pace. It was cringe. What makes inglorious basterds great is the pacing and the dialogue. You watch Tarantino's characters build anticipation with nothing more than dialogue over like 15 minutes. In this film...you have similar wardrobe and set design...but ugh, it is just bad. Don't get me wrong, some of the best work is inspired by others work...but not when you're just copying wardrobe, setting, and 'general vibe'. We want to watch Tarantinos dialogue because it's sets up dire consequences; there's a lot at stake. And he followed through with devastating results. Almost like in Heat (1995), they do a lot of talking, but the payoff is some of the best action sequences of all time.

But back to this movie: there's nothing worth listening to because there's nothing at stake. There is nothing that makes me care about any of these random characters or what they had to say, so anything that happened to them became trivial. Any work they put in is towards a goal that I'm pretty disconnected from.

Some of the visuals looked pretty cool though. Even though the visual sequences were a little misplaced. Like the dropping of the seeds when the ship arrived. It just seemed like a forced visual to try and heighten importance.

Overall would have been cool to see better character/world building at a pace that lets it breathe. It also helps if you make your protagonist likable. Not just hot and stoic. You could even make your antagonist likable. Not a great movie, but cool to have on in the background.

The Pope's Exorcist (2023)

Not very good, but pretty entertaining

[6/10 · 23 August 2023]

I like watching Russell Crowe as an exorcist priest. It pretty much had that going for it. I didn't like the kid. If child actors bother you, then this one will drive you crazy. I mean he did well, poor kid acted his heart out. But man...I couldn't wait for him to stop talking. Which is another area where this movie kind of lacked. The dialogue is pretty not-so-good. It was like when you finish writing an essay, but you haven't met the minimum word count requirement, so you go back and make sentences long and unnecessary. The dialogue was like that. And the scary exorcist parts...were pretty redundant and contrived. Force-choke here, spider-climb up a wall there. Really just going down the list for an exorcist movie and checking the boxes. There were several times I could have sworn that I was watching a movie written by AI.

Your Honor (II) (2020–2023)

Slowest of the burn

[6/10 · 15 January 2023]

It's gritty and dark. And it's not bad. But it kind of drags. Good acting and casting. I find myself not really rooting for any of the characters, like that might be the point? Which isn't so bad, but I've seen this before. This is like House of Cards meets Ozark. Which are both really good shows, so being compared to those isn't bad, but the events seem pretty milquetoast. The inciting action was...kind of a downer that just like lingered. As a viewer it would be nice to see some characters get some victories. But it's just watching a spiral that keeps churning and churning. I haven't finished it yet, I'm on like episode 4 or 5 but I can tell where it's going. And it's probably not going to satisfying.

The Rehearsal (2022– )

Nathan Fielder's best

[9/10 · 8 August 2022]

It's self-help reality show satire. Idk how else to put it. If you don't get it, then sorry. His situational comedy hits a little too close to home for some. But for those who have the humility to appreciate the awkwardness of the human condition, then you appreciate just how absurd this show gets. It's comedic inception, I started the show chuckling, and by episode 4 I was in tears. Layers upon layers of absurdity. This show has the perfect guy (and apparently the budget) to do it.

A lot of reality shows do the same thing Nathan does in this show. But they polish it up to make it seem like interactions are flawless, use actors to stage nearly everything, and all works out perfectly in the end. This show just exploits that aspect of those reality tv shows. His mindset is (believe it or not) not too far from a regular reality television producer. Nathan just has a little more of a nihilistic approach. I love it.

Where the Wild Things Are (2009)

I just hate Max

[5/10 · 12 May 2022]

I don't like him as a character, I don't like the actor that plays him. I think they tried to make the actor seem younger than he is which is kind of off putting. He just comes off as a winey and stupid.

Having been a hellion as a little boy myself, the "wild" age came younger. At the age of Max in the movie, there seems to be no intelligence or emotional maturity. Which kind of sends the signal of just being a little psychopath, rather than just being young and wild. The wild age would have probably been like around 8 years old (I think he was 9 in the book?). This kid is 12 almost a teenager acting like an idiot. It's just kind of creepy how young and innocent they're trying to make this kid. Max is Stand By Me age in the movie but talking like he's trying to convince his parents he's still their precious little boy the whole time. Just bad casting and directing.

Everything else is really good. The wild things were great. Cinematography was great. The general 'vibe' or motif they were going for was great. Awesome soundtrack (probably the best thing about this movie at the time). The segmented nonsense dialogue from the wild things that always seemingly comes without context: awesome.

It's just that Max that ruins it for me. I'm not empathizing or rooting for this kid at all.

The Spine of Night (2021)

Really ambitious...that's about it

[5/10 · 22 April 2022]

Someone decided to take on making a modern Heavy Metal-esque animated movie. But for something with seemingly limitless potential...it's still pretty boring.

Cool stuff: It's stylized like Heavy Metal. Wizards and magic and stuff. Gore, I guess. Cool colors. Neat visuals.

Stuff I didn't like: It is super boring. Like it totally lacks imagination. The witch doctor doing stuff is cool, but like in a world where magic exists and it's rotoscoped animation...do more than just a tame Game of Thrones! It doesn't feel like anyone had fun making it aside from a little project for some voice actors. Also no staging for the vocal recordings: all vocals sound like the actor is reading at a podium into a microphone. Super clear flat vocals...but absolutely no staging or depth. Really takes away from the suspension of disbelief. And again, really hate to beat a dead horse, but do MORE. You have animation...you can do more than mystical fire shapes and sword fights. And the fact that this movie doesn't do more than mystical fire shapes and sword fights, just tells me that it's mostly reliant on the surface appeal of being rotoscoped. I just hate movies where I get the feeling like I could do better; this is one of those. And lastly, boobs don't look like that. It looks like a kid drew boobs, just unwaveringly circular and perky.

The Batman (2022)

The best and worst Batman's in one

[6/10 · 25 March 2022]

Starting with the good: The artistic vision for how Batman should be portrayed is 10/10. They made him effing huge! And not like just muscular, but they made him seem tall. Which is awesome. They really bought into the "bat-detective" vibe. As a viewer, you feel the absurdity of a guy in a giant bat suit standing at a gruesome crime scene. Robert Pattinson did a great job. The sepia vibe was great, the more "modern gothic" vibe was great. Collin Ferrell fantastic penguin.

The bad: Deus ex machina comes super strong right before the climax of the 3rd act in the form of "real fringe type" characters who seem to take on a motif reminiscent of Jan. 6-ers. And they made the bad guy have motives which...really aren't that bad. Kill corrupt politicians and expose corruption... something a good guy usually does. The deus ex comes into play when the viewer discovers that the Riddler isn't just getting rid of the corruption, but expressing dissatisfaction with the system at large. But the movie really tried to drive the point home that "vigilant acts against the system are bad" when they asked one the fringe-types why they wanted to take down the un-corrupt portion of the election as well- which they responded with "vengeance!" Batman's favorite tagline.

Small issues: the dueling motorcycles scene was lame. I ride motorcycles but that was cringe. Sometimes it felt like Batman and Gordon were having a whisper/growl competition. I can't tell if I like the back of the Batman helmet. Also how did Batman get is roaring jet-propelled muscle bat-mobile conveniently hidden in the shadows without anyone noticing? Lastly not enough about Bruce...we see Batman take a ton of hits and almost die, but walk it off the next day like NBD. Also Alfred teaching Batman how to fight? Wtf is that? "You are el rata alada" was lame, and I must have missed the part making "you are el" being a homophone for "URL" it just seemed convoluted and unnecessary.

Overall one of my favorite Batman portrayals, but one of my least favorite Batman movies.

Mandy (I) (2018)

One of a kind for a very specific genre

[7/10 · 25 March 2022]

It's a very unique movie. In a visual and aural aspect, it's at the very top of most of the movies I've seen. It's almost like watching a long, drawn-out music video. Stylistically 10/10. The plot is kind of cheesy...but intentionally. Has a lot of B-movie horror vibes. Which doesn't appeal to the masses, but pays lip service to those who love it. The movie is a visual masterpiece, but otherwise weird and awkward. I loved it, personally. But I also understand why others might not.

Sons of Anarchy (2008–2014)

It's pretty lame

[4/10 · 18 February 2022]

It's like a soap opera with motorcycles. Just way too dramatic. The actors they got for their roles do a decent job at acting, but a bad job at making believable characters for their prospective roles. And that can be attributed to the show runners detachment from the real world. I continuously find myself without any suspension of disbelief, which is strange considering the premise doesn't stray far from reality. Entirely superfluous. That one episode of True Detective did a better job of portraying biker gangs than this entire series- and that's a show about Matthew McConaughey overt mysticism. Anyway, this is the O. C. of motorcycles.

The Book of Boba Fett (2021–2022)

Live action Flintstones reboot is pretty good

[6/10 · 21 January 2022]

I like that they *almost* took a more serious tone with this one.

A little confused by the lack of actual Flintstones, but it's one John Goodman "yabadabbadoo" away from being the original thing. And I guess Barney is a female Asian assassin now? I feel like we moved a little backwards with that trope, but anyway...

They have all the same technology, industrial garbage disposal (Rankor), stone temples and huts, I think Boba even did 'The Bedrock Twitch'.

Again, a little confused by the characters, but glad Hollywood decided to revive another classic from my childhood.

Loki (2021–2023)

Decent

[3/10 · 5 January 2022]

Production value is solid. Interesting plot. Good acting.

But I can't seem to get over what the entire purpose of this show was. The biggest takeaway from this series was to introduce to the public what the term "variant" means.

Oh, and the ending kind of sucked.

The Witcher (2019– )

It's good

[7/10 · 3 January 2022]

But for some reason this is one of those shows where I'll think I'm watching it, but then I'll realize I have no idea wtf is going on.

It's good, the production value is there. When it hits, it's hits pretty hard. But I feel like it has like ADHD, or there's too much going on or something.

Good acting. Cool special effects. Interesting story from what I gather. But, I can't figure out what's going on for the life of me.

I like the lore, action sequences, character development- all great. But, again (and I can't stress this enough) I have no idea what's going on. But it's pretty badass. 2 thumbs up, I think.

Don't Look Up (2021)

We get it

[6/10 · 27 December 2021]

It's COVID. Ad nauseam. It's Adam McKay's hot-take on COVID. As if the world didn't have enough of that already.

Had some funny moments. Found myself laughing out loud. The 'on-spectrum-capitalist-parody of Jordan Peterson' is...well it's something. Probably a lot funnier conceptually than how it showed up.

Good story telling-- pacing and structure was done pretty well. Character development was lacking.

Most of my issues were with things like a screen full of super rich pretending to be outraged by the super rich. I mean...it's always insulting. Always. And at very least, suspicious.

Logos doesn't flow very well. Just flashy nonsense to catch the attention of the edgy- where that "R" rating can really come in handy.

The Matrix Resurrections (I) (2021)

This is the matrix making fun of itself

[5/10 · 26 December 2021]

It's all meta. From the first act of the new guys watching the old events take place.

To the final act saying "we could make rainbows in the sky just cuz" while matrix flying into the sunrise while holding hands to a female remake of 'wake up' by rage against the machine.

It's just the creators dissatisfaction with the first one. Idk, it was nostalgic kind of. Somewhat entertaining. But it was also cringe and kind of stupid.

I don't really know how to feel about it, tbh. Also the 'catrix' kind of proves my point.

Santa Inc. (2021)

Not good

[1/10 · 17 December 2021]

It's just one of those thing where like, if you want to make Santa a girl, then make Santa a girl. Don't just *complain about the patriarchy* ad nauseam and wreck childhood nostalgia with profanity and pop culture tropes in the process.

It's worth watching one episode just to know the tinsel-strung trash fire that this show is.

8-Bit Christmas (2021)

Yet another empty nostalgia flick for Gen-X'ers

[4/10 · 27 November 2021]

It's just bad writing. Sold like it was some kind of modern Christmas story. Nothing like Elf. It's boring...so so boring. Decent enough little actors, but man the writing is...bad. Lol idk how else to put it. It's not a good movie. It tries to be nostalgic, but like the only thing nostalgic about it is the Nintendo? They keep saying "it was the 80's!" But there was otherwise nothing much to indicate that it's the 80's. Like "chores" are vaguely a thing of the 80's? As if they don't exist anymore? Wtf?

Dads were stoic. Everyone smoked cigarettes. Nobody listened to kids.

This is a filler movie for the last generation to actually pop out kids. Just *waves hands* vaguely nostalgic.

Turned off half way through. Good to have on in the background with company over or something.

Rushmore (1998)

This made me dislike Jason Schwartzman

[6/10 · 23 November 2021]

I wasn't exactly Jason Schwartzman's biggest fan to begin with. But after watching him play an annoying self-important little d-bag, I'd now be comfortable never seeing him in another movie ever again.

All that aside, pretty standard for a Wes Anderson flick. All a bunch of characters nobody really likes...and then a quirky enigmatic emotionless female lead.

For whatever reason Wes Anderson likes it when kids act like jaded adults. And it's cute at first, but after a while it's kind of weird.

The movie isn't bad, but it's just...bleh. Inspired the emo band 'Brand New' to write an album, if that says anything.

Cowboy Bebop (2021)

Not terrible

[6/10 · 23 November 2021]

It's a decent re-telling of the anime. I mean as good as it can be for Hollywood's tendency to rehash old stuff for money.

So whatever. Casting is OK. Cinematography was actually pretty good. Acting was pretty good too. Keeps the pacing of the anime.

I think there's a universal law that says if it's a live-action re-telling of an anime, there will be a considerable amount of people who will hate it.

It's also kind of dumb to just....do the same thing as the Anime. Like it's just boring. I've seen this. Why not expand on the universe? Make it something unique.

Overall it's pretty good. If you're not familiar with the anime and this is more palatable to you, It's decent comedy action sci-fi based on a cartoon. Not much to expect from the genre, so just appreciate it for what it is.

The Irishman (2019)

Big Scorsese fan, but save yourself 3 hours.

[2/10 · 15 November 2021]

It was the most long-drawn out movie about nothing I've seen in a long time. Which sucks, because I really wanted to like it.

Casino? Incredible. Gangs of New York? Magnum opus. The Departed? Semi-modern classic. Shutter Island? At least entertaining.

This was just not good. Idk if it was trying to make Robert De Niro pass as like a 20-year old or what, but some stuff was painful to watch considering he's taking roles as the "old guy" during the production of this movie.

The pacing was all wrong. There was no definitive climax. The blocking and choreography was absolutely terrible. Scorsese tried to go for single-shot action sequences, but these guys are so old it just didn't work. Maybe 20 years ago they could've given that kind of performance, but it was like I was watching someone make a joke of Stunts with very obvious sugar-glass and cheap hits.

It was 3 hours of nothing that I will never get back. I can't for the life of me figure out how Scorsese won awards for this trash fire.

Birdgirl (2021–2022)

I enjoy it

[7/10 · 26 October 2021]

I think it's really cool that they're opening the same type of humor I enjoyed (as a 15 year old boy) to girls. I loved Harvey Birdman as a kid. And watching this is very nostalgic. It's the same type of humor. I even found myself laughing out loud. Its not the same as Harvey Birdman, but it's not supposed to be.

If the girl viewership is there, then cool. That makes sense for them. If you're anti anything "girl-power ra-ra" then yeah, you're obviously not going to like it. But in the spectrum of cultures, this helps close the gap between genders. Again, if the girl viewership is there, then I'm glad that I might be able to share this side of my humor with them. And if I had teenage daughters, I'd be watching this with them.

The Last Airbender (2010)

Doomed from the beginning and snowballed negativity

[8/10 · 10 September 2021]

I was a big fan of M. Night for a long time leading up to this movie. So in order to understand what happened with this, you have to understand what happened leading up to this movie.

Before TLA, M. Night found himself butting heads with critics. He felt like they were being unnecessarily picky with his works, and I would agree.

So, in 2006 he made a movie called 'Lady in the water' where one of the characters was a pompous movie critic who got eaten by a monster, all the while mocking critics as a whole.

Critics lost their collective minds. They thought it was such bad taste they went on a rampage. This was during the early days of Facebook.

Then he released the happening, which everyone hated because it came out in a time where people didn't believe in climate change, also carrying over hatred from critics. So people automatically hated it.

Then came TLA. I watched it closely because I was a fan of the cartoon and also M. Nights previous work. So I was excited. But since it was the early days of Facebook, people had no concept of 'article credibility' so a flurry of articles came out absolutely SMEARING The Last Airbender. Which was impossible. It hadn't been released for any screenings, and yet everyone hated the movie. So they literally BUILT a bad reputation from the start. Politics might have had something to do with it as well being that climate change wasn't even acknowledged back then.

So then it released, and M. Night did a lot of stuff right: the action sequences were dope. The character/story development were en pointe. He even said he wanted to make it better for Asian culture (because the source material is American). So he changed the way Aang pronounced and added some traditional Chinese film styles. But it was doomed from the beginning.

People turned on a critical eye, and that was that. The movie has its flaws, sure. But, it's definitely not as bad as everyone says it is.

People say they hated the kid who played Aang, but I thought he did great. Also they think he should have been Chinese? Which is also ironic because the Cartoon is American. I guess people just weren't ready for that melding of cultures. Similar to the way people weren't ready for climate change in 2008.