eline-hoskens Reviews

Star Wars: Episode VII - The Force Awakens (2015)

The Force Reawakens... on Déjà Vu Planet or 'That's not how Star Wars works!'

[2/10 · 19 February 2016]

This review contains all possible spoilers, but so does A New Hope.

Allow me to briefly summarize the story of The Force Awakens: A young and adventurous orphaned main character is stuck on a desert planet. She meets a cute, small droid who can only bleep. He carries very important data that could eventually help to prevent the enemy and his consorts from carrying out their evil plan. They built a dangerous globe-shaped weapon of gigantic proportions that can destroy planets and they plan to use it. The main character is discovered to be force sensitive and is thus expected from the start to stand up against the central villain, a guy in a dark suit with a mask who is the offspring of and trained by 'the good guys' but turned evil.

Sound familiar? It should if you consider yourself a Star Wars fan, which at least requires you to have watched the 2 previous trilogies. In fact, if you've watched the first Star Wars movie, A New Hope, from the original trilogy, that's enough to be able to predict the plot of this entire movie. This movie blatantly steals all the previous Star Wars plot elements and has the guts to think it can cover that up by replacing them with their polar opposites or the replacement of a few syllables.

Lucas says Rebellion, Disney says Resistance. Lucas says Darth Vader, Disney says Kylo Ren. Lucas says the Emperor, Disney says Snoke. Lucas says R2D2, Disney says BB-8 (and R2D2 as nostalgic sidekick) Lucas says Death Star I and II, Disney says Starkiller base. And so on, to infinity and beyond...

I was not surprised when this 'Little Mermaid II in space' was received as a masterpiece by the so-called 'fans', roughly the same people who called Avatar 'Pocahontas in space'. Their criticism towards George Lucas's prequels and their irrational hatred of Jar Jar probably blinded them to their own double standards. When a director decides an extra movie will do a book more justice in an adaptation they immediately have the word 'capitalist' ready but when a movie obviously recycles a previous success for commercial reasons it is a masterpiece? Actually, the fact that I saw this ill- deserved rain of praise of The Force Awakens coming makes having to deal with this unfounded hype every day even worse. Disney's early trailers clearly illustrated their efforts to please an insane minority of self-proclaimed intellectuals drunk from delusions like 'CGI is evil and rubber puppets are objectively more credible characters'. This cunning visual trip through nostalgiarama even had me in its grip for the first minutes of the movie. The retro visual style and music brought you back to the future of 1977, amongst your favorite characters. Only, they were not your favorite characters anymore. Leia was an extract of her old self, Han Solo was back to his old game as if his old adventures had never changed his personality at all, Luke has crawled away like a coward on some deserted planet after a lifetime of heroism... Once you could no longer avoid the black plot holes in the story I realized that copying the plot elements from the very first Star Wars movie keeps you warm and fuzzy for a while until you sense the absence of lore, a political background and pretty much everything that made Star Wars Star Wars. I call it: the Lucas touch, which is in my opinion the core ingredient to what Star Wars REALLY is, not what a bunch of crazed fans, who have only ever consumed Star Wars and never contributed to it, make it out to be. The essence to the Star Wars story arc, the warmth to the stories and coming of age of the characters, all lost.

I really did enjoy the movie at first, even though the stolen parts from George Lucas were smacking me in the face. The dialogs were fun, the characters were fun (because most of them were Lucas') and there were some witty, enjoyable lines, my favorite being: "That's not how the Force works!" I wanted to rate this movie a six or a seven, but that was before it left me empty after the credits. Disney threw away a big part of the Star Wars lore in favor of their own amateurish, commercial perspective on it. Praising The Force Awakens is like praising a cook for putting another cook's ingredients in a bowl and even using his recipe. This can hardly be called a sequel. First, I don't acknowledge it. I don't want this to be the outcome of all previous Star Wars adventure. I refuse to accept that. But secondly, it's more of a remake anyway or a 'requel', whatever...

If this what is generally accepted as the movie of the year: a blunt copy mixed with a politically correct checklist? A New Hope but with a feminist Mary Sue character and a painfully stereotypical black character as protagonists? Motives that have nothing to do with creation or artistry anymore and that have even lead to the creation of an abomination like a silver female Stormtrooper (Whaaaaat?!)? Then maybe we should give up Hollywood altogether and turn to other media for entertainment.

But, who knows, maybe Disney was a bit insecure and decided to make their first movie a summary of the previous ones while working on more imaginative sequels that are not driven by political correctness but by creative integrity.

After The Force Plagiarizes, I'm still looking forward to Star Wars episodes 8 and 9: Nostalgia Strikes Again and Return of the Same Old Movie...

The Rebound (2009)

One of the better romantic movies with an obvious but still interesting message

[7/10 · 8 June 2014]

The Rebound was a very enjoyable and funny movie. The summary and poster suggested a slightly more erotic story than it actually is. It's more like a decent, above average and funny romantic comedy. Especially the children in the story and their expressions are hilarious. It's a very credible story about sexual tension and growing respect and love between two people from different age categories, something we see all around us in real life. It addresses issues like reactions from family and friends, especially in a less common situation of an older woman dating a younger guy, as this is often harshly judged by outsiders.

So it's only logical Sandy's emotional response to this relationship is slightly over the top sometimes. Aram is clearly an adult. He's very mature for his age, is very good with her kids, very romantic and assertive enough to deal with all mockery. Aside from the shallow and often plain jealous reactions of others there's no reason whatsoever for her to stop this relationship. Still, the pressure of judgment becomes too much for her and she breaks up with him. Possibly, she also wants to make sure his love is not just an impulsive lustful crush that keeps him from fulfilling his youthful ambitions. Her irrational inhibitions towards this relationship remain until Aram has reached the age of thirty, has found a place and job of his own and has an adopted son. This is where the story ends with a whole range of possibilities.

I thought this story was well-told, credible and funny. I shows how people easily judge what they know nothing about, like a 25-year-old dating an older woman. A lot of people give credence to the idea that maturity and age go hand-in-hand while there are numerous examples of people in their forties who keep acting like they're in puberty and adults who read Harry Potter who actually have a better sense of reality than those who don't. This movie gives a more complex take on relationships and concepts like maturity, trust and responsibility that leaves the solution or conclusion to the audience.

Abduction (I) (2011)

Pretty naive storytelling and sadly enough, not much more.

[4/10 · 8 June 2014]

If you're irrationally fond of actor Taylor Lautner, you might like this movie. But even then, I would recommend you to create your own cut of 'sweaty shirtlessness' out of YouTube scraps. It would save a lot of time and would allow you to add the same exhilarating semi-naked scenes more than once. Personally I don't manage to look passed his huge potato nose but I remember having been fond of tanned dark-haired and brown-eyed types myself as a teenager so I'm not judging his fans whatsoever.

If you're looking for a good, coherent story though, I would skip this movie. (Here I am again with another of my annoying story-centered reviews) The opening scene is already very irritating, and I'm not just talking about the shallow score. I believe the intended function of that scene is suggesting the main character is a borderline juvenile delinquent bad boy who prefers transportation by lazing on the hood of a car before crashing garden parties and dozing off in his own puke. He does not like to obey his caring mom and peculiar and slightly sadistic dad, who reminded me of one of my former martial arts teachers.

The writers then introduced a school project to both establish his romantic interest (the girl across door) and to introduce him to a missing persons website that features his picture (and which turns out to be simple bait afterwards while he turns out to be simple leverage in a plot in which he has no further importance). He then loses his parents and home and is forced to run with his just as forced sidekick girlfriend-to-be ('cause as his shrink suggested him, he'd better left her in the car under her protection as she seemed to be able to manage herself). Then there's a succession of explosions, gunfire and chases to fill the rest of the plot. The whole is explained by vague and naive mumbling about a former CIA dad, a secret list of people who traded government secrets (that was in a cell phone Nathan had nothing to do with and wouldn't even have found in the first place if it wasn't for this unnatural plot development) and lack of details. I suspect that the writers did not know themselves how to tie this story together which lead to this faint infusion of a storyline. There's nothing really exciting about a story that revolves around a character who remains invisible and which flaws are masked by a main character whose only contribution is taking his shirt off once in a while, or is this a witty reference to the Twilight series that I missed? And knowing the semi-good as well as the bad guys have all the devices to track the main characters at all times does not add a lot of tension or necessity to the story. This movie is a bit belittling in that it assumes people only need a popular lead actor to appreciate a movie and that it considers its audience not smart enough to notice their attempts to cover the plot holes with a vague secret list of important names. It's also a sad waste of time for a great talent like Sigourney Weaver.

Despite its bad reviews I gave this movie a chance. Although a majority of bad reviews does not always mean a movie is crappy (if you can ever claim this objectively at all), in this case I would indeed not specifically recommend it to anyone. But if you plan to watch it anyway, I won't try to stop you. See if you enjoy it for yourself.

Maleficent (2014)

This movie succeeds in what Frozen tried to do

[9/10 · 6 June 2014]

I was definitely curious about this spin-off of a Disney Classic and thought the idea of Angelina Jolie as Malificent intriguing. She naturally possesses this 'cold beauty', as I like to call it, that both Malificent and the queen from Snow White had in the early animations; the kind of taut beauty that has the potential to invoke awe.

I saw the movie on big screen and I'm planning to do so again. This is the first movie in months that struck me with a well-developed and touching story, awesome visuals and subtle charming performances like Angelina's and Elle's. The ending was somewhat predictable after Frozen but - regardless of who came up with the idea first - with the build-up of this movie, it really worked! If they can make an audience feel for one of the most (in)famous villains from fairy tale land, they must have done a great job. The moors and all its creatures proved fantastic design and enormous skill. Unless you still believe in the old emotionless-puppets-are-more-credible-than-cgi mind trick, you'll have to admit it's gorgeous! Especially after reading a (very poorly argued) negative review from Empire my expectations had decreased before I watched Malificent. But from the moment the movie drew me in, I was blown away by all the talent this Disney spin-off displays.

I am surprised a movie like Frozen gets so many hysteric fans while compared to this movie, it had a sloppy and chaotic storyline and little plausible development in its main and minor characters. Malificent, on the contrary, goes through a very credible emotional journey which makes you sympathize with her. Even during the famous cursing scene, you're on her side. King Stefan's betrayal is heart-breaking and Malificent's grieve, afterwards developed into thirst for revenge, is tragic. Without wanting to take Sleeping Beauty too much for granted, it provides a wonderful spin-off with its own original twists. (So it doesn't copy the original story exactly... Big deal.) Still, it takes small elements you remember from the original movie, like the constantly fighting and clumsy fairies, and uses it in advantage of its own story. It also refers to the original versions of famous scenes like the cursing scene and the pricking scene and visual elements like the birthday cake with a wink. And it dares to make Aurora and Filip look and sound like the teenagers they are. This alternative take on Sleeping Beauty is definitely worth seeing several times (preferably on big screen). In my opinion its emotional impact even transcends the classic animation's.

Pacific Rim (2013)

Monsters + Robots = Cool

[7/10 · 7 May 2014]

I was convinced to go watch this movie in the theatres when my partner said: "There's this blockbuster about giant robots fighting giant monsters." When someone tells you that and you're honest with yourself, you've got to see it, right.

When I'd watched it, I thought it was a fun movie. I didn't get bored. It had a classic story with lots of the classic ingredients: traumatized main character, wicked scientists, etc. I really enjoyed it but it didn't really touch me and it didn't really 'stick' with me afterwards. But that's kind of what I was expecting. I don't see any deep and meaningful themes in it and I won't say it's artistic just because it's Guillermo del Toro's. I don't really think he had that intention anyway. I think he just wanted to make something cool this time. No more, no less. If his fans want to turn this movie into something like a far-fetched political statement disguised as an action movie, that's fine. But I won't. (Remember: he made Hellboy to.o) This was no more than a fun movie, temporary enjoyment. I would probably watch it again on TV but I wouldn't stay home for it, record it or buy it on blue-ray or something. I wouldn't call it awful and I wouldn't call it a masterpiece. I just thought it was a lot of fun.

Never mind that lots of things in the movie were not really credible. And I don't mean 'realistic' by that. I'm a huge fantasy and sci-fi fan. It doesn't really bother me in this movie because I don't feel like they were trying to make a 100% credible masterpiece, more like a fun ride. And it sure was.

The Break-Up (2006)

It's a movie...about a break-up...

[5/10 · 7 May 2014]

I've long postponed to see this movie because it's about a break-up. Although this could be a refreshing subject, it's not always something you're in the mood for. The design of the poster suggested a romantic comedy so I expected it to be full of clichés. And how interesting can a story be when it's about everyday stereotypical fights that men and women have... Well, it wasn't.

The first half of this movie was downright boring. If anything, it reminded me of real-life situations in which people were fighting and others stood by in awkward silence. By chance, I saw the episode of the Simpsons in which Milhouse's parents fight and want a divorce right before I watched this movie. And it had the exact same 'dinner party with Pictionary' scene in it!

So the first half of the movie made me feel awkward and bored. I didn't get why these people ended up together in the first place. His attempts to win her were kind of creepily obsessive and pushy... As the audience, you obviously think he's a selfish prick (with both all the realistic and all the over the top absurd male clichés thrown at you). But then they do the same for the female main character and you don't really care anymore. You don't even want them to get back together. It was basically two children trying to make each other jealous, anyway.

Still, this movie has something to offer that made me rate it 5: - It made me curious about the ending, although I didn't really care. - It was pretty cool how the dull and ridiculous bald guy actually turns out to be the one telling his friend Gary the truth. - It was surprising to see the self-centered boss of Brooke somehow turn into a likable lady.

But the biggest reason to give this utterly boring movie 5 stars is: My partner spontaneously started doing the dishes after watching it. Whether it was the impact of the movie on his conscience or the sudden exciting appeal of the dishes after watching a boring movie, I don't know. But I guess it pays off, in a way. ;)

Avatar (2009)

One of my favourites. Truly wonderful!

[10/10 · 7 May 2014]

I can't believe I haven't rated this movie yet! It is one of my all-time favourite movies! - "Why?" - "Why not?"

It has brilliant actors. It looks gorgeous. It has superb music. It has a well-developed world building with its own fauna and flora. It displays an interesting culture with an actual credible foreign language. It has a beautiful spiritual theme. It has a great humorous script with a structured outline and perfect pacing. ...

Okay, there's the originality issue. Well, I think my definition of originality is somewhat different than "Something that has never been done before". Because it's very hard to claim that for anything. Every idea is based on something, either consciously or subconsciously. I consider the story of The Hunger Games to be a very original one and the writer admitted it was kind of a 'gladiator games meets reality soaps' world. "So what?!" 'Originality' is actually the favourite argument of most hypocrites because it's a very subjective concept you can use in favour of everything you like and to the disadvantage of what you don't like. If you really try, you can find as many arguments to call anything original as you can call it "stolen from X or Y", "A meets Z" or "based on B".

To me, originality is about doing something creative and personal with something, whether it's been done or not. Avatar is more original than a lot of other movies in that respect. So what if it's "Pocahontas in Space" or "the Last Samurai on Pandora". It is a classic but very emotionally powerful story in an original setting with timeless themes.

I've seen this movie in the theatres six times and a seventh time as an extended version. Then I've seen it 'god knows how many times' on DVD. One can hardly call it a bad movie then, if it's even possible to call any movie bad 100% objectively (except for the Room maybe). But if such true piece of cooperative art does not impress anymore than I'm afraid of what still will for future generations... (Oh, right, it's Man of Steel and the Dark Knight...) I definitely found this movie Oscar-worthy although I don't think the Academy is going to give the fantasy genre the respect it deserves any time soon. To me, this was one of the best movies in years. And I think, in the end, if you see the box office results, most people will agree with that.

Frozen (I) (2013)

Great visuals but doesn't quite hit the spot...

[4/10 · 6 May 2014]

It's very difficult to write a review for Frozen. I did enjoy the movie and I rated it 6 stars (mainly for the visuals). Still, there are a couple of things that bothered me while watching. I think the visuals are really stunning. It feels like they put a lot of effort, time and even magic into the graphic designs of this movie. Kristen Bell is awesome as Anna and has a wonderful singing voice. I think the problem I have with this movie is on the story level.

It feels like the writers didn't quite know where to go with this movie. It has no clear direction and purpose from the start. Of course, it is difficult to have a story with two main characters so it does not really 'work' that way. Although I really LOVE Anna as a character, maybe focusing on Elsa controlling her powers would have been better. Most of the characters are well done but it takes more than good characters to make a good story and I thought this animation was an example of that.

I'm somewhat disappointed in the way they handle (or don't handle) pay-offs in this movie. Like Kristoff's obsession with ice should wind him up with Elsa, you would think... And there's the cool love song between Anna and Hans before... all of a sudden he turns out to be evil. I love a good twist in a movie but a twist should be traceable if you watch the movie again. There's absolutely no reason why Hans should have been a bad guy since Anna met him completely by accident. And she's not even the crown princess. So how do you motivate it to be premeditated foul play then? This felt a bit like lazy writing to me. "Let's make him evil all of a sudden so she can date the other guy without remorse." And why would Hans lock Elsa up if he could have killed her. He must have been planning to anyway as he always intended to become king and had no knowledge of Elsa's powers or what would happen. Why lock her up and let her escape? Why lock Anna up and tell everyone she's dead too soon. Everybody knows that's bound to lead to troubles. If one of the themes of the movie is True Love, then true love should be celebrated by cool songs, not false love. Also, there is little romantic tension between Anna and Kristoff, other than her rational consideration that he might love her because the frozen puppet tells her so (based on what actually? And what's the function of the puppet other than obvious 'comic' relief and potential for expensive children's toys?).

They want to put so many perspectives in this movie, so many stories, that they lose track of the main story. And what is the main story anyway? Is it a classic love story? Is it the story of two sisters who care about each other? Or is it about Elsa trying to manage her powers and a kingdom? I would say it's mainly about those last two and in that case, focusing on Elsa would probably have made more sense. What if she had run away and had ended up traveling with Kristoff? What if in the meanwhile, Anna, who was never meant to become queen was having trouble handling an entire kingdom with the product of a day-long relationship? That would have made an interesting story. Having some match-making trolls sing a forced relationship into being doesn't quite do the trick for me.

But hey, maybe I'm too critical. I notice a lot of people simply loved this story and that's a good thing! For me, though, there were a lot of loose ends in this story that made it difficult to really feel for the characters. If I compare this movie to Tangled, I think it doesn't match that level of storytelling by far. The story of Rapunzel was strikingly better written (even improved the original a lot), the lyrics were awesome while the songs in Frozen were rather forgettable. I noticed Alan Menken did not compose the music for Frozen only after I watched it and I thought: "Yeah, that makes sense". You have this fairy tale frozen wasteland that could have had a soundtrack like Edward Scissorhands or Narnia and yet you don't quite feel the magic. I watched Enchanted the day before, another one that remains great after many times. The music of Enchanted is witty and wonderful and the story is full of great humor and has a perfect pacing and structure. Frozen made me discover once again that great narrative build-up and Alan Menken make an unforgettable Disney movie. Without those ingredients, you get a fun Disney movie that does not even closely compare to the others when it comes to emotional impact and music. Also, I think the message this movie sends (if that is important at all) is a rather cynical one. Sure, it's great that true love is that between sisters for once (no big original surprise for me while watching). But basically it votes for love forced by shared experience and silly troll songs and states that love on first sight doesn't exist.

Still, Frozen is definitely a 'to watch' because it looks gorgeous! Although I wonder if the makers used subliminal messages or hypnosis to cause this fan hysteria. Best Disney ever? Definitely NOT for me. If you want a visually gorgeous movie with a similar message and a good coherent story with a great build-up, try Malificent!

About Time (I) (2013)

This is something else, in a very good way!

[9/10 · 6 May 2014]

When I started watching this movie I was expecting a qualitative and fun romantic comedy. But it was even better than that. Other movies stop where boy meets girl. This movie didn't. It takes some time to get used to that but once you get passed it, you realize this movie is not just about two people getting together but about life and love in general.

It remains entertaining and reaches out to interesting and meaningful themes but it never gets needlessly artistic or inaccessible. This is a great movie to watch and watch again. It's funny and heart-warming. I just love the way an absurd concept like time traveling and the way this power is used by the main character tells you so much more than the story on the surface. It makes the movie stick with you for a couple of days.

I recommend this to everyone, the ones who love a classic romantic comedy as well as those who love a more meaningful challenge on screen. Especially if you love both: go watch this.

Smallville (2001–2017)

Smallville was great, though it could have been 'smaller'

[8/10 · 10 December 2013]

This is one of the better series I've ever seen. It especially excels when it comes to the portrayal of Clark Kent / superman as a young adult. The monster-of-the-week episodes were a lot of fun, especially since they artificially related all of them to the meteor rocks. It was somewhat cheesy and not really credible all the time (where on earth do they keep finding all these meteor rocks/freaks?!) but very likable nonetheless.

This series could have been just perfect for all superman lovers if it weren't for the classic (American) mistakes the script writers made:

• Too long: It took the series 10 seasons to get to their superman zenith. American (and some other) creators of series will never learn. They keep stretching series for commercial reasons while all this does is disappoint the fans. (And let me add I'm not at all against commercialism but there's always a middle way or a smarter approach than mindlessly stretching things.) Especially if you work towards a well-known plot point, there comes a time when viewers don't care anymore about the outcome. Did you hear that, How I met your Mother?

• Procrastination: Procrastinating the big plot points in the story makes the series lose its power. Never lie to the audience. The moment when Jonathan Kent suddenly suffers his heart-attack was so emotional that the actual death of Jonathan could never compete anymore. The moment when superman can finally fly is put off so long that it loses all its magic, especially since the rest of the world seems to be able to fly already, even his younger niece and half of Krypton (that seems to have visited earth). And gee, what's with the death of Lex and returning his clone instead, and Lionel's death and his version from another dimension coming back? Too bad. And, really, NEVER use memory loss to undo an entire plot line. It's cheap and mean and it only makes viewers angry.

• Lana Lang: The love affair between Clark and Lana was a typical one. With the typical on and off and the cliché "I trusted you" fights that nobody wants to see really. I think everybody got fed up with their relationship at one point. And then she left and returned and left and returned. The worst moment was that cliché scene in which Clark has to tell her he doesn't love her in her face and does so. Awful.

• Superman's uniqueness?: Superman is a Kryptonian so he should be pretty unique on earth. His individuality and young adult struggle to manage his powers loses its power by the countless visits from other Kryptionians who seem to manage all powers just like that, the strangers (even humans) who borrow his powers occasionally and seem to be able to manage them faster than he does. It makes Clark look clumsy and weak. His powers shouldn't be transferable anyway as they come from his inherent characteristic of being Kryptonian in combination with the rays of the yellow sun. They really jumped the shark with that.

But other than that, this series was remarkable. The actors were all awesome, there were some very touching and emotional episodes that were spot on and all characters (even the added ones) were amazing. It's really worth seeing until the final episode.

Home Alone (1990)

Perfect for when you're home alone on Christmas

[7/10 · 10 December 2013]

Doesn't this movie make you all warm and tingly inside? Okay, the story is not entirely credible but it's a good idea, the story build-up is pretty straight-forward and easy so it can appeal to a very wide audience. You've probably seen this movie a thousand times by now and there's a big chance you didn't get tired of it. If you love Christmas and the Christmas spirit, you'll probably love this.

For those who haven't seen the movie yet: the story is about a little boy whose parents go to Paris for Christmas and forget their son. He wakes up all alone and his mother only discovers she forgot him when she's already on a departed plane. A burglar duo, fully aware of their departure, drops by to steal some valuables and the little boy Kevin as "new man of the house" feels responsible and obliged to defend his fortress of solitude.

It has all the cuddly and mellow themes of Christmas, like unconditional love for family and friends, the destructive power of prejudice and fear, values like charity, mercy and generosity. And what's wrong with a little corniness in life?

Mary Poppins (1964)

One of my least favourite Disney movies...

[2/10 · 19 September 2013]

I always wanted to see Mary Poppins as the idea of a magical nanny really appealed to me and I have to admit that the animation is pretty amazing for its time but the story is usually what interests me most and I think it especially fails on the story level, although the story had a lot of potential.

I thought it would be an original story with great songs. I already loved the 'Spoon full of sugar'-song and the Supercallifragi-song as I had lots of Disney CD's before I watched the movie. So I convinced two people to watch it together with me as it's a classic. And we were about halfway when everybody looked at each other and said: "Do you still like this?" And we all had to admit we were really annoyed, not only bored but actually annoyed with the story.

Sure there is lots of potential in a story about a magical nanny! And still, there is no real story, no story that keeps you tied to the screen anyway. We sat through the whole movie (again, because it's a classic) but we all didn't really enjoy it.

I was actually bothered by a few questions afterwards: Why is that stupid Dick Van Dyke-character in this movie? Why put all these chimney sweepers in the movie and distract us from the really interesting character (or you would expect so anyway): Mary Poppins. It's the title of the movie! Why not focus on all the magical things she can do and will do to help educate and bring up the children? There must be more than magical room-cleaning... And what's interesting about a character that's perfect in every way anyway? The character of Mary could have at least used some nuance. What annoyed me most was the 'Jolly holly day with Mary'-song which went on and on and on. Every time I thought the stupid song was over, it started again and it just put the story on hold. At that point I was still convinced there was one or that a story would at least turn up at some point.

Sadly enough, this movie was made back in those days when musical songs did not yet carry the story and unraveled extra plot elements but when songs were a detour. And what are penguins doing in this movie anyway? It's like they wanted to show off with what they were able to create visually at the expense of the story.

So I hate to say this as I'm a big Disney fan! (But that doesn't mean I'll blindly love every single one of the movies) I really didn't like Mary Poppins. Give it a shot. Maybe you will... but I sure didn't. One day, I'd like to give it another shot but not for at least ten years. Luckily, there's Nanny Mc. Phee, a movie that successfully integrates the concept of a magical nanny in a more than decent story.

The Conjuring (2013)

Pretty scary with great atmosphere

[8/10 · 19 September 2013]

I was afraid that the horror genre was in the phase where all movies were dull and gory with these drugged sexually-obsessed dumb teenage characters you can't trust and don't care about (and who therefore all get slaughtered in the end) but as it turns out there is still hope!

Like The Woman in Black, this movie was genuinely scary and the atmosphere was awesome. The location was perfect for this story, the house gave me the chills, ...

I loved the paranormal investigative duo in the movie. It was the reason why I wanted to see it. I thought it was original and it gave me the nostalgic Scully and Mulder feel. Although Lorraine and Ed were nothing like Scully and Mulder they made up for a great credible and likable couple that blew a fresh breeze through the story that was not from the evil spirits or draught (or farts, as the characters in The Conjuring would believe).

This movie took a true story, added some emulated Exorcist, the Haunting and Poltergeist and finished the whole with some authentic creativity, great actors and amazing sound-effects. Job well done!

Jobs (2013)

Good Jobs

[8/10 · 19 September 2013]

I can actually be very short in this review of Jobs. I really enjoyed the movie. They actually managed to turn the life of a business guy into a funny movie that remained entertaining and even instructive.

There were some really original choices made during editing and script writing. It was different that they didn't focus on Jobs's personal life. I would have liked them to add a scene where he sees his daughter for the first time, even though it had been a scene that lasted less than a minute, but hey, I'm not too bothered they left it out. You get the idea after all.

In the end, you admire Jobs; You look up to him and you realise he's a real arsehole at the same time. You really feel for the characters in this movie. But first and foremost, this movie was inspiring for all creative souls and I believe that was the director's most important goal. Mission accomplished.

Elysium (I) (2013)

A cold, depressing movie that lasted too long

[3/10 · 19 September 2013]

I really wanted to see Elysium on big screen as the trailer appealed to me. The first minutes of the movie were visually gorgeous and the setup raised my expectations. But then 80% of the movie, if not more, turned out to be a setup. You expected them to leave the cold, dirty, matcho, depressing world full of cursing and gunshots behind and make a difference on Elysium, as that's the title of the film. But only in the last 15 minutes of the movie the story seemed to unfold. Then they rushed to the end and it was all an unpleasant memory. A couple of things that really bothered me:

1. The characters: The characters left me uninterested. I felt no empathy whatsoever when I'm actually the type that bursts into tears when characters get a phone call that their nephew's great aunt's ex-husband just died.

2. The music: A dime a dozen score matched the dime a dozen storyline.

3. The story: Sure, there were some original details in the story but the look was stolen from Mass Effect for a great deal and the main plot was completely predictable. You knew about the nuclear accident from the moment you visited his working environment, you knew he would give his own life at the end. Not only were most of the story elements very predictable, they were also very very very naive. How can you possibly explain curing a human being from leukemia in less than a minute, especially since the display says something (vague) like: "reconstructing atomic structure". Even if that were possible, it would SHOW and at least take a while. Same with the weird South-African assassin's face. "What?!" And last but not least: Do they really think the world will be a better place if everyone is suddenly a legal resident of Elysium. Unless they make a sequel where the entire population tries to crawl itself a way on that beautiful star symbol and all turns to chaos, the story doesn't make any sense. It's utterly naive. If a child had the ability to turn everybody on earth super rich, he would do it, but of course the matter is much more complicated than that. If the makers of this film truly believe the ideas behind it, they are a bunch of grass eating dopes who need a reality check.

4. Heart and soul: There were so many opportunities to give the story a heart. For example: When the life of the Jodie Foster character was in the hands of an unhygienic nurse of earth, you would think she'd reevaluate her shallow motivations after they were actually able to save her life. In stead, she just asks her to stop trying and dies. And as part of the audience, I didn't care about her dying.

5. Acting performance: The acting was simply weird. Especially, the way Jodie Foster behaved and acted. I'm usually a big fan of her acting but this time, she left me puzzled. What was up with the weird accent and the weird gestures, the weird moving around. Fans will probably say there's some far-fetched arty-farty meaning behind it but if it leaves you puzzled and has no clear meaning, it's just crap. Matt Damon was...well, yeah, Matt Damon.

6. The "meaning": The movie was very one-dimensional "rich people are evil; poor people are good". It would have been better if there had been good people amongst the rich on Elysium trying to help the poor. It would have been better to see the two sides of the coin, not just to make the story more interesting but also to alternate the horrible, dirty, depressing chaos with the peace and quiet of Elysium.

But actually, despite all the arguments above, there's only one true reason for me to say this is a bad movie. It may seem small, subjective and insignificant but still... In the middle of all the action, I grabbed my mobile to see what time it was. I NEVER do that, unless I'm bored. I did it during Man of Steel and I did it during this movie. I've seen three- and four-hour movies that never bored me one second. Some of them I watched several times. There are very long movies where time flies and you regret the movie to be over in the end. With this movie, I was actually relieved to see the end credits. So even movies packed with action, noise, gunshots and explosions can be boring and I usually don't back away from them. Hell yeah, I love a good Emmerich or Bay movie but making good action actually requires a talent that Neil Blomkamp did not seem to possess, at least judging from this movie. At least I hope his next movie will not be an 'almost classic' "morally gray" "dark and gritty" movie that ends with peace on earth for everyone after a tough guy main character with a soft spot for diabetic children pushes the green button of happiness.

The Shawshank Redemption (1994)

Great adaptation of "Rita Hayworth and Shawshank Redemption"

[9/10 · 11 August 2013]

I read the short story by Stephen King and I absolutely loved it! This movie really pays tribute to both the writer and the story! There are some minor differences but they are an improvement to the screen.

I think just like M. Night Shyamalan is not just 'the master of suspense and plot twists', Stephen King is not just a horror and mystery genius. I think, in the end, all his stories (even the most dark and gloomy and disturbing) are about HOPE. This movie really shows that!

The story is not just about redemption but about friendship and hope.

I really recommend it! I think this is the best screen adaptation of a Stephen King novel / short story and that includes The Shining.

They only minor thing I would have changed about the movie is, if I have to nitpick, loose the 'THE'. I think "SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION" would have been a more powerful title.

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 2 (2012)

Actually, the end is surprisingly good!

[8/10 · 11 August 2013]

If you read my former Twilight reviews, you'll see I rated them 6-3-3-2. I rated this one 8! Yeah, I realise it's surprising!

Actually, I thought there was a lot of good action in this movie. I had no idea what the last part would be about as I didn't read the books (thank God!) and I was getting quite bored with the sick romantic triangle in these series.

BUT, this final part is actually interesting. I think the ending is really original in fact! I'm starting to think this could have been a really good trilogy! Improve the first movie (take another leading actress for one); make one good movie out of New Moon, Eclipse and Breaking Dawn Part I and add the final epic conclusion and this would really be a decent fantasy trilogy.

I was pleasantly surprised by this movie and this proves that you don't have to LOVE OR HATE an entire series. It's very well possible you like some of the movies and dislike others. The most important part is that you're true to yourself and not 'ruminating' other people's opinion. And I honestly have to admit I really enjoyed this movie, despite the really disappointing previous clutter about plucking daisy leaves: "He loves me. He loves me not. I love him. I love the other too. I don't love him. Oh, crap, I love them both. Whatever, I just love myself."

It may sound corny but I actually thought it a great and interesting solution to have the great epic battle, loose all the characters you care about (that are obviously not the main character) and then have that twist where everything still ends satisfactory.

So my advice is: Watch the first movie with friends, then ask people what happens in the next three ones and then watch the last part. :-)

The Twilight Saga: Eclipse (2010)

Cough, pause, swallow, pause, biting lips, pause, little bit of action, credits.

[3/10 · 11 August 2013]

This movie was as funny as the previous one. :-) This time it had a little bit more action but the acting was still terrible! The actress who plays Alice does a decent job and most of the Cullens but the main character still warms my heart as much as a dead rat does. People complain about the 'sparkliness' of the vampires but I think THAT is more credible than the fact that the main character still has friends after all her whining and selfish behaviour.

I don't think it's credible that one guy fancies this girl, let alone two! They actually fight over her, Jesus. Her 'best friend' is a lot more desirable than she is! By now, the story should have gone somewhere and we're still stuck with Creepy Stare-eyes fighting over Bella Moo Whiny-arse with Jacob "I'm hotter than you" Black.

Pick your guy alright and move on!

At least this movie had 'some' action but there still is more swallowing, pausing and biting lips than action, which makes it more funny than exciting, really.

I'm recommending this to watch with friends and have a good laugh.

Twilight (I) (2008)

It was okay!

[6/10 · 11 August 2013]

By the time I write this review, I have watched all the Twilight movies. I think the first one - all in all - is okay. Although I really do prefer Dracula I don't mind the sparkly take on vampires. At least it's a personal and original kind of vampire. Like Beauty and the Beast, it raises the question: "Who actually is the monster?" If there is a monster in Twilight, it's Bella. It really looks like she suffers from constant PMS. Plus she has a throat disease as she swallows a lot and the doctor told her to... Speak. Very. Slowly... And. Pause. A lot.

What was a bit of a disappointment is that the moment the Cullen family steps into the mess hall you really instantly know they're vampires. But then it takes billions of missed classes and mysterious gazes before Bella actually realises. I'm pretty sure this is no spoiler for anyone.

But I thought the Cullens were well done. They cast a number of good actors and actresses there. If the leading actress hadn't been such a disappointment, this probably would have made a good movie. I did enjoy it after all.

The Room (2003)

You will NOT believe THIS!!! A MUST SEE!

[1/10 · 5 August 2013]

Wow! Just to be fair, I'm rating this movie as 'awful', because it is definitely the worst movie I've ever seen in my entire life! HOWEVER, I never had more fun with a movie rated 10 stars! Also, I've seen it more than 3 times by the time I write this review. That means something.

This movie is really AWSFUL and the absolute proof that aliens exist!

Because you HAVE to be an alien to:

1) be able to claim you're an American and yet speak with such an out-of-this-world Transyl-Bulgarian accent from Mars. 2) to actually open every scene with "Oh hi, (name of the character)". 3) to have the guts to show your naked body ON SCREEN after having it 'improved' by a delirious intern experimenting with botox. 4) have a talent to cast the worst actors and / or give the worst stage directions in history. 5) To remain faithful to the illusion that you have created a masterpiece for the rest of your life after all these horrible reviews AND to be convinced that only truly intelligent viewers could appreciate your work and that people could actually learn a lot from you.

They should, just once, offer an Oscar for 'worst all-in-one film creator EVER'! Seeing how ONE SINGLE movie can be SO BAD in SO MANY different respects is mind blowing!

This man has a TALENT! 1) Even if you tried REALLY HARD you could never be a worse actor than him. 2) Even the worst director could never willingly make a movie this crappy. 3) If a dog, just ran over by a truck, would try to bark together a script it would be better than this.

This movie is awful, hilarious and un-be-lie-va-ble at the same time. Also, it's very very very SAD. It's obvious Tommy Wiseau wants you to feel for his character. He wants you to think Lisa is a bitch for leaving him, while actually you don't understand why any woman in her right mind would fall for a guy like that! He wants you to think his character is the most wonderful guy in the world! After all, he brings her flowers, takes care of a lonely boy, is not angry when people have sex in his apartment for no reason, etc. Even 'the mother-in-law' approves of him! He wants you to cry at the end when he commits suicide... but actually all you feel is: "Go shoot yourself you big whiner!" The only thing you're sorry about is that it took so long.

This movie is obviously intended to be a drama but that's actually the last thing it is. It's not even a movie! At most, it's a documentary about a bunch of weird people trying to make one. The conversations are unnatural, the situations are bizarre, out of this world even. The choice of music (especially during the sex scenes - who asked for them anyway?!) is terrible! (You are my rose, you are my rose, you are my rose...)

In drama class we used to practise our lines by throwing a ball at each other while saying them out loud. This guy actually uses this exercise in a scene several times! Hilarious! He probably read in a book on narratology that it's good to have your characters do something during a scene. :-) Imagine what would happen if Tommy Wiseau read a book on surgery!

"Anyway how's your sex life?"

Maybe Tommy Wiseau should study human behaviour in stead of 'Explaining it all on YouTube'. He'd notice people don't just say: "I'm so happy to have you as my best friend and I love Lisa so much"... out of the blue.

Really dude: "Show me don't tell me!"

Anyway... I sooo recommend this 'documentary'! DO watch it, preferably with friends and preferably over and over again. You'll roll on the floor!

The Island (2005)

Great movie, great soundtrack!

[10/10 · 5 August 2013]

I rated this movie as excellent because it's one of my all-time favourite action sci-fi movies. Although there are a number of goofs to be noticed and there are some gaps in the plot, it's really enjoyable! I never get tired of watching it again.

This movie is probably so underrated because it is a Michael Bay movie. Once you get the reputation as a director that you'll always settle for cheap testosterone driven, mindless, superficial plot lines centered around big explosions and chases, it seems like you can never make up for that again.

Still, the Island has a great script, an awesome soundtrack by Steve Jablonsky, a lot of humour and intelligent themes.

It's scary but this story is not that far-fetched. It makes you think about what would actually happen if scientists were able to make exact copies of people. In a world where people want an abortion just because delivering a baby will ruin their figure, it's scarily credible. The Island is a very well told story about love, hope and friendship. People risking their lives for each other always warms your heart in a time where cynicism and naturalism are quite popular. Movies like the Island remind you that people can be really harsh and selfish but that at least they don't all have to be like that.

Scarlet Johannson and Ewan McGregor are very talented actors, perfect for these parts. They portray a childlike innocence and curiosity with utmost integrity in a very touching way. You really feel for the main characters and not just the main characters, all characters.

This movie also has great visuals. They way Lincoln's dream turns into reality in the opening scene, the way the camera pans over these prenatal agnates to reveal 'where the tubes go', ...

I really love this movie, despite the items I added to the goofs page. ;-)

Happily N'ever After 2: Snow White: Another Bite at the Apple (2009)

One of the worst... ever!

[1/10 · 5 August 2013]

I had to watch this movie to believe they could still make a more horrible movie after Happily Never After! And YES, they actually managed to do so.

It's really frustrating to read reviews rating this movie 7 stars and more. If you give this movie more than 6 stars, then what are you going to do with the really good ones?! I think they should reinvent the rating system for this particular one.

Giving this movie a good rate is actually a slap in the face for all those passionate and creative people who make wonderful stuff with an equally low budget. This movie is just LAZY! Imagine you're in high school and you spent weeks reading a book and writing a really good book report and a fellow student just copy-pastes a book review from the internet without even touching a book, prints it and gets equal marks. That's how creators of great animation must feel when reading any positive review on this movie.

There are so many great series and movies for children (not even just Disney, Pixar and Dreamworks films or Don Bluth movies) available that I would never recommend this! It's not like children don't deserve quality. They WILL be able to tell the difference.

Happily N'Ever After (2006)

Happily Never Watch it, unless you want to be awestruck by how bad it is

[2/10 · 5 August 2013]

I watched this movie on DVD as I was convinced it would be like Shrek, a movie I liked a lot. Not only is this a 'wannabe Shrek movie', it's an awful animation by itself. The animation was stiff, the voice-acting was poor, the story and script were painfully bad, some really horrible jokes that were intended to be funny sent shivers down my spine (e.g. the end of the tale/tail -> we get it: NOT funny!), ...

Cinderella, who is supposed to be a nice character is a real bimbo. You don't really care about her. The narrator is so cynical that there is more eye-rolling in the movie than real acting.

We were absolutely fascinated with this movie afterwards and started looking up reviews. This is 'The Room' of the animation films. So DO watch it, just to see how an animation movie should NOT be.

We were even more amazed to find out there were all these extra's on the DVD with even a testimony by Sigourney Weaver telling she was positively impressed with the script and chose to play the evil stepmother because it was 'such an original and round character' while it actually struck us how cliché and black-and-white this character was. I couldn't shake off the impression that she wasn't entirely honest because her eyes did not support what her mouth said in that interview. It really looked like she had played in the movie of her rich cousin, blinded by his delusions of his own talent, and was afraid to refuse the part or admit the movie just sucked because she didn't want to hurt his feelings. Other interviews in the extra's simply avoided the subject of the movie itself and were all about "creating animation in Europe is so cool", "we had so much fun in Berlin", "Berlin's a real party", "blablabla".

We were thunderstruck so we immediately watched the sequel (the available clips) on YouTube and it was even worse than this one. The animation looked really awful there. I've seen storyboards that looked more like animation. We were sooo surprised! "Why on earth would they want to make a sequel on this movie?!" I think they just wanted to extend the party in Berlin. This time, the movie was about Snow White in puberty. So I decided to rate this movie 2 stars for the simple reason that the sequel is still worse and deserves no more than 1 star.

300 (2006)

For Sparta and for your own mood!!!

[7/10 · 2 August 2013]

I might be mistaken but I think this movie is intended to be cool. And boy was it cool! A friend of mine recommended this movie to lift the spirits of my boyfriend, who had a bit of an off-day then. I decided to watch it with him and be a supportive girlfriend but I never thought I'd actually enjoy it as I thought it was one of these 100% testosterone movies that are just full of battle screams and clashing swords. My expectations turned out not to be entirely wrong. I just discovered I really love that!

Also, I realised that it's not just dumb violence. I thought the way the Spartans, though fewer in numbers, fought 'as one' compared to the very eccentric and individualist Persians were very inspiring as a group. It also makes you understand why dying in battle is often considered an honour. There are few female characters in the movie; actually only one I can think of but she is strong and respectable. The way Leonidas's wife handles the situation really makes you sympathise with her. It was weirdly refreshing, an almost exclusively male cast. Don't ask me why... Maybe because you know there won't be any mushy I-don't-know-which-guy-to-pick love stories attached.

Of course there are all these cool one-liners like: "I hope you had good breakfast, cause tonight we dine in Heeel!" and "Freedom isn't free at all. It comes with the highest cost. The cost of blood." No, really, this movie was just very cool... and what's wrong with that? :-)

How to Train Your Dragon (2010)

Wonderfully original and geeky!

[9/10 · 2 August 2013]

There are a lot of animation films and I've watched lots of them. But this particular one struck me as a very original and geeky movie. I loved the references and witty lines. It had a great story that was entertaining, funny, unpredictable and often recognisable in its details at the same time.

Also, the soundtrack by John Powell and sound effects were strikingly good! The designs of the different kinds of dragons were marvelous and very original. This is a real feel good animation as it should be with a lot of meaningful lessons about life on top of it. I would recommend it to all ages!