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Transformers (2007)
Killer Robots From Outer Space: a moronic action flick
If you like watching things move around and explode, you'll absolutely love Tranformers. However if you also want a movie to have a basic storyline then maybe Tranformers is not for you.
There is so incredibly little story or character development, even for a movie about killer robots from outer space. If they can afford all those CGI effects, surely they can afford better writers? What was with the whole backyard scene? It was completely pointless. Whatever happened to the power-struggle between Starscream and Megatron? I don't mind a few small plot holes, but why didn't the decepticons just buy the damn thing off of eBay and have it sent to them!? It makes the chases and the fighting all the more ridiculous when you think about that. And the all too obvious open door to a sequel was just laughable.
Anyway, it's mainly an action movie and the first helicopter attack seemed promising, but after that it moves from one car chase or explosion to the next. There's no build-up or suspense, there's no dynamics, it just turns the volume to 10 for the rest of the movie. What also bugged me, was that most of the Transformers fighting scenes are obscured by bad camera angles. For example, during the highway scenes, it suddenly cuts to random bystanders, and the action is somewhere off in the distance. And the organic robot design make the fights even harder to follow. First there's a confusing transformation and then two huge piles of scrap metal fighting each other. It's hard to even distinguish an arm or a leg.
The movie tries to offer some comic relief but the jokes are painfully unfunny. There's an obnoxious super hacker who lives with his grandma and plays videogames all day, a giant robot "urinates" on a government agent for no reason, masturbation jokes, fart jokes: all very tacky. I thought the whole Indian telephone operator scene was just awful.
I could go on about the shameless product placement, the pro-military propaganda, the incredible overacting, the stereotyping, the clichés etc. but I won't. I can't believe there are so many positive reviews, this movie is horrible.
Severance (2006)
A fresh take on the horror genre, very entertaining
This movie was a big surprise to me, it takes all the good things from horror-movies and leaves out all the bad stuff and tired clichés. It's like they took "Friday the 13th", polished it off and added some bells and whistles. There's lots of suspense and gore, but also a lot of humor. Even the gory parts still contain some (very dark) humor, for example the bear-trap..
The story is very similar to many slasher movies from the eighties. There is a group of various characters (up-thight office nerd, mysterious girl etc.), they are put into an unknown environment (team-building weekend in a former war-zone) and then suddenly danger emerges (psycho war-veterans). The office workers now have to face an actual "survival weekend" (ha ha..). And by the way, Palisade, the company that sent them on the team-building trip, is the same company that during the war supplied the killers with weapons.. oh, the irony.
But it's all done with a fresh new twist. The vicious murderers don't have supernatural powers, like Michael Myers or Freddy Krueger, they're simply insane and bloodthirsty soldiers. They don't use knives but high-tech machine guns and land mines, all courtesy of Palisade. The movie even addresses some of the horror-movie clichés, like turning your back on the bad guy after you (think you have) killed him.
All in all a very entertaining movie, highly recommended.
Jensen! (2002)
lame talkshow, recycled guests, cheap comedy..
"Jensen!" is a Dutch late night talkshow modeled after American shows like "Late Night with Conan O'Brien" or "Late Show with David Letterman". It starts with an opening monologue, some comedy bits and then one or two guests. While the American talkshows can be entertaining and glamorous, Jensen is just cheap and lame.
The first problem with Jensen is the host, Robert Jensen. In American talkshows the host is usually a stand-up comedian, like Conan O'Brien or David Letterman, who know how to entertain and really put on a show. Robert Jensen is nothing like that, he became famous by harassing dutch celebrities and making prank phone calls on his radioshow. He's uncharismatic, laughs at his own jokes, makes inappropriately lewd comments and takes cheap shots at his guests.
The second problem is the guests. Occasionally there will be an interesting or famous person, but most of the time the guest's name sounds only vaguely familiar. Some people who appear very frequently are Herman (Dutch Idols reject), Kelly (transvestite from the third Dutch Big Brother series), Kim Holland (Dutch Porn star), all not very classy to say the least. The Netherlands is a small country and there simply aren't enough celebrities to fill five shows a week. Sometimes a guest has clearly got nothing interesting to say at all, for example some Britney-Spears-fan who shaved her head just like Britney, Jensen spent about 10 minutes on her..
Another problem is the comedy. The quality isn't very good to put it mildly. For example, they show bloopers from live gameshows (belspelletjes) and pictures or movie clips copied from the internet (you know, those e-mails you sometimes get from friends or colleagues), which I think is really cheap. Whenever they do create something original, it's usually footage from a news item with added sound effects or stretched faces or something like that.
In short, this is an awful talkshow, how anyone can find this garbage entertaining is beyond me.
The Prestige (2006)
great movie, dark story about an all consuming rivalry
"The Prestige" is a movie by the same writers/director as "Memento" so I had great expectations and luckily I wasn't disappointed at all.
First of all it looks great, a lot of effort went into the details of the locations and costumes etc. It's very moody and the whole atmosphere of a late 1800's England fits just right. The acting is great too, all characters in the story are understandable and believable. Also, by introducing the historic character Nikola Tesla a certain it-could-be-true feeling is added to the movie (very entertaining performance by David Bowie by the way).
The movie covers a long time-span and shows many interesting locations, so in a way it's also an adventure movie. There are several twists but it's all integral to the storyline and not just some gimmick. As always with these kind of twists, a lot of people pat themselves on the back because they figured it all out right away (or so they claim). But for me the twist wasn't the biggest surprise in the end.
Instead, the amazement comes when you think about what the main characters must have been through all along, the sacrifice. At the end you suddenly look back and realize how their single-mindedness, their obsessiveness has gradually taken them to a very dark place. That's the part you'll keep thinking about after seeing it.
Great movie, highly recommended.
The Illusionist (2006)
failed attempt at making a clever movie
First of all this movie is very cheesy and clichéd; the music, the sappy love-story, the good guy, the bad guy etc. The basic story is a boring and predictable lady-and-the-tramp tale, forbidden love, Romeo and Juliet etc. It's been done to death by now.
Secondly the characters are one-dimensional. There's Eisenheim who's torn apart from Sophie by the powers that be, an underdog but with a gift for illusions. By the way, the magic tricks seem totally impossible to perform, let alone in those days.. But who cares because he's the good guy, let's all cheer, yay! Then there's Leopold, he hunts animals for trophies, gets drunk and hits his fiancée. Let's all boo the bad guy, boo! It's like a cartoon, Eisenheim could be Popeye fighting Brutus (Leopold) because he kidnapped Olive Oyl (Sophie).
And finally there's the surprise ending, which didn't fit with the rest of the movie at all. I won't give away the ending but when you really think about what the "good-guy" did to the "bad-guy".. It seems to me very immoral and evil, yet it's presented as if it's a great thing.
In short, a boring movie with a strange tagged-on ending. I would recommend to see "The Prestige" instead.
Serenity (2005)
Mediocre story about space zombies, for hardcore "Firefly" fans only...
The first entire hour of the movie is very chaotic and this is mainly due to bad editing. It jumps from scene to scene in such a frenzied way that you can't make sense of it at all. Who is this? Where are they now? What the hell are they doing? If you make it through to the second half, it will finally makes sense but what's left is a mediocre story about space zombies. There are still some nice scenes, like when the huge spaceships emerge from the fog or when they arrive on the surface of the planet Miranda, but that's about it.
Apart from the editing, i thought the acting and dialogue wasn't good as well. When the main group of characters is introduced, they say things like "i don't wanna explode" or "we gonna crash again?" in a very casual i-don't-care manner. This was probably supposed to tell the audience that they're a tough crew of people who've already seen everything. But to me it seemed they were just annoyingly sarcastic. And for example after an intense spacecraft chase, when someone asks "are you alright", River Tam just sits there with a pokerface and replies "i swallowed a bug", and it's supposed to be funny... I didn't think it worked at all.
Don't be fooled by the (at time of writing) high IMDb rating, this is for hardcore "Firefly" fans only.
Angie (1993)
Rather dull, never really gets interesting.
A movie about a girl Angie, her brother Alex and their dysfunctional relationship. Just what is it with dutch movies and weird brother-sister relationships, also see the movies Schatjes, Flodder, Zusje or Drift. Anyway this movie tries to bring an "us versus the world" story, but you never really feel for the characters. They seem to go from one cliché situation to the next, just so there will be another little conflict. This doesn't making for a very convincing or realistic story.
For example, why would Alex steal a car from in front of a police station with police agents walking in and out? Frank's parents are out of town so their house is abandoned, but doesn't anyone take care of the horses and stables? At one point Angie is on watch-out, but how was she supposed to warn the others?
It's not entirely bad though, the street racing scenes add some excitement (even though it adds nothing to the story) and there is a good variety in locations. But overall the movie is pretty bland and never really gets interesting. It's certainly not a movie to remember.
Primer (2004)
Like eavesdropping at a science convention, very hard to follow..
Some typical Hollywood movies are criticized for dumbing-down their audience, by overly explaining everything. For example courtroom talks are reduced to simple live-or-die dilemmas, and computer programs always contain disco-like visual effects. This movie does the exact opposite. It explains nothing and expects the viewer to pick up hints hidden in the dialogues and events. As a viewer, most of the time you'll get the feeling that you are eavesdropping at a science convention, trying to figure out what the hell they're doing.
Maybe there is an interesting time travel story in there, or perhaps a crime story involving some sort of birthday party.. I really couldn't say. At one point they have a midnight rendezvous at a noisy water fountain with big flashlights, which made absolutely no sense. I agree very much with comments made by user lipsitzma, who compares the rave reviews of this movie with the "Emperor's New Clothes". People seem to label this movie as "clever" or "intelligent" just because the story is hard to follow. I say it is just bad writing, directing and/or editing.
Not recommended.
Shutter (2004)
A good addition to the series of recent horror movies
This movie seems to rely heavily on other Asian horror movies. Some things even seem like they are just copied from Ju-On or The Ring, like the car crash, and the way the ghouls look and move. Or maybe these are common occult/spirit elements from Asian culture that i'm oblivious to, i don't know. But anyway, there are enough new twists to make this movie worthwhile.
I think the best thing about Shutter, when compared to Dark Water or Ju-On etc, is the story. While some movies kind of leave things up in the air, "Shutter" tells a complete and rounded story. The characters are interesting and believable and there are some original plot twists to keep it interesting right up until the end.
All in all a good addition to the recent series of horror/mystery movies.
Sin City (2005)
Extremely violent, but a true comic-turned-movie, very original and stylish
What can i write that hasn't been written before already? This movie rocks! Forget Spiderman and Batman, this is what a comic-turned-movie should look like. It's kind of like the visual style of "Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow" and the violent plot and fast pace of "Kill Bill", with a 3 part story like "Pulp Fiction" or "Go".
Violence plays a very big part in "Sin City". There's stabbing, shooting, decapitations, the electric chair, castration, gang-style executions.. it's all in there so don't say i didn't warn you. But it's all so raw, so gruesome and so way over-the-top, that it actually becomes funny again.
Recommended, provided you are willing to see the violence for the mockery that it is.
Mr. & Mrs. Smith (2005)
trite, boring, predictable and lame, go see "True Lies" instead
Humour can come from opposites, so why not take a boring suburbanite couple that lead exciting double lives as super secret agents. Thus the plot of "Mr and Mrs Smith" was born. The fact that the main characters are named John and Jane Smith gives away that very little extra thought has been put into this idea.
For example, every single joke is based on the housewife/secretagent paradox. Just check the "memorable quotes" here on IMDb and you'll get a rough idea of the quality of comedy in this movie. It's just lame and not funny. Especially the part where Mr and Mrs argue over a wedding ring during a high speed car chasing scene. The movie "Team America" has a scene that ridicules *exactly* this kind of thing. As for the action, it's big and bombastic but with barely any plot to back it up it's just meaningless and unbelievable.
It's incredible to see some of the user comments that rave and cheer about this movie, and a 6.6 rating (at the time of writing) is really way too high for this b-movie with a-actors. Go see "True Lies" or "The Long Kiss Goodnight" instead, more or less the same plot but overall much better movies.
Ocean's Twelve (2004)
Conceited Hollywood celebrities indulging in shameless self-idolizing
This movie has a distinct amateuristic feel about it. It's very obvious the crew had too good a time touring through Europe, that they didn't bother to put much effort into the actual movie making.
The best point was already made by katmarsen here on IMDb. This is a heist movie, but the actual heist involves stealing the backpack from some tourist on a train. I think that really illustrates how much effort went into the script of this so-called movie.
The scene with the laser break dancing (with "Nikkfurie - The a la Menthe") would have worked well as a musicvideo on MTV. But as for the rest, it's nothing more than a couple of conceited Hollywood celebrities indulging in shameless self-idolizing.
Totally NOT recommended, not even as rental, DVD or in-flight movie.
The Manchurian Candidate (2004)
Yet another paranoid fantasy AND yet another remake..
The 2 things I don't like about this movie are these.
1) Movies about big government cover-ups, conspiracy theories and other paranoid fantasies aren't my thing. This story is about some outrageously far-fetched project to overtake the Whitehouse with hypnotised/brainwashed soldiers. The whole premise is just too ridiculous and way out there. This could have easily been a X-Files-episode-gone-bad, had it not been for its 2 hour(!!) playtime.
2) IT IS YET ANOTHER REMAKE! If the original is as good as some people say (I haven't seen it) then why was this movie made? The reason remakes are all the rage now, is because the original script has already proved itself, which reduces the risks of creating a flop. Just add a few changes and updates and presto: another box office hit. Another cheap, unoriginal and pointless movie that generates millions in ticket and DVD sales. Think about it, why was "The Italian Job" remade? "Gone in 60 Seconds", "The Bourne Identity", "Shall We Dance", "Alfie", "The Grudge" etc. they're all remakes.
Highly NOT recommended.
Team America: World Police (2004)
A good comedy flick, but very awkward as a political satire.
Trey Parker and Matt Stone are great comedy writers, but i don't think political satire is their thing. As Dahoyan from Finland also commented here on IMDb, to make a good satire you need to understand the subject. The subject at hand here is "America is policing the world". Meaning America abuse their military powers, they use scare-tactics to justify unnecessary military actions, and they think the rest of the world ignore the terrorist threat etc. But the movie doesn't dispute this. Instead, it reinforces it: "America may be a dick, but the rest of the world are pussies for not standing up to the terrorist assholes"
With that said, the movie does have some very funny scenes. For example the sex scene, the guy vomiting outside the bar, "the montage", the relational problems etc. Also, the puppets and the way they move add to the overall corniness, which i thought was pretty funny. So fortunately the movie isn't a complete loss. But as far as the story and moral is concerned, it's almost as bad as the movies it tries to parody.
A funny movie, but for a satire the moral is very ambiguous. 6 out of 10.
Mindhunters (2004)
An OK thriller, though it won't win any prizes for originality.
This is a pretty good thriller, it has a few good scare moments and the death scenes have some cool grizzly effects. Also the whole setting is clever. Towards the end the story fumbles a bit, though it doesn't spoil the movie as a whole. That said, there are also some things that are totally unoriginal and cliché. It follows the now-standard Hollywood storyline (see below), it's about FBI "profilers", there's a diverse group of people who are mysteriously killed one after another etc.
A lot of people probably have noticed that nowadays most Hollywood movies have roughly the same storyline, "Mindhunters" is no exception. They all go something like this: 1) During opening credits show a weird/intriguing scene. 2) Start with the actual story. 3) Things go bad. 4) Make the viewer believe everyone's a suspect. 5) Halfway through, explain the weird/intriguing opening scene. 6) Reveal whodunnit and explain why. 7) A final battle and the end. There are dozens of recent movies that are remarkably similar, a good example is "I Robot"
Anyway "Mindhunters" is an on-par thriller that has its moments.
The Chronicles of Riddick (2004)
Great effects, but dull and insulting to its audience.
An epic space story with great effects, but nowadays special effects alone are really not enough. This movie lacks interesting characters and story line and it's insulting to its audience. I'll tell you why it's insulting. Riddick is a hardcore badass, right? The movie reminds you of this EVERY SINGLE SCENE! As if the audience can't remember anything for more than 10 seconds unless it's emphasised over and over again. Every single scene with Riddick shows Riddick doing some he-man macho stuff followed by a predictable one liner.
Really, i'm not talking ultracool like in "Die Hard" or "Lethal Weapon", but extra mega ultra hyper cool to the max and then some! This movie stretches the one-dimensional character as far as it can. It's so over the top, that it's just obnoxious. In one scene, wolf-like beasts attack and devour some inmates. Except for Riddick of course, when one beast approaches him, it affectedly curls up and Riddick pets it like it's a dog. To which Riddick comments "hey, it's an animal-thing.." It's the lamest thing i've ever seen.
Nice special effects, but a ultimately a waste of time..
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)
a subtle and intimate lovestory, filmed in a back-to-basics style
This is a subtle and intimate lovestory, Carrey and Winslet play the odd-couple very convincingly. Carrey plays Joel, timid and a bit of a shut-in, Winslet's character Celementine is impulsive and outgoing. The relationship goes sour, and Joel goes to a company that erases all his memories of Celementine. Large part of the movie plays inside Joel's head as his memories of his girlfriend are erased. Special effects are used sparingly but effective. Joel forgetting things is represented by words disappearing from books, colours fading, or simply by gradually turning off the lights in a room.
The genre notation "comedy" might give some people the wrong expectations, as this is not a typical Jim Carrey comedy movie. But don't let that stop you from seeing it, because so far, this is the best movie this year. Forget comicbook hero's, planet-sized explosions and $10.000.000 worth of CGI, this movie is the complete opposite. In fact, the bizarre script, the simple way of filming, the acting etc. make this movie a one-of-a-kind. Which is a shame i guess, because there should be more movies as good as this one.
So far, the best movie this year. Highly recommended.
Hidalgo (2004)
boring, pretentious and takes itself way too serious..
The worst movie i've ever seen in a cinema. Looking at the trailer my friends and me expected a cool "Indiana Jones"-like adventure movie, and sure there are a few cool scenes, like the dust-storm and the sword fighting. But it is pretentious; it pretends to bring a thorough and epic story but remains flat, vapid, predictable and it goes on and on and on for more than 2 hours!! The problem with "Hidalgo" is that it takes itself way too serious, it lacks any humour whatsoever.
On a side note, it was released during the America/Iraq war, and i can't help but feel that some scenes are hinting a bit towards propaganda. The main character is a cowboy from the "free world" where anything is possible. And Iraq is shown as a country with rigid hierarchy, prearranged weddings, cruel punishments etc. Especially the ending scene with all Arabs chanting "Cowboy! Cowboy!" was just plain awkward to watch..
In any event, i would not recommend this film to anyone.