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Reviews
Inglourious Basterds (2009)
Terrible movie, disappointed Tarantino fan
Wow, what a terrible movie.
Slight spoilers, not that there's much to spoil.
The entire movie feels like an adolescent fantasy. Actually that's too harsh - I don't think even a 5 year old could come up with such stupidity. OK, fine, caricature Nazis and make the Jews blood hungry revenge psychos, but at least do it with some intelligence and flair. Close up of the guy's face as he guns down trapped women is just not too interesting. I'm not offended, I just find it plain stupid.
Tarantino, you're delving into dangerously unwatchable territory. Even Dusk Till Dawn was better that this. Please find your way back, I used to enjoy your stuff.
The Lovely Bones (2009)
A terrible, unsatisfying, amateurish waste of time
Lovely Bones is a terrible, wasteful movie, without redeeming qualities of any kind.
Imagine a subtle, complex story as told be a diseased, drooling chimpanzee. That's how it feels to watch Lovely Bones. The chimp emphasizes all of the wrong things, takes far too long on the less interesting parts of the story, struggles to present questions that he never answers, and gets far too excited with his crayons when attempting to paint pictures of the scenes.
The ending, as cowardly as it is dissatisfying, puts the perfect toping on this disaster of a movie. Avoid at all costs, even if you love your wife and want to keep her company as she watches a movie that "sounds interesting".
Ôdishon (1999)
Simply horrible. In a bad way.
I've watched and enjoyed quite a few Japanese movies recently, so I had fairly high expectations for this one. This was bad in almost every way imaginable.
[* Spoilers *] The story builds slowly to a horrible, elongated climax that yields no satisfaction. The torture scene goes on and on, but doesn't really scare, and is strangely empty (and I like torture scenes).
The actress is good and creepy. The guy didn't do anything for me - I could care less if he lived or died.
The story feels like it was about 5 lines, and they stretched it to two hours. No twists, no turns, pretty much exactly what you would expect to happen if you spent no time trying to come up with a better story.
There a couple of positives - the "kiri-kiri-kiri" "deeper-deeper-deeper") chant is funny, and there are a couple of classic shots - particularly the shot of the back of her neck with her head bent, making a serpent of her spinal chord. Otherwise, no redeeming qualities.
Lola rennt (1998)
The will to win
See this one. Interesting, different style. Two main themes: what would happen if you did things slightly differently, and will power effecting change. I liked both.
This movie has a lot of Lola running, which works surprisingly well. The movie's attention to side and auxiliary characters, and the see-into-the-future technique is very good.
The basic plot is a look at a particularly intense 1/2 hour or so of the two main characters' lives, and the consequences of each of their decisions. Even the small decisions, the small steps, turn out to have significant effects.
I liked the actors and the acting, particularly Lola. It's hard to run without looking stupid, but she pulls it off, and it contributes to the overall theme of the movie.
Long zhi ren zhe (1982)
It's a classic.
This movie has everything and a half. Ridiculous stilt fighting, ninjas galore, the 1/2 sentence plot, God skills, demon possession, the hero fighting the latter half of the movie in a pink outfit, and female anatomy saving the day. Clearly a classic.
Actually, it was a definite classic till the middle-end, where it dragged a bit, but the ending picked it back up and saved it.
I recognize the guy from Azumi, but the rest of them were new to me. The fighting and stunts were sufficiently impressive - particularly when they were jumping around and fighting each other standing on 5 foot stilts. Now that's talent.
The kung fu is fun, the actors are very skilled, and the whole thing is entertaining. If you're into kung fu movies, particularly if plot is unimportant to you, you'll enjoy this one.
Dirty Pretty Things (2002)
Clever intrigue and engaging characters. See this movie.
Saw this movie by sheer luck, and I must say it was excellent. The characters were likable, and I was actually interested in what happened to them.
The main actors are all excellent. Chiwetel Ejiofor is very strong - I'd love to see him in more movies. Audrey Tautou gives a great performance.
Besides the strong acting, the storyline is surprisingly good. The intrigue is woven so neatly in with the human story of the immigrant that I found myself more emotionally involved in the movie than analytically - and I tend to be overly analytical. So many times I thought the story would head down the road of pure melodrama, sugary uplifting nonsense, or mindless anger, and as many times I was wrong - the directory throws in enough elements to keep you glued in, but keeps the story on a tight, clever path to the end. To boot, here's a rare movie that had me engaged enough in the characters to not foresee the twist in the end.
If you like a smart story and strong characters, definitely see this. Hell, even if you don't, see this anyway.
Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World (2003)
Enjoyably mediocre
Mr. Gladiator plays a British captain hunting a better, faster, younger ship.
Some interesting things in there. I didn't realize kids so young were in the Navy. It was also fun seeing battles with older, limited technology, where each maneuver might take a day or two, instead of the high-speed heat seeking death-at-the-push-of-a-button we're used to today.
Still, the movies was absolutely mediocre. I can't really point out huge flaws, but I can't recall anything that grabbed me either. Actually, the twist at the very end had promise as I worried about the young captain on his own, but that didn't end up going anywhere as the movie immediately ended.
Someone had highly recommended this movie to me, while another had spewed bile all over it. My advice is, if you've got nothing else to do, go ahead and watch it, but if you have anything at all to do, you won't miss much skipping it.
Cold Mountain (2003)
Horrible movie. My friend recommended this, and she's no longer a friend.
The characters are so single dimensional they disappear every time they turn. Do the bad guys really have to be just so purely bad? Can't they be even just slightly human?
Renée Zellweger, whose whole career hinges on her perpetual lip curl, delivers a mindless performance. Poor Natalie Portman is stuck in a ridiculous role. Giovanni Ribisi, on loan from Greenday, is the only watchable part of this whole movie.
I don't usually hate movies, but I hate this one. Every moment I yearned for a horrible accident to befall the main characters so they could feel the pain they were putting me through. I thought maybe it's just me, but turns out my wife found in more appalling than I did. Stay away. Or maybe it's just me.
Ta'm e guilass (1997)
Dark, mysterious movie that shouldn't be missed
This movie sparked more debate amongst our group than any other. If you're not put off by the pace, you definitely owe it to yourself to see this. By far the most interesting film I've seen in the past few years.
The pace is quite slow, and the director takes no pains to explain or clarify anything. We follow a man as he tries to enlist the help of ordinary people in carrying out a dark plan. The movie is about the interactions between humans, about the joy of life - the taste of a cherry - seen through the eyes of a desperate man. Not all the questions are answered, and not all the pieces of the puzzle are filled. I guarantee you'll discuss this movie for at least several hours after you see it.