dfolt Reviews

Endgame: Blueprint for Global Enslavement (2007 Video)

The Last Pawn in the Endgame?

[6/10 · 29 November 2007]

I have always viewed Mr. Jones' work with a little bit of skepticism. I find that I agree with 60-70% of what he has to say and of his tactics. I often wonder if he has a hidden agenda and what it might be. Also, I find that, generally, he starts to make a valid point and then meanders into mild paranoia (this may just be a result of my own mild paranoia). Don't get me wrong, Mr. Jones has opened my eyes to many things and I thank him for that and I hope that he continues to expose 'the little man behind the curtain'. What worries me most after seeing 'Endgame' is that his message is becoming one of hopelessness. He now adds environmentalists to his list of puppets to the New World Order. Mr. Jones has systematically removed everyone and everything from the column of good to his column of evil. Which makes me think, "Perhaps, Alex Jones is part of the problem." Endgame offers no solutions... just envisioned results of doom and gloom for the people. It would appear that Mr. Jones' role in all of this is to make people aware of what is going on and then funnel his followers into a mass that has no option except to rise up and fight the machine. What if that is the "Social Elite's" plan? They have the laws, the FEMA camps and the will to exercise their power... all they need is an excuse to use them and a revolution would be that excuse. And perhaps this is where Mr. Jones' Hidden Agenda comes in... could he be a pro-gun, anti-government Anarchist (which, I'm pretty sure would fall into the category of 'Terrorist' under the Patriot Act)? Let's hope he's not that extreme but, I therefore ask that Mr. Jones not just wind up the people but, give them some solid direction and offer realistic solutions to overcome this wave of fascist tyranny that has corrupted the USA. Otherwise, he may discover, too late, that he was just another pawn of The Endgame!

Chain Reaction (1996)

Extremely Relevant

[7/10 · 29 August 2007]

Other than this film not having cell phones and showing the FBI as not being corrupt... this film is more relevant today than it was when it was released 11 years ago. Global Warming, Oil Dependency, Corruption, Conspiracies, Cover-Ups, CIA Black Ops, Evil Business Conglomerates, Keanu's hair, Rachel's eyebrow... etc. Holy crap, why do comments have to be 10 lines long... all that does is encourage babblers to go on and on about the minutia or better yet to ask all the stupid questions they would have said out loud in the theatre, "Who was that guy?", "Why did they kill him?", "What's 'The Force'?", "Was that monster CGI?", "When will they show Jessica's boobs?"

Day of the Dead 2: Contagium (2005 Video)

Great beginning! Then if you can sit through the middle, get ready for the gory ending.

[5/10 · 1 November 2005]

Great beginning! Ten minutes of head shot after head shot after head shot after head shot...more than you could ever view in a rated theatrical release! Then be prepared to sit through seventy minutes of melodrama, bad dialogue, fairy-magic special effects and an awkward attempt to reveal the origin of Romero's zombies (almost inexcusable, so, you'll have to forget the title and pretend that they are not raping Romero's vision) but, be sure to sit through these seventy minutes because the payoff of the last ten minutes is worth it. Every gory, terrifying minute of it. I give it a 9 out of 10 for the beginning and 9 out of 10 for the ending but, a great big zero for the middle, which averages out to a 5 out of 10.

Alone in the Dark (2005)

Welcome to Uwe Boll's "World of Over-Exposition and Washed-up Actors"!

[1/10 · 18 June 2005]

Holy Clunk! Anytime a movie starts with 177 words of scrolling exposition...you know you're in trouble. But, as if that wasn't enough exposition right off the top...every time a new character was introduced, they had to add their own special amount of exposition. And I mean EVERY CHARACTER: From the over informed kid on the plane, "My mom says you don't have to be afraid of the dark." (even though they were on a well lit daytime flight). And the over curious cab driver, "Tell me what you do...because that's the best part of the job." (The best part of the job is filling in back story?). And the over descriptive friend's wife, "You've known each other since you were kids..." (just in case he forgot).And the over knowledgeable security guard, "The Abskani are an ancient race of mysterious Native Americans who disappeared mysteriously over ten-thousand years ago...MYSTERIOUSLY!!" (he explains this to the Fed-Ex guy...THE FED-EX GUY!!!). And finally, if you get offered a part in a Uwe Boll film (PLEASE LET THERE BE NO MORE!) you can officially apply for your "Washed-up Actor Card" (WAC)!

Carmilla, the Lesbian Vampire (2004 Video)

Waste of a great movie title and of Canadian Independent film funding!

[1/10 · 23 April 2005]

What a convoluted mess and a waste of not only a great movie title but also a waste of Canadian Independent Film funding. Where do these people get money to make something so poorly written, terribly acted, atrociously directed and hap hazardously edited? WHERE?? Because I want some!! I dare you to give me money!! I'll produce a horror movie that Canadians will be proud of...well, Canadians who like gore n'stuff! This movie was so awful that I want the hour and ten minutes it wasted of my projector's bulb life back!! I mean, I can live with my decision to rent this...this...disastrous DVD...but, my poor innocent projector...soiled!! Speaking of soiled...why is it so difficult to write good dialogue? I mean, who starts sentences with statements like, "Say, I wonder..." or "You know, I've been meaning to ask you..."? And who would utter the phrase, "Let's blow this Popsicle stand!" as if it were clever and original? WHO??

Death Valley: The Revenge of Bloody Bill (2004)

That is some damn terrible writing and dialogue.

[3/10 · 3 April 2005]

That is some damn terrible writing and dialogue. Don't get me wrong, the film looked great and I could even tolerate the mediocre acting. Hell, they even had a bit of fun following some of the Zombie Rules with a couple of the character's story arcs...BUT FOR GOD'S SAKE...take your time and write a decent story and believable dialogue. How plausible is it that one of the male characters would have extensive knowledge of the title character's history and that he would then, conveniently, release this information as needed? And why would one female character ask (FOURTEEN TIMES), "Why won't you tell me what's wrong with you?" to this same over informed male character after he has been bitten by a zombie, meanwhile, he is screaming in pain!!

And STOPPING MAKING BOSS ZOMBIES...I blame video games.

Nightmare City (1980)

Almost the perfect zombie movie...if you're into awkward nude scenes.

[7/10 · 7 January 2005]

Almost the perfect zombie movie, except this movie does not really have zombies...they are more like Toxic Mafia Hit-men Goombas. They are just kind of mean spirited and don't really follow the zombie rules...which pretty much ruined it for me. For example, the Zombie Goombas run around with guns and knives and drink blood...I dunno? I guess Lenzi wanted to show as many types of murder as possible. Personally, I want a copy of the show they were filming during the TV studio invasion scene...it's just constant choreographed dancing...awesome TV! Anyway, if you are into urban mayhem, breast mutilation and awkward nude scenes...than this is the zombie movie for you!

Children of the Living Dead (2001 Video)

Why would they follow the formula for Zombie 4 & 5?

[4/10 · 7 January 2005]

So bad it's good. For some reason they've followed the same formula as 'ZOMBIE 4' & '5'...why? Maybe they thought they were good zombie movies...with all the flashbacks and the convoluted back story...who knows? Anyway, this one is worth it just to see Tom Savini as not only an actor but as the "Stunt Coordinator". We get to see a fifteen-minute sequence with Tom fighting off zombies (while muttering to himself and sounding like Popeye for some reason). It's awesome as we see this "Stunt" master work his magic (especially his Starsky & Hutchian car roof slides...oh and the rope "stunt" in the barn loft is priceless). Finally, there is the sweet irony of how bad the make-up effects are (which Tom has nothing to do with...and it shows).

Shatter Dead (1994)

An ugly 'Home Movie' chock full o' unwanted nudity.

[1/10 · 20 November 2004]

Ugly. Ugly would be the single word to describe this 'home movie'. Ugly writing, ugly direction, ugly lighting, ugly sets, ugly acting and ugly actors, sheesh! I don't have many qualms about nudity in films...but I've never witnessed that much unwanted nudity in my life. The make-up falls in to the 'Dime Store' variety; I've seen children with better make-up jobs on Halloween. In the 'Special Features', the director talks about going to film school (and he has the nerve to bash actual film makers and other film schools). Anyway, I'll give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he went to film school AFTER shooting this home movie mess.

Premutos: The Fallen Angel (1997)

Simply another terrible 'home' movie!

[1/10 · 6 October 2004]

Simply terrible! Why wouldn't you use actual actors? Look, this has to stop! Stop using non-actors! If you want any credibility or any message sent via these low-budget films...please for the love of god use real actors! Most will work for free...take advantage of that! Now back to my comment...anyway, the humour was lower than that of the bathroom variety and wasn't funny on any level. As for the quality...in one scene filmed on a public transportation bus you could see the reflection of the crew...guess what? It was one guy with what looked like a Sony Camcorder and probably not even his. Well, I assume the only audience for this film are people with a gore fetish...and it wasn't even good gore.

Meat Market (2000 Video)

WARNING: This is an awful 'home' movie!

[1/10 · 5 October 2004]

Where do you start with something this terrible? Shooting on video is always a good sign of the badness to follow. Why do these 'home movie' enthusiasts never, ever get real actors? Most struggling actors will work for free and they will do a much better job than the producer's buddy. The only entertainment in this is just how bad the sound and editing are. The sounds of 'eating' were added whenever a zombie attacked, but it sounded like they had swallowed the mic. My favorite sound was the audible friction created by the plastic pants on the thunder-thighed lesbo vampires...embarrassing all around. And why wouldn't you (I guess I'm talking to the makers of this) at least read a book on how to write screenplays because there was no discernible story or ending! And, finally, for god's sake spend the money on film school…if you went then go again and pay attention this time!

Zombie 5: Killing Birds (1988)

All build up, with no payoff.

[1/10 · 14 September 2004]

All build up, with no payoff. What was going through Robert Vaughn's head during shooting? The acting is so bad that the plot (??) is impossible to follow...most of the dialogue just sounds like random words. The gore (what little of it there is) is terrible. Nothing happens!! Somehow, Zombie 5 came out the year before Zombie 4...a minor point. Anyway, they both have the same structure...they both start with a ridiculously long flash back which ends with a child getting away. Then this child comes back when they are older...but they don't make that clear. Then they randomly introduce characters and kill them off. As for Killing Birds...I have no idea what birds had to do with anything...I'm sure Robert Vaughn explained it at some point. Not even worth laughing at!

After Death (1989)

Almost has a 'porno-like' quality and feel to it!

[5/10 · 14 September 2004]

This movie (?) doesn't really have zombies...they are more like Talking Ninja Ghouls and doesn't really have actors...they are more like people off the street. Almost has a 'porno-like' quality and feel to it. Also, has way too much back-story and way, way too much over explanation. In a nut shell, it goes something like this...some scientists on an island are trying to create the cure for cancer but they create some kind of reanimation formula and to top it off...they let this voodoo guy's daughter die...so, the voodoo guy sends his wife to hell and she comes back as a demon-like thing and everybody tries to run away, but the Ninja Ghouls get them...oh except for this little girl who wobbles away then starts to stop wobbling...but she continues and somehow finds a travel agent and gets off the island (I'm guessing because they don't show this). Anyway, I guess, we flash forward to when this little girl is all growed up, but I don't know because nobody says so and they don't even have the little '20 Years Later' graphic appear on the screen...where was I? Oh yeah, so, this growed up little girl comes back to the island...I'm not sure why...to find her parents bodies or something? But she came prepared...she has a bunch of angry army guys with her and one guy is so tough that he actually chases a zombie down and starts to beat him up for no good reason. Also, these two tough guys and a girl stroll into town...I don't know where they came from either, nor what town they're walking through...oh and one is wearing glasses which makes him smart. I think they must have used the little girls travel agent. Then people start getting torn apart...basically introduced then torn apart, to the point where it appears quite random. After people are torn apart...they come back and taunt their old friends...these are very mean spirited zombies. Where was I? I don't know...watch it and I don't think you'll know either!

Oasis of the Zombies (1982)

Another waste of perfectly good Nazi Zombies.

[2/10 · 13 September 2004]

Great idea, poor execution and another waste of perfectly good Nazi Zombies (see 'Zombie Lake'). Once again there's zero gore...just some blood smeared around and as for the zombies...well, this time they just looked like a bunch of shaggy haired burn victims. This was basically the same movie as 'Zombie Lake' but without the nudity. It does, however, have lots of stock footage from some desert World War II movie...which is pointless to point out except I'm supposed to provide at least ten lines in my comment. I could also point out that the Sheik didn't look old enough to be either his grandson's grandfather or even his daughter's father in the flashbacks.

Zombie Lake (1981)

Zero gore and a bunch of guys with green grease paint on.

[2/10 · 13 September 2004]

I mean what could be better than Nazi Zombies? Nothing...unless there's a boring story, terrible acting, sloppy direction and to top it all off ZERO gore...just some smeared blood. And as for the zombies...well, they just looked like a bunch of guys with green grease paint on and a very shocked expression. I mean, that's all we really want from a zombie movie...a decent story, some decent zombie make up and buckets of gore! But, if you like nudity...is this the zombie movie for you...entire basketball teams of nudity and an opening underwater sequence that'll have you ignoring the fact that this lake looks like a pool with bed sheets as back drops...you'll see what I mean.

Let Sleeping Corpses Lie (1974)

Great story, great acting, great zombies!

[7/10 · 13 September 2004]

Possible SPOILERS ahead!

Great story, great acting (even the dubbing is pretty good), great zombies (only fire kills them and they have a great Asthmatic rasp), terrific gore (albeit a little disturbing at times) and an interesting premise with an environmental warning to boot!

In my opinion, this film appears to have influenced '28 DAYS LATER', things such as; the red eyes, the rage, the origin of the cause (chemical manipulation of the animal kingdom)...hell, even the location (they travel from London to the North of England). In fact '28 DAYS LATER...' came exactly 28 Years Later...coincidence?

The revenge killing at the end was a nice manipulation of our values.

Children Shouldn't Play with Dead Things (1972)

Slow Moving and, at times, frustrating.

[3/10 · 13 September 2004]

Possible SPOILERS ahead!

This early entry by Bob Clark (I always thought he was Canadian...who knew?) is slow moving for the first hour and five minutes as he tries very hard to build the characters. At times, it's a little bit frustrating to watch due to the terrible acting and unbelievable characters (and some of the choices they make). But, eventually the zombies do arrive and provide some terrifying deaths AND they even have the balls to kill off the only two mildly likable characters first!

Even MORE possible SPOILERS ahead!

There's even a nice little revenge twist at the end. What's with the sail boat during the closing credits??