pens9091 Reviews

The Count of Monte Cristo (2002)

Nothing like the book, but not bad on its own

[7/10 · 12 September 2004]

If you're a fan of the book and the many characters within, be forewarned this movie will probably make you cringe in places.

I rather wish they'd have called it something else, rather than 'The Count of Monte Cristo" - I'd have enjoyed it more. But they've gutted the numerous revenge plots and corrupted one of the books prime themes:

(Spoiler alert) The book explicitly tells us that Edmond believes God saved him from prison so that he could exact his revenge upon the people who falsely imprisoned him. Edmond was a God-fearing man who loved his father and the dignity of being an honorable man. There is NO way he would have slept with Mercedes before marriage - not even the night before. So right from the start, the movie is on the wrong foot.

Albert is not Edmond's son in the book and Edmond does not live happily ever after with Mercedes. In fact, one of my favorite characters (Haydee) is left out of this movie entirely. She is his redemption and his new reason for living after his revenge is completed.

The movie isn't bad, it just isn't the same storyline. So watch the movie if you haven't read the book and you'll enjoy it more.

Wonderfalls (2004)

Another great series gone before its time!

[5 April 2004]

This series caught my imagination with the very first episode and I was hooked. It quickly moved to #1 on my TiVo and I became emotionally invested in the characters.

But FOX struck its evil axe again and killed another great series. Now what are we left with? Repeats of their latest reality brain drain "The Swan". Fantastic. JUST what I wanted.

I can only hope some other channel sees the potential of this show - if nothing else, just to see the rest of the season.

RIP Wonderfalls, Firefly, Dark Angel, John Doe ....

Lost in Translation (2003)

Lost ... her pants?

[8/10 · 4 April 2004]

I thought the movie was touching and sad, wistful and romantic and bittersweet. What no one seems to have mentioned before is how Charlotte can't seem to keep her pants on! She has a better than 50/50 chance of being in her underwear every time you see her! Why?!?!

If you haven't see the movie yet I don't know what I or anyone else could say to make you want to see it. It was a beautiful slice in time between two people drowning in their own lives as well as a different culture. Give it a chance.

The Ring (2002)

The Sixth Sense without much common sense

[5/10 · 11 January 2004]

++ SPOILERS ++

So let me see if I've got this straight .... child is created with strange chemicals. Nasty child is abused by parents. Placed in barn with horses, can't sleep "because they keep her awake" - what do they do, play cards all night? throw wild parties? they're horses for heaven's sake! Evil child kills horses. Child placed in well to die.

Now, here's where it just leaps off the page: to exact her revenge, evil child makes an evil VIDEO TAPE! Ha ah! Scared you, didn't it! Not hauntings, not body possessions - a tape! Perhaps in time she'll master the art of DVD burning? And what is the point of this evil tape? To kill people as she was killed. Okayyyyyy. But traditionally, an angry spirit wants those who were responsible for harming it to be killed - not complete and innocent strangers! What's up with that? And when the clues on the tape are deciphered and the body is recovered, is the vengence over? Nope. So what's the point? Kill everyone on the planet? Good call.

The kid in the movie was cheap knock off of the boy from The Sixth Sense, all spooky silent walking and big eyes. And the mom looked like one of those sitcom aunts that suddenly has to take care of a kid that wasn't hers. Wackiness ensues. And how does someone find a lighthouse so quickly from a blurry video frame? Dang, she must be a better researcher than people give her credit for.

Creepy images and tons of atmosphere but the movie didn't do anything for me. I prefer movies with resolution not supernatural "gotchas" that never end. The movie has further solidified my opinion that all movie children are evil.

Drumline (2002)

Get over yourself, kid!

[4/10 · 29 November 2003]

I didn't go into this movie expecting my world views to change, and they didn't. I do have a better appreciation for the college level marching bands, though.

But the lead performance just killed this movie for me. So smug and self-rightous to the point I wanted someone to smack him! But it never came. That all too familiar head sway, neck roll, and thrusting out of his jaw. Ugh. I never once rooted for him. The whole movie I was rooting for someone to take him down several pegs and teach him some common respect.

And not once is he worried about losing his scholarship!!

Manos: The Hands of Fate (1966)

You know it, you hate it

[1/10 · 16 November 2002]

Of course I, like most everyone here, has seen the MST3K version of this 'film'. Apparently at least one guy liked the original (well, he and 375 other people gave it a 10, so go figure). As near as I can figure he likes it because it feels like a snuff film.

I agree. It's fuzzy, poorly framed, poorly recorded, poor everything. And what kind of clueless 'dad' ignores the creepy vibes given off by Torgo and the good sense of his wife to stay in some shack in the middle of no-where? Putz.

From Hell (2001)

Could have been much better

[6/10 · 2 November 2002]

I rented this movie for Halloween as I was looking for something with a horror feel to it. Some parts of this movie lived up to that but I'm glad I had my remote to fast-forward through some of the slower parts. I especially liked the stylized shooting of the first murder - the flashes of the knife in the night. Very striking!

What I did not like was what nearly everyone else mentioned: 1) Heather Graham - that red hair - sheesh! Even my dye jobs don't look that bad! And don't get me started on the accents - ech! And how nice that her character seems to be the only streetwalker who doesn't actually sleep with anyone? (a la 'Pretty Woman') 2) Johnny Depp's laudanum chugging 'visionary' detective work - please. Who'd listen to a druggy cop in any era?

I did enjoy the commendable attention to detail to the Londoners and the background scenery. I could get into the feel of turn of the century London life the longer I watched the movie. Some scenes were humorous - like poor people having to sleep sitting up (and tied up) instead of sleeping in beds. Side note - the women couldn't find enough money to pay the gang but they found enough to bury their friend? Unlikely.

The photography is what makes this film worth watching. The brilliant orange colored skies, the dark and forbidding streets ... I'll definitely check out the graphic novel this was based on.

6/10