jeuneidiot Reviews

Mars Attacks! (1996)

Where is the line between campiness and spoofing campiness

[5/10 · 24 March 2007]

Tim Burton takes an A-list cast including Jack Nicholson, Glenn Close, Natalie Portman, Sarah Jessica Parker, Jack Black in an early role, Rod Steiger, Michael J. Fox and several others and attempts to send up the cheap, campy science fiction movies of the 50 and 60s. I think he watched too many Ed Wood movies and had this idea spring forth fully formed from his forehead.

Martians attack the earth, pretend to be friendly and then start zapping earthlings and wreaking destruction far and wide. My favorite part: When the martians get the translator machine and carry it around with them shouting, do not run, we are your friends, while simultaneously zapping everyone they see. It's campy and clichéd as was intended. The question is though, what makes a spoof of something superior to what it is spoofing? This movie is like green jello with shaved carrots made in a mold to resemble a clover and served at an upscale party to mock the parochial bourgeois of the midwest and Utah. Everyone has a good laugh and samples a bit to understand what it means to have such poor taste. But all said and done, it is still green jello with carrots shaved into it, and it's not that good and it is midwest potluck food (I've lived near Des Moines and Salt Lake City and know plenty about jello) and although done in the spirit of mockery or spoof, doesn't taste any better than the real thing which wasn't that good to begin with. 5/10

The Child (2005)

Don't worry about the baby, we can have another

[7/10 · 24 March 2007]

This Belge film from 2005 won the Palme D'or in Cannes and was nominated for 4 Césars, so I was anxious to see if it were really that good. Talk about messed up lives. Sonia comes home from the hospital with her newborn, to find that her petty thief boyfriend Bruno has rented out her apartment to a couple as a sex getaway while she was giving birth. She can't move back in until their lease expires in a couple more days. She goes to find him, excited to back with him, but unfortunately she interrupts a purse snatching planned by Bruno so he has no money. She lets Bruno watch the baby for a few minutes while she runs an errand, he calls a contact and sells the baby for about 5000 euros. When she comes back and he tells her what happened, she passes out and ends up in the hospital. Bruno realizes she's not going to just let this go, so goes about trying to get the baby back.

The inexperienced actors and the true-to-life dialogue made this movie strong. Other than the fact that Sonia could run pretty fast, considering the birth was a week earlier, it was realistic, open and engaging. To realize that there are those who really are so stupid and opportunistic in the world makes it more astounding. Luckily for each other, they begin to mature towards the end of the film. We are allowed to see into a slice of life, served up unembellished and it draws you in.

This movie is like crème fraiche. It has a slight sourness and acidity to it, but that makes it all the more appetizing and delicious. The texture is perfect for toast or fruit, yet it is natural, clean tasting and subtle. 7/10

For Your Consideration (2006)

All that matters are money and fame

[6/10 · 24 March 2007]

This Christopher Guest movie is a send up of the movie business, just like his previous films were send ups of heavy metal bands, small town theatre productions, dog shows and folk music. Movie people seem to love movies about movie making, acting and the movie life. Regular people only seem to really care about the stars and their behavior. The best movie about film-making that I know is 8 1/2 because it was really about the director's existential struggle. Other movies about the business such as Dangerous Game with Harvey Keitel and Madonna or Be Cool with John Travolta and Uma Thurman seem as if they were greenlighted by studio people who think the making of movies is what everyone in the world eats and breathes. Often in the book world you hear new literary authors referred to as a writer's writer, which means only pedants will want to buy this book, movies about movies appeal mainly to movie people, which means mostly narcissists want to see these films.

But this is what Christopher Guest is good at, skewering obsessed fringe groups. Starring most of his regulars, this film takes a group of people involved in the filming of a little independent film called Home for Purim. Well before long, there is some Oscar buzz around one of the actors and then another and then around the movie as a whole. The suits get involved, want the Jewishness toned downs and it turns into Home for Thanksgiving. Meanwhile the 3 stars who are getting the Oscar buzz are acting differently, especially the two older veteran stars. This segment where the stars are influenced by the chance for a nomination was dead on and hilarious(normal people can relate to star behavior and movie maker clichés).

This movie is like foie gras. You might be confused by this since foie gras is a renowned delicacy. Well, I don't know much about foie gras. I'm sure if I understood the delicacy of it, the divine taste of a sautéed piece of foie gras with a subtle sauce to complement it, I would love it, as I would love this movie if I were in the movie biz. But I don't know good foie gras, I can't describe it to you, as I can't really describe what goes on behind the scenes during filming. This was a good movie, but wasn't able to pass Best in Show as my favorite Christopher Guest film. 6/10

A Cop (1972)

Melville rocks my world, the best cop and robber movie ever

[8/10 · 24 March 2007]

Well, Melville has done it again (or did it again 34 years ago when this movie came out). He has created an excellent cat and mouse story. Another addition to his incomparable body of work. A weary and wise police detective (Alain Delon with his piercing eyes) is solving Paris' serious crimes. Along comes Simon (Richard Crenna) and his band of thieves who exact a couple of daring, nearly perfect crimes. By chance the police get a clue and go about pursuing the criminals. The further into the film we go, the more complex the story becomes. Both men are friends/more than friends with Cathy (the exquisite Catherine Deneuve at her iciest), and they are acquainted with each other. As the police close in on Simon and his band, destroying them in the process, the commissioner goes about his business with a dull matter-of-factness. Tomorrow will bring another crime to solve.

This movie is like chevre (goat cheese) rolled in ash. That tart, distinct taste is recognizable anywhere. It may be a bit of an acquired taste, but once drawn in, it awakens and enlivens the taste buds with each consumption. The ash gives it a bit of grit, which blends perfectly with the flavor. 8/10

http://blog.myspace.com/locoformovies

X-Men: The Last Stand (2006)

Instead of fresh life, we get Hollywood retread in the 3rd X-men

[6/10 · 24 March 2007]

So with Singer gone on to Superman, Brett Ratner of Rush Hour (!?!) gets the nod to direct the third installment of the awesome X-men franchise. In my opinion (on a 10 point scale) the first was about 6.5, the second almost an 8 and this a 6. I'm really over Halle Berry, and her need for Storm to have a bigger role didn't help the movie in the slightest. The mythology and character introduction is good, but the story was a little simple. A cure has been developed, Magneto decides to destroy it and a few of the good guys go and help save the day and prevent a few lives. I found the sub-plot of the Phoenix much more interesting and wish more time had been spent on this story. The fight at the end didn't offer much out of the ordinary apart from Juggernaut trying to get the mutant cure.

This movie is like day old lemon pound cake. It was great, now it is still good. It might be something you look forward to, but once you get it, it's past its prime. The crumb is dry which negates some of the flavor and sweetness of the cake. The lemon adds a nice hint of flavor, but not enough to overcome the dryness. 6/10

http://blog.myspace.com/locoformovies

Conversations with Other Women (2005)

Talking, hooking up, revealing one's past, all in a cutting-edge, split-screen film

[6/10 · 24 March 2007]

The split screen took a while to adjust to, especially when the two screens were showing slightly different moments in time. Perhaps I should explain, this whole movie is shown in split screen, ostensibly showing the point of view of the woman (Helena Bonham Carter) or the man (Aaron Eckhart), but often it is just two points of view of the same scene, usually at the same time, but occasionally one is ahead by a minute or so. Overall it is innovative and once one is used to it, it works fairly well.

So the man and a woman are at a wedding reception, he spies her and is instantly drawn to her. He definitely knows what he wants. She parries his attempts and seems more bored than interested, which explains why she lets him stick around. As they talk, we slowly realize that they knew each other in the past. Maybe more than just friends, maybe more than just lovers? This movie of words and conversation explores the follies of youth and the desires of early adulthood, our search for stability and happiness and our coping with it all through the eyes of the man and the woman.

This movie is like a Ritz Cracker. Usually I eat them with cheese to provide texture contrast and to soften the cheese flavor. But if you ever eat a Ritz slowly and by itself, which doesn't happen often in our scarf-down culture, it is quite an amazing cracker. It is amazingly buttery, always crisp and clean tasting. It doesn't leave bits in your mouth like a Triscuit. The savoriness is filling and satisfying, but it's still a cracker, not a meal. If you're going to take the edge of your appetite, you need the cheese. 6/10

http://blog.myspace.com/locoformovies

Monster House (2006)

The Burbs dumbed down a bit for the kiddies

[4/10 · 24 March 2007]

Take The "Burbs with Tom Hanks, animate it, change the evildoers into a possessed/living house, remove the Tom Hanks charm and there you have Monster House. D.J. lives across the road from an angry, cranky old man who confiscates any toy or bike or ball that ends up on his precious lawn. Jimmy's friend Chowder's new basketball ends up on the lawn and Jimmy tries to help him out. Mr. Nebbercracker comes out and throws such a fit that he gives himself a heart attack. Jimmy, feels somewhat responsible, but can't help but notice strange behavior from the house which has no occupants. It has smoke coming from the chimney and lights on at certain hours. The house may be associated with the disappearance of a young hoodlum too. Well, they've got to solve this mystery and try to trick the threatening house into revealing itself. It gets sillier and eventually moves beyond the realms of good story, trying to use ridiculous plot lines to keep the story interesting.

This kid's movie is rated PG, and the house's early victims are found to still be alive at the end to avoid a PG-13 rating. I watched this with my daughter who is almost 5. I could see she was a little scared by the ferocity of the house as it starts to release its vengeance. To my queries she assured me that she was brave, so it was okay, but could she please sit on my lap. And try as I might, I don't think she understands the concept of vengeful spirits and possession.

This movie is like Kroger brand, or Hyvee brand or Alberstons brand fruit punch. The idea of fruit punch can be appealing and it is expected to be manufactured. No one is expecting their fruit punch in the gallon jug to be made from real fruit but when you take a sip of the bright red drink you realize it is composed of too much sugar, making it overly sweet, lots of food coloring, mostly water and not very much of any other flavor, making it a watery drink with a sugar rush. 3.5/10

http://blog.myspace.com/locoformovies

Van Gogh (1991)

Van Gogh was brilliant and completely messed up, it makes for good cinema

[6/10 · 24 March 2007]

The idea of Jacques Dutronc as Van Gogh didn't sit well with me at first. I didn't think they looked much alike and Jacques just seemed too cool and French and rock star like to pull it off. It took a few minutes to get used to, but I quickly became engrossed in the tale and the acting and was no longer wary. This film focuses on Van Gogh's last few months of life, while he went to Auvers to seek treatment from Dr. Gachet for his headaches.

Always the recluse, the daughter of Dr. Gachet is drawn to him, falls in love and follows him about, although Van Gogh seems mostly indifferent to her attention and feelings. His mental state becomes worse and worse and in his case it makes him a short-tempered, angry, difficult person. He insults his brother, his brother's wife, his girlfriend, Dr. Gachet and about everyone he knows until he finally shoots himself. The film spends an inordinate amount of time on Vincent suffering in bed with a bullet in his gut, being downright cruel to those who attempt to help or console him. How many scenes of him laying angry and in pain in his soon to be death bed do we really need.

This movie is like an avocado and bacon and watercress salad that Tyler Florence created. First you take 3 avocados (which I have come to love since I went to Chile last March) cut them in half and remove the pit. Then fry up a couple of slices of bacon and crumble them over the avocado halves. Then strew some watercress artistically across the plate. Then drizzle the whole thing with olive oil and season with salt and pepper. I find the salad great when I'm eating bites of avocado and bacon, which I generally eat first. Then I have some watercress with a few bits of bacon leftover. This is bitter and not that pleasant, so it finishes of rather poorly for me. When I'm done I mostly remember the good bites from the beginning with the creamy avocados and the salty, delicious bacon. I should just leave the watercress out and it would be excellent. 6/10 http://blog.myspace.com/locoformovies

Shikoku (1999)

Derivative and bland, watch something else

[3/10 · 24 March 2007]

This quasi J-horror film followed a young woman as she returns to her childhood village on the island of Shikoku to sell the family house and meet up with old friends. She finds that one, the daughter of the village priestess, drowned several years earlier. She and Fumiko (another childhood friend) then learn that Sayori's mother is trying to bring her back to life with black magic. Already the bonds between the dead and living are getting weak and the friends and villagers are seeing ghosts. Nothing was exceptional or even very good about this movie. Unlike stellar J-horror films, the suspense doesn't really build, the result doesn't seem overly threatening and the ending borders on the absurd.

This movie is like plain white rice cooked a little too long so that it is bordering on mushy. Sometimes you get this at poor Asian restaurants or cook your own white rice a little too long. You end up eating it, because you need it with the meal, because what is Chinese or Japanese food without rice, but it almost ruins the meal because of the gluey, gooey tastelessness of it all. 3/10 http://blog.myspace.com/locoformovies

Little Miss Sunshine (2006)

Steve Carell rocks, so does this film and the rest of the fabulous cast

[8/10 · 24 March 2007]

(Read this with a haughty British accent) This delightful little comedy eschewed the easy laughs and simplistic humor in order to focus on the oft hilarious personalities of its various members. Gay Uncle and erstwhile Proust scholar Frank played with dry wit by Steve Carrell tied together the misfit family. Father is bankrupt and selling a 9 steps to success program. Mopy Oldest Son reads Nietzche and has taken a vow of silence until he gets into the Airforce. Crass Grandpa has been ejected from a rest home; he decided that since he's old, he might as well snort heroin. And little Olive with her rotund child's belly wants to be in beauty pageants. Oh the sheer mix of the quirky interactions brought joy to my heart.

(Read this with your best stoner's voice) Dude, Little Miss Sunshine rocked. It is sooo unlike all the crap Hollywood usually puts out, there was no sappy love story, no victory at the end, just weird people hanging out, doing their thing and trying to avoid killing each other. The dance at the end was awesome and I almost fell off the couch when the grandpa told the oldest son that he should hook up with lots of chicks while he's young. You've gotta see it.

This movie is like Squirt, my favorite grapefruit flavored soda. I don't drink Squirt often, it is sometimes difficult to find, but when I do I love the tartness of the grapefruit mixed with the sweetness from the sugar (high-fructose corn syrup really). It can quench the tickle in the back of my throat like no other. The carbonation often surprises my nose as I take a drink and makes it light and airy. After a sip, I feel refreshed and quenched. 8/10

http://blog.myspace.com/locoformovies

Sweet Smell of Success (1957)

Those weaselly agents and columnists, watch them eat each other alive.

[8/10 · 24 March 2007]

This keen, open-eyed look at the glitzy publicity/gossip column business makes you cringe at what people (you, me, them) will stoop to to "make it big." Burt Lancaster stars at J.J. Hunsaker, the leading gossip columnist in NYC, who has people and press agents falling all over him for a mention in his column. Enter Tony Curtis as Sidney Falco, publicity guy extraordinaire who will do anything to make it. J.J. wants his sister's beau driven out of town, and puts Sidney up to it, but J.J. doesn't want his sister to know he was involved. Sidney does what dirty tricks are necessary shame and threaten the boy and we get to watch the glorious implosion of family and false friends. Greed and power collide in the destruction of lives. Oh that we were better men and women than they.

This movie is like a raspberry filled, glazed donut. It is almost sickly sweet, you know you shouldn't enjoy it because of the calories and the mess. Each bite dribbles a little filling on your chin and chest, but you can't stop, you can't until you've finished because it's drawn you in and hooked you. You hate watching other people eat these, they are just so messy, but when it comes down to it you can't resist the sweet dough, the sticky filling and sugar rush, even if it means hours on the treadmill later. 8/10

http://blog.myspace.com/locoformovies

Akeelah and the Bee (2006)

The more time passes, the less I like the movie

[5/10 · 24 March 2007]

In spite of all the Starbucks hype, I still wanted to see this movie about a poor, little girl from Crenshaw who loves words and grudgingly enters the spelling bee competition and builds self-confidence and community support. Some creations (books, movies, music, painting, sculpture, etc.) take ideas from existing creations and mix it to create something innovative and new. Others just take existing ideas and put it into a new setting to create basically the same thing that's already been done with some slight variation. Unfortunately for Akeelah, it is the latter, not the former. Lawrence Fishburne plays the troubled, spelling bee version of Mr. Miagi to Akeelah's Karate Kid. Wax On, Wax Off, do you not see that in teaching you one thing, you are learning skills that apply to spelling. Angela Bassett plays her mother, but doesn't really seem like a mother (how many ghetto mom's are buff like her?).

Akeelah learns: Family is important, Friendship is important, People want to help, People are basically good, Winning is NOT important but feels good, We can all get along if we really try and a few other lessons that may are may not be true. I did enjoy Eddie Steeples', from "My Name Is Earl", turn as the good-hearted gangsta. Overall, emotions were manipulated and the further I get from watching the film, the less good I find about it. The actual spelling scenes were tense and humorous, but for that fix, I've got the excellent documentary Spellbound.

This movie is like Hamburger Helper. It's nothing that interesting or original, the mixture of spices, flavorings and salt are a little heavy and not nearly subtle enough. It doesn't create anything truly new, it just alters noodles and meat into a slightly different meal and it is basically filler for when you don't have enough time to prepare a real meal. It is prepared food, good enough for family, not what you would serve guests. 5/10

http://blog.myspace.com/locoformovies

The Moustache (2005)

Do I have a mustache? Do you?

[7/10 · 24 March 2007]

Marc is sitting in his bath one morning (yes, a grown man taking a bath in a little tub) and asks his wife, "how would you feel if I shaved off my mustache?" She doesn't think it's a great idea, for the 15 years they've been married, she's never known him without his 'stache. He shaves it off anyway, but when he sees his wife, she doesn't notice, neither do their friends at dinner that night, neither do his co-workers. Marc finally flips out, shouts at everyone, tells them he's tired of their little joke, and what do they really think. His wife and co-workers are appalled, what is he talking about, he's never had a mustache. In fact, he's imagining other things as well, or is he? This off-beat drama/thriller about a man questioning his own sanity remains fascinating throughout. Is it an elaborate plot, has he gone insane, is it just a dream? Throughout, I was intently searching for clues and trying to help the hapless man make sense of his out-of-kilter world. Emmanuelle Devos as Agnès, Marc's wife continues to astound me with her expressiveness. (See La Femme de Gilles to see her at her emoting best.) This movie is like a hunk of baguette with creamy butter. The lightness and commonness of the bread are enlivened by the rich, smooth butter. The two sides play together well, creating food synergy. The crisp crust, the fluffy interior, and the almost sweet butter with a bit of salt to enhance the flavor is difficult to resist and can become the most enticing part of a meal. 7/10

http://blog.myspace.com/locoformovies

High School Musical (2006 TV Movie)

This is probably what evangelists want their kids to watch

[1/10 · 24 March 2007]

Aaargh, cover me in honey and set me on fire, this movie was bad. Yes, I know it is a huge phenomenon among the teeny tiny boppers but that doesn't make it any better. This all takes place in a high school where all personality has been scrubbed from the students and all thoughts of sex, drugs and rock and roll amazingly erased from the least horny and interesting teenagers you'll ever meet. Troy and Gabriella meet during vacation and are surprised when they run into each other at school (Gabriella's mother got transferred). Unfortunately, they run in different cliques, he plays basketball, she's a math genius. (Think Grease done by the Disney Channel, which is exactly what this is!) Against type, they decide to audition for the school play, where they pose a threat to the brother and sister duo who has ruled drama for years. There are tons of continuity issues, with people and props disappearing between shots. Well, you know what happens, this is Disney, so everyone learns to get along as the movie closes with yet another mind-numbing song and dance routine.

This movie is like diet pop to which someone has added about 5 more packets of artificial sweetener. Already sweet to begin with, it becomes a fake-sugary gooey mess. So much sugar that it doesn't quench your thirst, and then comes the horrible aftertaste, to last for hours, and you'll probably get cancer from it as well. 1/10

http://blog.myspace.com/locoformovies

The Illusionist (2006)

Almost great, but something essential is missing

[7/10 · 24 March 2007]

This stylish story of deception and intrigue takes place in early 20th century Vienna. Eisenheim the Illusionist (Edward Norton) comes to town and stuns the crowds with his nearly--possibly supernatural magic tricks. Even the Crown Prince is intrigued. It so happens that the crown prince's fiancée Sophie (Jessica Biel) and Eisenheim were best of friends in childhood until her parents forbade her association with a commoner. When they become reacquainted, they spark an affair, which causes the prince to kill Sophie in a drunken rage. Eisenheim knows the prince did it and tries to subtly have him accused. The prince won't have any of this an orders his faithful, but just, chief Inspector (Paul Giamati) to shut down Eisenheim.

The director maintains a mysterious and dark mood throughout the movie in this well-paced period piece. The actors do justice to their role and the story draws one in. The ending, which is meant to be surprising, can be guessed at by the savvy viewer who has developed her skills watching Buffy, Veronica Mars and Lost. I enjoyed the movie, and would possibly watch it again, but it wouldn't hold up to multiple viewings as well as some.

This movie is like a blue peanut M&M with only a half a peanut inside. The crisp candy shell gives way to a less sweet chocolate (Mars Inc. took months to perfect the chocolate, making it less sweet, hence less satisfying, thus increasing consumption). When you realize the peanut is minuscule, you experience a slight disappointment, although an M&M with only half a peanut is better than a plain M&M which is better than celery any day. 7/10 http://blog.myspace.com/locoformovies

Cars (2006)

Hey, cars are a lot like people, maybe we could learn from them

[7/10 · 24 March 2007]

The people at Pixar are geniuses, plain and simple. Part of what makes them so wonderful is their attention to detail. From gravel bouncing along the side of the racetrack as the cars zip by, to the way dust moves when driving on dirt, to the flecks of grime on the car and rust on the fence, each detail is meticulous. They also have an eye for the ironic, tongue-in-cheek and self-deprecating humor. It is obvious they enjoy making these films, as only a labor of love can succeed on so many levels.

That said, this isn't my favorite Pixar film as the story, stripped of its humor and auto setting, was less inventive than some. Lightning Mcqueen (Owen Wilson) is a rookie racer and pretty full of himself. He ends up lost in the dying town of Radiator Springs where he finds what he is really made of and falls in love with a hot Porsche. Also, he learns a little something from a former racer, Doc Hudson (Paul Newman) who has become bitter with the outside world. Doc softens, Lightning reforms and becomes a kind, compassionate car and succeeds at everything he's ever wanted, queue the happy music. Despite the predictability of the story, the way it was told makes it well worth it. As always, make sure you watch through the end credits.

This movie is like a vanilla éclair. It looks beautiful sitting there on the shelf at the patisserie. The frosting has been applied with care and the éclair arranged just right in the little paper holder. When you take a bite the frosting is just sweet enough, the pastry is crisp and flaky and crumbles away like it should. The filling has the right consistency, but it is vanilla flavored, and the vanilla flavoring is just a bit weaker than you like, and you do prefer chocolate to vanilla, but it's still a good pastry. 7/10

http://blog.myspace.com/locoformovies

The Devil Wears Prada (2006)

Indulge the Devil, she demands it, how else can she perfect little demons

[7/10 · 24 March 2007]

In this delightfully delicious skewering of the high fashion magazine industry and Anna Wintour from Vogue specifically, we follow Andy (Anne Hatheway) as she gets a job as 2nd assistant to Satan personified, Miranda Priestley (Meryl Streep, in a perfectly chilled performance). Miranda can be none other than the spawn of Satan, because a real human could not be so nasty. Andy, who wants to be a journalist, looks down on the fashion conscious, just as they mock her size 6 body ("Size 2 is the new 4, Size 6 is the new 14"). Eventually to get ahead, she embraces the fashion industry, works all hours to please Miranda, offends her boyfriend (Adrian Grenier) and her friends and starts to lose her soul, nearly becoming an apprentice devil. As happens so often in movies, she realizes what is really important, walks out on her job and gets a poor-paying, unglamorous job at a real newspaper. I could have done without the ending, but the rising to the challenge of working for the devil was fascinating, and excellently accented by Stanley Tucci and Emily Blunt.

This movie is like a minty devil's food brownie, with a lot of mint to impart a certain icy quality to it. The rich, decadent devil's food calls irresistibly, making one want to partake a little more, a little more until you are filled with chocolaty goodness, and your taste buds are almost numbed by the mint. Inside you are feeling perfectly sinful while barely able to sense what is in your mouth, numbed by excess and willing to continue eating. 7/10 http://blog.myspace.com/locoformovies

Water (I) (2005)

Lush and intense, but why must they shave their heads?

[7/10 · 24 March 2007]

It's 1938 India, a man asks his 8 year old daughter "Do you remember getting married? Your husband is dead, you're a widow now." (Remember she's 8!) So she gets her head shaved and is dropped off to live with other widows, apart from her family and apart from the world. She has a tough time adapting but befriends an attractive young (but adult) widow named Kalyani (Lisa Ray). It turns out that the widows make enough money to live on by pimping out the attractive widows to horny Brahmin. Kalyani soon meets Narayan, a youthful follower of Gandhi. He is willing to defy tradition and marry a widow, until he finds out that his father a horny Brahmin and has met Kalyani before.

This lush tale by Deepa Mehta and nominated for Best Foreign Film in 2007 explores the plight of widows in India. Apparently their plight today sucks just as much as it did 70 years ago. The vibrant blues and yellows make this a visually appealing, socially conscious film. The characters are able to refrain from bursting into song, making it less Bollywood and easier to watch. The films Fire and Earth make up the previous entries in this unrelated trilogy of films (think Trois Couleurs by Kieslowski).

This movie is like turmeric rice with lamb and garnished with cilantro. The bright yellow of the rice, green from the cilantro and the darkness of the lamb please the eye and excite the taste buds. Then the hearty, savory taste quickly satisfies while providing a mix of flavor and texture as the juicy meat mixes with the strong turmeric and rice. Often we think of bright colored foods as sweet, but this dish holds a much sharper flavor. Very filling, it nevertheless is an enjoyable new experience. 7/10

http://blog.myspace.com/locoformovies

Brick (2005)

Movies like this give independent films a great name

[6/10 · 24 March 2007]

Everyone says this is a neo-noir set in a high school and in a certain sense it follows the format that a noir should. In fact, some images and actions are taken directly from the Maltese Falcon among others. But it wasn't filmed as a noir. To me, a noir is full of shadows and lingering camera shots and Brick wasn't filmed that way. That doesn't make it a bad movie, I enjoyed it. Brendan is a loner, trying to find his ex-girlfriend, and once he finds her, he has to find her killer. Slang heavy, it requires close attention or a second watching to catch all the details. Brendan delves into the suburban underworld as he tries to unravel the mystery, while keeping alive and out of trouble. Who really are his friends and who will betray him.

This movie is like ham and cheese on rye. The meat might have a little fat in it that needs to be pulled out and thrown on the plate but the salty ham flavor, mixed with the delicious cheese and the sour, dark rye bread make a substantial meal and please the palate. Each bite takes some time to chew and work through, but one bite leads to another until the satisfying ending. 6/10 http://blog.myspace.com/locoformovies

Inside Monkey Zetterland (1992)

Movies like this give independent film a bad name

[2/10 · 24 March 2007]

So this 1992 independent comedy was released on DVD a week or two ago and I thought I would check it out. Sad days for me, it blew. This is why independent film gets a bad rap, any dude with a lame idea can make a film with bad acting, worse writing and a silly plot. Not only did Steve Antin star in the film (his was the acting that was especially bad) he wrote the story, but he and the director must have had some connections, because they got loads of 2nd tier actors such as Patricia Arquette, Ricki Lake, Sandra Bernhard, Sofia Coppola, Tate Donovan, Rupert Everett (who did a good job) and other recognizable people to act in it. Did I say that the dialogue was especially bad? So Monkey wants to be a screenwriter, but his family is dysfunctional, and his sister has left her girlfriend, his mom is having a breakdown and they have rented a room to a dude and his angry, bulimic wife. This tries to be quirky, but compared to an off the wall excursion like "Little Miss Sunshine", it just ends up being annoying, up to and including the self-discovery at the end.

This movie is like french fries and hamburger with squid ink ketchup. It looks pretty cool, black ketchup on the fries and on the hamburger, but tastes nasty. Trying to hard to be cool and edgy attention to taste was completely ignored, and when you bite into it, the squid ink flavor overpowers decent flavor of the fries or the burger. 2/10 http://blog.myspace.com/locoformovies

Flags of Our Fathers (2006)

I finally know the difference between violence and gore

[7/10 · 24 March 2007]

Clint Eastwood's adaptation of James Bradleys bestseller introduces us to the soldiers who hoisted the flag on Iwo Jima. The U.S. is tiring of the war and the military is running out of money when Joe Rosenthal snaps the immortal picture of the Marines raising the flag. Although the battle for Iwo Jima is far from over, this picture inspires hope among the American people. The military's media machine gets cranking and brings 3 of the soldiers who hoisted the flag (the other 3 died on Iwo Jima) back home to inspire (beg) people to buy war bonds. Punctuated with short, intense battle scenes (I don't think I understood the difference between graphic violence and gore until I watched this) this movie is primarily about the media machine, how it chews up and uses those touted as heroes/celebrities. What is heroism is a secondary theme. Ryan Phillippe, while not the best actor in the world, can perform well within a narrow range, as a soldier for instance. (Similar to Keanu Reeves, great in the Matrix and Speed, awful in Dangerous Liaisons, Dracula and Much Ado about Nothing.) This movie is like garlic mashed potatoes with a cube steak. The steak is filling, tender, but made up of tough meat and not overly sophisticated. Pair this with some good hearty mashed potatoes, raised a level (kicked up a notch if I were an Emeril fan) by a bit of garlic and maybe a few red pepper flakes for an added surprise and intensity. These aren't boring mashed potatoes made with milk, but made with butter and cream cheese, influenced by the garlic until it becomes a creamy, delicious meal, with an adequate cube steak to go along with it. 7/10 http://blog.myspace.com/locoformovies

Flushed Away (2006)

Hollywood action mixed with Aardman humor doesn't go down smooth

[5/10 · 24 March 2007]

This animated film about a rich but lonely rat named Roddy (Hugh Jackman) who gets flushed down the toilet by a sewer rat and ends up finding love and saving the rat world while trying to make his way back home had odd British and American flavors not completely weaved together. A collaboration of Aardman, who does the witty and very British Wallace and Gromit films and Dreamworks, which is about as Hollywood as they come came across as slightly uneven. Even Kate Winslet at Rita the rat or Jean Reno as Le Frog couldn't make this a superior Shrek-like film. The humor was either in-your-face potty (or slug, there's a whole singing slug thing going on) humor, they are in the sewer after all, or way over the head of the kids who would be attracted to this (the French jokes). An American Animated Action film with British wit, it tried and had a few stand out bits, but wasn't memorable in the end.

This movie is like trifle, made with jello cake. You've seen those lemon sponge cakes with the red and green splotches because it was make with red and green jello. It's set and stiff and kind of cold, but cakey too. Take this jello cake and throw it into a trifle with the pudding or syllabub and fruit, even the best fruit and you've got a heterogeneous trifle, partly British, partly American, sweet, but slightly odd and uninspiring. 5/10 http://blog.myspace.com/locoformovies

Battleship Potemkin (1925)

Tsarists are massacring citizens on the steps

[7/10 · 24 March 2007]

This Sergei Eisenstein silent classic from 1927 chronicles (and embellishes) the true story of the uprising of the crew of the Battleship Potemkin in 1905. Their harsh captain and weaselly doctor are forcing them to eat maggoty meat and the crew has had enough. They revolt, killing 7 of the officers including the weaselly doctor. One of their crew is pursued and killed. When they dock at Odessa, they place the dead crew member in a tent on shore. Odessa was already a hotbed of socialist activity and many people come out to see the body. The government freaks out and sends the calvary (mostly unmounted) out to quell the crowd. They open fire and mow down many on the steps. This scene is graphic, exciting and heart-wrenching as we watch women and children get brutally shot by the heartless calvary. The Potemkin leaves and is pursued by warships who mean to bring it back.

This movie is like a milk-chocolate Hershey bar. Or an anti Hershey bar since how can an all-American chocolate represent a, albeit brilliant, propaganda film supporting the Bolsheviks. Let me tell you how. When Hershey's developed their milk chocolate in the early 20th century, it was a huge breakthrough for the chocolate retards (the Americans). It became huge and Hershey's got a large contract with the U.S. Military. Soldiers all had Hershey bars in their rations. This helped spread Hershey's popularity and made the American soldiers popular with kids when they entered new cities. In a way, Hershey bars served as American propaganda. For their time, they were great, but compared the excellent European chocolate, Hershey's is waxy and tastes of sour milk. This film was absolutely brilliant for its time, but silent movies are not to many people's taste these days, nor is melodrama, as we've matured and moved on to bigger things. I enjoyed the film, had I seen it in 1927, I would have given it a 9. If someone had produced this film last year, I would give it a 4. Overall, I'm giving it a 7/10, weighting the historical significance higher than the actual enjoyment of the film on today's terms.

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The Odd Couple (1968)

Perhaps the ideal mismatched pair: Lemmon and Matthau

[7/10 · 24 March 2007]

Felix Unger (Jack Lemmon) has just been dumped by his wife, because he is one of the most annoying , neurotic people in the world. Suicide is his way out, but he just can't seem to get it to work, so he heads over to his friends house. Oscar Madison (Walther Matthau) is also recently divorced and living it up in bachelor heaven. Smoking, gambling, hitting on chicks, eating out and never cleaning is paradise to him. Well, with the suicide attempts Oscar decides to let Felix move in. At first, it is a match made in heaven, Felix cooks and cleans and helps Oscar pay his alimony on time, but soon Oscar is jonesing for women and Felix (who in today's world would probably be gay) isn't ready to move on. They invite a couple of British birds over and they find Felix so tender that soon they and Felix are weeping and chatting about his family life, leaving Oscar denied. This is it, he explodes and throws him out, but Felix isn't as helpless as it seems, and soon he has the upper hand. My favorite quote "You leave me little notes on my pillow. Told you 158 times I can't stand little notes on my pillow. "We're all out of cornflakes. F.U." Took me three hours to figure out F.U. was Felix Ungar!" Based on a Neil Simon play (who also wrote the screenplay), this has a certain theatre feel to it. Set and the repartee and looks feel quite play-like (for better or worse). Lemmon and Mathau have excellent comedic chemistry and have appeared in the Grumpier Old Men movies and Out to Sea, reprising the same finicky/slob roles, but with different names (to avoid royalty issues, I'm sure).

This movie is like strawberries dipped in chocolate. The chocolate is smooth, sweet and rich, the strawberry is tart, juicy and bright red (unless you get those nasty greenish ones). They are almost polar opposites, but together, the contrasts highlight each other and make a wonderful dessert. 7/10

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The Bridge on the River Kwai (1957)

The stiff upper lip can be your salvation or ruin

[8/10 · 24 March 2007]

The jolly British soldiers march into a Japanese prisoner of war camp whistling the WWII song "Hitler's only got one ball." Colonel Nicholson (Alec Guinness) expects his officers to be treated with the respect that officers are due (see "La Grande Illusion"). The Japanese commander has other ideas. He has a bridge to finish and needs every man, including officers to work hard labor. The colonel flatly refuses and ends up spending days in the oven, a hot (they are in Thailand) tin box with no food and little water. After interminable waiting, the Japanese commander softens and lets him out. Well, the men are in disarray without a commanding officer and they're building a downright shoddy bridge. Col. Nicholson decides that if they are going to do it, they are going to build the best bridge that has ever been seen. He organizes the men and they set to work.

During the colonels oven time, Commander Shears, (William Holden) an American, escapes from the same camp and turns up in Ceylon, where he is recruited for a commando mission to blow up the bridge. They sneak in and get ready to blow up what has motivated the British soldiers for months. The strength of this movie is the attention to the varying, and evolving views on war and duty shown by the major characters. Shears hates war and regulation. Nicholson loves the military and duty is everything. The British doctor sums his (and the director's views) at the end with "Madness, Madness." This movie is like straw mushroom, chicken and coconut milk soup. The mushrooms and the chicken provide the substance of the meal, quite different from each other, but both are hearty. The coconut milk broth is flavored with lemon grass for a little sourness, fish sauce which stinks when in the bottle, but adds subtleness to the food and chilies for a little spice and to wake up the mouth (and sinuses). It is exotic, but earthy and natural. Nothing fancy going on here, just a good meld of different flavors which enhance each other. 7.5/10 http://blog.myspace.com/locoformovies