Change Your Image
jaffakree340
Reviews
Die Another Day (2002)
Stupid!
Spoilers, not like you'd be missing out on anything.
The first half was good, I'll give 'em that. Then it started going down hill with the whole change-your-bone-marrow-DNA-and-look-like-anyone-else, then the thing with Q's new invisible car (WTF), then the Icarus space death ray........damn, it's on par with "Moonraker" for sillyness (you can almost forgive that one, being the late 70s, on the coattails of Star Wars, and Roger Moore). If you like the way over the top kinda movies, then you might enjoy this one. But if you're not one to suspend belief easily, stay clear.
Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (2003)
ARRRRRRRR!!!!!
It's not often that one leaves the theatre wanting to stay and watch it all over again. PotC is one of those movies.
Excellent cast. Johnny Depp makes one of the best, if not the best, pirates ever seen on the screen (I'd throw him in the same boat as Dustin Hoffman's "Hook"). Capt. Jack Sparrow is one of the most memorable characters in recent years. Orlando Bloom was actually better at Will Turner than Legolas (so far) in LotR. Keira Knightley was surprising. Being a very attractive woman in a pirate film, one would expect her to be either a helpless bimbo in distress or a sultry seductress. Nothing could be further from the truth on both. She was proper, respectable, and played both a damsel and a fighter at the same time. Geoffrey Rush makes for an excellent villain, one you just can't help but like, even though you hate his guts (well, bones in this case).
The effects are superb, especially that of the fights in and out of the moonlight (if you don't know what I'm talking about, you'll know when you see it). The music, well, WOW. This is the best soundtrack since Gladiator and possibly even better. Perfect mood setting.
All in all, an excellent and fun film that's both enjoyable, full of action and adventure, GREAT music, and can both make fun of itself yet still take itself seriously. On this rare occasion, Cap'n Bruckheimer and his scallywags get an A+.
Final Destination 2 (2003)
Horrendous, sadistic, and downright wrong.
The level of gore, guts, blood, and violence in this film inspires me with yet more hatred of human society. To think that anyone can get off on watching people get slaughtered like that sickens me, and I hope the producers of this movie burn in hell (and I'm not even religious) for the images they put before us. Makes CSI look like Sesame Street. A flat out F, 0 out of 5 stars.
2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)
I can't see why this film is so highly-regarded.
To be honest, since I grew up with Sci-Fi flicks like "Star Wars", "Aliens", and the various "Star Trek" series and movies, I'm afraid I can't say how impressive the special effects were for 1968.
That said, I also can't see what the freakin' big deal is with this movie!
It's extremely slow, the majestic movements through space really don't add anything, the dialogue is extremely bland, and the "trip"......I guess it's one of those "You Had To Be There" moments, in this case, 1968.
The only real noteworthy part of this should be HAL, which emphasized reliance on computers and what happens when one goes rogue, ironically but blindly foreshadowing such things as the defused Y2K problem. But aside from that, this movie is a big artistic dud for me. The only reason I'd recommend it is to see it's sequel, "2010", which makes a lot more sense, is more entertaining, and answers SOME of the questions left by 2001.
Alien³ (1992)
Worst sequel ever
How does one follow up one of the greatest action/adventure/suspense movies of all time? Not by producing total crap like this.
(Spoiler warning, but consider it charity instead. If you saw and liked "Aliens", avoid this movie at all costs.)
You had an excellent film in Aliens, one which could've ended the whole "Alien" saga right there and we would've all been happy. But no, some idiot in the studios decides he's going to buy the rights to make a third flick and does an absolutely horrific job with it. First, let's ruin the previous movie by killing everyone. Then, let's send the main character to a varitable planet of Hell and do a Mad Max-ish rehash of the first movie. Oh yea, let's kill her in the end too.
Total failure.
There are few movies that I actually *hate*. Granted, Lynch's "Dune" sucked, "AI" was depressing, but this one is just total, total crap and a half. I hate this movie for what it did to the whole "Alien" saga.
I give it 0 out of 5 stars. In fact, throw it two or three stars into the negative scale.
Star Trek III: The Search for Spock (1984)
Not as good as "Khan", but fun nonetheless
This one's not philosophical or theoretical like much of Star Trek is, but it's a good fun ST movie. The pace is a bit faster, the action's more consistent, and Christopher Lloyd as the klingon commander is tough to beat. Granted, if the series had ended here, the movie wouldn't have been so good, but knowing that the fourth installment was following and tied up loose ends and set things back as they once were, it's much easier to enjoy this film.
All in all, 3.5 out of 5 stars.
Åsa-Nisse i full fart (1957)
Ya gotta love a film that's title includes "i full fart"
This is why movies were invented. Top of the line explosive effects, superb acting, and lots and lots of good one-liners. If you watch one movie at home this year, make it " i full fart"! You will not be not undisappointed!
The Hot Chick (2002)
STUPID!
I went with a few friends to see this....we all came out mourning the loss of $7 each. How Roc Schneider keeps getting lured into these beyond-stupid tax shelters is beyond me. I could go through and list what's wrong with the movie, but I just don't have several days to write it all out. The whole thing sucks. Do yourself a favor and don't even bother.
Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones (2002)
More fun to watch than Ep.1, but still not deserving of "Star Wars"
I'll admit, in a rarity for a SW geek such as myself, I have only seen this film once.
The script was a vast improvement, the storyline flowed better, the acting was on par for a SW movie, and the effects were obvioulsy unbelievable as always.
But this movie just didn't feel like "Star Wars". Something was missing.
Was it the lack of a good lightsaber battle (Yoda not withstanding)? Was it the overuse of mush between Padme-Anakin? Was it how quickly momentum shifted from one side to the other? Or was it once again the lack of Han Solo?
I'm not sure. Overall it was a good MOVIE and I would recommend this one for pure entertainment.
But it just wasn't Star Wars.
3 1/2 out of 5 stars
Dune (1984)
The Spice does NOT flow in this one....
Oh man, where to begin?
Doesn't matter which "version" you're talking about (Smithee, Lynch, Japanese expanded version, I don't care), they all sucked.
I don't care how much money this movie made, it should be written off as a total loss. Here's how David Lynch put this movie together. He took the novel, ripped out every 10th page, threw those pages in a blender, and rearranged the words anyway he saw fit.
Never has a movie been less faithful to the book from which it was based.
Important stuff left out, unimportant stuff emphasized, and things that CAME OUT OF NOWHERE were thrown in and made relevant (there are no "Weirding Modules" in the books). The acting was over the top, the dialogue made one cringe through the whole movie (who the heck talks like that anyway??), the special effects were atrocious, even for 1984 (see "Return of the Jedi", which came out a year earlier), and one had to have read the book beforehand just to follow this story.
If you want "Dune", forget this. Watch the Sci-Fi Channel miniseries. Unless you find badly made movies funny, you're going to come away from this one with little more than mental indigestion.
Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan (1982)
KHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNN!!!!!!!!!!
Okay, so I wrote the review just for that header!
But anyway, this is unquestionably the best of the ST movies in every regard. The script, acting, storyline, effects (even for 1982....much better than the high-budget "Dune" which came out two years later), everything was near-flawless. Ricardo Montalban makes an excellent villain, it's a shame the original series got cancelled so early on, otherwise him as a recurring villain would've been very intriguing....but then we wouldn't have this movie!
I highly recommend this film, along with the following two in the ST series. Excellent entertainment.
Max Q (1998)
Total Crap.
I pity the cast of this film.
Apparently Jerry Too-Much-Testosterone Bruckheimer didn't get enough space action with Armageddon so he had to slap this piece of crap together in about two months and throw it into an empty timeslot on ABC for god knows what reason. This abomination is highly inaccurate, badly written, and a complete insult to anyone who knows anything about flying or the space program. NASA deciding the day before launch to send a reporter into space.......HA! Even the Russians wouldn't do that. And using a blowtorch in space? Who was their tech advisor, Baghdad Bob?
But aside from the technical neurosis, the film comes across as a cheap attempt at a modern day Apollo 13 and a tax shelter (probably left-over money from Armageddon, since they didn't hire real writers for that either). All in all, don't bother with this one. If you want a good modern space movie, check out Space Cowboys. At least that one didn't have you groaning every five seconds like this one did.
Signs (2002)
If Hitchcock made an alien movie
It really bothers me the number of pop-cultured idiots who comment on this movie as a "let-down" or a "rip-off". This movie isn't a UFOs-blowing-up-cities or Aliens-running-rampant-in-our-neighborhoods movie. If you want that, watch Independence Day or the myriad of B-movies following that exact same thing. This movie was pure suspense without the flashiness that ruins so many other movies. It's an excellent and refreshing film that reminds us just what good filmmaking is all about, something we've lost since the days of Hitchcock and since good storytellers have gone politically correct (Spielberg) or cash-motivated (Lucas). Those who can't appreciate such a film need to stick with absurd Bruckheimer flicks or anime to get their flashiness and things blowing up. Those with intelligence and who enjoy good storytelling over mindless eye candy, keep an eye on this Shyamalan fellow....
A.I. Artificial Intelligence (2001)
Artificial Sentimentality
Disney meets Mad Max, and I mean the worst of both in that combination. With all due respect to Steven Spielberg and all those involved in this film, I left the theatre feeling dejected, depressed, and just plain down. It paints a horribly bleak future for humanity, both in the short and long term, and the end of the film, which I'm assuming is supposed to be this warm-and-fuzzy-feeling ending actually feels like a sad whimper. Not a direct comparison to events in this film, but imagine if all the good guys died at the end of Return of the Jedi or the entire cast of Star Trek goes down with the Enterprise in the last film. That's kind of what it feels like. The film leaves you with a bad taste and the need to watch some really heavy comedies just to bring your mood back up to the watermark.
This film is one case where a Disneyized-happy-ending modification to the original would've done the film loads of good. As it is, don't watch this movie if you're prone to depression. It'll just make it a lot worse.