otisfirefly2001 Reviews

Despiser (2003 Video)

just like this......

[3 November 2004]

like watching a video game, filmed in soap opera vision! I'm not kidding about the soap opera thing. The way all the fake drama kicks-in really looks like a soap opera.

here is what is wrong with this movie:

the acting is, well, it's just bad. No one turns in a decent role to make this movie fun-to-view. The banker who is about to jump is rediculosly funny in his acting.

The special effects begin to go overboard when they begin to switch from live action to what I like to call "video game mode." This technique begins to get old quick, and just works on your nerves once you see the computer generated characters. The talking troll is probably the funniest thing about the movie. It sounds like it's possessed by Butt-head for crying out loud!

A horrible soundtrack which really makes you go "EEK!" when you hear the damn thing. It's what I like to call "New-wave crap fest!"

Just don't watch this goofy movie. it's not art at all, it's just a poorly funded movie which ran straight-to-video. If you want to see real art in film, watch the movie Fight Club.

The Angry Beavers (1997–2001)

not at all too bad!

[26 October 2004]

I like this show actually. I didn't watch it too much as a kid, but i catch a few episodes from time-to-time. This show is one of the better ones to come from Nickeloden, along with my favorite: Rocko's Modern Life. This one holds a fair amount of laughs in each episode.

my favorite episode would have to be when they are both Sleepwalking. It's pretty funny.

I love how most of the episodes have them both watching really bad B movies. they are just really funny, and look like the makers of the show were making fun of B movies.

I would recommend this show to anyone who can catch it on Nicktoons, or Nickelodeon. I would also recommend the show Action League NOW!

Rocko's Modern Life (1993–1996)

one of my favorite shows as a kid!

[26 October 2004]

I just could not get enough of this show when I was a kid. I enjoyed it so much. There is just no other way to describe it, other then it's really funny. It holds something for everyone to enjoy, kids and adults alike.

What's really great about this show is that when it progressed, each episode didn't usually have to do with Rocko. We got to see some relating to The Big Head's, or Philbert, or Heffer, Sometimes Spunky and the strange ring-worms that live inside him(which shows you what level this show was working on). It was all fun, hilarious, spontanious.

If you get the chanse to see this show on Nickeloden, or Nicktoons. I suggest you watch it. You will laugh. you don't have to be 10 years old to like the show, just have a good sense of humor.

Van Helsing (2004)

not too bad, though a little too much action!

[19 October 2004]

I actually don't mind this movie too much, though the action sequences begin to get a little overboard. I still enjoyed this 2 hour + movie.

the acting is pretty good from all the cast. Hugh Jackman does very well as Van Helsing, and Kate Beckinsale does pretty well in her role, except her accent is a little off, this is easily overlooked when the movie goes on.

the sets are magnificent and get more spectacular as the movie continues, (i.e. the town, and Dracula's castle).

I would recommend this movie to any who love action movies. I think you will really enjoy this flick. If you love action movies, you will love this movie.

Invasion of the Neptune Men (1961)

goofy, lame, horrible slop to come out-of-japan

[16 October 2004]

this movie is pretty bad, adding for one really good MST3K espiode, but i will get to that in a minute.

Oh wow! we get strange looking aliens that when they talk their voices sound super slowed down. Their helmets are in the shape of bullets and look hilarious.

the choreography is very funny when the fighting between space chief and the martian invaders(space chief jumps around a lot and slaps the martians a couple of time, opting them to fall down like spazes, half the time they just fall down without being hit at all).

The little kids really do begin to get on your nerves when they enter a scene. How they are able to go to so many places is a mystery, "the kids must have level five security clearance" Mike remarks. They just get in the way of everything, jut as much as the kids in Prince of Space.

The effects are pretty bad: we get to see coal powered space ships, a car which is doubling as a space ship.

This movie is just bad. The only way it is enjoyable is when you see the MST3K version, which if you have not seen it i suggest you should. I would also recommend the episode Prince of Space, though this one tends to drag.

Space Mutiny (1988)

silly, childish, rip-off. made me want to vomit afterwards!

[14 October 2004]

How did this movie get by with stealing all the space footage from Battlestar galactica? This is the first question which popped into my mind when the first shots of the ship hit the little TV screen. I was just in dumbfounded at the miss use of the footage, none of it really matched up with the interior of the ship.

onto the interior: we get to see lots of footage of people running around in a warehouse, or powerplant. all seem to fit, but not along with the movie as well. It just looks so stupid and lame that it makes you wonder if the film makers thought we(the audience) wouldn't notice the blatant change, BUT WE DID!

there are many shots of people riding around in poor looking golf carts. They -- at times -- look like bumper cars. The way they are being drivin really implies this.

the acting is terrible, though the lead male character screaming like a girl through-out the movie really makes it worth while.

the only way this movie is viewable is by watching the mst3k version. I do not wish to recommend the uncut version to anyone. please do not try to find the uncut version of this movie. It's just too horrible.

Angels' Brigade (1979)

horrible thing to view but very funny mst3k!!!!

[13 October 2004]

this movie might almost be unwatchable had it not been on MST3K. the movie is soo bad that it's good.

now let's run the numbers with the things wrong:

1) Story: bad, horrible, lack-there-of, lame. take your pick. This movie's story really never takes the time to play itself out, it really consists of one, long flashback told by one of the lead characters, and boy is it a long flashback. Maybe one of the longest in film history! We get a little something about six semi-hot women(well hot for the 70's) who are fed up with drugs being pushed to kids and decide to do something about it. What do they do? They decide they are going to blow up one small drug producing building and that is the end of drugs everywhere. Sadly this movie fails to grasp the concept that there is more then one building to destroy, but they only destroy the one and that's it. as crow says it "So they just destroyed all the drugs in the world?" Which pretty much sums up all their actions in a nutshell.

2) the acting is not so up to par. No one really turns in a decent roll in the movie, except Jack Pallance, and why he was in this movie is a good question. Possible summing it up with another thing that crow says, "Jack's down years". The rest of the characters stumble through their dialogue and try to seem convincing, but it's just not possible with this movie(and I use this term lightly - it's more like a romp through the bowls of bad cinema).

Nothing much else can be said about this bad movie, except that it made for one good episode of MST3K. Probably one of my favorites next to Puma Man, Jack Frost, and a few others.

I would only recommend this movie if you are viewing the mst3k version. You are guaranteed the laugh through the episode.

Manos: The Hands of Fate (1966)

no way the film makers were serious when they made this!

[11 October 2004]

there is nothing remotely serious about this movie. Everything is unintentionally funny, no matter where you look at this movie.

the acting is nowhere near decent through the whole movie. The little dog is pretty much the only good actor in the movie. Why? Because it has no dialogue to read and not much to do. There is really no real emotion shown from the actors at all. They all seem like walking corpses with their actions and their dialogue. Simply put - it's very cardboard acting!

The story for "manos" is completely ridiculous and pretty much makes no sense at all. It never takes the time to really play itself out through the movie. We get a little something about a family are on vacation and take a way wrong turn and end up at this little house! Though it takes them about fifteen minutes to reach the house. This time is spent showing the family driving through the country side and some really odd music which accompanies them.

Once they reach the house, the story really seems to get even slower. It looks as if the film makers needed to resort to throwing in irrelevant scenes to make up for blank spaces of time. Two good examples are the scenes involving the two teen lovers in car kissing, I cop comes to break it up. Giving us some of the goofiest dialogue in film history. Strange things begin to happen that have nothing to do with the movie. These things happen way more then once through the movie and really leave you thinking "the film makers didn't have a clue of what they were doing."

I don't really want to recommend this movie to anyone, if you can find it without the mst3k commentary. this does make for one good Joel episode though.

Alien (1979)

a sure classic for any who view this movie!!!!

[10 October 2004]

This movie can instantly be called a classic. While the world was busy enjoying the lovable, cuddly E.T. This movie was released. This movie definitely sent shock waves through the bouls of film making, and still gets audiences attention today.

Ridley Scott really outdid himself with this movie, rivaled only(in my opinion) by the job he did on Hannibal. The camera work is fantastic, The special effects are surprisingly good for a movie from the late 70's, the acting is top notch most notably from Siqourney Weaver as Lt. Ellen Ripley.

Not much else can be said about this movie classic.

I would strongly recommend this movie to any who have not yet viewed it. If you are looking for thrills, look no further then ALIEN.

Walking Tall (2004)

far too much information, too fast!

[4 October 2004]

This movie is very well done. The story is simple, filled with lots of action and people getting hurt. Only problem I have with the movie is it is too much information, too fast. it just seems like they tried to cramb as much story as they could into 1 hour 25 minutes. At certain parts the story skips a couple of days, maybe even months.

It is filled with losts of action, though sometime it grows violent and teeters on the edge of an R rating, but none-the-less this is a cool movie.

The movie does tend to go overboard when Chris(The Rock) becomes sheriff, he begins to go on a crooked cop rampage. Firing all of the deputies and hiring his friends. It's not that I don't think it's cool, it's just a little unbelievable.

The movie is enjoyable though. If you don't like long movies, and lots of character back story, you will love this movie.

Boggy Creek II: And the Legend Continues (1983)

a streamline of lame acting and bad script just went by!

[3 October 2004]

This movie is dumb! Only viewable in MST3K fashion.

The acting is not good....At all. No one turns in a convincing role through the whole movie. Charles Pierce's son is particularly ridiculous when he randomly spurts out dumb lines of dialogue.

The story is completely lame, slow, and contains nothing interesting at any point in the film. The characters seem like they were rushed and thrown in until the creature shows up, which is really not all too threatening through the whole movie.

i would say avoid this movie at all costs. Only view the mystery science theater 3000 version.

The Creeping Terror (1964 TV Movie)

"Shortly, here, the nightmare will begin"

[3 October 2004]

One word: PAINFUL!

This is one of the few movies that just seems to give a person headaches when it is viewed.

The acting is lame, though 95% of the time The Narrator is telling what is going on and no dialogue is spoken by the actors, The characters just flap their mouths repeatedly until the Narrator is done. Though the narrator seems to disappear at times when he is needed. This would normally not be a problem, except nothing is explained by the characters. So we are just lost at sea without The Narrator! The best part of the film would have to be in the last ten minutes when the film switches into a silent movie, we only get music(which sounds oddly like a silent film score), and no dialogue, which could actually be interpreted as GOOD!

The story is nothing special at all! Just an alien that arrives in a goofy ship, and this fits perfectly because the alien is goofy looking itself, consisting of numerous people walking along with a large blanket. And this shows! We never really are told why the alien wants to eat so much. It just goes on one, long killing spree. Though humor is found here when the alien continues to eat people very slowly, most of the time needing the people to help out and climb in.

This movie is just too bad to watch. I would only recommend the MST3K version. It is very funny. It is also one of Mike's early episodes.

Bloodlust! (1961)

very goofy, nothing special!

[2 October 2004]

Not much about this movie wants you to give it a second chance.

Let's run the numbers about the problems with the movie:

1) the story -- or really -- lack there of, is pretty stupid. We get something about a group of four teens vacationing a boat or something like that. The funny thing is that they road out with a drunk boat driver who appears to have passed out behind the wheel of the boat. It's pretty funny. They decide that they want to go and visit a strange island.

2) Acting is what you would expect from an ealy 60's B-movie. Sometimes character emotions will come out-of-nowhere and disappear. But at other times it is easy to get over. Robert Reed turns in a decent role as the hero of the film, Wilton Graff turns in a pretty convincing role as the twisted hunter who wants to hunt the four teens.

3) The special effects are very funny and give you a good feeling when you see how bad they are. One good example is the human skin that one of the guards at Wilton Graff's house has, It just looks so funny.

All in all, this movie is pretty forgettable. The MST3K version is pretty funny though, but not as funny as some of the others.

The Creeping Terror (1964 TV Movie)

"shortly here, the nightmare will begin"

[1 October 2004]

Wow, this one hurts. Almost unwatchable without Mike, Crow, and Servo.

The acting is bad, though 90% of the time The Narrator is talking and explaining every thing happening...In excruciating detail! You really just want him to shut and go away, but he does not.

The films story is very bad. It involves a very stupid looking alien landing on earth, for no apparent reason, and slowly walking around eating people. He is just a non-stop killing machine! It does begin to get tedious just watching him walking around eating people. Though the people not doing anything and just sitting there waiting for it to eat them, is well worth it. My favorite "Chow moment" is when two young people are in the woods making out when -- Surprise! -- the alien shows up to interrupt them. The guy begins to walk on his hands and feet to which crow remarks, "Come on honey. Let's crap walk out-of-here". There are plenty more funny moments from them as they riff through this trash.

The film must have had no budget what-so-ever, leaving the film makers to resort to any means necessary to make this movie happen. Why I don't know.

I really wouldn't recommend this movie to anyone. It is far too hard to get through. I will recommend the MST3K version which is very funny, and one of Mike's first episodes!

Devil Fish (1984)

pure terror for any who view it!

[30 September 2004]

This movie is horrible. There is no other way to describe it. The effect it has on a person is unbearable.

So many bad things. Were to begin?

Let's start with the acting, or lake there off. Not one of the characters is brought across convincingly.

The story is really bad. We get something about a giant fish being created by scientists. Or something like that. You really just want the movie to end, instead of figuring out what is going on. the character interaction is just -- well -- a joke. Every time there are two, or more actors in one scene, they don't seem to be talking to one another at all. They just look to be delivering their dialogue without knowing there is another actor in the scene.

the characters are lame and amateur at best. There is a drunk boat captain who stops every minute to have a beer, a poor man's Lorenzo Lamas, a very skinny girl who looks like Darryl Hanna, a steroid drivin sheriff who makes you laugh when he enters the scene. But some of the characters enter the movie, then leave quickly. Never to return.

the soundtrack is strange, digressing into a soft core porn soundtrack at times. At other times playing the "devilfish song" as I call it. You will know it when you hear it, as it is playing every time the devilfish is swimming.

The directing is very bad. Almost makes you wonder if the director was off doing other things while the movie was being filmed. The footage of the devilfish swimming is rarely visible, and at times there seems to be nothing swimming at all. I think the budget ran out so they glossed over the camera so nothing would be visible.

I would not recommend this movie to anyone. Unless you want to see the MST3K version which provides Mike, Crow, and Servo with some good moments to riff.

Fight Club (1999)

really cool movie.

[30 September 2004]

David Fincher has done it once again, by delivering a dark, gritty, and violent movie. All this comes together to form a movie which is not too bad if you don't mind violence.

The violence does tend to get a little overboard, but you begin to get used to it as the movie progresses. At times it is silly, (i.e. The Narrator beating himself up infront of his boss) But it never reaches an unbelievable level.

The acting is good. Brad Pitt pulls in a very good role as Tyler Durden, and Edward Norton plays the role of The Narrator very good. All of the other actors do very well in their roles through out the movie.

The movie holds a couple of twists that must be seen more then once to fully understand them. I'm not going to give them away to people who have not seen the movie, as the final twist was reveled to be before I saw the movie. And it was no big surprise when it came around.

I would recommend this movie to anyone who likes David Fincher's movies, and a good solid story.

Just remember that once you see the movie, there are little things that were in there that you did notice. So you must see it again to catch them.

Most Extreme Elimination Challenge (2003–2007)

what a great, funny show!

[28 September 2004]

This show is hilarious! hands down.

The dubbing over the Japanese voices is worth a look. Since they completely change what was being said, and it is hilarious. Sometimes even adding some of the stupidest comments to their mouths as they turn to the camera, then shout.

The contestants are ridiculous in how far they will go. Seeing them run into doors head-on is great. Some of the games like Sinkers and Floaters, Fly on the Wall, and most of the others are fun to watch.

This show is definitely a must see for anyone who is looking for a laugh. You will definitely find it in this show. If not in the contestants, then in the ridiculous dubbing.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)

great movie, with a great story....

[28 September 2004]

This movie is really good. I can't put in any other way.

The story is cool and is one of those films that it all makes sense after you have viewed the whole thing. From the first part of the movie it is kind of confusing until you see the final portion. The story involves the love relationship between Joel (Carrey) and Clementine (Winslet) which begins to hit the skids, to put in in simple terms. Clementine decides to erase Joel from her memory. Joel goes to meet her one day, and finds that she does not remember him. He decides to have the same procedure done to have her erased from his memory, though he suddenly has a change of heart and wants to keep his memories of her.

The acting is really good from Jim Carrey most of all. It is a nice change to see him doing something other then a comedic role. He plays the role very well. Kate Winslet is also very well at playing the role of Clementine.

I would recommend this movie to anyone who is looking for something to watch with your spouse. Or if you just want a good movie to watch, rent this one.

The Alamo (2004)

not too bad....

[28 September 2004]

this movie is pretty well done.

the acting is good. Dennis Quaid and Billy Bob Thornton do well through the movie. Lots of big name actors make good appearances through the movie. Within the first hour of the movie, it does tend to drag a little bit. Giving a little too much back story on the main characters. The story does tend to lag in certain parts but once the battle starts up, it's smooth sailing.

all in all, this movie is a pretty good effort. With great acting, good story, and well done battle sequences.

i would recommend this movie, but do not go into the movie expecting lots of action. As the first hour of the movie -- like I said -- drags.

Slackers (2002)

stupid! and a waist of time!

[27 September 2004]

This movie is very forgetful. Nothing really makes you want to remember this as a great movie!

The story is nothing original at all. It is nothing that has not been done before in other movies, only this time they only changed the names of the characters.

The film holds very little laughs, relying only on gross-out humor to fuel all of the jokes. This would not be so bad had they threw in a little bit of variety. I do not mind a little gross-out humor, but this movie has nothing but, and it is annoying.

please skip this movie and spend your time doing your taxes, which is more enjoyable.

AC/DC: Live at Donington (1992 Video)

What a great collection for any AC/DC fan to have!!!!

[26 September 2004]

This concer is probably one of the best to be released on DVD!

The sound quality is fantastic. Each song comes through with great clarity.

You get to see Angus run a full marathon from one side of the stage to the other. He kicks out a solo for each of the songs, His solo on Jalibreak is probably one of the best!

The set list is very good consisting of all their great songs.

SET LIST:

THUNDERSTRUCK

SHOOT TO THRILL

BACK IN BLACK

HELL AIN'T A BAD PLACE TO BE

HEATSEEKER

FIRE YOUR GUNS

JAILBREAK

THE JACK

DIRTY DEEDS DONE DIRT CHEAP

MONEYTALKS

HELLS BELLS

HIGH VOLTAGE

WHOLE LOTTA ROSIE

YOU SHOOK ME ALL NIGHT LONG

T.N.T.

LET THERE BE ROCK

HIGHWAY TO HELL

FOR THOSE ABOUT TO ROCK (WE SALUTE YOU)

I would strongly recommend this video to any AC/DC fan who does not have it. I would also recommend it for any new AC/DC fan who has just gotten into listening to the band.

Merlin's Shop of Mystical Wonders (1996 Video)

Merlins Shop of Horrific Wonders!!!

[24 September 2004]

what a creepy movie! I seriously hope this movie was not aimed towards kids. I think any normal kid would have run and hid under a bed right at the opening credits. Though the MST3k version is quite funny, and holds some very humorous jokes.

The story: there are actually two creepy stories in this movie. I will review each one.

1) The first one is about Merlin's shop being reviewed by this rude, stupid, guy. This guy is givin a book of spells from Merlin. Though Merlin apparently knew he would try the spells, he let him have the book anyway. Go figure. this guy winds up trying spells and grows really old, with some of the worst make-up ever seen in film history.

2) The second story is about Merlin loosing his toy monkey, which is possessed no less. The monkey is picked up by this nice family and starts killing things. The dad finds out and takes the monkey out to the middle-of-nowhere and buries it. Then he is crushed by and tree, and survives!

Onto the acting:

It is very bad. Basically a big joke when it comes to the acting. Not one person turns in a decent performance. Not even Merlin!

I really don't want to recommend this movie to anyone. It is very badly acted, badly written, and just plain sucks.

The Touch of Satan (1971)

wickedly stupid....No fun for anyone!

[24 September 2004]

This is completely stupid. I joke to film making everywhere.

::The main problems::

Acting is so terrible, it actually made me cry when I heard the dialogue being spurted out of the actors mouths. Not one of the actors could act and I bet they never got another job afte that. though they were probably too busy doing drugs to complete any other movies.

The story is very lame, stupid, and annoying. Choke full of crap that would make even the most amateur film maker want to stop making movies. We get something in the story about witches and Satan, but nothing really pans out at all. It all just falls flat within the first three minutes of this lame movie, but by then you have probably turned the channel already. Which if I was not viewing the MST3K version, I proboby would have done within the first minute of this trash!

The mood is overdone completely and really goes into overkill within the last few minutes of the movie. I think they tried to set too much mood and didn't take enough time on the plot, which might of helped this movie.

The special effects are lame, and really only consist of bad face make-up which is really very lame. Though it is probably just the time period and might not have been helped.

I do not want to recommend this movie to anyone....At anytime....Anywhere. This movie is very lame, and a venture down amateur film making lane! If you take a stop on crap film making street first of course.

Do not see this movie unless it is with the help of Mike Nelson, Crow T. Robot, & Tom Servo. You can find it on Mystery Science Theater 3000 Volume 5. You might be sorry if you do not view it with them, as it is a headache inducing movie.

The Skydivers (1963)

"Oh i'm sorry I thought it was the car"

[24 September 2004]

Joke...Joke....Joke!!!!!

Coleman Franchise was a bad film maker. This is more -- then ever -- apparent in Red Zone Cuba. Wow this movie was slow and out-of-order.

But back to this movie....

It is called The Skydivers, and this is no clever name either. It is about skydivers and almost every scene is filled with, and here is the fun surprise, SKYDIVING!!!! What fun to see people skydiving repeatedly.

Though the idea of seeing skydivers is fun at first, Coleman Franchis quickly flips the idea into overkill! One scene was enough. But to have so many scenes of the same thing?

Like everyone else has said, the actors look like they're reading off of cue cards. And it shows BIG time. There are no real emotions shown by any of the actors, though the emotion shown for the guy who hits the ground(I think that the guy would have made more of an impression in the ground, not just land so neat and organized) is hilarious.

The story is about what the title suggests...SKYDIVERS. Nothing really interesting. We get something about a guy's ex-lover wanting to kill him for breaking up with her. But this is quickly pushed aside for as much skydiving as can be put in one movie.

The only way this movie is decent is when it is being slammed by Mike Nelson, Crow T. Robot, and Tom Servo. Please do not view this movie in it's normal platform, unless you want to see lots of People Skydiving.

You can find the MST3K version on Mystery Science Theater 3000 volume 1.

Extra Terrestrial Visitors (1983)

this is supposed to be a real movie? No kidding?

[22 September 2004]

Two words.....Utter Crap!!!

What a stupid movie. actually it is like ten different movies in one. Some of which even go so far as to switch to different seasons(one moment it will be summer, the next it will be winter). There are too many stories going on in this dumb movie.

the acting -- if you can call it that -- is a BIG joke! Not one of the actors(and I use this term lightley) in this movie can doing anything close to act. The way they bring the characters to screen is hilarious and makes your head hurt after the first five minutes of the movie. Though because of the movie changing so many times, you don't have to sit through it too much. Towards the end though, it gets real bad.

The story is a shamble of crap and things that the producers came up with. Nothing really fits together at all, and this is probably why so many stories were put into this movie. the main plot is never really explained. We don't find out why the alien, or ant eater, or whatever it is, is here.

The MST3K version is pretty funny and holds a lot of ammunition for Joel, Crow, and Servo. I would not recommend that anyone see the original version, without Joel and the 'bots.

"I invite you to see a crappy movie called Pod People....Not!!!"